Cyledehysp
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2002
- Messages
- 56
LSD,Shrooms,Salvia,MDMA,THC. - Various Experience - Four days: countdown to Nirvana
LSD, Shrooms, Salvia, MDMA, Alcohol, Caffeine, Tobacco and Cannabis (not all at once!)
Four days: countdown to Nirvana
*long* *lifechanging*
intro:
This is going to be a trip repport from a music festival, that leasted for 4 days and I was under the influence of something pretty much all the time; The focus of this repport is on my candyflip that occured the last day, day four. But, to make the story complete, first I need to write shortly about what happend during previous days, especially day 3. First 3 days are written a bit chaotic, but thats fine, I just needed to put important information but also make it as short as possible.. Ok, lets make it quick:
just before day one, short background - I have eaten Acid several times before, same with shrooms, and E. I have candyflipped once 6 months ago, and it was very very...
. I have smoked pot too many times before. I used to trip to solve some problems, think some thing s over, enjoy this wonderful feeling, move closer to space and unknown... I never could get any real CEVs, I have even started a thread here on bluelight, asking why is it I`m having obvious OEVs and when I close my eyes I dont see much, and people say that even on small doses they get CEVs, and they need to eat more to get OEVs!
I have tripped for the first time with my friend O. She now is with her boyfriend D. who also is my friend so we have tripped together many times, and we are good trip pals or something like that. Right.. thats enough background info, lets start the...
...DAY ONE
Me, and my friends have arrived at the grass fields, meadows among the forrest somewhere in Germany. The time - it was middle of summer 2003, about two months ago. Weather was damn hot. We came there for one of the biggest GOA (psychedelic trance) music festivals. It was my first time on such festival. Some artist included Goa Gil, Yaheel, Space Tribe, and the main star was Astral Projection. One year ago I wasn`t into that kind of music, but D. showed me what is it all about. I was liking it more and more sober, and as a celebration we came to this festival, planning to eat acids, pills and visit middle space or something. I have expected that this music must sound amazing while on acid, since this music is made especially for psychedelic people/state. But this day was our first encounter with pure MDMA powder, and it kicked ass.
To help you visualize how it all looked like, a few nice pictures from the festival:
http://www.drooze.de/media/fullmoon03/full03.html - tribal dance
http://www.spacetravellers.de/Fullmoon-Festival_2003/pages/P1010184.htm - night, lights, dancegrounds
http://www.drooze.de/media/fullmoon03/full05.html - dance & water
http://www.drooze.de/media/fullmoon03/full02.html - dreaded dancer
DAY TWO
It must have been day two when we bought some salvia leaves, tried it, and felt wired effects of our body twisting and rolling to one side (left ) and it was quite unpleasant. And not really psychedelic, just wired, weak on the mind strong on the body. Set and setting were terrible: between the tents, with some random people around, just to try if it`ll work at all. It was a middday.. later on, we decided to eat mushrooms, since we had to do something, and we didn`t want to eat ACID too early and build tolerance the second day already. We have droped them like candy, not carring about anything, and just feeling perfectly normal about it. After a while, I have focused on trying to have some cool CEVs, since I usually dont have much and that used to piss me off. I was smokeing a lot of pot too, and things got a bit chaotic. Dancing wasn`t that cool, tripping crowd looked like a crowd full of shamans dancing around the fire... actually, not look like that but it felt so. Later on, I came back near my tent, lied down, smoked more pot, closed eyes and tried to summon some CEVS. I dont think this psychedelic experience had any value at all, it was my most pointless and useless trip ever. No goals (other than getting CEVs, damn it!) not really cool, or fun, not spiritual or learning.... lets better jump right now to day three.
