Prior to writing this I have tried to explain the following experience to only one person in detail, and one other person in brief. My recent curiosity about the effects of Datura led me to read a number of reports on erowid.com, which then led me to read some LSD reports. It occurred to me that it would be natural, appropriate and even somewhat dutiful for me to describe the two most profound experiences I have been blessed with whilst using psychedelics to facilitate access to higher states of consciousness. I will attempt to describe these experiences with relevant detail, honesty and accuracy.
I have written a few experiences below. The first one described happened AFTER the experience I described later in this post, which occurred in September of the previous year. I know this post is long... I hope some of you have the patience to read it all!
At the age of seventeen, I became aware of and began to research the psychedelic experience, consciousness, shamanism, meditation, and philosophy relevant to such topics; deoxy.org was one of my main sources. This fanned my already burning desire to understand and experience ultimate reality and thus led me to experiment with LSD in accordance with the teachings of Timothy Leary, etc. My first experiences with LSD were with friends but, seeing my fundamentally different experiences, and fundamentally different motivation and objective, I soon began to experiment alone. The following experience occurred shortly before my eighteenth birthday.
I had read about isolation chambers and LSD experiments in environments that allow for zero external sensual stimulation (esp. no sight or sound). I had also been reading Timothy Leary's rendering of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Before beginning the journey, I prepared a small corridor (2.5 meters x 1.5) by lying a woolen rug on the floor for sitting and placing towels on the base of the doors to prevent any light from entering. Living in the countryside, and especially at night time, the small inner-hallway was silent. I ingested two tabs of strong LSD; the exact dosage in mg was unknown. As the effects become prominent, I removed my cloths and entered the silent, pitch dark room. I lay and relaxed, remaining alert and aware of, but also detached from, the visual, mental, emotional (etc) experiences of the trip. A number of interesting events followed. Firstly, simply by allowing my body and mind to move naturally and without physical restriction or mental inhibition, I began stretching my body extensively and moving into various yogic postures. For example, at one point, I began stretching upwards and then backwards until, amidst the pitch darkness, I felt my hands reach the floor behind me (... asana). After some time I realised that I had stopped breathing, thus prompting me to exit this position. It is noteworthy to add at this point that, having grown up in a rural town, I had never done or even seen any yoga positions in my life before this night. Furthermore, from the ages 12 - 16 I invested a lot of time and energy into long distance running, which was great for some aspects of my health but also created a significant lack of flexibility in several areas (esp. joints) of my body, such as knees, ankles, hips, and lower back. In other words, I would have been totally unable to stretch into such yogic postures in my normal state of consciousness. Later I seated myself in lotus position (beforehand I struggled to even sit cross legged on the floor) and whilst meditating in this position I noticed sensations of pain in certain areas of my body, particularly those that were not flexible enough to maintain the posture. With further concentration I was able to directly perceive the thoughts and mental patterns that were obstructing energy in each precise part of my body and thus causing pain; I was then able to consciously 'push through' and relieve/clear these subtle psychological blockages. I continued with this process for some time. Eventually, while still seated in lotus position, my consciousness moved away from specific parts of my body and I began to observe my body from outside of my body. The room was in pitch darkness; this was certainly not the standard type of observation by which we experience things in 'normal' day-to-day life. I was perceiving my body not as one covered in skin etc but rather with my form being constituted of energetic lines, in a similar way that you could imagine a topographical map would present a human body against a 'backdrop' of pitch darkness. Neither my body nor my conscious perception of it remained immobile amidst the darkness, although the movement was not major and remained balanced and symmetrical. Protruding from the top of my crown chakra was an energetic, spirialling/rotating conical form extending upwards; an identical energetic, spirally/rotating conical form extend downwards from my base chakra. In this state I heard a deep, fearless/heroic (in the sense of one who has fearlessly questioned life and earnestly reached for the highest realms of reality that life afforded them) speak to me in a thoughtful, guiding, encouraging, determined and desirous tone. The question was simple yet profound, "What IS..? That is the question." This stimulus, in that state of consciousness, opened my mind to the most essential and profound question I had experienced in this life. My consciousness was opened to the degree in which I was wholly aware of and OPEN to the question, "what is reality?" My desire to receive and understand the answer was profoundly complete and clear. I vaguely remember this voice saying some other things beforehand, but I cannot remember what was said. I wondered if it was my own voice, even in an abstract sense or from a past life, or a guide who had been waiting to help me.
Eventually I exited my makeshift isolation chamber. My bodily form had changed. I was spontaneously and naturally walking with only my forefeet. My steps were uncommonly 'springy' and my posture was at a slight crouch, in the sense that my knees were slightly bent, my torso was slightly forward, and my elbows were slightly bent. My entire body appeared somewhat as if I was simultaneously tensing all of my muscles; for want of a better description, my body appeared and felt 'pumped', with energy. It was not at all extraneous however and my movements were incredibly energy-filled and efficient. I ingested some more LSD and went to the large bathroom mirror. My shoulders were pulled far back, exposing, broadening and protruding my chest forwards. My stomach was tight and pulled towards my spine and my genitals had mostly retracted. My neck was straight, with the crown of my head stretching upwards. My chin tucked towards my chest and my jaws were tight, with my teeth closed together tightly, but not uncomfortably. I would sometimes refocus my vision so that I was not exactly looking 'with' my eyes, but I was looking 'through' my eyes, as consciousness within looking through the biomechanical instruments/windows in my head. On an energetic level, I could see a wonderful, vibrant and lively blue and purple accumulation of energy extending from, through and around my head. My body appeared to have an energetic bluish hue (I am not sure if that was purely on the energetic level, or if it would have been visible to anyone). In short, I no longer appeared exactly human, yet I had never felt more myself. I was exhilarated, as if I had finally awoken and pulled off a very thick and very unpleasant blanket that had been perpetually suffocating me. I felt as if my body and mind had shifted into the optimal form that they afforded. I was not posing or making a conscious effort to maintain this form; it was natural and actually felt much more natural than ever before. {{{I would like to add that shortly after this experience, at one of the few psytrance parties I attended (Infected Mushroom @ the Gold Coast in '05), I used LSD and again changed form, albeit to a lesser extent due to the uncontrolled public environment and resultant lack of facility to journey within and awaken on the level that I had experienced previously. My sister was also at this party and, at a later date, when I attempted to explain some of these events to her, I asked her if I looked different that evening. She confirmed that I did look different, one of her comments being that I looked 'very stretched out'. She was entirely sober at the time. The reason I mention this is because I respect that many could be skeptical about what I have written and may attribute my apparent change of form to be merely imagination or hallucination.}}}
