Long time lurker, first account. Hey guys.

[Nanashi]

Hey everyone.


I've been using the threads on this site for years now to learn about the things I planned on taking. Thought I'd finally join and actually talk to people. Always found bluelight to have a nice balance of safe usage advice but with without the straight up "drugs are bad, don't do it, m'kay" attitude.

I'm a very shy and reclusive person but I'd like to tell a bit about myself for a change.
I live in the worksop area of Nottinghamshire, been casually doing drugs since my teens, I'm now middle aged. Still seem to have my life in order, never gone too far. Although nowadays I I spend most of the month waiting until my friend gets their pregablin prescription (pretty much the only drug I take now) for me to buy. Those following 7 days of taking 1200mg each morning are the only time I can come to life really, i excell at work, my eloquence sky rockets and I'm genuinely enthusiastic and proactive at work (I got a huge promotion this year and all the good point they pointed out where things I accomplishedon my 7 good days a month, I even brighten up the lives of those around me or so I'm told. Don't even experience the dizziness or memory haze everyone tells me about. Possibly because I'm so tense all the time it just makes me normal.
It's saved me from incredible anxiety and depression tbh. I normally can barely get a word out when I'm just me. I try but my expression won't change to a pleasant one and I just get stuck when I try to speak.

Tried sertraline for a while and cognitive behavioural therapy but it didn't help at all I was a miserable zombie. I honestly think I was just born with something lacking. So yeah, I live for those 7 days of happiness each month now.


Sorry for a mordib and awkward introduction, but I'm kind of hoping I can eventually talk to people similar to my situation on here eventually.


What little advice I can give I will try to put out there too when I see someone in need.
Glad to be here as an actual member and hope to be fairly active.

Hope we can all get along

 

[neversickanymore]

A warm welcome to Bl

If the medication makes such a positive difference in your life then why not get your own prescription for it?

 

[Nanashi]

Thank you neversickanymore.
If we're okay to discuss this in this thread, I'm happy to.
I think I feel a guilt because I've gone out and self medicated. I'm terrible at talking in person with doctors and last time it felt like he was leading me to treat the depression. I disagreed because I know my depression is just an aftereffect of living my whole adult like in fear of eye contact and generally being close to others. I'm considering coming all out with the doctor about it but I think it's unlikely he'll prescribe it, due to bad publicity for it's abuse over the last few years. So sticking with what I got for now.

 

[neversickanymore]

What about seeing a specialist in anxiety/social anxiety and requesting being medicated on this. Throw all the guilt and shame out then window and don't look back. There is no guilt in looking to achieve and experience your life in a better way. Absolutely, be careful and attentive to what you share with prescribers as we can become a victim of their idiocy and this can end up being rather permanent.

 

[Nanashi]

What about seeing a specialist in anxiety/social anxiety and requesting being medicated on this. Throw all the guilt and shame out then window and don't look back. There is no guilt in looking to achieve and experience your life in a better way. Absolutely, be careful and attentive to what you share with prescribers as we can become a victim of their idiocy and this can end up being rather permanent.

A warm welcome to Bl

If the medication makes such a positive difference in your life then why not get your own prescription for it?

 

[Nanashi]

Think I'll take rhe plunge and ask agai next time i get work off.

 

[neversickanymore]

Right it can be a difficult line to follow.. medical people are extremely well trained and thus conditioned and they pretty much do whatever everyone else is doing.. even more so they are increasingly guided by computer via diagnoses and treatment programs (wonder what this will do eventually to the medical field.. not looking good) that just advise them what to do... So your intelligent.. how do you get to try a prescription for the medication that may be a game changer for you? Probably say you have read good things about it treating your condition, rather then saying your have been doing other avenues and you would like to try it.

 

[CFC]

Tried sertraline for a while and cognitive behavioural therapy but it didn't help at all I was a miserable zombie. I honestly think I was just born with something lacking. So yeah, I live for those 7 days of happiness each month now.

Yeah CBT isn't often that effective for a lot of us, and sertraline wouldn't be my first choice either. You could see about getting a different form of therapy (they are available on the NHS, but you might need to ask), and you might also benefit more from something like Bupropion (Wellbutrin) to help with socializing, social fluency etc, which is also available on the NHS (though again you may need to ask, or get a psychiatrist to begin the prescription).

You say making eye contact and socializing is difficult, I assume you've read up about austistic spectrum disorders/Asperger's syndrome? Often people with ASD (and co-morbid conditions) present with things like depression but largely just because they don't fit into the holes society provides for neurotypicals. Treat the ASD appropriately and often the person comes to life.

Oh - and welcome to Bluelight!!