DAY THREE
This time me and O. decidet to eat pills, well actually one E each of us, and just enjoy this night, and we were already looking forward for the lasd day, with Astral Projection and a Candy Flip planned. Pills were small and looked shitty, but that was just fine since I wanted to have an easy night before la grande finalle. How damn stupid! Is there anything worse than weak pill that wears off damn quickly? I couldnt think about any such thing at the time... This evening, D. (O.s boyfriend, just to remind you) have eaten one blotter of our buddah`s and was a bit dissapointed about it at first, but later on cid proved to be quite decend. Anyway, the pill gave me one very important thing; I have started to think and realised I was doing things all wrong. Lately, I was just taking drugs, psychedelics, and expected `em to do all the work, entertain me with cool CEVs and generally even bring to another world and reveal the biggest secrets of the universe, if I`ll just eat enough. I used to belive psychedelics bring enlightend, put whole world in a different perspective, open the doors of perception and mind, somewhat forever and should be treated with great respect. But I must have lost it a bit somewhere in last months, and have eaten those shrooms a night before with no respect at all, like damn candy... I thought I should rather eat less, smaller dose and see what I can do with it - where can I go with it, how far can I push the limits? And if I will really gain a lot from small dose, I`ll be ready to benefit from larger doses. At this point I`v rememberd myself a quote of Terrence Mckenna. He said about a special atitude that is good for psychedelics, actually he described it as "it`s the attitide that psychedelics will turbocharge". So whats the attitude? "A sincere wish to understand". So I was there, on the dancegrounds, with my friends, my roll was over and the night was early. I decided to eat acid, one blotter, and treat it right, just right. I also induced O. to eat one too. Let me tell you now something about GOA dancers. I have never seen in my life so much energy, wild animal energy in the dancing crowd. People look like mad, insane, out of this world... their movement is rapid, strong, crazy and uncontroled, but at the same time linked to the music. There is amazing power in that crowd, but even thought it may look a bit scary at first, its very positive energy, and colisions - that hardly ever happands - but when it does, people touch peacefully in apology and continue their madness. Also, psy trance dance movement is very specyfic, like collecting more and more energy in every step, sometimes stumping with one`s legs to the ground like mad bull getting ready for a ride, sometimes extremly wavey hands movements... I felt a bit off, as if my movement was somewhat lame. I was focusing on how I look in others eyes and that is usually never a good thing, but couldnt help it at the moment. After some time of observing myself, my body and mind and others, my environment, I saw something interesting. There was no groups of people, no rights, lefts and fronts of the crowd, just one thing: chaos. Also, I saw myself as a part of this chaos. So it wasnt so important how I dance, if we are all one big chaos... It was in the end of the night and the trip when I have discovered something unusuall and also something that reminded me very good of something I have read before somewhere in the internet about acid. Ok, so I have discovered that while in chillout zone, sitting with my friends and waiting for a joint to be made (hell we had some good time there) I saw that I`m still moving, well, rather waveing my entire body to the music, but... something was wrong, different... it felt at the sime time as if I was not moving it... I dont mean that it felt like my body was not moving, I mean it felt like *I* was not moving it. I felt a strange need to explain to my friends why I am moving my body while sitting on the ground with my legs crossed, since they will ask any second anyway...
But you know what, they didnt.
They didnt care if I`m moving my body to the music while sitting on the ground in the chillout zone with legs crossed and waiting for a joint to be made god damn it! - can you belive it?
So i finally understood... I wasnt THAT important so others inspect my every move, my every action - in fact others dont care about it too much. I`m just one of many, many people... But I told you, that it reminded me of something - it was from some text about psychedelic experience, and it said something like "...and when you will be able to go from state of EGO loss and back, at your will, you will be ready to........." I realised there is something I can do, at will, and I could only describe it as comming into and out of a state of EGO loss - it just felt like it must be it. It was strange, but everything was changing when I decidet to enter EGO loss state, or leave it. When in EGO loss, I no longer cared for other people actions toward me... as if I were transparent. Also, as for visuals, all the environment was waveing and moving stronger than sometimes during a peek of my other acid trips, and it was a few hours after the peek by that time. I lied down near our tents, and as I closed my eyes and decided to go EGO loss again, I no longer cared for people moving around me, or rather above me, grabbing stuff just near me and talking near my head - it all was like transparent to me, I felt super comfortable. Also, i was sinking/melting into the ground, as I was turning on the EGO loss mode. I couldnt tell where my body ends and ground starts. Pretty amazing! It felt as if I have discovered something importand, something that will really matter. And I was testing it in 8th or 10th hour of my trip, so who knows how it can be during the peek? Well, soon I was about to find out...
DAY FOUR
Finally, the great day had arrived (once in school, on my english lessons I was suppose to write a composition that should start with this above sentence, lol). This is actually the beginning of my trip report, but don`t tell others as they will skip the intro - and they shouldn`t!
T+ 00:00 I have ingested three blotters of the same buddah acid (since I had a tollerance from last day, I was supposed to eat twice as much acid to achive same effects as day before; I decided that 3 blotters will be just right. It was about 90 minutes before Astral Projection was supposed to play live for us. During that time, we were buying pot and pills, if I remember good. Quite soon I`v started to feel the first effects - but wireder than normally, as if these effects were a bit in the background. I was just feeling light, both headed and in body. I was starting to feel more, and more... normal. I was looking at this trip not as if I`m takeing some drug and waiting for/feeling effects but rather like someone who comes bact to the right, true world without ilusions of EGO. We hit the dance grounds just before Astral was about to start.
T+ 02:00 This time it was smooth - I felt as a part of the croud, as a single particle of this chemical substance called psychedelic trance crowd. I was doing all those crazy, amazing energetic movement and felt completly at ease with myself. So here I was, more than two hours after eating 3 bloters of nice acid, and didn`t feelt like tripping at all - instead, I just felt normal... but not normall normall, rather more normal than ever before in my whole life. I heve felt normal or sober, clear headed on acid before, but never like THAT. Jumping around like an animal, around other animals doing same thing, and at the sime time feeling more relaxed than while at home in hot bath. My good friends were around, enjoying themselfs and tripping too, but on smaller doses: D. on two blotters and O. (the girl) on just one. She asked me something like "so how is it like to be on THREE cids?" and I was like wtf? what are you talking about, you got it all wrong! I realised I have came to the other side, I was in some flip mode, or on the other side of the mirror for the first time; I wasnt fucked or trippin at all, I was living more real. After some time we kinda saw that we are on a bit different levels this time, and have some problems in comunication because of this. My body felt so light, so unbothered by anything or anyone.
