My 15yr old has been suffering for 6 months. She is seeing a psychiatrist, on meds (3rd round) and on the wait list for a renowned child psychiatrist. Seeing you also suffer from depression, what can loved ones do for you to make the day not so terrible? What can they say? Looking for insight as everything I do or say seems to result in extreme anger towards me.
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Mental Health Looking for advice from those who are diagnosed with depression
- Thread starter Much2lose
- Start date
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Hey again M2L - I suffer from dysthymia as well as Bipolar disorder. When i get depressed, i don't like being asked questions. I tend to want to be in my own world, and appreciate people leaving me alone but maybe saying or doing something very brief, like "I'll be here if you need me", or "I made some soup, i'll leave it on the counter".
Anger is a secondary emotion which usually masks something like sadness. I like people "being there" without invading.
Anger is a secondary emotion which usually masks something like sadness. I like people "being there" without invading.
Thanks Madness, I appreciate it. I went weeks/months without giving her a minute of peace, due to self harm.
Meds seemed to have stabilized this, so maybe giving her more space will be helpful, with her knowing I am here if she needs me.
The anger has caused her extreme isolation at school and she has alienated all friends. She is attached to my hip most times. She just got a part time job that I am hoping will help. I get so worried when she wants to lay in bed for 24 hours a day. We have taken some mental health days away from school when her anxiety is bad. It blows my mind as it doesn?t run in the family and I have no clue where it came from. Neither of us can recall any trama.
Appreciate your advice- may need to give her some space. It?s tough!
Do you feel the depression often? Do you have good days? More than the bad days? Looking for a light at the end of this tunnel.
Meds seemed to have stabilized this, so maybe giving her more space will be helpful, with her knowing I am here if she needs me.
The anger has caused her extreme isolation at school and she has alienated all friends. She is attached to my hip most times. She just got a part time job that I am hoping will help. I get so worried when she wants to lay in bed for 24 hours a day. We have taken some mental health days away from school when her anxiety is bad. It blows my mind as it doesn?t run in the family and I have no clue where it came from. Neither of us can recall any trama.
Appreciate your advice- may need to give her some space. It?s tough!
Do you feel the depression often? Do you have good days? More than the bad days? Looking for a light at the end of this tunnel.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Working can be a struggle when depressed, but coupled with medication it becomes a reason to get out of bed, and it could prove to be beneficial in seeing that there is a nice world outside of the dark one she lives in.
Often times the cause of chemical imbalances is unknown, IIRC. Could be anything.
I don't get depressed very often anymore, unless it's from coming off of a drug binge. I have more good days than bad days i'd say, because i'm on a mood stabilizer and antipsychotic. The mood stabilizer is known for having subtle antidepressant qualities, but if I were strictly on an AD I would get manic. That's one of the telltale signs of Bipolar Disorder.
The light at the end of the tunnel may very well have to be medication. You sound like a great parent, and that too will be pivotal in her recovery. If she is starting part time work, that's an excellent step in the right direction as well. Sometimes it takes a long time to find the right combination of meds and activities etc. but she's lived 14.5 years depression free so she knows what it's like, and if she is as determined to find a job as she is to get her mental health in order, she will experience those positive feelings again and she'll know when it's right.
Just consider this a premature midlife crisis. Once she's over it, she'll be well better equipped for anything the world will throw at her.
Often times the cause of chemical imbalances is unknown, IIRC. Could be anything.
I don't get depressed very often anymore, unless it's from coming off of a drug binge. I have more good days than bad days i'd say, because i'm on a mood stabilizer and antipsychotic. The mood stabilizer is known for having subtle antidepressant qualities, but if I were strictly on an AD I would get manic. That's one of the telltale signs of Bipolar Disorder.
The light at the end of the tunnel may very well have to be medication. You sound like a great parent, and that too will be pivotal in her recovery. If she is starting part time work, that's an excellent step in the right direction as well. Sometimes it takes a long time to find the right combination of meds and activities etc. but she's lived 14.5 years depression free so she knows what it's like, and if she is as determined to find a job as she is to get her mental health in order, she will experience those positive feelings again and she'll know when it's right.
Just consider this a premature midlife crisis. Once she's over it, she'll be well better equipped for anything the world will throw at her.
morpher001
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2006
- Messages
- 1,067
I don't really know much about this first hand, but when you mention self harm, that's probably pointing to something other than plain vanilla depression.
madness00 is probably right in putting in terms of an ongoing crisis of identity of some kind.
I speculate that medication isn't going to be key for her, even if it is a very useful crutch. It comes to my mind that perhaps the self harm is just better hidden now rather than stopped if the root cause is yet to be addressed.