After viewing my body in the mirror, I went outside onto the ground-level verandah at the front of the house. It was a cool, moonlit night, with only a few clouds decorating the sky. I was enlivened by the night sky and went to one corner of the verandah and sat down on the cement floor. I had been trying to find a comfortable meditation posture for months beforehand and, at this point, without consideration, I sat down into an ideal sitting position; I smiled in happiness and gratitude for that gift. I stood and walked inside the garage, to be confronted by a large wasp. It hovered in front of me for a while, as if examining me; I was not afraid, but simply returned the gaze. My family's pet dog, with whom I had spent numerous hours wandering the surrounding bushland in the months and years beforehand, was peculiarly fascinated by me; not afraid, perhaps a little uncertain, but mainly fascinated. Interestingly, her head and nose were twitching and twisting to the left, something I had not seen her do before. I walked back to the corner of the verandah and stood looking towards the south-east sky. I felt an intense attractive pull in my mind-region towards the sky and, allowing this to intensify, I watched as lights flashed in a section of that region of the sky. I could hear a high pitched vibrational noise. On the psychic platform especially, I believed or perceived that I had come into contact with otherworldy entities. My sentiment was not at all fearful, rather I felt that I had finally made contact with my home, that there was another world from which I had come and from which these beings had come. I did not perceive people, or forms, or anything other than the lights and sound, but nevertheless did clearly feel their presence on a physic level. The specific message I received was, "Seeing is believing," which I immediately understood to mean that I could return and go with them but it required my full belief, or in other words, my conscious and inhibition-free decision to accept 'them' as reality and leave this world and whatever I have done and am going to do here. My response was saddening but honest, "I'm not ready yet." This brief communication was psychic. The deep sadness remained within me, but I also felt greatly pleased because I felt that I had made contact with those whom I (intuitively) recognised as relatives of mine, with whom I somehow remain connected, and by whom I have been watched and cared for from a distance. I spent the remaining hours of the night dancing, absorbed and alone (in a sense) on the lush green grass that stretched far in front of the house, under the vibrant, paradoxically colourful, night sky and the mesmerizing moon, to the musical patterns of psybient and psytrance. Playfully, I sprinted for a short distance at a speed unexperienced before, hearing and feeling the still nights air rush past my face. The following day I gave away most of my clothes and unnecessary possessions, keeping only a choice and minimal selection.
My consciousness remained elevated in this direction for some weeks, but gradually settled back into a more 'normal' state, although there were certainly some permanent changes as well. My posture remained altered for years afterwards, to a much lesser extent than immediately after I left my makeshift isolation chamber. My desire to find my life mission intensified to the extreme after this experience. I could not understand whether I had made the wrong choice and should have done something differently which would have enabled me to leave with the beings I contacted. As my rational mind gained increasing momentum in relation to the experience, I wasn't even sure whether it had simply been imagination or not; although, after five years of remembering, critically considering, and contacting supportive information, whilst still skeptical to an extent, I would not at all be surprised if there was and is a lot of truth in what I experienced that evening, and what it implies for the future. I began to read a lot more, especially about yoga, and began to plan a life of solitary performance of yoga either in India or Australia. My confusion was regarding exactly what I needed to do, and how exactly I should do it, because my heart was intensely driving me to find SOMETHING. About two months later, I actually attempted to make a further connection with the beings I apparently contacted, at which time I was prepared to leave with them, although in my heart I was not convinced that it was right to (possibly tinged with escapism) and that I really was not ready yet. A question that troubled me for some time was whether or not to continue using psychedelics on my life/spiritual quest, i.e. whether they were essential or beneficial, or not. If I was to live in solitude, and required a supply of psychedelic substances, that would be problematic. It didn't make perfect sense to me that internal transformation and enlightenment depended upon external substances. On my 18th birthday, I bought a small book about bhakti yoga in a secondhand bookstore and a short time after that, in response to an inquiry I posted on the deoxy.org blog ("Pursuance of Full-Time Consciousness Expansion" - an effort to discover others of like mind to myself, and an environment in which to learn and progress on that path), someone suggested I look into bhakti yoga. Being thus prompted, I began to read the book I had recently bought. The ontology, the process, and the results of the meditation described in this book enthused me and I immediately began to practice. A short time later, after some of my final philosophical inhibitions were cleared from within, I moved in to a bhakti yoga ashrama. At this point I had become determined to dedicate my life to the path of yoga. The impermanent effects and side-effects of psychedelics indicated to me that I needed to embrace a system of elevation that rendered permanent results, even if such results were generally achieved at a slower rate. Over the past 5 years I have continued to spend most of my time in ashramas in Australia, America, and India, which has involved hours of meditation each day, study, celibacy, fortnightly fasting, often minimal sleeping, and many related practical activities. Last year I began a BA in Religion and Philosophy, which I then deferred in order to spend time with a yoga teacher in America. Currently I live at a yoga retreat center. On several occasions I have been very very close to leaving the West permanently in order to solely engage in meditation and study in a holy village in India, Sri Vrindavan, with the intention of never returning or even maintaining contact with material relations, including familiy. However, internal and external guidance has consistently encouraged me to 'remain in the world, whilst remaining not of the world,' so much so that I cannot disregard the likely possibility that life is reciprocating with my efforts to understand my path and is in fact guiding me in this direction. Hence, I plan to continue my studies in the not-too-distant future in order to learn more about the world (or at least the popular, modern day, perception of it), with the aspiration to somehow using that knowledge and experience to help others find more in life than the mundane.
I have had one experience that by far superseded the psychedelic experience that I have tried to describe above. This superior experience occurred as a result of and in accordance with the yoga process and for me it confirmed the reality of the ancient mystical Vedic worldview (or, "life-view"), and the efficacy of the bhakti yoga process of self-realization.