During my previous trips - while on dancefloor, I was sometimes intrigued by all those signals... hm, how to express it? like I was catching peoples eyes, moves, what they was saying, pointing, ect. and taking it all personally, for example: a girl I knew made some dance moves as if she wanted to lean near me and wrap her arms around my neck (like, to whisper something to me or whatever) So as I was just leaning to her I saw it was just a fragment of her dance movement, one of thousends if not more, and it has no importance or no link to me - yet my EGO was telling me another thing.
I`m not sure how much have I been thinking about it during this experience, and what came to my mind later, but now I see it like that: During everyday life, we create some frames or contex to put in everything that is happaning. We just categorize things. We are not sitting on something soft, putting in our mouths some liquid thing, make small mouth noises that vibrating through the air fly to some holes in others upper body parts, heads, where also came a lot of other vibrations mainly from big vibrating cubes... no, we are just on a party! And once categorised, we stick to it. But when we change our operating mode, like me on acid that night, we no longer operate on such not actuall data; we dont stop at all to categorise any signal, rather we are constantly flooded with real time signals and we just recive it all, and we dont keep any, since there is constant delivery of new signals. Real time perception, more real and accurate, with no unactuall data.
And what I have discovered while being in the state of EGO loss is that I no longer catch all those not related to me impulses, dont keep em, and because of it I am free to do whatever I want and think whatever I want and not be stopped/bothered by something that anyway was not intend for me anyway. As I was thinking about EGO loss state and its impact on my perception of reality (does it make it more real, what is ilusion and what is not?) it was something like that:
My new self: its all chaos... I am only one being among so many, and am no more or less important... I can move as I want and its just fine, because all I am is a crazy looking human being among so many other crazy looking human beings... I`m free and the ilusion of EGO is no longer here
Old self: But how do I know what is ilusion, this new state can make me dance/move stupid and I won`t care at all! So I really DO look stupid but acid/this state is laying to me that its fine
New self (closing argument): No! Among all those people some look crazy, some stupid, some not; but I don`t really care if any of them look that way, it is just a human doing something... and if I didn`t really care for those most crazy or stupid looking, why all those people should care how do I look? just why in the hell!
Thinking it is one thing, I can think about it now but its different... the key is in experiencing it at the same time; its like in buddism and meditation - if im not mistaken, that is - first you learn some truth, or teachings intelectually, but then you MUST experience this truth in meditation. Experiencing EGO loss, this careless state of lightness is wonderfull. Especially for someone who used to be shy some time ago - it was like breathing the fresh air for the first time. And I was breathing freedom, thats how it felt.
T+ 04:00 So... four hours into the trip already, has most of the interesting things happend already? Well, don`t forget I have planned to candyflip. Hey, wait, I forgot about something important... Astral projection iwas playing for 2 and a half hours at this time and... they kicked ass. They have connected music great for dancing, and intresting for ears, and that was something new. Ok, so we were sitting on a blanket near the dance grounds. We`v smoked some hash and dropped the pills. I was looking at the stars, and things were liquid like. When I looked to the side, and freezed (EGO loss mode on) I saw a surface of the earth, a fragment of it, with many lights and humans moving on it in different directions, in chaos... they feelt like ants, I was not focused on one spot but seen it as a whole: surface with some lifeforms moving around. I said to my friend that I just saw a fragment of the real world. Soon we felt first effects of the E...
T+ 04:30 Body started to feel REALLY light. Moving objects started to leave strong, blurry trails. The world slowed down and speeded up at the same tme, or in waves, or at my will... we went to the dance grounds, but soon kinda separated. I was higher than ever, it felt as if to this super sober, super normal state of mind I have finally added some drugs; like this higher being that I was after acid could get high on drugs too, but its not like when we humans take drugs... it was... intense madness.
The dance continiued. All those different rythms was for different parts of the body to move to particular bit or wave of sound. Stamping legs like in a tribal dance... and other tribal people around... it was trance like... I remember walking and stamping few meters left and right, turning quickly, moving my hands up and down in turns, like some funny little creature, with blank stare on my face... like I wasn`t there... I do not have even a shadow of a doubt that I must have looked insane; My body was going into a trance, but mind was awaiken and aware of all my previous discoveries, experiments, wonderful states. I dont know when or why, but at one point I have closed my eyes. Also, I was no longer dancing so madly, rather turned into slow mode, gently waveing, twisting my arms high in the air and such. But I`m not really sure, because... I must add that my body was moving by itself... that was the trance - music was moving my body, and my mind went... somewhere else.