I really have no idea about how to discover that cause from her is she hasn't already told you. Could be anything from pesky adolescent hormones and a boy that didn't like her. Maybe bullying. Maybe she got raped. Whatever it is I recon it needs to be identified and addressed before anyone can help much with putting the pieces back together.
Again, I don't really know all that much about it first hand so maybe I'm way off the mark. Hopefully the new psych will be good and not too long of a wait for you all.
Morpher- I think you are right at underlying causes. She has been very sheltered all her life, only child. Her relationship with her father is very toxic and we put an end to that a few months ago. I am hoping the professionals can help her figure out root cause as she is way too young to have some much pain and suffering. She is smart, beautiful, well traveled, hard working, with a family that loves her dearly. Depression causes this not to be enough. I wake up every day hoping for a good day or even a good half day. We will get through this together, we always do. Appreciate your post and insight.
cj
Bluelight Crew
I have went through the ringer with depression and self harm. The self harm is a way to direct the intense feeling of sadness to something outside your brain. It's not great but it's not something you should make a huge deal out of to her. If you do she will just hide it or switch to more damaging easier concealed methods then cutting.
The best advice a have is get her a therapist she likes and push hard for the child phychiatrist you mentioned. I failed 5 anti depressants before I found that Wellbutrin works so don't give up.
The best advice a have is get her a therapist she likes and push hard for the child phychiatrist you mentioned. I failed 5 anti depressants before I found that Wellbutrin works so don't give up.
TheBeardedMasonite
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2019
- Messages
- 54
I think you said it best. I'm bipolar manic depressed and that's exactly how I moved on and got control of it. Let her sleep or stay away from everything, but keep an eye on her from a distance of course be cause of the self harm. Same as you cj I went through three or four meds till I got the right mix of seroquel, max dose zoloft, depakote and I totally forgot the name of the last one. Hope these rambling of mine help! I hope she kicks its a*s soon
Most people dont understand depression they do care but dont know how to help.
they dont understand how har it is to get in a shower keep ya self clean and that beos the deoression tires you out.
and makes u think whats the point
they dont understand how har it is to get in a shower keep ya self clean and that beos the deoression tires you out.
and makes u think whats the point
ChemicallyEnhanced
Bluelighter
True. Right before I was hospitalized I remember I hadn't washed myself or changed my clothes in three weeks or washed my hair in a month. And I felt mildly relieved that I never had to do any of those things again.
Was diagnosed with clinical depression as a teen but many moons ago!...however I don't think a subjective description out of the zeitgeist matters. Also, we do not know her level of diagnosis, nor her narrative.
Just to start, I hope you are doing ok? I've put in some links here that you may/may not find helpful but...
Firstly, Looking after yourself is paramount, especially as a parent raising a teen. I would urge you to focus your questions outside of these threads and toward professional opinion - as the diversity in here is not a measure of what you need when dealing with a serious issue regarding parenting. ( not to detract from peoples kind responses/posts, mind)
Secondly, I would advocate that you do a LOT of research into Multi-Disciplinary Teams in your area (or within travelling distance; if you can afford - I know finance and resources present huge barriers in these situations but keep looking for the best ) , as well as psychs ( I know you mentioned 'well-renowned' but credentials, reports and others' experiences are more important in gleaning qualitative info about who you are permitting to look after your daughter's welfare)
I would be wary of medicating a 15 year old, since they're going through formative stages of development; if it is done; there needs to be a rigorous plan of monitoring and evidencial reasons presented to you and your daughter about their plan of care. Ideally a Multi-Disciplinary Team should be involved in this process to deliver a comprehensive plan of care to your daughter - as psychs alone are only as good as their personal clinical judgement and that is often, not better than a team.
Thirdly, medication of a 15 yr old is always a gamble - other supports should be recruited, initially; she is developing neurologically and otherwise and experimenting with this has long term consequences - so cost/benefit needs to be seriously considered & not be taken lightly as research has shown it often doesn't work the magic that (some)psychs often, proselytize about, unfortunately.
I apologies if this comes across as preachy but not my intention. I may have made assumptions; as I don't know you, or your daughters' stories, so please forgive anything if it does not apply to you. Just given her age, and with her life ahead of her; its not something to be taken lightly.
Also, with yourself; you need to be involved in the process - family therapy and dynamics are imperative toward a future of health and well-being - you are not isolated units! This situation requires a draw on the whole dynamic to work. Please just consult trustworthy professionals and healthcare workers in this area and also, individual supports you have/can connect with.
I wish you the best and hope you do what is best, for you and her and toward your future.
Just to start, I hope you are doing ok? I've put in some links here that you may/may not find helpful but...