In retrospect I have a few, somewhat rationalised, possible explanations for the psychedelic experience I have described. Some time after the experience I heard, for the first time, about Kundalini awakening and over the years since I have gradually read more about this phenomenon. It seems quite likely that this is what occurred in my case, and this alone may explain all of the other para-normal events during and after that evening, including the voice, the lights, the change of form, and the lasting life-changes that resulted. However, it may not properly explain all of these things, at least to not to an extent beyond the superficial. One speculation of mine is that, through the process of consciously removing the layers of obstructive thoughts and mental patterns (i.e. that were causing pain - as I have described above), I may have actually 'shed' much of the metaphysical coverings accumulated throughout my present life and thus returned, to a certain degree (the extent of which is of course unknowable), to the psycho-physical nature that I possessed in my previous life. Thus, being in this 'transgressed' state, my psychophysical form literally re-adjusted and my altered/revived psychic and psychological capacity enabled me to contact beings among whom I had lived in a previous lifetime, and perhaps even from whom I have come for a particular purpose. Some ideas regarding the voice I heard whilst in meditation include the possibility that it was a guide, or myself in a past life, or simply much more refined and powerful expression of my higher self that of course was with and remains with me always due to it being a part of me, albeit a part that I seldom experience with such clarity.
Four paragraphs below, I have written a brief description of another significant experience that occurred one year before the above experience.
The negative side effects of the above and below experiences were mostly related to confusion. As my heightened consciousness would gradually dwindle, I struggled to comprehend and integrate the concepts that had recently appeared so clear to me. Such concepts became increasingly abstract and thus crept further out of reach and, while this was not exclusively true, to the extent that it was saddening, bewildering and distressing. As a result of the above and below experiences, perhaps with the exception of a sense of compassion, I became largely indifferent to and almost entirely removed from mainstream life and society (esp. psychologically, but also physically for some time). My perspective and corresponding motive in life seemed practically incomprehensible and antithetical to the common person's. Seeing the gulf of difference between my state of consciousness and that of my friends, and perceiving (possibly correctly) their association to be a hindrance to my advancement, I gave up all of my friendships and chose to remain more-or-less alone for months. I remember times in the last months of school when, instead of talking with friends as I had done during the years before, I would simply sit alone under a tree and try to perceive and understand life on a deeper level, hardly able to communicate with others on their terms. Or, sitting at friends houses, feeling totally removed from them, disinterested in their enthusiasms, and practically unable to relate to them. After time, this kind of seclusion did become somewhat psychologically challenging. Even after this phase, whilst staying in an ashrama community I would usually keep to myself. Such reclusiveness was perhaps helpful in certain respects, but the (in my opinion) progressive step of moving beyond it and returning to a more normal social state has been rather challenging, even now. Having now seen the value of and need to remain aware, appreciative, accepting and, to a degree, a part of mainstream society, I have now tried to close this social-gap significantly and probably now appear more 'normal' than I have for several years. My sensitivity levels, which had always been high, increased significantly after these experiences, creating both positive an negative results. Lastly, the above and below psychedelic experiences, and the overwhelming desire to understand life and my purpose in it, led me to question my sanity on several occasions.
I had always felt that I was somewhat different from other people I knew and, radically accentuating the symptoms and experiences as such, these events suddenly and powerfully suggested the reality of that feeling and brought an awareness of the extent and the implications of that apparent situation to the forefront of my life... Sometimes I felt as if I had lost myself; I had given up the person that I, my friends, and my family knew, and I was no longer able to relate to anyone on the same terms as I had previously done so. At seventeen, I wanted to experience what I was reading about and 'shed my ego' - to an extent, that is what happened. I think it was clear that the new, somewhat 'uncovered', me was superior to what I had been before, but still there was some shock and challenge resulting from the sudden and significant alteration of my personality.
My background in brief: I grew up in a rural town in Australia. My childhood and upbringing was quite good, spending a lot of time in nature, and under the care of kindhearted parents. Although I did encounter some difficulty with my father for a few years as an overprotective and faultfinding streak arose in him and a rebellious streak flared in me, on the most part my relationship with my parents has always been good. In my earlier teenage years I became a promising long-distance runner, finishing well-placed in a number of events including half marathons. During these years I would often be at the top of my class academically. At sixteen, curious about 'mind altering' substances, I began experimenting with marijuana. At seventeen I experimented with MDMA, amphetamines (for a short time, after which I became thoroughly deterred by the side effects and the regular users of the substance), some other substances briefly, and LSD. Throughout this time I had been reading extensively about psychoactive substances and, especially with psychedelics, I quickly ceased 'recreational use' and instead engaged in serious and responsible pursuance of technoshamanic experiences. In some ways I regret having used drugs in the past, due to the times of confusion and concerns that the substances may have caused lasting adverse psychophysical effects. Nevertheless, I can appreciate that it was all a part of my ongoing evolution of consciousness, and I have certainly learnt a lot from it.
In September of the previous year, with the determination to venture beyond fear and other mental conditioning in order to obtain a genuine experience of a higher state of consciousness, I ingested a high dosage of clean liquid LSD and, late at night, set out alone into the eucalyptus forest of Bald Rock National Park. I soon became lost within the dense forestry, smothered by the pitch darkness of the clear but moonless night, immersed in a visual kaleidoscope of unlimited internal patterns, and well aware of the potential and somewhat severe danger that surrounded me (e.g. animals [Australia is famous for its venomous snakes and spiders], injuries, insanity, etc.). Nevertheless, I remained centered, stable and rather pleased, realising that the position in which I found myself was unpredictably and especially opportune. I had little faculty to do anything other than trust my heart, connect with my determination, and push forward through the forest of trees and fears. Eventually I arrived at the base of Bald Rock and made the final one kilometer ascent. Reaching the topmost point, my cleared mind welcomed a flow of realisation about life, myself, and the universe, with the most significant revelation rising at dawn with the sun. As sunlight spread over the surrounding mountains, forest and granite formations, I observed the trees growing on the highest point of Bald Rock. They are, of course, dependent on the sunlight for their survival and I could see that they were growing at an angle eastward, where the sun rises in the morning, thus appearing to compete with each other, desperate for their vital source of life. With powerful clarity, it occurred to me that this struggle for life is a universal reality, endured by and involving all beings, against their will and beyond their control. Appreciating the warmth of the rising sun, I remembered that the sun itself is destined to die (school science: the sun is a star which has a limited lifespan). Perplexing; life is a struggle for life, yet the sun, which we depend upon for survival, is itself subject to certain death. I became overwhelmed by this insight about the absolute futility of the struggle for life, and thus practically every activity and endeavour that most people engage in. It meant that life on Earth is already dead and it is simply a relatively miniscule portion of time that separates everyone and everything from that apparent end. This final, fear-full veil polarised something within the core of my being and, at this point, it became clear that life could not consist merely of this contradiction; there must be a higher reality to life, something beneath and beyond the superficial surface layer that constituted everything that society had taught me to that day. This is when I overwhelmingly realised that I must dedicate my life to understanding life itself and, in turn, help others to rise out of the oblivion that smothers most (to use a term Timothy Leary used) 'larval' human beings. Of course, this is not the reason I write these experiences now. My motivation for doing so is simply that I wish to share them with others who perhaps even seek and/or have experienced similarly wondrous events. In the following weeks and months, arising out of natural inspiration, I began to meditate extensively, follow a vegetarian diet, stop smoking tobacco, and stop using marijuana mindlessly; I began spending a lot more time in nature, and learning a lot from that time; I intensified my study of consciousness/philosophy/etc and, most importantly, I found myself with an overpowering desire in the core of my heart to understand the truth about life and become situated in my life mission, not in the sense that I wanted to decide which job or university course I should apply for, but in the sense that I wanted and needed to understand what my purpose is, what the specific cosmic function is that I must fulfill, and how to do so successfully. The nature and intensity of this desire implied to me that I did indeed have something that I needed to find and do.
