EndProhibitionNow
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 14, 2013
- Messages
- 35
Had posted this somewhere else looking for insights and advice but deleted that because I realized it was more of a trip report.
About a month ago my life changed to say the least. I ingested 5 tabs of clean (tested) LSD and found myself in what has to be the most vicious and confusing thought loops I have ever heard. Background on my usage: weekly MDMA u, and LSD/shroom trips 2-3 times/month for almost 2 years. No previous bad trips, no mental illnesses.
Ate the 5 tabs and for 20 minutes felt as if I was going to have the most rewarding and visual trip of my life. I watched my brother play a colorful video game and appreciated all sorts of lovely patterns. Went to the bathroom and everything was still normal. I came back and immediately started repeating myself 10's of times...."these kids at work are fucking stupid". over and over and over. My brother is an inexperienced sitter and thought something was wrong so he made me come outside to take a walk which I believe was a mistake even though he had my best intentions at heart. Because I was still coherent and knew my anxiety was only caused by the acid.
Less than a hundred feet down the street is when the light switch turned and something went terribly wrong. I knew my name but had very very veryyyyy little knowledge of my life up to that point. I believe the loop was driven mainly by word, letter and number association...extremely difficult to describe but I think I had a word associated with each letter of the alphabet and each digit. I knew with absolute certainty that this was my eternity...and my brother made a mistake and reinforced my idea by saying "this isn't real, you're in an infinite cycle". As he held my wrist and walked me down the street my thoughts became more obscure, abstract and frightful. Numerous times I would break away from him and sprint a short distance only to suddenly stop. He'd grab me and try to talk me down, and I'd run again. Eventually he decided he couldn't handle the situation and called our parents to handle the situation. This whole time I felt CONSTANT deja vu and feelings of helplessness and eternity. I've been lost in other realms before but have still been completely ME. Not this trip, I was a completely different person in a completely different time and universe which I've never seen before.
This is where things get really dark. The 3 of them walked me back to the house and tried sitting with me in my room and showing me things I love to try and break the cycle as well as trying to convince me it was only the drugs...but I didn't believe I was on drugs at all. It wasn't drugs, it was the infinite cycle. I would close my eyes and get lost in thought for 10 minutes at a time, then suddenly open my eyes and scream obscenities at the top of my lungs and throw things, tense all my muscles and generally go insane. Each episode I felt like time was running out more and more (even though I couldn't comprehend life being any different and had NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE PREVIOUS EPISODES). Each one started anew and each one became more intense. I sustained multiple cuts, abrasions and bruises from self mutilating and wildly slapping and kicking objects.
During the peak of the trip and the most intense cycle I stripped naked in front of my family and ran out of the house about a half mile away. They chased me the whole way and my dad finally tackled me and restrained me against the pavement. My mom called the police while me and my father struggled and fought with each other. The police came, restrained me with multiple zip-ties and handcuffs on my wrists and ankles. When the 2 cops lifted me into the air I was convinced they were going to slam me into the pavement repeatedly and kill me which was perfectly ok with me. But instead they sped to the hospital where on arrival I was put into leather restraints on a stretcher and taken into the ER.
In the ER they assigned 3 constables to watch over me while only male nurses hooked me up with heart monitors, IV's etc. When I would wake up out of my deep thought now I would sit up and pull and struggle against the restraints and kick the rail of the bed which caused me to put a huge gash on my heel and scream 1 of 3 things : "666 the number of the beast" , "**GGER **GGER *GGER", or "BLOW ME". (I'm not racist at all so this completely confuses me as to where this came from. also not religious and don't believe in satan). Being in the hospital made me think that I was from a very advanced, future form of earth and I was from the past, and a malfunctioning human of some type. As if they figured out the glitch a long time ago and I was the last one left.
On IV I was given a mega dose of xanax and possibly valium as well and went into a deep sleep only waking up every now and then to see a constable hovering over me. When I came to at about 11 in the afternoon the cycle was broken and I was back to being myself again, but thought everything from the night before wasn't real. Until my mom came into the room and I knew it was all real.
The loop itself and what caused it and what thoughts I were caught in are complex, difficult to describe, and fleeting. I am trying to pin down what could have broken it and what caused it but I think it's going to be a long process. One made more difficult because none of my family will talk about it...I remember some but my memory has tons of gaps I know they could fill in but it is just too painful for them to think about.