Firstly, Looking after yourself is paramount, especially as a parent raising a teen. I would urge you to focus your questions outside of these threads and toward professional opinion - as the diversity in here is not a measure of what you need when dealing with a serious issue regarding parenting. ( not to detract from peoples kind responses/posts, mind)
Secondly, I would advocate that you do a LOT of research into Multi-Disciplinary Teams in your area (or within travelling distance; if you can afford - I know finance and resources present huge barriers in these situations but keep looking for the best ) , as well as psychs ( I know you mentioned 'well-renowned' but credentials, reports and others' experiences are more important in gleaning qualitative info about who you are permitting to look after your daughter's welfare)
I would be wary of medicating a 15 year old, since they're going through formative stages of development; if it is done; there needs to be a rigorous plan of monitoring and evidencial reasons presented to you and your daughter about their plan of care. Ideally a Multi-Disciplinary Team should be involved in this process to deliver a comprehensive plan of care to your daughter - as psychs alone are only as good as their personal clinical judgement and that is often, not better than a team.
Thirdly, medication of a 15 yr old is always a gamble - other supports should be recruited, initially; she is developing neurologically and otherwise and experimenting with this has long term consequences - so cost/benefit needs to be seriously considered & not be taken lightly as research has shown it often doesn't work the magic that (some)psychs often, proselytize about, unfortunately.
I apologies if this comes across as preachy but not my intention. I may have made assumptions; as I don't know you, or your daughters' stories, so please forgive anything if it does not apply to you. Just given her age, and with her life ahead of her; its not something to be taken lightly.
Also, with yourself; you need to be involved in the process - family therapy and dynamics are imperative toward a future of health and well-being - you are not isolated units! This situation requires a draw on the whole dynamic to work. Please just consult trustworthy professionals and healthcare workers in this area and also, individual supports you have/can connect with.
I wish you the best and hope you do what is best, for you and her and toward your future.
Last edited:
Sorry I took so long to get back. I appreciate everyone’s feedback and ideas.
I was dead against medications but was also so deathly afraid of losing my child. When you ask them what you can do and they tell you to just let them go, is the worst thing you can possibly imagine. That conversation happened months ago but still replays in my mind daily. Brings tears to my eyes writing it.
We are still waiting for the specialist appt. It does feel like we are in a better place than we were a month ago. Self harm has come to a stop for now. I bite my tongue often when she speaks or tells me things due to the fear that she will keep it a secret going forward. We are very close and I hope to always keep it that way.
I do notice her empathy for others, including myself has reduced drastically. I am at the receiving end of all her bad moods- which could be related or could simply be the raging hormones of a teenager.
Her schooling is suffering and that has always been so important to me. Now- her sense of well being and continuation of life is the most important thing in the world. So what if we have to take a victory lap in school.
I still don’t leave her alone for long periods of time, drive her to school and home. My own career and relationships are definitely suffering but I have good support around me.
It also scares me how common it seems to have so many teens with anxiety and depression.
My daughter enjoys working and it’s me that has to put a cap on the amount of hours weekly. She has had a boyfriend for past three weeks and that also seems to help. He is a good kid and seems to be a positive influence on her.
Taking it day by day, sometimes hour by hour. The tremendous guilt I feel for somehow causing this or letting it happen is unreal. It may not be a rational feeling but it won’t go away. You always want the best for your child and to see them suffer, and know you can’t fix it, is a hard pill to swallow.
I was dead against medications but was also so deathly afraid of losing my child. When you ask them what you can do and they tell you to just let them go, is the worst thing you can possibly imagine. That conversation happened months ago but still replays in my mind daily. Brings tears to my eyes writing it.
We are still waiting for the specialist appt. It does feel like we are in a better place than we were a month ago. Self harm has come to a stop for now. I bite my tongue often when she speaks or tells me things due to the fear that she will keep it a secret going forward. We are very close and I hope to always keep it that way.
I do notice her empathy for others, including myself has reduced drastically. I am at the receiving end of all her bad moods- which could be related or could simply be the raging hormones of a teenager.
Her schooling is suffering and that has always been so important to me. Now- her sense of well being and continuation of life is the most important thing in the world. So what if we have to take a victory lap in school.
I still don’t leave her alone for long periods of time, drive her to school and home. My own career and relationships are definitely suffering but I have good support around me.
It also scares me how common it seems to have so many teens with anxiety and depression.
My daughter enjoys working and it’s me that has to put a cap on the amount of hours weekly. She has had a boyfriend for past three weeks and that also seems to help. He is a good kid and seems to be a positive influence on her.
Taking it day by day, sometimes hour by hour. The tremendous guilt I feel for somehow causing this or letting it happen is unreal. It may not be a rational feeling but it won’t go away. You always want the best for your child and to see them suffer, and know you can’t fix it, is a hard pill to swallow.
^ Sounds like a really tough time for you.