I cant tell if I felt it, saw it, both or even something else, but it was a stream of bright/yellow light or energy flowing over through the center of my body (Only few weeks after that experience I read some more about chakras and yellow enegry Leary was talking about). At some small level I think I was still aware that I am on the dance floor, with my eyes closed, among other people, but I didn`t care; I felt the extacy come down to me, as I was fully experiencing this amazing state of dissolved EGO; It felt god-like-wonderfull... A word Nirvana came into my mind; It was like in day before - I just know it must be it, I must have reached Nirvana, what else could it be! What is also strange, at the time I was able to find words that described this state very good: "I was swimming in the sweet truth". The truth was what I have discovered before about the ilusions EGO was feeding me all my life; swimming was experiencing it by all myself, I simply was that truth. I was all that was happaning. I was afraid that this state can soon end, or I can do something or think something that`ll stop it; and as thinking it, it was indeed fading away; but as I realised its not from the pill, but the truth, and I dont need nothing more to be in this state, it came back... It happend few times, and each time I was more and more, well, discovering that it comes from being the truth and all I need to do is just being. I learned how to stay in this state. All that time, I was on the dancefloor,slowly dancing with my eyes closed, I can`t tell for sure but it must have been something between 10 - 30 minutes, definitelly a long while. Yet there was no collisions, and if you could see those animals around me, you really would be surprized. My body still was moving by itself, but while exiting EGO loss mode, I have observed my arms freeze in the air, become havier, and again I could control them. Damn, wired. My friends have found me, and it was clear we wont be able to comunicate too much, they have just given me water to drink, sweet of them since I was a bit too far away to care or remember the needs of this body. Some time later my friend came again this time to leave me a bottle of water. It sure was great to have good friends around that night. Actually it was super cool. But a while after that, we`v lost - I left the dance grounds and couldnt find em anywhere...
T+ unknown (I`d say it must have been around 5:30 / 6:30 hours from the beginning) I was looking for my friends, walking from place to place... I have been stopping near blankets with people, and I was thinking I have found them, but when stopping and getting closer I was notticing I`m wrong. There was something not normall going on with reckonizing faces and stuff in generall; I had also a lot of problems in reckonizing directions - walking out of the main dance arena (a circle shape) to the chillout area (outside that circle) was a bit problematic. Finally I was at chillout, but havent seen my friends. I just lied on the ground, and looked at things, like some lone rider, traveler that stopped by from some wired journey... Chill zone was a place with big screen, with some random cool images/objects/nature/geometry on it; also music was calm, india like, relaxing and exotic.
After a while I decidet to go back to dancing spot, maybe find my friends there, but soon I met another friend, M. and he told me everyone is looking for me and that they are in the chill out zone! So I went back with him, happy to find em, and we sat on the blanket and I told O. that something happend for me, something life changing (I already knew that) - she asked if it was good, and I confirmed. My friends have taken smaller doses and have walked diffrent paths, but they also been in a blissfull, extatic state. O. said that it must be like in gods pleasure garden... sitting on the ground, among nature, among other beings in extatic state... not needing anything and just being. We were smoking joints just for pleasure of smoking and relaxing, and it was like no other time ever. I have noticed other people must be the same - they are chilling in extatic state, full of love and carring for others no less than for themselfs. With dissolved EGO, how could I care for me more than for others, if I was no more myself than anything else. I realised this psychedelic society, those people who came to this festival, have been doing this for years: getting in trance, loosing their EGO, becoming extatic, lovin, carring... We were all gods in the sacred garden in heaven and I think that what I remember now and what I am able to write is not much compared to that night. We were smoking joints with good friends and watching the sunrise...
I felt like some great weight was taken away from my back... just felt reliefed... beautyfull images on the screan have resulted in some tears from me, it was just so beauty... With dissolved EGO I was one with those images. I closed my eyes. Beautyfull, fractalised images appeared, and it remembered me someone on bluelight once writting "...and for hours I was one with those caleidoscopic fractals of light and colors.." (or something like it) and it was just the same with me, I was one with my sweet CEVs but I wasnt focusing on it like on some dreamed acomplishment; I knew much more greater and important things for me happend that night than CEVs. But it was all complete, I have reached some poit in which it all makes sense. Like I`v reached for the first time some spaceport and once there, every destination was possible. Comming down was all extatic, because the extacy came not from the pill, but from the truth, from enlightment. I felt asleep peacefully (was very tired) and next day when I woke up, must heve been smiling, and happyly looking forward to my new life. I knew I wont be able to forgot completly this feeling from last night; I knew it will company me to the rest of my life, making it a better place to be in. When I was smoking pot that day, I was melting to the groungd again, and when 10 days later I came back to Poland, I saw a huge difference in everyfday life: I felt light, unbothered... walking on the streets among people, careless... not like on acid of course, but without a doubt I felt different. I`v noticed many things I was doing wrong before, I`v noticed I was an egoist towards close to me people, and also I`v noticed how I can be different now, and more real and good. Few weeks later the afterglow decreased a bit in strenght, but still, even now, more than 60 days after that amazing night I`m a different person and still can reach to the memory of dissolved EGO. And reach from it like from some magic source of truth.
ps. As for other drugs mentioned in title... We have smoked tobacco in joints, drank a beer or two so thats the alcohol... and I also drank some pepsi so that`s the source of caffeine
. I used names such as EGO loss/dissolved and Nirvana; I dont know if that is correct, but these are just names; At the time of the experience I was even thinking it must have been a EGO death experience, but later read on bluelight that EGO death is an experience in which nothing can be felt, or even rememberd... And as for Nirvana, well... don`t forget our blotters were Buddahs!
