Bi KaNd*E* RaVeR
Bluelighter
Acid Tripping alone to deal with hidden problems...
i knew i was able to get my hands on some really good liquid acid... and i really wanted to trip since i havent done it in a while. I like tripping mostly for the way it affects my thought process... i like the way i think and they way i can express myself and what im feeling better. Now, knowing that some people have bad trips when they are depressed or have somthing on their mind... i was scared to candy flip on saturday at the club with my friends. I didnt want to have a bad trip and freak out and end up geting kicked out or something worse.. so Friday night i got the acid. We had it put on sweettarts( one drop).. at like 9pm. i was cleaning my room.. and deciding it i was goign to a frat party with my brother.. at about 9:30... i ate the sweettart (i think it was 9:30pm). I decided against going out.. and stayed at my house by myself.. my best friend called and while i was talkin to her.. i started to trip.. she could tell and got off the phone with me.. cause i wasnt paying attention to her(10:00pm).
I hung out with my youngest brother for about an hour watching TV... then went up to my room to chill (11:30 maybe). i had my trippy screan saver thing playin on my puter, my black light on, and my neon pens and paper ( i like to write) and everything set up.. i was really hyper.. i actually felt like i was rolling.. i put on a house Cd and signed on aol to see what everyone was up to.. i was talkin to a few ppl as well as talkin on the phone.
My XBF's brother was the first person i talked to... we started talkin about my XBF (since he was the cause of my 2 week long depression i was stuck in) He told me how my BF was playin me and using me... and everything.. sober i wouldnt have believed it.. but tripping.. it all made sence for some reason. We talked about some other things then i got off the phone with him. after that... the girl i am seeing called me and i talked to her(1am).. not about anything real important.. but i know my mind started going while i was talkin to her.. i remember sitting at my puter on BL.. i posted a couple messages.. then i started writing an email to a BLer. I dunno why i wrote him i really have no idea... maybe cause i read a post of his.. or cause we were suposed to chill this weekend.. i dunno.. but i had to get off the phone cause i was concentrating on the email.. i really dont remember what i wrote about in that email. i know i CCed myself but i havent even looked at it yet... and i dunno when i am going to read it. and Im sorry to the BLer i wrote to.. and you dont have to read it if you dont want to.. =o)
I got into a sad state after that(2:30am).. maybe cause of what i wrote.. so i went over to my bed and got my note book and neon pens.. i just let my mind go with the pens. I know i broke down and was hysterical crying at one point.. i know i was writing about my exbf.. that i remember.. (it might have been what the email was baout too.. i have no clue) i know i wrote 5 pages of shit in my notebook.. which i also havent read yet.. (does anyone have a suggestions on when i should read my trip journal and the email? i kind of want to read it but i dont at the same time.. *shrug*)
After i finished writing i went intot he bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror ( i love mirrors when im tripping) i remember look at how cute i looked even tho i was so sad.. and telling myself that my XBF wasnt worth all i have to offer someone who is willing to love me for who i am.. and even tho he made me feel so good about myself all the time.. and treated me really good concidering.. he just had too many issues to really give himself to me the way i wanted to... and i knew that someday i will find that person im looking for... and i really dont have to be sad about this... i went back to my room.. and thought about my friends and how great they are to me.. and hw they would do anything.. and how understand they have been even tho i have been so depressed lately..
I went back online(4am). - My really good friend and neighbor Ken was online.. I imed him.. and told him what was going on.. he's always soooooooooo good to talk to .. and he told me to send him pics frum my web cam ( i left my web cam on during most of my trip to record my actions) he was so moved by the way i went frum being so happy to hysterical.. but was really proud on how i pulled myself up and was happy again. And he was happy that i was feeling better about my XBF.
I decided to chill after that (5:45).. i layed on the floor with my cat and listened to hiphop..( i dunno why hehe) me and my cat played on the floor.. then i got kinda tired.. so i put on my fave trance CD.. and curled up in my bed (6:15).. with my puter facing my so i could watch the trippy show..
i dunno how long i was layin there.. when my brother finally came home frum the frat party... he told me about all the whippets that he did... and how he flipped out (acid + whippits)and how the party was .. and how he wishes i woulda went with him.. then he asked me about my night. I told him.. i had a really good time thinking about my life and everything.. and that i am glad i stayed home. we chilled together for a couple hours then both went to bed.
I woke up at 10:18am... and felt great.. i did so much shit saturday and partied saturday nite.. i stayed sober tho.. and had a great time... but went to sleep early and bummed out sunday (as usual). =o)
My stomach did hurt a lil during the trip.. then again i did eat BK b4 that (ick).. during my trip i ate a few cookies, and drank apple juice and water.
Im really glad i did this.. its kind of what i was hoping would happen. Not that i need acid or anything to help me sort out my probs... but i did think it would help me open up to the truth.. i was hurting so bad from the break up i couldnt bring my self to accept the bad things.. or believe the negitive aspects.. i kept hanging on to what we had.. and getting more and more depressed over it. I'm hoping i wont feel the need to do it again... im glad i feel better... not 100% but i do feel muuuch better.. and i am totally on Kay's level when he had his trip experiance. =oT
Ill post again here.. when i read over my trip journal...