Just keep yourself strong, mentally and emotionally - that is paramount, teenagers will pick of your insecurities like a scared dog - that is normal, as they are testing you but if your kid is dealing with extra pressures then, you're going to have to deal with a lot more.
Have you considered looking for support for yourself, M2L? Sounds like you need a deserve a hand with dealing? There is no shame in that, only constructive things can be a consequence from reinforcement you know - shame is a horrible burden, to carry alone, ya get me? Lighten your load, hun, you dont have to juggle everything - be practical with this scenario and dont forget to look after your needs - it will also trickle down to your daughter and re-inforced support is the best way forward imo. x
Just keep yourself strong, mentally and emotionally - that is paramount, teenagers will pick of your insecurities like a scared dog - that is normal, as they are testing you but if your kid is dealing with extra pressures then, you're going to have to deal with a lot more.
Have you considered looking for support for yourself, M2L? Sounds like you need a deserve a hand with dealing? There is no shame in that, only constructive things can be a consequence from reinforcement you know - shame is a horrible burden, to carry alone, ya get me? Lighten your load, hun, you dont have to juggle everything - be practical with this scenario and dont forget to look after your needs - it will also trickle down to your daughter and re-inforced support is the best way forward imo. x
Shortec Stublue!!
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2019
- Messages
- 912
May I ask what medication she is currently prescribed?
Thanks Asclepius, I know you are right. Re: picking at my insecurities and also needing to get help myself. Not sure what I am waiting for as I know this would help. It has started to cause rifts at home between myself and my husband. I have my own doc appt in the next few weeks so will see what my options are for help. I could definitely use some support to get my mental game back strong!
SS- she is on Sertraline. Graduated up to 75mg daily. This is our 3rd med as first two had terrible side effects.
SS- she is on Sertraline. Graduated up to 75mg daily. This is our 3rd med as first two had terrible side effects.
Supplementing with lithium I heard is effective for lifting depression and balancing mood.
Meditation is great. A monks brain looks different than the average persons under an MRI brain scan. A friend of mine that attends meditation retreats said "all you see is light" when you come out. Heavy meditation is said to rewire your brain and your thinking patterns like how CBT does. It can really change you. I did a short intensive yoga teacher training in a different country when I was having a hard time, and it really turned my life around. Also, I think its good to educate yourself in psychology. I was miss diagnosed by so many doctors and psychologists my entire life. Only you can really know your situation best, people are so complex, no ones situation is the same.
Meditation is great. A monks brain looks different than the average persons under an MRI brain scan. A friend of mine that attends meditation retreats said "all you see is light" when you come out. Heavy meditation is said to rewire your brain and your thinking patterns like how CBT does. It can really change you. I did a short intensive yoga teacher training in a different country when I was having a hard time, and it really turned my life around. Also, I think its good to educate yourself in psychology. I was miss diagnosed by so many doctors and psychologists my entire life. Only you can really know your situation best, people are so complex, no ones situation is the same.
Shortec Stublue!!
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2019
- Messages
- 912
One day this genre of medicines will be individualised almost on a gene therapy level I’m sure. But for now it is very hit and miss (SSRI’s TCA’s and MAOI’s among others) and to generalised with respect to mode of action.
For example prescribing someone suicidal with an SSRI often makes the patient even worse as a rule, when they cannot afford to get worse.
“Oh right you are depressed, here is an SSRI GOOD LUCK Sir/Madam (this is not the way it should be)
I have quite a lot of experiences with the slight differences with the categories mentioned above. If you need any specifics don’t hesitate to ask!!
For example prescribing someone suicidal with an SSRI often makes the patient even worse as a rule, when they cannot afford to get worse.
“Oh right you are depressed, here is an SSRI GOOD LUCK Sir/Madam (this is not the way it should be)
I have quite a lot of experiences with the slight differences with the categories mentioned above. If you need any specifics don’t hesitate to ask!!
^That's while it starts to work. It's about people having the impetus to be suicidal, which is kind of counter-intuitive but is based on being happy enough to have the will to do so. After this period the antidepressant works to the extent that one doesn't feel suicidal. So, yeah, many people are so depressed that they have no motivation to do themselves in.
No doubt almost all psych. meds can produce opposite and paradoxical effects, but this is a separate subject.
be well!
No doubt almost all psych. meds can produce opposite and paradoxical effects, but this is a separate subject.
be well!
Shortec Stublue!!
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2019
- Messages
- 912
Yes I see what your saying, it’s quite a statement for anyone to make, “I’m to depressed to even think of and act out a suicide attempt.” It has been known and should be far more common after individual circumstance, that suicidal ideation in the short term, is eliminated with opiates (lesser of two evils) until if and when the bedding in period of an AD starts to produce the desired results. If I can find the study I’ll post it!!