LSD, Shrooms, Salvia, MDMA, Alcohol, Caffeine, Tobacco and Cannabis (not all at once!)
Four days: countdown to Nirvana
*long* *lifechanging*
intro:
This is going to be a trip repport from a music festival, that leasted for 4 days and I was under the influence of something pretty much all the time; The focus of this repport is on my candyflip that occured the last day, day four. But, to make the story complete, first I need to write shortly about what happend during previous days, especially day 3. First 3 days are written a bit chaotic, but thats fine, I just needed to put important information but also make it as short as possible.. Ok, lets make it quick:
just before day one, short background - I have eaten Acid several times before, same with shrooms, and E. I have candyflipped once 6 months ago, and it was very very...
. I have smoked pot too many times before. I used to trip to solve some problems, think some thing s over, enjoy this wonderful feeling, move closer to space and unknown... I never could get any real CEVs, I have even started a thread here on bluelight, asking why is it I`m having obvious OEVs and when I close my eyes I dont see much, and people say that even on small doses they get CEVs, and they need to eat more to get OEVs!I have tripped for the first time with my friend O. She now is with her boyfriend D. who also is my friend so we have tripped together many times, and we are good trip pals or something like that
. Right.. thats enough background info, lets start the......DAY ONE
Me, and my friends have arrived at the grass fields, meadows among the forrest somewhere in Germany. The time - it was middle of summer 2003, about two months ago. Weather was damn hot. We came there for one of the biggest GOA (psychedelic trance) music festivals. It was my first time on such festival. Some artist included Goa Gil, Yaheel, Space Tribe, and the main star was Astral Projection. One year ago I wasn`t into that kind of music, but D. showed me what is it all about. I was liking it more and more sober, and as a celebration we came to this festival, planning to eat acids, pills and visit middle space or something. I have expected that this music must sound amazing while on acid, since this music is made especially for psychedelic people/state. But this day was our first encounter with pure MDMA powder, and it kicked ass.
To help you visualize how it all looked like, a few nice pictures from the festival:
http://www.drooze.de/media/fullmoon03/full03.html - tribal dance
http://www.spacetravellers.de/Fullmoon-Festival_2003/pages/P1010184.htm - night, lights, dancegrounds
http://www.drooze.de/media/fullmoon03/full05.html - dance & water
http://www.drooze.de/media/fullmoon03/full02.html - dreaded dancer
DAY TWO
It must have been day two when we bought some salvia leaves, tried it, and felt wired effects of our body twisting and rolling to one side (left
) and it was quite unpleasant. And not really psychedelic, just wired, weak on the mind strong on the body. Set and setting were terrible: between the tents, with some random people around, just to try if it`ll work at all. It was a middday.. later on, we decided to eat mushrooms, since we had to do something, and we didn`t want to eat ACID too early and build tolerance the second day already. We have droped them like candy, not carring about anything, and just feeling perfectly normal about it. After a while, I have focused on trying to have some cool CEVs, since I usually dont have much and that used to piss me off. I was smokeing a lot of pot too, and things got a bit chaotic. Dancing wasn`t that cool, tripping crowd looked like a crowd full of shamans dancing around the fire... actually, not look like that but it felt so. Later on, I came back near my tent, lied down, smoked more pot, closed eyes and tried to summon some CEVS. I dont think this psychedelic experience had any value at all, it was my most pointless and useless trip ever. No goals (other than getting CEVs, damn it!) not really cool, or fun, not spiritual or learning.... lets better jump right now to day three.DAY THREE
This time me and O. decidet to eat pills, well actually one E each of us, and just enjoy this night, and we were already looking forward for the lasd day, with Astral Projection and a Candy Flip planned. Pills were small and looked shitty, but that was just fine since I wanted to have an easy night before la grande finalle. How damn stupid! Is there anything worse than weak pill that wears off damn quickly? I couldnt think about any such thing at the time... This evening, D. (O.s boyfriend, just to remind you) have eaten one blotter of our buddah`s and was a bit dissapointed about it at first, but later on cid proved to be quite decend. Anyway, the pill gave me one very important thing; I have started to think and realised I was doing things all wrong. Lately, I was just taking drugs, psychedelics, and expected `em to do all the work, entertain me with cool CEVs and generally even bring to another world and reveal the biggest secrets of the universe, if I`ll just eat enough. I used to belive psychedelics bring enlightend, put whole world in a different perspective, open the doors of perception and mind, somewhat forever and should be treated with great respect. But I must have lost it a bit somewhere in last months, and have eaten those shrooms a night before with no respect at all, like damn candy... I thought I should rather eat less, smaller dose and see what I can do with it - where can I go with it, how far can I push the limits? And if I will really gain a lot from small dose, I`ll be ready to benefit from larger doses. At this point I`v rememberd myself a quote of Terrence Mckenna. He said about a special atitude that is good for psychedelics, actually he described it as "it`s the attitide that psychedelics will turbocharge". So whats the attitude? "A sincere wish to understand". So I was there, on the dancegrounds, with my friends, my roll was over and the night was early. I decided to eat acid, one blotter, and treat it right, just right. I also induced O. to eat one too. Let me tell you now something about GOA dancers. I have never seen in my life so much energy, wild animal