Acid--Fairly Experienced--Dark Side of the Moon
(Sorry bout the length)
At about 10:30 in the morning I dropped two ‘alien’ blotters by myself with no idea or intention as to what or how I wanted to explore anything. I wandered up to a local nature reserve where I thought there would be no people and began to walk around the various zig-zagging and intersecting pathways within it. After about half an hour I stumbled across a house that had been half knocked down. Thinking this was pretty cool, I wandered around the site for a while, noting the peculiar similarity between this house and my own. I sort of began to get really bored, and figured I was in for the worlds first ever boring trip, man was I wrong!
When I got sick of wandering around the house I went into what was the backyard, now just a field of massively overgrown weeds, with a cool little tin shed that I decided I was going to live in the summertime. In the middle of this field I noticed this big old rock just sitting there. Promptly, I jumped over it, laying down on the grass and resting my head against it like Huckleberry Finn. For a while I just sort of pondered different aspects of my life, focusing quite a bit on my ambiguous sexuality. This was great as I enjoyed the kind of clarity that’s really missing in usual thoughts.
Gradually, as the trip intensified, “I” ceased to exist and focus began tuning into the surroundings. Nature was the star today, the beautiful sunshine and the grass being blown ever so softly by the wind. A bug would buzz past my ear singing its dainty little tune and it seemed I was transported to a novel written a hundred years ago when times were simpler. After a while, I jumped up and returned to the house, just to admire the coolness of it. It had a character that was indescribable, almost an attitude. Like derelict and completely fucked up but still with its own integrity. I mean, someone lived here once! All those experiences, all that life that passed through the rooms, seemed a shame.
I left the house for a while and wandered back into the bush, I saw a big old tree that I’d seen earlier and gave it a big hug, complimenting it for doing so well for itself, it seemed to appreciate it. One part of the path widened to about three or four feet so I sat down. I felt like I was at the exact point in the universe where sound and time and space intersect, or collide like marshmallowy type stuff. This was pretty funny to me because I was in the middle of it all and naturally, I began to play with it, ripping little parts of the universal fabric apart and letting them rejoin. I pondered the ego world and it sort of seemed to me like this prison. I can’t really explain it but it had something to do with the space and time of thoughts slowing down to ‘glitch’ the system and see outside of the prison. I wasn’t so much thinking this as watching the process (or being shown?). One of the funniest parts of my trip was when I started -literally- playing around with consciousness. First I had this ‘baby’ or little consciousness that I was spinning around my head like a fire stick. It was my own consciousness but at the same time “I” was this ‘larger’ consciousness. Soon enough I was juggling five consciousness’ or more accurately they were kind of spinning like plates on the sticks that the guys at the circus have. Great fun hehehe. After that I just layed in the sun for ages looking at the beauty of the trees, pondering the hippy lifestyle of the sixties (they had it right…be natural, be free!), thinking about how fucking great my friends are. Sexuality cropped up a few times again, and I struggled to achieve some kind of satisfying answer as to what I am or should be. Still, I felt my soul was at last completely integrated and whole. It was as if I was a beautiful crystal ball that rolled down the stairs of life and got chipped and scratched. But now, now I was polished and shiny and splendid. Like new.
I got up and wandered up this path for ages and ages till it opened up into this huge huge paddock. About a quarter of a mile down I saw an giant old grey log so I ventured down and sat on it. The few trees around were these beautiful grey ones with no leaves and red flowers. So amazing. I just laughed and laughed. For God knows how long I just gurgled and made baby sounds all sorts of crazy realisations that I can’t even remember popping into my head. I don’t know many people who trip, and I was wishing that there was someone there to trip with me. I wanted to play nice spirit games with someone and there’s only so many you can play with yourself. I still had an unbelievable amount of fun though. As I lay on the log I’d never felt so free in my life, I sang a song about it, it only had one lyric “Freeeeee” in as many different voices and accents as I could muster. Still, you can have all the riches in the world and it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t have anyone to share it with. I wished I had a queen to sit by my side, and I promised her that when I met her I’d love her with all my heart. But boys are good too, I could have a boy as well and we could run around and have fun after we roll in the hay. Homosexual and Heterosexual sex seemed to have two entirely different characters but both good in their ways. I got up and ran through the long grass like a big dog up up up to the end of the field. I layed down in the foetus position to get comfortable and considered a nap.