------------------
~*P*L*U*R*R*~
~*Princess Jen
**FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS GET MULLETS!!** -Got it Jay!? =o)
*Don't frown, 'cause you never know when someone is falling in love with your smile*
i knew i was able to get my hands on some really good liquid acid... and i really wanted to trip since i havent done it in a while. I like tripping mostly for the way it affects my thought process... i like the way i think and they way i can express myself and what im feeling better. Now, knowing that some people have bad trips when they are depressed or have somthing on their mind... i was scared to candy flip on saturday at the club with my friends. I didnt want to have a bad trip and freak out and end up geting kicked out or something worse.. so Friday night i got the acid. We had it put on sweettarts( one drop).. at like 9pm. i was cleaning my room.. and deciding it i was goign to a frat party with my brother.. at about 9:30... i ate the sweettart (i think it was 9:30pm). I decided against going out.. and stayed at my house by myself.. my best friend called and while i was talkin to her.. i started to trip.. she could tell and got off the phone with me.. cause i wasnt paying attention to her(10:00pm).
I hung out with my youngest brother for about an hour watching TV... then went up to my room to chill (11:30 maybe). i had my trippy screan saver thing playin on my puter, my black light on, and my neon pens and paper ( i like to write) and everything set up.. i was really hyper.. i actually felt like i was rolling.. i put on a house Cd and signed on aol to see what everyone was up to.. i was talkin to a few ppl as well as talkin on the phone.
My XBF's brother was the first person i talked to... we started talkin about my XBF (since he was the cause of my 2 week long depression i was stuck in) He told me how my BF was playin me and using me... and everything.. sober i wouldnt have believed it.. but tripping.. it all made sence for some reason. We talked about some other things then i got off the phone with him. after that... the girl i am seeing called me and i talked to her(1am).. not about anything real important.. but i know my mind started going while i was talkin to her.. i remember sitting at my puter on BL.. i posted a couple messages.. then i started writing an email to a BLer. I dunno why i wrote him i really have no idea... maybe cause i read a post of his.. or cause we were suposed to chill this weekend.. i dunno.. but i had to get off the phone cause i was concentrating on the email.. i really dont remember what i wrote about in that email. i know i CCed myself but i havent even looked at it yet... and i dunno when i am going to read it. and Im sorry to the BLer i wrote to.. and you dont have to read it if you dont want to.. =o)
I got into a sad state after that(2:30am).. maybe cause of what i wrote.. so i went over to my bed and got my note book and neon pens.. i just let my mind go with the pens. I know i broke down and was hysterical crying at one point.. i know i was writing about my exbf.. that i remember.. (it might have been what the email was baout too.. i have no clue) i know i wrote 5 pages of shit in my notebook.. which i also havent read yet.. (does anyone have a suggestions on when i should read my trip journal and the email? i kind of want to read it but i dont at the same time.. *shrug*)
After i finished writing i went intot he bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror ( i love mirrors when im tripping) i remember look at how cute i looked even tho i was so sad.. and telling myself that my XBF wasnt worth all i have to offer someone who is willing to love me for who i am.. and even tho he made me feel so good about myself all the time.. and treated me really good concidering.. he just had too many issues to really give himself to me the way i wanted to... and i knew that someday i will find that person im looking for... and i really dont have to be sad about this... i went back to my room.. and thought about my friends and how great they are to me.. and hw they would do anything.. and how understand they have been even tho i have been so depressed lately..
I went back online(4am). - My really good friend and neighbor Ken was online.. I imed him.. and told him what was going on.. he's always soooooooooo good to talk to .. and he told me to send him pics frum my web cam ( i left my web cam on during most of my trip to record my actions) he was so moved by the way i went frum being so happy to hysterical.. but was really proud on how i pulled myself up and was happy again. And he was happy that i was feeling better about my XBF.
I decided to chill after that (5:45).. i layed on the floor with my cat and listened to hiphop..( i dunno why hehe) me and my cat played on the floor.. then i got kinda tired.. so i put on my fave trance CD.. and curled up in my bed (6:15).. with my puter facing my so i could watch the trippy show..
i dunno how long i was layin there.. when my brother finally came home frum the frat party... he told me about all the whippets that he did... and how he flipped out (acid + whippits)and how the party was .. and how he wishes i woulda went with him.. then he asked me about my night. I told him.. i had a really good time thinking about my life and everything.. and that i am glad i stayed home. we chilled together for a couple hours then both went to bed.
I woke up at 10:18am... and felt great.. i did so much shit saturday and partied saturday nite.. i stayed sober tho.. and had a great time... but went to sleep early and bummed out sunday (as usual). =o)
My stomach did hurt a lil during the trip.. then again i did eat BK b4 that (ick).. during my trip i ate a few cookies, and drank apple juice and water.
Im really glad i did this.. its kind of what i was hoping would happen. Not that i need acid or anything to help me sort out my probs... but i did think it would help me open up to the truth.. i was hurting so bad from the break up i couldnt bring my self to accept the bad things.. or believe the negitive aspects.. i kept hanging on to what we had.. and getting more and more depressed over it. I'm hoping i wont feel the need to do it again... im glad i feel better... not 100% but i do feel muuuch better.. and i am totally on Kay's level when he had his trip experiance. =oT
Ill post again here.. when i read over my trip journal...
------------------
~*P*L*U*R*R*~
~*Princess Jen
**FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS GET MULLETS!!** -Got it Jay!? =o)
*Don't frown, 'cause you never know when someone is falling in love with your smile*