energy in the dancing crowd. People look like mad, insane, out of this world... their movement is rapid, strong, crazy and uncontroled, but at the same time linked to the music. There is amazing power in that crowd, but even thought it may look a bit scary at first, its very positive energy, and colisions - that hardly ever happands - but when it does, people touch peacefully in apology and continue their madness. Also, psy trance dance movement is very specyfic, like collecting more and more energy in every step, sometimes stumping with one`s legs to the ground like mad bull getting ready for a ride, sometimes extremly wavey hands movements... I felt a bit off, as if my movement was somewhat lame. I was focusing on how I look in others eyes and that is usually never a good thing, but couldnt help it at the moment. After some time of observing myself, my body and mind and others, my environment, I saw something interesting. There was no groups of people, no rights, lefts and fronts of the crowd, just one thing: chaos. Also, I saw myself as a part of this chaos. So it wasnt so important how I dance, if we are all one big chaos... It was in the end of the night and the trip when I have discovered something unusuall and also something that reminded me very good of something I have read before somewhere in the internet about acid. Ok, so I have discovered that while in chillout zone, sitting with my friends and waiting for a joint to be made (hell we had some good time there) I saw that I`m still moving, well, rather waveing my entire body to the music, but... something was wrong, different... it felt at the sime time as if I was not moving it... I dont mean that it felt like my body was not moving, I mean it felt like *I* was not moving it. I felt a strange need to explain to my friends why I am moving my body while sitting on the ground with my legs crossed, since they will ask any second anyway...
But you know what, they didnt.
They didnt care if I`m moving my body to the music while sitting on the ground in the chillout zone with legs crossed and waiting for a joint to be made god damn it! - can you belive it?
So i finally understood... I wasnt THAT important so others inspect my every move, my every action - in fact others dont care about it too much. I`m just one of many, many people... But I told you, that it reminded me of something - it was from some text about psychedelic experience, and it said something like "...and when you will be able to go from state of EGO loss and back, at your will, you will be ready to........." I realised there is something I can do, at will, and I could only describe it as comming into and out of a state of EGO loss - it just felt like it must be it. It was strange, but everything was changing when I decidet to enter EGO loss state, or leave it. When in EGO loss, I no longer cared for other people actions toward me... as if I were transparent. Also, as for visuals, all the environment was waveing and moving stronger than sometimes during a peek of my other acid trips, and it was a few hours after the peek by that time. I lied down near our tents, and as I closed my eyes and decided to go EGO loss again, I no longer cared for people moving around me, or rather above me, grabbing stuff just near me and talking near my head - it all was like transparent to me, I felt super comfortable. Also, i was sinking/melting into the ground, as I was turning on the EGO loss mode. I couldnt tell where my body ends and ground starts. Pretty amazing! It felt as if I have discovered something importand, something that will really matter. And I was testing it in 8th or 10th hour of my trip, so who knows how it can be during the peek? Well, soon I was about to find out...
DAY FOUR
Finally, the great day had arrived (once in school, on my english lessons I was suppose to write a composition that should start with this above sentence, lol). This is actually the beginning of my trip report, but don`t tell others as they will skip the intro - and they shouldn`t!
T+ 00:00 I have ingested three blotters of the same buddah acid (since I had a tollerance from last day, I was supposed to eat twice as much acid to achive same effects as day before; I decided that 3 blotters will be just right. It was about 90 minutes before Astral Projection was supposed to play live for us. During that time, we were buying pot and pills, if I remember good. Quite soon I`v started to feel the first effects - but wireder than normally, as if these effects were a bit in the background. I was just feeling light, both headed and in body. I was starting to feel more, and more... normal. I was looking at this trip not as if I`m takeing some drug and waiting for/feeling effects but rather like someone who comes bact to the right, true world without ilusions of EGO. We hit the dance grounds just before Astral was about to start.
T+ 02:00 This time it was smooth - I felt as a part of the croud, as a single particle of this chemical substance called psychedelic trance crowd. I was doing all those crazy, amazing energetic movement and felt completly at ease with myself. So here I was, more than two hours after eating 3 bloters of nice acid, and didn`t feelt like tripping at all - instead, I just felt normal... but not normall normall, rather more normal than ever before in my whole life. I heve felt normal or sober, clear headed on acid before, but never like THAT. Jumping around like an animal, around other animals doing same thing, and at the sime time feeling more relaxed than while at home in hot bath. My good friends were around, enjoying themselfs and tripping too, but on smaller doses: D. on two blotters and O. (the girl) on just one. She asked me something like "so how is it like to be on THREE cids?" and I was like wtf? what are you talking about, you got it all wrong! I realised I have came to the other side, I was in some flip mode, or on the other side of the mirror for the first time; I wasnt fucked or trippin at all, I was living more real. After some time we kinda saw that we are on a bit different levels this time, and have some problems in comunication because of this. My body felt so light, so unbothered by anything or anyone.