I felt a familiar pain from my continued non-acceptance of my homosexual tendencies. That dull ache that just never leaves my heart, the dark side of the moon. Why me, why should I have to deal with this. I’m just a nice simple person, I don’t want everyone to turn their backs on me I just want to be happy. Finally, I gave up the fight I’d been fighting all my life and accepted it. It was the only choice. Inside of me, the most beautiful, delicate, sensitive, amazing, fantastic lotus blossomed ever so slowly. My new ego. Like a caring midwife I brought this baby into the world, there were a few scrapes on the way but it’s a new life and its great! As I got up I felt like a man for the first time in my life. That part was so great.
I spent that afternoon in many places. Watching the Baseballers practice, down at the shops with the neighbourhood kids, smokin’ cigarettes in a giant oak tree like Huckleberry Finn. I spent a lot of time pondering the nature of suburban life. I realised I didn’t even give a shit. I don’t really give a shit about much nowadays, that says a lot coming from someone who once spent a whole day wondering how he can chill out. My only rule now this, do whatever feel like, whenever you feel like it. Naturally I’m not going to throttle a smart mouthed shop assistant, but hey, I haven’t had the urge yet so who knows! I told my friends to call me by the name “Fella” cause that’s who I am. I’m the guy at the train station with all his bags next to him that you go “hey Fella, you got a light?” I’m a spiritual vagabond with no fixed address who breezes into town, telling the farmers tales of far off mystical lands full of ogres and faeries. A Psychonaut buzzing s(he’s) way through the Jungian ocean. But now I’m thinking again… and I really just feel like switching off and relaxing…thanks for reading
[ 23 July 2002: Message edited by: de-v0id ]
[ 23 July 2002: Message edited by: de-v0id ]
(Sorry bout the length)
At about 10:30 in the morning I dropped two ‘alien’ blotters by myself with no idea or intention as to what or how I wanted to explore anything. I wandered up to a local nature reserve where I thought there would be no people and began to walk around the various zig-zagging and intersecting pathways within it. After about half an hour I stumbled across a house that had been half knocked down. Thinking this was pretty cool, I wandered around the site for a while, noting the peculiar similarity between this house and my own. I sort of began to get really bored, and figured I was in for the worlds first ever boring trip, man was I wrong!
When I got sick of wandering around the house I went into what was the backyard, now just a field of massively overgrown weeds, with a cool little tin shed that I decided I was going to live in the summertime. In the middle of this field I noticed this big old rock just sitting there. Promptly, I jumped over it, laying down on the grass and resting my head against it like Huckleberry Finn. For a while I just sort of pondered different aspects of my life, focusing quite a bit on my ambiguous sexuality. This was great as I enjoyed the kind of clarity that’s really missing in usual thoughts.
Gradually, as the trip intensified, “I” ceased to exist and focus began tuning into the surroundings. Nature was the star today, the beautiful sunshine and the grass being blown ever so softly by the wind. A bug would buzz past my ear singing its dainty little tune and it seemed I was transported to a novel written a hundred years ago when times were simpler. After a while, I jumped up and returned to the house, just to admire the coolness of it. It had a character that was indescribable, almost an attitude. Like derelict and completely fucked up but still with its own integrity. I mean, someone lived here once! All those experiences, all that life that passed through the rooms, seemed a shame.