Approximately one week after this event at Bald Rock, I drove to Lismore to meet a friend, Dragonheart. I was in a good frame of mind on the drive down and had a good week beforehand, during which I had happily and gratefully helped my parents with different household activities and spent plenty of time reading, walking, and meditating to begin digesting my recent mind opening event. At one point during the drive to Lismore (I had ingested a small [if I remember correctly] amount of LSD before leaving), I briefly perceived how I was ultimately not in control of life, my path in life, or even my bodily functions. This was seen in relation to my driving and the particular route on which I had driven and was to continue driving on. I felt how my body was acting, even when I seemed to be exerting no effort to make it do so, and I could see the path that I was destined to drive along, an image somewhat like in Donnie Darko when he could see the path that a person was about to move along before they had physically done so. All in all, the drive was very pleasant and uplifting. I arrived in Lismore a little early and went to the park where I was to meet Dragonheart. I sat under a tree and looked out over the city and evening sky. When he arrived, we spoke for some time and he gave me some capsules with a mix of cocaine and MDA (not MDMA). I had never tried either before. I suggested we listen to a CD I had been listening to on the drive down - Celtic Cross, Hicksville. As some might know, Celtic Cross mixes traditional celtic-style instrumental music with psybient and psytrance and, in the same way that many artists of that genre do, the musical buildup is quite gradual and subtle, making the music sound quite bizarre, non-psychedelic, lame or boring to the impatient, inattentive or otherwise uninterested listener. The song began with some rather unexpected (to a psy-party goer, like Dragonheart) celtic style music, probably seeming more like Riverdance than a psytrance album, and this continued for some time. As I began to suspect that there was an incompatibility between Dragonheart and Celtic Cross, I suddenly spun into a very fearful spiral of paranoid self-consicousness and social unease. I had always been shy but nevertheless rather confident, especially throughout my teenage years, and had never experienced anything nearly as socially crippling as that. Crippling is certainly the best word to describe it. I mumbled that we should listen to one of his CDs and, a little while later, I left. Swallowing one of the coke/MDA caps, I started the 3 hour drive home.
I was no longer peaceful and uplifted; I was fearful and bewildered. I felt as if a huge pressure had descended onto and into my mind. My concern moved away from the Dragonheart/Celtic Cross scene and lingered in consideration regarding what course of action I should take in the coming weeks and months. Around this time, I had some interesting thoughts regarding hair. I speculated as follows: our body is a manifestation of our thoughts, therefore our cells are smaller manifestations of our thoughts; our hair is compiled out of dead cell matter, in which consciousness has ceased to reside, possibly making it non-different from 'dead thoughts': my hair could basically and accurately be described as the dead remains of my psycho-physical past. I considered that this dead matter attached to my head was not only useless, but it may be detrimental. On a subtle level, I considered, this manifestation of "dead" psycho-physical substance may in fact somehow and to some extent maintain my connection to previous states of consciousness, at which time the "dead" psycho-physical cells (that form hair) were dynamic physical expressions of my consciousness/thoughts - this appeared to be obviously undesirable for one aspiring to achieve progressively higher states of consciousness. Further, on a practical level, if I were to spend a considerable amount of time in the wilderness (the week before, after Bald Rock, I had been very close to leaving home for the wilderness with the intention of living as a wanderer, and I continued to seriously consider this for some months after), hair would become unclean and generally create disturbance. What I did after this is a little crazy perhaps. Maybe I was losing my mind that evening, or during that whole period, and maybe even now... but maybe I wasn't, despite the lack of conformity to social norms. I concluded that 1) the pain factor, and 2) the desire for social acceptance, were the only reasons I wouldn't remove my hair so, without further ado, I began to pull it out. I had long hair at the time and continued to pull it out throughout that evening and the next day. Around midday I was sitting on the verandah outside of my room, pulling out my hair, when my parents arrived home. Seeing what I was doing, my mum said, in a somewhat firm, conclusive and proactive tone, something like, "this is going too far, something is not right..." (suggesting insanity). I replied firmly and cooly, "If everyone did this then you and everyone else would not have a problem with it, or think it is crazy." As I remember this, what I said was true and the principle (while not necessarily a good thing) applies throughout our society. Interestingly, over the years since then I have come to learn that some yogic practitioners believe that removing one's hair removes a degree of one's karma (which equates, to an extent, to what I had speculated about hair), and furthermore, as well as various other cultures, yogis would sometimes, and Jains would often, pull out their hair at the beginning of a 'new phase of life' or determined spiritual quest. Of course, I am not suggesting that it is essential or recommended for others to follow this procedure! This hair-pulling-out episode combined with the Bald Rock episode left me feeling and looking like a very different person. No pun is intended regarding Bald Rock and pulling out hair ~ 8 -D
I have always been aware that I have a certain willingness to sacrifice everything, including my life, for the highest good, which I now understand to be spiritual perfection. This mentality, I think, has facilitated an intense life on many levels and I have both enjoyed and suffered the repercussions of this. Interestingly, many people comment that I am very mellow by nature. Although I seem to be heading into an increasingly balanced and less intense approach to life, I nevertheless feel the same essential intensity in my heart that I experienced in the past, even if externally and internally I am becoming more peacefully and steadily engaged in my life work, the details of which are also gradually becoming clearer to me.
Finally, I would like to mention that I would not actually recommend the use of psychedelics in the pursuance of spiritual uplift and enlightenment. Although I did use psychedelics for this purpose, in some ways I feel as if I am still recovering from my ventures on this path. I would however recommend the potentially slow but predictably sure and steady system of yoga for self realisation.