During my previous trips - while on dancefloor, I was sometimes intrigued by all those signals... hm, how to express it? like I was catching peoples eyes, moves, what they was saying, pointing, ect. and taking it all personally, for example: a girl I knew made some dance moves as if she wanted to lean near me and wrap her arms around my neck (like, to whisper something to me or whatever) So as I was just leaning to her I saw it was just a fragment of her dance movement, one of thousends if not more, and it has no importance or no link to me - yet my EGO was telling me another thing.
I`m not sure how much have I been thinking about it during this experience, and what came to my mind later, but now I see it like that: During everyday life, we create some frames or contex to put in everything that is happaning. We just categorize things. We are not sitting on something soft, putting in our mouths some liquid thing, make small mouth noises that vibrating through the air fly to some holes in others upper body parts, heads, where also came a lot of other vibrations mainly from big vibrating cubes... no, we are just on a party! And once categorised, we stick to it. But when we change our operating mode, like me on acid that night, we no longer operate on such not actuall data; we dont stop at all to categorise any signal, rather we are constantly flooded with real time signals and we just recive it all, and we dont keep any, since there is constant delivery of new signals. Real time perception, more real and accurate, with no unactuall data.
And what I have discovered while being in the state of EGO loss is that I no longer catch all those not related to me impulses, dont keep em, and because of it I am free to do whatever I want and think whatever I want and not be stopped/bothered by something that anyway was not intend for me anyway. As I was thinking about EGO loss state and its impact on my perception of reality (does it make it more real, what is ilusion and what is not?) it was something like that:
My new self: its all chaos... I am only one being among so many, and am no more or less important... I can move as I want and its just fine, because all I am is a crazy looking human being among so many other crazy looking human beings... I`m free and the ilusion of EGO is no longer here
Old self: But how do I know what is ilusion, this new state can make me dance/move stupid and I won`t care at all! So I really DO look stupid but acid/this state is laying to me that its fine
New self (closing argument): No! Among all those people some look crazy, some stupid, some not; but I don`t really care if any of them look that way, it is just a human doing something... and if I didn`t really care for those most crazy or stupid looking, why all those people should care how do I look? just why in the hell!
Thinking it is one thing, I can think about it now but its different... the key is in experiencing it at the same time; its like in buddism and meditation - if im not mistaken, that is - first you learn some truth, or teachings intelectually, but then you MUST experience this truth in meditation. Experiencing EGO loss, this careless state of lightness is wonderfull. Especially for someone who used to be shy some time ago - it was like breathing the fresh air for the first time. And I was breathing freedom, thats how it felt.
T+ 04:00 So... four hours into the trip already, has most of the interesting things happend already? Well, don`t forget I have planned to candyflip. Hey, wait, I forgot about something important... Astral projection iwas playing for 2 and a half hours at this time and... they kicked ass. They have connected music great for dancing, and intresting for ears, and that was something new. Ok, so we were sitting on a blanket near the dance grounds. We`v smoked some hash and dropped the pills. I was looking at the stars, and things were liquid like. When I looked to the side, and freezed (EGO loss mode on) I saw a surface of the earth, a fragment of it, with many lights and humans moving on it in different directions, in chaos... they feelt like ants, I was not focused on one spot but seen it as a whole: surface with some lifeforms moving around. I said to my friend that I just saw a fragment of the real world. Soon we felt first effects of the E...
T+ 04:30 Body started to feel REALLY light. Moving objects started to leave strong, blurry trails. The world slowed down and speeded up at the same tme, or in waves, or at my will... we went to the dance grounds, but soon kinda separated. I was higher than ever, it felt as if to this super sober, super normal state of mind I have finally added some drugs; like this higher being that I was after acid could get high on drugs too, but its not like when we humans take drugs... it was... intense madness
.The dance continiued. All those different rythms was for different parts of the body to move to particular bit or wave of sound. Stamping legs like in a tribal dance... and other tribal people around... it was trance like... I remember walking and stamping few meters left and right, turning quickly, moving my hands up and down in turns, like some funny little creature, with blank stare on my face... like I wasn`t there... I do not have even a shadow of a doubt that I must have looked insane; My body was going into a trance, but mind was awaiken and aware of all my previous discoveries, experiments, wonderful states. I dont know when or why, but at one point I have closed my eyes. Also, I was no longer dancing so madly, rather turned into slow mode, gently waveing, twisting my arms high in the air and such. But I`m not really sure, because... I must add that my body was moving by itself... that was the trance - music was moving my body, and my mind went... somewhere else.