I left the house for a while and wandered back into the bush, I saw a big old tree that I’d seen earlier and gave it a big hug, complimenting it for doing so well for itself, it seemed to appreciate it. One part of the path widened to about three or four feet so I sat down. I felt like I was at the exact point in the universe where sound and time and space intersect, or collide like marshmallowy type stuff. This was pretty funny to me because I was in the middle of it all and naturally, I began to play with it, ripping little parts of the universal fabric apart and letting them rejoin. I pondered the ego world and it sort of seemed to me like this prison. I can’t really explain it but it had something to do with the space and time of thoughts slowing down to ‘glitch’ the system and see outside of the prison. I wasn’t so much thinking this as watching the process (or being shown?). One of the funniest parts of my trip was when I started -literally- playing around with consciousness. First I had this ‘baby’ or little consciousness that I was spinning around my head like a fire stick. It was my own consciousness but at the same time “I” was this ‘larger’ consciousness. Soon enough I was juggling five consciousness’ or more accurately they were kind of spinning like plates on the sticks that the guys at the circus have. Great fun hehehe. After that I just layed in the sun for ages looking at the beauty of the trees, pondering the hippy lifestyle of the sixties (they had it right…be natural, be free!), thinking about how fucking great my friends are. Sexuality cropped up a few times again, and I struggled to achieve some kind of satisfying answer as to what I am or should be. Still, I felt my soul was at last completely integrated and whole. It was as if I was a beautiful crystal ball that rolled down the stairs of life and got chipped and scratched. But now, now I was polished and shiny and splendid. Like new.
I got up and wandered up this path for ages and ages till it opened up into this huge huge paddock. About a quarter of a mile down I saw an giant old grey log so I ventured down and sat on it. The few trees around were these beautiful grey ones with no leaves and red flowers. So amazing. I just laughed and laughed. For God knows how long I just gurgled and made baby sounds all sorts of crazy realisations that I can’t even remember popping into my head. I don’t know many people who trip, and I was wishing that there was someone there to trip with me. I wanted to play nice spirit games with someone and there’s only so many you can play with yourself. I still had an unbelievable amount of fun though. As I lay on the log I’d never felt so free in my life, I sang a song about it, it only had one lyric “Freeeeee” in as many different voices and accents as I could muster. Still, you can have all the riches in the world and it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t have anyone to share it with. I wished I had a queen to sit by my side, and I promised her that when I met her I’d love her with all my heart. But boys are good too, I could have a boy as well and we could run around and have fun after we roll in the hay. Homosexual and Heterosexual sex seemed to have two entirely different characters but both good in their ways. I got up and ran through the long grass like a big dog up up up to the end of the field. I layed down in the foetus position to get comfortable and considered a nap.
I felt a familiar pain from my continued non-acceptance of my homosexual tendencies. That dull ache that just never leaves my heart, the dark side of the moon. Why me, why should I have to deal with this. I’m just a nice simple person, I don’t want everyone to turn their backs on me I just want to be happy. Finally, I gave up the fight I’d been fighting all my life and accepted it. It was the only choice. Inside of me, the most beautiful, delicate, sensitive, amazing, fantastic lotus blossomed ever so slowly. My new ego. Like a caring midwife I brought this baby into the world, there were a few scrapes on the way but it’s a new life and its great! As I got up I felt like a man for the first time in my life. That part was so great.
I spent that afternoon in many places. Watching the Baseballers practice, down at the shops with the neighbourhood kids, smokin’ cigarettes in a giant oak tree like Huckleberry Finn. I spent a lot of time pondering the nature of suburban life. I realised I didn’t even give a shit. I don’t really give a shit about much nowadays, that says a lot coming from someone who once spent a whole day wondering how he can chill out. My only rule now this, do whatever feel like, whenever you feel like it. Naturally I’m not going to throttle a smart mouthed shop assistant, but hey, I haven’t had the urge yet so who knows! I told my friends to call me by the name “Fella” cause that’s who I am. I’m the guy at the train station with all his bags next to him that you go “hey Fella, you got a light?” I’m a spiritual vagabond with no fixed address who breezes into town, telling the farmers tales of far off mystical lands full of ogres and faeries. A Psychonaut buzzing s(he’s) way through the Jungian ocean. But now I’m thinking again… and I really just feel like switching off and relaxing…thanks for reading
[ 23 July 2002: Message edited by: de-v0id ]
[ 23 July 2002: Message edited by: de-v0id ]
what a shame. 