If you have read my whole post, thank you! I look forward to reading and responding to any comments!
I have written a few experiences below. The first one described happened AFTER the experience I described later in this post, which occurred in September of the previous year. I know this post is long... I hope some of you have the patience to read it all!
At the age of seventeen, I became aware of and began to research the psychedelic experience, consciousness, shamanism, meditation, and philosophy relevant to such topics; deoxy.org was one of my main sources. This fanned my already burning desire to understand and experience ultimate reality and thus led me to experiment with LSD in accordance with the teachings of Timothy Leary, etc. My first experiences with LSD were with friends but, seeing my fundamentally different experiences, and fundamentally different motivation and objective, I soon began to experiment alone. The following experience occurred shortly before my eighteenth birthday.
I had read about isolation chambers and LSD experiments in environments that allow for zero external sensual stimulation (esp. no sight or sound). I had also been reading Timothy Leary's rendering of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Before beginning the journey, I prepared a small corridor (2.5 meters x 1.5) by lying a woolen rug on the floor for sitting and placing towels on the base of the doors to prevent any light from entering. Living in the countryside, and especially at night time, the small inner-hallway was silent. I ingested two tabs of strong LSD; the exact dosage in mg was unknown. As the effects become prominent, I removed my cloths and entered the silent, pitch dark room. I lay and relaxed, remaining alert and aware of, but also detached from, the visual, mental, emotional (etc) experiences of the trip. A number of interesting events followed. Firstly, simply by allowing my body and mind to move naturally and without physical restriction or mental inhibition, I began stretching my body extensively and moving into various yogic postures. For example, at one point, I began stretching upwards and then backwards until, amidst the pitch darkness, I felt my hands reach the floor behind me (... asana). After some time I realised that I had stopped breathing, thus prompting me to exit this position. It is noteworthy to add at this point that, having grown up in a rural town, I had never done or even seen any yoga positions in my life before this night. Furthermore, from the ages 12 - 16 I invested a lot of time and energy into long distance running, which was great for some aspects of my health but also created a significant lack of flexibility in several areas (esp. joints) of my body, such as knees, ankles, hips, and lower back. In other words, I would have been totally unable to stretch into such yogic postures in my normal state of consciousness. Later I seated myself in lotus position (beforehand I struggled to even sit cross legged on the floor) and whilst meditating in this position I noticed sensations of pain in certain areas of my body, particularly those that were not flexible enough to maintain the posture. With further concentration I was able to directly perceive the thoughts and mental patterns that were obstructing energy in each precise part of my body and thus causing pain; I was then able to consciously 'push through' and relieve/clear these subtle psychological blockages. I continued with this process for some time. Eventually, while still seated in lotus position, my consciousness moved away from specific parts of my body and I began to observe my body from outside of my body. The room was in pitch darkness; this was certainly not the standard type of observation by which we experience things in 'normal' day-to-day life. I was perceiving my body not as one covered in skin etc but rather with my form being constituted of energetic lines, in a similar way that you could imagine a topographical map would present a human body against a 'backdrop' of pitch darkness. Neither my body nor my conscious perception of it remained immobile amidst the darkness, although the movement was not major and remained balanced and symmetrical. Protruding from the top of my crown chakra was an energetic, spirialling/rotating conical form extending upwards; an identical energetic, spirally/rotating conical form extend downwards from my base chakra. In this state I heard a deep, fearless/heroic (in the sense of one who has fearlessly questioned life and earnestly reached for the highest realms of reality that life afforded them) speak to me in a thoughtful, guiding, encouraging, determined and desirous tone. The question was simple yet profound, "What IS..? That is the question." This stimulus, in that state of consciousness, opened my mind to the most essential and profound question I had experienced in this life. My consciousness was opened to the degree in which I was wholly aware of and OPEN to the question, "what is reality?" My desire to receive and understand the answer was profoundly complete and clear. I vaguely remember this voice saying some other things beforehand, but I cannot remember what was said. I wondered if it was my own voice, even in an abstract sense or from a past life, or a guide who had been waiting to help me.
Eventually I exited my makeshift isolation chamber. My bodily form had changed. I was spontaneously and naturally walking with only my forefeet. My steps were uncommonly 'springy' and my posture was at a slight crouch, in the sense that my knees were slightly bent, my torso was slightly forward, and my elbows were slightly bent. My entire body appeared somewhat as if I was simultaneously tensing all of my muscles; for want of a better description, my body appeared and felt 'pumped', with energy. It was not at all extraneous however and my movements were incredibly energy-filled and efficient. I ingested some more LSD and went to the large bathroom mirror. My shoulders were pulled far back, exposing, broadening and protruding my chest forwards. My stomach was tight and pulled towards my spine and my genitals had mostly retracted. My neck was straight, with the crown of my head stretching upwards. My chin tucked towards my chest and my jaws were tight, with my teeth closed together tightly, but not uncomfortably. I would sometimes refocus my vision so that I was not exactly looking 'with' my eyes, but I was looking 'through' my eyes, as consciousness within looking through the biomechanical instruments/windows in my head. On an energetic level, I could see a wonderful, vibrant and lively blue and purple accumulation of energy extending from, through and around my head. My body appeared to have an energetic bluish hue (I am not sure if that was purely on the energetic level, or if it would have been visible to anyone). In short, I no longer appeared exactly human, yet I had never felt more myself. I was exhilarated, as if I had finally awoken and pulled off a very thick and very unpleasant blanket that had been perpetually suffocating me. I felt as if my body and mind had shifted into the optimal form that they afforded. I was not posing or making a conscious effort to maintain this form; it was natural and actually felt much more natural than ever before. {{{I would like to add that shortly after this experience, at one of the few psytrance parties I attended (Infected Mushroom @ the Gold Coast in '05), I used LSD and again changed form, albeit to a lesser extent due to the uncontrolled public environment and resultant lack of facility to journey within and awaken on the level that I had experienced previously. My sister was also at this party and, at a later date, when I attempted to explain some of these events to her, I asked her if I looked different that evening. She confirmed that I did look different, one of her comments being that I looked 'very stretched out'. She was entirely sober at the time. The reason I mention this is because I respect that many could be skeptical about what I have written and may attribute my apparent change of form to be merely imagination or hallucination.}}}
After viewing my body in the mirror, I went outside onto the ground-level verandah at the front of the house. It was a cool, moonlit night, with only a few clouds decorating the sky. I was enlivened by the night sky and went to one corner of the verandah and sat down on the cement floor. I had been trying to find a comfortable meditation posture for months beforehand and, at this point, without consideration, I sat down into an ideal sitting position; I smiled in happiness and gratitude for that gift. I stood and walked inside the garage, to be confronted by a large wasp. It hovered in front of me for a while, as if examining me; I was not afraid, but simply returned the gaze. My family's pet dog, with whom I had spent numerous hours wandering the surrounding bushland in the months and years beforehand, was peculiarly fascinated by me; not afraid, perhaps a little uncertain, but mainly fascinated. Interestingly, her head and nose were twitching and twisting to the left, something I had not seen her do before. I walked back to the corner of the verandah and stood looking towards the south-east sky. I felt an intense attractive pull in my mind-region towards the sky and, allowing this to intensify, I watched as lights flashed in a section of that region of the sky. I could hear a high pitched vibrational noise. On the psychic platform especially, I believed or perceived that I had come into contact with otherworldy entities. My sentiment was not at all fearful, rather I felt that I had finally made contact with my home, that there was another world from which I had come and from which these beings had come. I did not perceive people, or forms, or anything other than the lights and sound, but nevertheless did clearly feel their presence on a physic level. The specific message I received was, "Seeing is believing," which I immediately understood to mean that I could return and go with them but it required my full belief, or in other words, my conscious and inhibition-free decision to accept 'them' as reality and leave this world and whatever I have done and am going to do here. My response was saddening but honest, "I'm not ready yet." This brief communication was psychic. The deep sadness remained within me, but I also felt greatly pleased because I felt that I had made contact with those whom I (intuitively) recognised as relatives of mine, with whom I somehow remain connected, and by whom I have been watched and cared for from a distance. I spent the remaining hours of the night dancing, absorbed and alone (in a sense) on the lush green grass that stretched far in front of the house, under the vibrant, paradoxically colourful, night sky and the mesmerizing moon, to the musical patterns of psybient and psytrance. Playfully, I sprinted for a short distance at a speed unexperienced before, hearing and feeling the still nights air rush past my face. The following day I gave away most of my clothes and unnecessary possessions, keeping only a choice and minimal selection.
My consciousness remained elevated in this direction for some weeks, but gradually settled back into a more 'normal' state, although there were certainly some permanent changes as well. My posture remained altered for years afterwards, to a much lesser extent than immediately after I left my makeshift isolation chamber. My desire to find my life mission intensified to the extreme after this experience. I could not understand whether I had made the wrong choice and should have done something differently which would have enabled me to leave with the beings I contacted. As my rational mind gained increasing momentum in relation to the experience, I wasn't even sure whether it had simply been imagination or not; although, after five years of remembering, critically considering, and contacting supportive information, whilst still skeptical to an extent, I would not at all be surprised if there was and is a lot of truth in what I experienced that evening, and what it implies for the future. I began to read a lot more, especially about yoga, and began to plan a life of solitary performance of yoga either in India or Australia. My confusion was regarding exactly what I needed to do, and how exactly I should do it, because my heart was intensely driving me to find SOMETHING. About two months later, I actually attempted to make a further connection with the beings I apparently contacted, at which time I was prepared to leave with them, although in my heart I was not convinced that it was right to (possibly tinged with escapism) and that I really was not ready yet. A question that troubled me for some time was whether or not to continue using psychedelics on my life/spiritual quest, i.e. whether they were essential or beneficial, or not. If I was to live in solitude, and required a supply of psychedelic substances, that would be problematic. It didn't make perfect sense to me that internal transformation and enlightenment depended upon external substances. On my 18th birthday, I bought a small book about bhakti yoga in a secondhand bookstore and a short time after that, in response to an inquiry I posted on the deoxy.org blog ("Pursuance of Full-Time Consciousness Expansion" - an effort to discover others of like mind to myself, and an environment in which to learn and progress on that path), someone suggested I look into bhakti yoga. Being thus prompted, I began to read the book I had recently bought. The ontology, the process, and the results of the meditation described in this book enthused me and I immediately began to practice. A short time later, after some of my final philosophical inhibitions were cleared from within, I moved in to a bhakti yoga ashrama. At this point I had become determined to dedicate my life to the path of yoga. The impermanent effects and side-effects of psychedelics indicated to me that I needed to embrace a system of elevation that rendered permanent results, even if such results were generally achieved at a slower rate. Over the past 5 years I have continued to spend most of my time in ashramas in Australia, America, and India, which has involved hours of meditation each day, study, celibacy, fortnightly fasting, often minimal sleeping, and many related practical activities. Last year I began a BA in Religion and Philosophy, which I then deferred in order to spend time with a yoga teacher in America. Currently I live at a yoga retreat center. On several occasions I have been very very close to leaving the West permanently in order to solely engage in meditation and study in a holy village in India, Sri Vrindavan, with the intention of never returning or even maintaining contact with material relations, including familiy. However, internal and external guidance has consistently encouraged me to 'remain in the world, whilst remaining not of the world,' so much so that I cannot disregard the likely possibility that life is reciprocating with my efforts to understand my path and is in fact guiding me in this direction. Hence, I plan to continue my studies in the not-too-distant future in order to learn more about the world (or at least the popular, modern day, perception of it), with the aspiration to somehow using that knowledge and experience to help others find more in life than the mundane.
I have had one experience that by far superseded the psychedelic experience that I have tried to describe above. This superior experience occurred as a result of and in accordance with the yoga process and for me it confirmed the reality of the ancient mystical Vedic worldview (or, "life-view"), and the efficacy of the bhakti yoga process of self-realization.
In retrospect I have a few, somewhat rationalised, possible explanations for the psychedelic experience I have described. Some time after the experience I heard, for the first time, about Kundalini awakening and over the years since I have gradually read more about this phenomenon. It seems quite likely that this is what occurred in my case, and this alone may explain all of the other para-normal events during and after that evening, including the voice, the lights, the change of form, and the lasting life-changes that resulted. However, it may not properly explain all of these things, at least to not to an extent beyond the superficial. One speculation of mine is that, through the process of consciously removing the layers of obstructive thoughts and mental patterns (i.e. that were causing pain - as I have described above), I may have actually 'shed' much of the metaphysical coverings accumulated throughout my present life and thus returned, to a certain degree (the extent of which is of course unknowable), to the psycho-physical nature that I possessed in my previous life. Thus, being in this 'transgressed' state, my psychophysical form literally re-adjusted and my altered/revived psychic and psychological capacity enabled me to contact beings among whom I had lived in a previous lifetime, and perhaps even from whom I have come for a particular purpose. Some ideas regarding the voice I heard whilst in meditation include the possibility that it was a guide, or myself in a past life, or simply much more refined and powerful expression of my higher self that of course was with and remains with me always due to it being a part of me, albeit a part that I seldom experience with such clarity.