Even typing this or reading a sentence or two can give me the chills and leave my lightheaded. Safe to say I now take HR a bit more seriously and realize I may not be as strong minded as I thought.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
About a month ago my life changed to say the least. I ingested 5 tabs of clean (tested) LSD and found myself in what has to be the most vicious and confusing thought loops I have ever heard. Background on my usage: weekly MDMA u, and LSD/shroom trips 2-3 times/month for almost 2 years. No previous bad trips, no mental illnesses.
Ate the 5 tabs and for 20 minutes felt as if I was going to have the most rewarding and visual trip of my life. I watched my brother play a colorful video game and appreciated all sorts of lovely patterns. Went to the bathroom and everything was still normal. I came back and immediately started repeating myself 10's of times...."these kids at work are fucking stupid". over and over and over. My brother is an inexperienced sitter and thought something was wrong so he made me come outside to take a walk which I believe was a mistake even though he had my best intentions at heart. Because I was still coherent and knew my anxiety was only caused by the acid.
Less than a hundred feet down the street is when the light switch turned and something went terribly wrong. I knew my name but had very very veryyyyy little knowledge of my life up to that point. I believe the loop was driven mainly by word, letter and number association...extremely difficult to describe but I think I had a word associated with each letter of the alphabet and each digit. I knew with absolute certainty that this was my eternity...and my brother made a mistake and reinforced my idea by saying "this isn't real, you're in an infinite cycle". As he held my wrist and walked me down the street my thoughts became more obscure, abstract and frightful. Numerous times I would break away from him and sprint a short distance only to suddenly stop. He'd grab me and try to talk me down, and I'd run again. Eventually he decided he couldn't handle the situation and called our parents to handle the situation. This whole time I felt CONSTANT deja vu and feelings of helplessness and eternity. I've been lost in other realms before but have still been completely ME. Not this trip, I was a completely different person in a completely different time and universe which I've never seen before.
This is where things get really dark. The 3 of them walked me back to the house and tried sitting with me in my room and showing me things I love to try and break the cycle as well as trying to convince me it was only the drugs...but I didn't believe I was on drugs at all. It wasn't drugs, it was the infinite cycle. I would close my eyes and get lost in thought for 10 minutes at a time, then suddenly open my eyes and scream obscenities at the top of my lungs and throw things, tense all my muscles and generally go insane. Each episode I felt like time was running out more and more (even though I couldn't comprehend life being any different and had NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE PREVIOUS EPISODES). Each one started anew and each one became more intense. I sustained multiple cuts, abrasions and bruises from self mutilating and wildly slapping and kicking objects.
During the peak of the trip and the most intense cycle I stripped naked in front of my family and ran out of the house about a half mile away. They chased me the whole way and my dad finally tackled me and restrained me against the pavement. My mom called the police while me and my father struggled and fought with each other. The police came, restrained me with multiple zip-ties and handcuffs on my wrists and ankles. When the 2 cops lifted me into the air I was convinced they were going to slam me into the pavement repeatedly and kill me which was perfectly ok with me. But instead they sped to the hospital where on arrival I was put into leather restraints on a stretcher and taken into the ER.
In the ER they assigned 3 constables to watch over me while only male nurses hooked me up with heart monitors, IV's etc. When I would wake up out of my deep thought now I would sit up and pull and struggle against the restraints and kick the rail of the bed which caused me to put a huge gash on my heel and scream 1 of 3 things : "666 the number of the beast" , "**GGER **GGER *GGER", or "BLOW ME". (I'm not racist at all so this completely confuses me as to where this came from. also not religious and don't believe in satan). Being in the hospital made me think that I was from a very advanced, future form of earth and I was from the past, and a malfunctioning human of some type. As if they figured out the glitch a long time ago and I was the last one left.
On IV I was given a mega dose of xanax and possibly valium as well and went into a deep sleep only waking up every now and then to see a constable hovering over me. When I came to at about 11 in the afternoon the cycle was broken and I was back to being myself again, but thought everything from the night before wasn't real. Until my mom came into the room and I knew it was all real.
The loop itself and what caused it and what thoughts I were caught in are complex, difficult to describe, and fleeting. I am trying to pin down what could have broken it and what caused it but I think it's going to be a long process. One made more difficult because none of my family will talk about it...I remember some but my memory has tons of gaps I know they could fill in but it is just too painful for them to think about.
Even typing this or reading a sentence or two can give me the chills and leave my lightheaded. Safe to say I now take HR a bit more seriously and realize I may not be as strong minded as I thought.
