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TDS long term lonliness has opened up the road to an amphetamine addiction
- Thread starter MrSpeedyG
- Start date
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
Loneliness can be very brutal but you said it best yourself--the amps just magnify it exponentially in the end. So you have two different issues really. One is quitting and the other is intolerable loneliness. I think that quitting should be a top priority but you may find yourself meeting new people through that journey. Making new friends takes a long time in adult life once you are out of school but IME having a shared starting point really helps. In this case, the starting point is a community of support for quitting, whether that is NA meetings or some other form of peer support. (Check out Buddhist communities in your area; they often have amazing resources and groups for people with addiction.) It would allow you to be honest and transparent on a very deep level right away, offer your support to others and open you up to new social activities with new people.
Another thing that you may have already thought of is volunteering in something that you really care about. It could be for the environment, animals, kids, older people, local or national politics--whatever. The beauty of that is that not only are you exposed to new people but you can really make a difference in your community.
Have you ever heard of Meetup.com the great thing about those groups is that they are not only single people so there isn't that vibe of desperation. Basically it is people who share an interest (hiking, photography, movies, cooking, DIY--you name it) that meet up to socialize. I went to a movie the other night and the whole theater was full of a Meetup group. everyone kept introducing themselves and asking me if I were with the group9Nope, just tryin' to eat my popcorn!
). Seemed like a great thing to me--all ages, all walks of life, etc. Just people who aren't going to take the isolation built into our society lying down!
As far as quitting the amps goes, you may want to frequent the Sober Living section for support--lots of people have experience with it.
Another thing that you may have already thought of is volunteering in something that you really care about. It could be for the environment, animals, kids, older people, local or national politics--whatever. The beauty of that is that not only are you exposed to new people but you can really make a difference in your community.
Have you ever heard of Meetup.com the great thing about those groups is that they are not only single people so there isn't that vibe of desperation. Basically it is people who share an interest (hiking, photography, movies, cooking, DIY--you name it) that meet up to socialize. I went to a movie the other night and the whole theater was full of a Meetup group. everyone kept introducing themselves and asking me if I were with the group9Nope, just tryin' to eat my popcorn!
). Seemed like a great thing to me--all ages, all walks of life, etc. Just people who aren't going to take the isolation built into our society lying down!As far as quitting the amps goes, you may want to frequent the Sober Living section for support--lots of people have experience with it.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
Try reaching out to some friends, or make some new friends. It'll really help.
I don't know what else I can say, other than I really hope things get better for you.
I don't know what else I can say, other than I really hope things get better for you.
MrSpeedy I can totally relate. Thank you for being on BL and for opening yourself up to others.
I used strong stimulants for awhile and I began to feel the coldest and loneliest heartache with every use.
I'm sorry to say that in my case, I didn't get out soon enough. The world looks dark and harsh to me, now.
Amphetamines were the forbidden fruit of the entire substance kingdom. The most stigmatized, universally hated chemical known to us.
In my personal experience, the use of stimulants opened my eyes to see the ugly undersides in people and places I held pure. I was living a naive, uninformed life before I medicated myself with stims.
Now I am acutely aware of the filth all around me. I wish I had stopped before the new perspective became permanent.
So while you are on your way back from the substance to your self, attempt to think about the good in life and in people. Attend to your thoughts and if they begin to descend, raise them up.
When you are coming off amphetamines, focus on goodness, peace, love and light to avoid slipping in the shadows.
Just from my heart... not guaranteed to be right but it is right for me.
I used strong stimulants for awhile and I began to feel the coldest and loneliest heartache with every use.
I'm sorry to say that in my case, I didn't get out soon enough. The world looks dark and harsh to me, now.
Amphetamines were the forbidden fruit of the entire substance kingdom. The most stigmatized, universally hated chemical known to us.
In my personal experience, the use of stimulants opened my eyes to see the ugly undersides in people and places I held pure. I was living a naive, uninformed life before I medicated myself with stims.
Now I am acutely aware of the filth all around me. I wish I had stopped before the new perspective became permanent.
So while you are on your way back from the substance to your self, attempt to think about the good in life and in people. Attend to your thoughts and if they begin to descend, raise them up.
When you are coming off amphetamines, focus on goodness, peace, love and light to avoid slipping in the shadows.
Just from my heart... not guaranteed to be right but it is right for me.
Dude I started taking stimulants at around the same time as you; I remember you're thread which pointed out a little discomfort at experiencing euphoria. You really need to think of your prescription as a medicine, not a "drug".