Four paragraphs below, I have written a brief description of another significant experience that occurred one year before the above experience.
The negative side effects of the above and below experiences were mostly related to confusion. As my heightened consciousness would gradually dwindle, I struggled to comprehend and integrate the concepts that had recently appeared so clear to me. Such concepts became increasingly abstract and thus crept further out of reach and, while this was not exclusively true, to the extent that it was saddening, bewildering and distressing. As a result of the above and below experiences, perhaps with the exception of a sense of compassion, I became largely indifferent to and almost entirely removed from mainstream life and society (esp. psychologically, but also physically for some time). My perspective and corresponding motive in life seemed practically incomprehensible and antithetical to the common person's. Seeing the gulf of difference between my state of consciousness and that of my friends, and perceiving (possibly correctly) their association to be a hindrance to my advancement, I gave up all of my friendships and chose to remain more-or-less alone for months. I remember times in the last months of school when, instead of talking with friends as I had done during the years before, I would simply sit alone under a tree and try to perceive and understand life on a deeper level, hardly able to communicate with others on their terms. Or, sitting at friends houses, feeling totally removed from them, disinterested in their enthusiasms, and practically unable to relate to them. After time, this kind of seclusion did become somewhat psychologically challenging. Even after this phase, whilst staying in an ashrama community I would usually keep to myself. Such reclusiveness was perhaps helpful in certain respects, but the (in my opinion) progressive step of moving beyond it and returning to a more normal social state has been rather challenging, even now. Having now seen the value of and need to remain aware, appreciative, accepting and, to a degree, a part of mainstream society, I have now tried to close this social-gap significantly and probably now appear more 'normal' than I have for several years. My sensitivity levels, which had always been high, increased significantly after these experiences, creating both positive an negative results. Lastly, the above and below psychedelic experiences, and the overwhelming desire to understand life and my purpose in it, led me to question my sanity on several occasions.
I had always felt that I was somewhat different from other people I knew and, radically accentuating the symptoms and experiences as such, these events suddenly and powerfully suggested the reality of that feeling and brought an awareness of the extent and the implications of that apparent situation to the forefront of my life... Sometimes I felt as if I had lost myself; I had given up the person that I, my friends, and my family knew, and I was no longer able to relate to anyone on the same terms as I had previously done so. At seventeen, I wanted to experience what I was reading about and 'shed my ego' - to an extent, that is what happened. I think it was clear that the new, somewhat 'uncovered', me was superior to what I had been before, but still there was some shock and challenge resulting from the sudden and significant alteration of my personality.
My background in brief: I grew up in a rural town in Australia. My childhood and upbringing was quite good, spending a lot of time in nature, and under the care of kindhearted parents. Although I did encounter some difficulty with my father for a few years as an overprotective and faultfinding streak arose in him and a rebellious streak flared in me, on the most part my relationship with my parents has always been good. In my earlier teenage years I became a promising long-distance runner, finishing well-placed in a number of events including half marathons. During these years I would often be at the top of my class academically. At sixteen, curious about 'mind altering' substances, I began experimenting with marijuana. At seventeen I experimented with MDMA, amphetamines (for a short time, after which I became thoroughly deterred by the side effects and the regular users of the substance), some other substances briefly, and LSD. Throughout this time I had been reading extensively about psychoactive substances and, especially with psychedelics, I quickly ceased 'recreational use' and instead engaged in serious and responsible pursuance of technoshamanic experiences. In some ways I regret having used drugs in the past, due to the times of confusion and concerns that the substances may have caused lasting adverse psychophysical effects. Nevertheless, I can appreciate that it was all a part of my ongoing evolution of consciousness, and I have certainly learnt a lot from it.
In September of the previous year, with the determination to venture beyond fear and other mental conditioning in order to obtain a genuine experience of a higher state of consciousness, I ingested a high dosage of clean liquid LSD and, late at night, set out alone into the eucalyptus forest of Bald Rock National Park. I soon became lost within the dense forestry, smothered by the pitch darkness of the clear but moonless night, immersed in a visual kaleidoscope of unlimited internal patterns, and well aware of the potential and somewhat severe danger that surrounded me (e.g. animals [Australia is famous for its venomous snakes and spiders], injuries, insanity, etc.). Nevertheless, I remained centered, stable and rather pleased, realising that the position in which I found myself was unpredictably and especially opportune. I had little faculty to do anything other than trust my heart, connect with my determination, and push forward through the forest of trees and fears. Eventually I arrived at the base of Bald Rock and made the final one kilometer ascent. Reaching the topmost point, my cleared mind welcomed a flow of realisation about life, myself, and the universe, with the most significant revelation rising at dawn with the sun. As sunlight spread over the surrounding mountains, forest and granite formations, I observed the trees growing on the highest point of Bald Rock. They are, of course, dependent on the sunlight for their survival and I could see that they were growing at an angle eastward, where the sun rises in the morning, thus appearing to compete with each other, desperate for their vital source of life. With powerful clarity, it occurred to me that this struggle for life is a universal reality, endured by and involving all beings, against their will and beyond their control. Appreciating the warmth of the rising sun, I remembered that the sun itself is destined to die (school science: the sun is a star which has a limited lifespan). Perplexing; life is a struggle for life, yet the sun, which we depend upon for survival, is itself subject to certain death. I became overwhelmed by this insight about the absolute futility of the struggle for life, and thus practically every activity and endeavour that most people engage in. It meant that life on Earth is already dead and it is simply a relatively miniscule portion of time that separates everyone and everything from that apparent end. This final, fear-full veil polarised something within the core of my being and, at this point, it became clear that life could not consist merely of this contradiction; there must be a higher reality to life, something beneath and beyond the superficial surface layer that constituted everything that society had taught me to that day. This is when I overwhelmingly realised that I must dedicate my life to understanding life itself and, in turn, help others to rise out of the oblivion that smothers most (to use a term Timothy Leary used) 'larval' human beings. Of course, this is not the reason I write these experiences now. My motivation for doing so is simply that I wish to share them with others who perhaps even seek and/or have experienced similarly wondrous events. In the following weeks and months, arising out of natural inspiration, I began to meditate extensively, follow a vegetarian diet, stop smoking tobacco, and stop using marijuana mindlessly; I began spending a lot more time in nature, and learning a lot from that time; I intensified my study of consciousness/philosophy/etc and, most importantly, I found myself with an overpowering desire in the core of my heart to understand the truth about life and become situated in my life mission, not in the sense that I wanted to decide which job or university course I should apply for, but in the sense that I wanted and needed to understand what my purpose is, what the specific cosmic function is that I must fulfill, and how to do so successfully. The nature and intensity of this desire implied to me that I did indeed have something that I needed to find and do.