I cant tell if I felt it, saw it, both or even something else, but it was a stream of bright/yellow light or energy flowing over through the center of my body (Only few weeks after that experience I read some more about chakras and yellow enegry Leary was talking about). At some small level I think I was still aware that I am on the dance floor, with my eyes closed, among other people, but I didn`t care; I felt the extacy come down to me, as I was fully experiencing this amazing state of dissolved EGO; It felt god-like-wonderfull... A word Nirvana came into my mind; It was like in day before - I just know it must be it, I must have reached Nirvana, what else could it be! What is also strange, at the time I was able to find words that described this state very good: "I was swimming in the sweet truth". The truth was what I have discovered before about the ilusions EGO was feeding me all my life; swimming was experiencing it by all myself, I simply was that truth. I was all that was happaning. I was afraid that this state can soon end, or I can do something or think something that`ll stop it; and as thinking it, it was indeed fading away; but as I realised its not from the pill, but the truth, and I dont need nothing more to be in this state, it came back... It happend few times, and each time I was more and more, well, discovering that it comes from being the truth and all I need to do is just being. I learned how to stay in this state. All that time, I was on the dancefloor,slowly dancing with my eyes closed, I can`t tell for sure but it must have been something between 10 - 30 minutes, definitelly a long while. Yet there was no collisions, and if you could see those animals around me, you really would be surprized. My body still was moving by itself, but while exiting EGO loss mode, I have observed my arms freeze in the air, become havier, and again I could control them. Damn, wired. My friends have found me, and it was clear we wont be able to comunicate too much, they have just given me water to drink, sweet of them since I was a bit too far away to care or remember the needs of this body. Some time later my friend came again this time to leave me a bottle of water. It sure was great to have good friends around that night. Actually it was super cool. But a while after that, we`v lost - I left the dance grounds and couldnt find em anywhere...
T+ unknown (I`d say it must have been around 5:30 / 6:30 hours from the beginning) I was looking for my friends, walking from place to place... I have been stopping near blankets with people, and I was thinking I have found them, but when stopping and getting closer I was notticing I`m wrong. There was something not normall going on with reckonizing faces and stuff in generall; I had also a lot of problems in reckonizing directions - walking out of the main dance arena (a circle shape) to the chillout area (outside that circle) was a bit problematic. Finally I was at chillout, but havent seen my friends. I just lied on the ground, and looked at things, like some lone rider, traveler that stopped by from some wired journey... Chill zone was a place with big screen, with some random cool images/objects/nature/geometry on it; also music was calm, india like, relaxing and exotic.
After a while I decidet to go back to dancing spot, maybe find my friends there, but soon I met another friend, M. and he told me everyone is looking for me and that they are in the chill out zone! So I went back with him, happy to find em, and we sat on the blanket and I told O. that something happend for me, something life changing (I already knew that) - she asked if it was good, and I confirmed. My friends have taken smaller doses and have walked diffrent paths, but they also been in a blissfull, extatic state. O. said that it must be like in gods pleasure garden... sitting on the ground, among nature, among other beings in extatic state... not needing anything and just being. We were smoking joints just for pleasure of smoking and relaxing, and it was like no other time ever. I have noticed other people must be the same - they are chilling in extatic state, full of love and carring for others no less than for themselfs. With dissolved EGO, how could I care for me more than for others, if I was no more myself than anything else. I realised this psychedelic society, those people who came to this festival, have been doing this for years: getting in trance, loosing their EGO, becoming extatic, lovin, carring... We were all gods in the sacred garden in heaven and I think that what I remember now and what I am able to write is not much compared to that night. We were smoking joints with good friends and watching the sunrise...
I felt like some great weight was taken away from my back... just felt reliefed... beautyfull images on the screan have resulted in some tears from me, it was just so beauty... With dissolved EGO I was one with those images. I closed my eyes. Beautyfull, fractalised images appeared, and it remembered me someone on bluelight once writting "...and for hours I was one with those caleidoscopic fractals of light and colors.." (or something like it) and it was just the same with me, I was one with my sweet CEVs but I wasnt focusing on it like on some dreamed acomplishment; I knew much more greater and important things for me happend that night than CEVs. But it was all complete, I have reached some poit in which it all makes sense. Like I`v reached for the first time some spaceport and once there, every destination was possible. Comming down was all extatic, because the extacy came not from the pill, but from the truth, from enlightment. I felt asleep peacefully (was very tired) and next day when I woke up, must heve been smiling, and happyly looking forward to my new life. I knew I wont be able to forgot completly this feeling from last night; I knew it will company me to the rest of my life, making it a better place to be in. When I was smoking pot that day, I was melting to the groungd again, and when 10 days later I came back to Poland, I saw a huge difference in everyfday life: I felt light, unbothered... walking on the streets among people, careless... not like on acid of course, but without a doubt I felt different. I`v noticed many things I was doing wrong before, I`v noticed I was an egoist towards close to me people, and also I`v noticed how I can be different now, and more real and good. Few weeks later the afterglow decreased a bit in strenght, but still, even now, more than 60 days after that amazing night I`m a different person and still can reach to the memory of dissolved EGO. And reach from it like from some magic source of truth.
ps. As for other drugs mentioned in title... We have smoked tobacco in joints, drank a beer or two so thats the alcohol... and I also drank some pepsi so that`s the source of caffeine
. I used names such as EGO loss/dissolved and Nirvana; I dont know if that is correct, but these are just names; At the time of the experience I was even thinking it must have been a EGO death experience, but later read on bluelight that EGO death is an experience in which nothing can be felt, or even rememberd... And as for Nirvana, well... don`t forget our blotters were Buddahs!
Last edited by a moderator:
