Long term Low dose codeine , can't kick it...

[BlackDaisies]

Hi, this is my first post so I'm not sure if it's even in the right section.... I feel a bit embarrassed as after reading most of the other posts my issue seems pathetic...

I have been addicted to codeine for almost 10 years. Always low doses (500/15mg...sometimes 30mg if I can get my hands on it) up to 4 times per day. I know this is low but I just cant stop taking it.

I have gone the odd week without taking any, but I always end up going back to taking it.

I have started getting severe gallbladder pain, numerous tests have indicated no issues, but one Dr explained that long term use of codeine can cause problems with the bile ducts...

I have told numerous Dr's about my use of codeine but no one is very concerned because I am not "abusing" it (taking more than recommended amount etc). But I just feel so depressed...

I also take prozac, amatryptaline, phenergan and drink alcohol most nights. I have started trying to find other OTC meds that will give me a buzz along with the codeine.

Again, I understand that there are people worse off than me, but I am so depressed that I cant stop buying codeine and cant function on a day without counting down to my 4th hour where i can take the 2 tablets (they hardly have an effect on me now)

Does anyone have any advice?

Sorry for being pathetic.

 

[simco]

Hi there, and welcome to BL!

First off, please don't worry about voicing your problem... you have nothing to feel ashamed or less-than about. We're all in very similar situations here on SL, even if they look a little different from the outside.

I'll also say, I'm sorry to hear that you're stuck in that cycle. Personally, I've been stuck in a similar cycle for quite a long time now, and I know how dispiriting and awful it feels. So...what to do?

Unfortunately (and somewhat obviously), there are no easy answers here. Kicking an opioid habit is just plain hard. Also, each of us is very unique in why we use and why we have trouble quitting. But two things come to mind that you might want to think about.

First, have you thought about WHY you use? On the surface, it probably looks simple--I like the high. But I bet that if you spend a few days being very observant, looking for triggers (either external ones of habits of thought that lead you to buy/use) you may start to see some patterns. Many of us use opioids to self-medicate in some form or another, aiming to drown out pain or unpleasantness. Also, simple boredom often comes into play. If you can start to get a sense of what specific factors are holding back your recovery, it will probably become easier to start moving forward. Obviously, identifying these kinds of motives is only a start--we still need to work to defang them. But it's an important start.

Second, I've found that it's helpful to create a mental list of ways to cope when the urge to use hits me. If I'm mentally unprepared and a craving comes on, I'm in deep shit. So I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out concrete behavioral (and some psychological) ways to get out from under a craving. For example, I find that cravings often hit me when I'm alone. So when I start jonesing, one important thing I do is to get out of wherever I am and try to surround myself with people. I go to a friend's house, go to a movie, or even go to an NA meeting (though I'm not going to push 12-step stuff on you!). That's just one example. The important thing is to avoid being caught off guard. Concrete plans have made a big difference for me.

I hope these small ideas help. Let us know what else we can do!

Sim

 

[Jabberwocky]

All very good advice from Sim. And to reiterate something very important, please try not to worry about your opening up about your struggles. Codeine is just as difficult to get off with a long standing habit like yours, regardless of whether you're only take 120mg/day or 1200mg/day. There is no comparing our suffering, except to say we all do in our ways

Have you tried setting a plan into action? Instead of trying to stop all at once, try maintaining regular small and small amount of total daily use. So, if this week you're taking the recommended dose per day, next week try reducing it by 5% or 10%. And so on and so forth, until you have hit 0mg.

A bigger issue isn't coming off the stuff. You know you can get off it for a week or more fairly easily. The hard part, as you pointed out, is staying off. To do this we tend to need a lot of support in daily life. It can be in terms of a recovery or wellbeing oriented community, or simply focusing on improving your overall health though yoga, exercise, healthy diet, good sleep hygiene, mindfulness, meditation, whatever. Focusing on self care at least as much as you are focusing on taper/getting off the stuff is really going to need to be a focus if you are looking for long term, sustainable change.

Also, try not to be too hard on yourself if you aren't able to stick to your plans like perfect. No one is perfect, and perfection is the near enemy of recovery. We all have enough of an adversarial mind to deal with to begin with, no sense in making it harder for yourself by beating yourself up when things don't go exactly according to plan. Forward movement is all that is needed to create forward momentum.