Approximately one week after this event at Bald Rock, I drove to Lismore to meet a friend, Dragonheart. I was in a good frame of mind on the drive down and had a good week beforehand, during which I had happily and gratefully helped my parents with different household activities and spent plenty of time reading, walking, and meditating to begin digesting my recent mind opening event. At one point during the drive to Lismore (I had ingested a small [if I remember correctly] amount of LSD before leaving), I briefly perceived how I was ultimately not in control of life, my path in life, or even my bodily functions. This was seen in relation to my driving and the particular route on which I had driven and was to continue driving on. I felt how my body was acting, even when I seemed to be exerting no effort to make it do so, and I could see the path that I was destined to drive along, an image somewhat like in Donnie Darko when he could see the path that a person was about to move along before they had physically done so. All in all, the drive was very pleasant and uplifting. I arrived in Lismore a little early and went to the park where I was to meet Dragonheart. I sat under a tree and looked out over the city and evening sky. When he arrived, we spoke for some time and he gave me some capsules with a mix of cocaine and MDA (not MDMA). I had never tried either before. I suggested we listen to a CD I had been listening to on the drive down - Celtic Cross, Hicksville. As some might know, Celtic Cross mixes traditional celtic-style instrumental music with psybient and psytrance and, in the same way that many artists of that genre do, the musical buildup is quite gradual and subtle, making the music sound quite bizarre, non-psychedelic, lame or boring to the impatient, inattentive or otherwise uninterested listener. The song began with some rather unexpected (to a psy-party goer, like Dragonheart) celtic style music, probably seeming more like Riverdance than a psytrance album, and this continued for some time. As I began to suspect that there was an incompatibility between Dragonheart and Celtic Cross, I suddenly spun into a very fearful spiral of paranoid self-consicousness and social unease. I had always been shy but nevertheless rather confident, especially throughout my teenage years, and had never experienced anything nearly as socially crippling as that. Crippling is certainly the best word to describe it. I mumbled that we should listen to one of his CDs and, a little while later, I left. Swallowing one of the coke/MDA caps, I started the 3 hour drive home.
I was no longer peaceful and uplifted; I was fearful and bewildered. I felt as if a huge pressure had descended onto and into my mind. My concern moved away from the Dragonheart/Celtic Cross scene and lingered in consideration regarding what course of action I should take in the coming weeks and months. Around this time, I had some interesting thoughts regarding hair. I speculated as follows: our body is a manifestation of our thoughts, therefore our cells are smaller manifestations of our thoughts; our hair is compiled out of dead cell matter, in which consciousness has ceased to reside, possibly making it non-different from 'dead thoughts': my hair could basically and accurately be described as the dead remains of my psycho-physical past. I considered that this dead matter attached to my head was not only useless, but it may be detrimental. On a subtle level, I considered, this manifestation of "dead" psycho-physical substance may in fact somehow and to some extent maintain my connection to previous states of consciousness, at which time the "dead" psycho-physical cells (that form hair) were dynamic physical expressions of my consciousness/thoughts - this appeared to be obviously undesirable for one aspiring to achieve progressively higher states of consciousness. Further, on a practical level, if I were to spend a considerable amount of time in the wilderness (the week before, after Bald Rock, I had been very close to leaving home for the wilderness with the intention of living as a wanderer, and I continued to seriously consider this for some months after), hair would become unclean and generally create disturbance. What I did after this is a little crazy perhaps. Maybe I was losing my mind that evening, or during that whole period, and maybe even now... but maybe I wasn't, despite the lack of conformity to social norms. I concluded that 1) the pain factor, and 2) the desire for social acceptance, were the only reasons I wouldn't remove my hair so, without further ado, I began to pull it out. I had long hair at the time and continued to pull it out throughout that evening and the next day. Around midday I was sitting on the verandah outside of my room, pulling out my hair, when my parents arrived home. Seeing what I was doing, my mum said, in a somewhat firm, conclusive and proactive tone, something like, "this is going too far, something is not right..." (suggesting insanity). I replied firmly and cooly, "If everyone did this then you and everyone else would not have a problem with it, or think it is crazy." As I remember this, what I said was true and the principle (while not necessarily a good thing) applies throughout our society. Interestingly, over the years since then I have come to learn that some yogic practitioners believe that removing one's hair removes a degree of one's karma (which equates, to an extent, to what I had speculated about hair), and furthermore, as well as various other cultures, yogis would sometimes, and Jains would often, pull out their hair at the beginning of a 'new phase of life' or determined spiritual quest. Of course, I am not suggesting that it is essential or recommended for others to follow this procedure! This hair-pulling-out episode combined with the Bald Rock episode left me feeling and looking like a very different person. No pun is intended regarding Bald Rock and pulling out hair ~ 8 -D
I have always been aware that I have a certain willingness to sacrifice everything, including my life, for the highest good, which I now understand to be spiritual perfection. This mentality, I think, has facilitated an intense life on many levels and I have both enjoyed and suffered the repercussions of this. Interestingly, many people comment that I am very mellow by nature. Although I seem to be heading into an increasingly balanced and less intense approach to life, I nevertheless feel the same essential intensity in my heart that I experienced in the past, even if externally and internally I am becoming more peacefully and steadily engaged in my life work, the details of which are also gradually becoming clearer to me.
Finally, I would like to mention that I would not actually recommend the use of psychedelics in the pursuance of spiritual uplift and enlightenment. Although I did use psychedelics for this purpose, in some ways I feel as if I am still recovering from my ventures on this path. I would however recommend the potentially slow but predictably sure and steady system of yoga for self realisation.
If you have read my whole post, thank you! I look forward to reading and responding to any comments!
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Nothing that you experienced isn't experienced by others in varying degrees. You've stripped truth down to it's raw potential. Use it for the good of the world.
