It seems like every day I drag on in life, it just gets progressively shittier and more boring
I have no means of getting around. Lost access to my car. I live in the burbs, so nothing is within walking distance or anything like that. Besides, I have nowhere to go
I have nothing to do. The very little that interests me I either cannot access due to transportation, or have no financial means of doing said activities
No money. I was working prior to the incident that sparked this whole mess I'm in, but since then all my money has been taken, and I am unsure if I even have a job or not. I am also kinda nervous to inquire, I have difficulties talking to people, and on top of that I have upcoming court dates, which I'd need to take off for, furthering my anxiety and job related stress
Pending legal troubles. I am on probation in several places, and now have pending charges. I'm going to at least end up with a conviction, if not end up in jail. I seriously am thinking of taking ANY measures to not end up in another institution
No drugs. I just got a possession charge, and now have court regarding that. Furthermore, I am on the last straw with my mom, and being home is the only place I can really live, save streets or an institution. I'm being watched, and I'm about to be forced onto naltrexone, keeping me from getting high even if I wanted. Really, I feel forced into sobriety by society and my moronic peers and "support" structures, who in reality do nothing and who I really care little about
No friends. Either people don't talk to me, live too wild(drugs and shit, want to partake but am scared of being institutionalized again), or I can't contact them. I have a group of acquaintances, but I never feel as if I fit in. On top of this, this recent incident involved police taking my phone, meaning I have basically zero contacts and am limited communcationswise. in recent times, I really only felt as if I had one true "friend". This "friend" was my ex-gf. We have had a rocky relationship, and me using has not helped in any way. Recently she found another bf, and started treating me like shit, leading me to want to use more. This all led up to my recent charge, which she found out about. Since then, I haven't tried talking to her. I'm pretty sure she left me a voicemail the day i got booked, freaking out. Since then, I found out she blocked me on AIM, and I know she is still with said guy, so I feel as if there's no way to contact her and have it help my situation at all
I really don't see any ways out of this. I have to hide my true feelings and what not, because I really don't want to get put in an institution again, whether it be psych ward or jail. I don't feel like anyone can help me, especially in regards to the friends issue and my ex. The only advice the clowns I'm seeing now seem to give is go to NA meetings, and I hate said meetings. I don't view myself as an addict, and I don't see any similarities between me and people in "recovery" save that we used drugs. Despite this, all this recovery bullshit I'm in just seems to push networking through recovery based networks. I don't want to devote my life and social standing to a bunch of recovering druggies, I was not social when I used, and I don't want to base what little social standing around drugs, whether it be using or recovery.
I feel fucking worthless. I feel like society, the law, and my family took what gave me comfort, the drugs I was using. furthermore, I feel like this stupid legal system fucked up my job and income, which was starting to give me more motivation and actually had me thinking about sobering up, before I got booked. I had hoped at some point to repair the relationship with my ex, which now is at a seeming all time low point that I don't know if it can be recovered. I'm stuck alone, having to listen to a bunch of asshats who think they know me better than I know myself, with nothing really going for me, and no way to even dull the pain and boredom
I'm thinking I might order some phenazepam when I can scrape together some money, at the very least I can blackout this shitty existence some call a "life"
I have no means of getting around. Lost access to my car. I live in the burbs, so nothing is within walking distance or anything like that. Besides, I have nowhere to go
I have nothing to do. The very little that interests me I either cannot access due to transportation, or have no financial means of doing said activities
No money. I was working prior to the incident that sparked this whole mess I'm in, but since then all my money has been taken, and I am unsure if I even have a job or not. I am also kinda nervous to inquire, I have difficulties talking to people, and on top of that I have upcoming court dates, which I'd need to take off for, furthering my anxiety and job related stress
Pending legal troubles. I am on probation in several places, and now have pending charges. I'm going to at least end up with a conviction, if not end up in jail. I seriously am thinking of taking ANY measures to not end up in another institution
No drugs. I just got a possession charge, and now have court regarding that. Furthermore, I am on the last straw with my mom, and being home is the only place I can really live, save streets or an institution. I'm being watched, and I'm about to be forced onto naltrexone, keeping me from getting high even if I wanted. Really, I feel forced into sobriety by society and my moronic peers and "support" structures, who in reality do nothing and who I really care little about
No friends. Either people don't talk to me, live too wild(drugs and shit, want to partake but am scared of being institutionalized again), or I can't contact them. I have a group of acquaintances, but I never feel as if I fit in. On top of this, this recent incident involved police taking my phone, meaning I have basically zero contacts and am limited communcationswise. in recent times, I really only felt as if I had one true "friend". This "friend" was my ex-gf. We have had a rocky relationship, and me using has not helped in any way. Recently she found another bf, and started treating me like shit, leading me to want to use more. This all led up to my recent charge, which she found out about. Since then, I haven't tried talking to her. I'm pretty sure she left me a voicemail the day i got booked, freaking out. Since then, I found out she blocked me on AIM, and I know she is still with said guy, so I feel as if there's no way to contact her and have it help my situation at all
I really don't see any ways out of this. I have to hide my true feelings and what not, because I really don't want to get put in an institution again, whether it be psych ward or jail. I don't feel like anyone can help me, especially in regards to the friends issue and my ex. The only advice the clowns I'm seeing now seem to give is go to NA meetings, and I hate said meetings. I don't view myself as an addict, and I don't see any similarities between me and people in "recovery" save that we used drugs. Despite this, all this recovery bullshit I'm in just seems to push networking through recovery based networks. I don't want to devote my life and social standing to a bunch of recovering druggies, I was not social when I used, and I don't want to base what little social standing around drugs, whether it be using or recovery.
I feel fucking worthless. I feel like society, the law, and my family took what gave me comfort, the drugs I was using. furthermore, I feel like this stupid legal system fucked up my job and income, which was starting to give me more motivation and actually had me thinking about sobering up, before I got booked. I had hoped at some point to repair the relationship with my ex, which now is at a seeming all time low point that I don't know if it can be recovered. I'm stuck alone, having to listen to a bunch of asshats who think they know me better than I know myself, with nothing really going for me, and no way to even dull the pain and boredom
I'm thinking I might order some phenazepam when I can scrape together some money, at the very least I can blackout this shitty existence some call a "life"
