Looking for a way to feel better

[Respect4all]

Hi,

I'm a 19 years old boy and I generally feel bad. I don't want to live the way I'm supposed to live.
People see me as a nice guy because I never shout or I simply don't get angry and I always know how to make people laugh and feel better. But deep inside I feel really bad 75 % of the day. No one knows I feel bad because they always see me smile.
The thing that makes me feel bad the most is my feelings for a girl. She's in love with me too but I know for 100% sure things will not work between us, trust me on that...
I really want to let her go but I don't know how to... I don't want to hurt her, and avoiding her is not possible in my situation. I can't talk to her about my feelings because she's not reasonable. I think about her all day, I can't stop hoping she'll text me or whatever.
Besides that my parents hurt each other and that hurts me as well. My stepmother is drunk at this point, she's shouting at the television all by herself (not joking). Sometimes I want to run away but I can't... I don't want to hurt my dad and I don't have anywhere else to go...
Another problem is that I always get dissapointed, for example... I plan on going out with a girl. Days and days before the date I start imagining it in best case scenario. Nothing ever go's the way I want it to go...
I always kept myself strong but lately, since the girl troubles I lost it... I can't do this anymore...
The good in my life isn't worth the bad anymore, and it sucks.
Actually I'm looking for a way to shut all my emotions of, I really want to stop caring and focus on more important things.
I know you'll all think turning every emotion off is not a better way to live my life but the way I'm feeling lately is killing me.

If any of you know a way or a guide to turn it all off, PLEASE, tell me!
If any of you have a guide or tips or anything to control my feelings, PLEASE, tell me!

 

[ihearthemoose]

Sorry man. Maybe talkING to a counselor or shit even venting on bluelight will help

 

[BornAgainYogi]

Same boat I'm in lol in a lot of ways. What I do is read alot. Try my best to keep everything a float. But basically fuck ups will happen it's apart of life. Trauma, lose but also gains and happiness are all it's about. Reflection helps me. A deep understanding that life won't bend to my rules so it's I who have to change is a good philosophy to have. Just keep a strong mind and pray for the best always.

 

[rickolasnice]

Exercise and eating healthy will improve your mood and your confidence.

Meditation has been proven to do the same with actual physiological changes happening in the brain. A portion of the brain responsible for feelings has been recorded to grow in density after a short while meditating.. thus enabling you to have more control over them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8rRzTtP7Tc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzR62JJCMBQ

Both well worth a watch.

 

[infectedmushroom]

Your negative feelings are caused because you believe %100 that the thoughts you're having about your circumstances are true.

I'm here to tell you, that it is impossible to be %100 sure what you think about yourself and your life is how things really are. These thoughts are just a story created by your mind - a story which is only as real as you believe it to be.

Question your thoughts, as they pass through your mind. Ask yourself: are they true? How do I know? The idea is not to give up on trying to understand yourself, your situation, or avoid your issues, by telling your brain to just "shut up;" simply realize your mind is creating unpleasant thoughts which you're believing - thoughts you can't prove are %100 true anyway, so why believe them anymore than believing their opposite, positive outcomes?

Bring your attention into this moment, and try not let mental chatter drown you. Don't forcefully do so; let the thoughts and feelings come and go like waves crashing and receding on a shore. It takes practice, and i'm no expert, but mindfulness really does help!

I'd recommend watching video's by a man named Noah Elkrief. It sounds like he could help you a lot.

Much love.

 

[herbavore]

Any way you can plan a trip backpacking for yourself in the near future? Walking and nature and being alone have a very powerful effect when all three are combined. It doesn't have to be a long trip or expensive--just a solo with the intention of remembering your place in life. Reset to being a kid--when what was outside was so engaging that you did not even think about self. Worry and expectations and fatalism can overtake your thinking and that is when your emotions start to feel unbearable. Everyone's advice above me to try to focus on changing your thoughts about your life (self, family, etc) is very good advice. It's a skill and it takes patience and persistence but you will find that nothing else in life is as powerful as discovering that you can change your own thoughts about and perception of things.

 

[-=SS=-]

The thing that makes me feel bad the most is my feelings for a girl

There's your problem right there. Being honest here, the chances of you two growing old together is virtually nil.. so why put all this pressure on yourself? There's so many girls out there at your age. Also placing your hopes for happiness into another person is a recipe for failure.

You're young, hormones are flowing greatly, love seems like something spectacular and if it (appears) to fail you 'just can't go on'.. so many songs are written geared at that feeling. But who said it was your feeling anyway? You're merely reacting to natures programming. Relax

You'll get over it. 10 years from now you'll look back and laugh about it.

 

[murphythecat]

mindfulness of thoughts would be very useful
Learn to see how bad your thoughts make you feel and learn to stop believing your thoughts and replace negative thoughts by positive mindstate instead

 

[P.o.T.u.S]

this statement at the beginning: i don't want to live the way I'm supposed to live. How are u supposed to live? Theres no blueprint on how to live and EVERYONE has there own way to get to the same destination..death..dont think u are doing anything wrong be thankful u got to feel love and u are ALIVE..

she might love u back but it doesnt matter..the feeling u have has nothing to do with her feelings..it all comes from u and thats not going anywhere..the basis of love comes from something stronger and bigger than all of us.dont fight it just accept that the universe has blessed us with this beautiful emotion.. and take that love u feel and apply it to yourself..instead of bein your own worst enemy be your best friend..show all the forgiveness and kindness u would show to her , to yourself

when i was young my first love was amazing but nothing last forever and when it ended i was devastated..took years to not be furious just looking at happy couples because all i thought about was loss..but that was just because like u i had it all planned out and everytime something didnt go my way it was like a slap in the facebut after a while it was obvious that these things that happend, happend at just the right time to teach me a lesson i was ready to learn.

that changed my outlook to not looking at things in terms of good or bad but useful or not useful..throw all that dissapointment away because its not useful but the lesson u learned to not plan to far ahead and believing what u are thinking is actual fact and not just ur opinion is a useful lesson.think the thought dont feel the thought because we are wired for feeling over thought and if u turn all your thoughts into feelings u get overloaded and either have a breakdown or create baggage of unresolved issues

Dont try to control the outcomes of events in your life i promise there is something bigger that doesnt give a fuck about your wants and will happen as it is meant to be..just live with morality and give back to the universe with good deeds and kindess and it will give back to u when u are ready..look up the buddhist idea of "suffering" it will give u some helpful insight i believe

Theres no easy way to turn off ur emotions.at your age that would be fighting your biology..emotion comes from the unconsious as suggestions on how your conscious mind should feel..but its up to u to label it as "good" or "bad"

this sounds stupid but it fucking works..write a letter to her telling her everything u want to say to her.even stuff about why u think it wont work.basically everything u feel inside about her..put all ur feelings on paper...than burn it to a crisp.trust me u will feel lighter at heart after this simple task.best of luck my friend..dont be afraid to stop back and tell us how things go and how u are doing..we all care