TCMVegas
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2012
- Messages
- 147
1) Take amps because you need to do work
2) Read about awesome stuff online, clean your room, get chores done
3) Come down in the late afternoon / evening
4) Realize you didn't do more than 20 minutes of work
5) Vow that you need to be productive, tomorrow you'll be productive, for sure
6) Next morning: But how could I be productive if I don't take amphetamine?
Rinse, repeat.
2) Read about awesome stuff online, clean your room, get chores done
3) Come down in the late afternoon / evening
4) Realize you didn't do more than 20 minutes of work
5) Vow that you need to be productive, tomorrow you'll be productive, for sure
6) Next morning: But how could I be productive if I don't take amphetamine?
Rinse, repeat.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
MrSpeedyG, I'm wondering how you are doing?
I read a quote about loneliness by Elizabeth Gilbert that resonated with me:
And this, though I neglected to write down who said it:
I read a quote about loneliness by Elizabeth Gilbert that resonated with me:
And this, though I neglected to write down who said it:
Ksa
Ex-Bluelighter
Ok I read OP, I know exactly what you mean. Here's how you do to control your use:
1) First thing is to reject the use or quit approach. Tell yourself that you don't have to quit...why would you? Take it easy friend. Don't create unnecessary post-apocalyptic scenarios. The truth is your use is out of control. That is your problem. The problem is not the use itself.
2) This is the key element: After each amphetamine use, there is a time when you don't really feel like using in the near future. You need to carefully spot this moment and use it to temporarly quit the drug, for 1 day, 2 days, 3 days, for as long as you can. You'll be surprised that you'll find pleasure in eating and doing other stuff that's different from the binge.
3) After a while you will feel like binging again. It's normal. If you promised to yourself you would quit, relapsing would represent a failure, so you would get depressed and worsten the situation but it's not necessary. Use again, no problem and then try to spot that moment of clear mindness again to quit again.
4) Practice this schedule until you're able to stay clean on week-days and binge only during week-ends.
5) Get a job.
6) Keep binging during weekends, no pressure to quit or anything, it's fine. You got 99% of the control back, it's motive to party. Don't be hard on yourself.
7) Try to only use on saturday and rest or be productive on Sunday.
8) Debate weather or not you should quit completely or binge on week-ends.
1) First thing is to reject the use or quit approach. Tell yourself that you don't have to quit...why would you? Take it easy friend. Don't create unnecessary post-apocalyptic scenarios. The truth is your use is out of control. That is your problem. The problem is not the use itself.
2) This is the key element: After each amphetamine use, there is a time when you don't really feel like using in the near future. You need to carefully spot this moment and use it to temporarly quit the drug, for 1 day, 2 days, 3 days, for as long as you can. You'll be surprised that you'll find pleasure in eating and doing other stuff that's different from the binge.
3) After a while you will feel like binging again. It's normal. If you promised to yourself you would quit, relapsing would represent a failure, so you would get depressed and worsten the situation but it's not necessary. Use again, no problem and then try to spot that moment of clear mindness again to quit again.
4) Practice this schedule until you're able to stay clean on week-days and binge only during week-ends.
5) Get a job.
6) Keep binging during weekends, no pressure to quit or anything, it's fine. You got 99% of the control back, it's motive to party. Don't be hard on yourself.
7) Try to only use on saturday and rest or be productive on Sunday.
8) Debate weather or not you should quit completely or binge on week-ends.
Ksa
Ex-Bluelighter
Also, if you have problems with the comedowns, switch to a 100% dextro pure isomer and try to relax or meditate when it's wearing off. You're not doing anything wrong man, you haven't murdered anyone, you're a fine gentleman, respectable citizen, don't blame yourself. It's just chemistry, what comes up must come down. Just take something for the comedown. Control your emotions.
Ksa
Ex-Bluelighter
I've used d-amp for 7+ years without incident. The tachycardia occurs in the beginning, your body will adjust and those side effects will fade away, but only if you control your use. If your use is out of control, you will develop tolerance, the body never adjusts and you won't achieve anything. Get control. You can do this.
You know that time when you didn't really feel like using? And then you went like meh...what the hell, let's do this...and then got a bad high? Tell this to yourself, when you don't really feel like using, don't use cause guess what: the high is probably bad anyways. You got it! Control.
Man, i feel you pain with the loneliness.. i have ptsd from being bullied until i did something about it when i was in highschool. Plus other shit. Anyways i was more sober then not from 20-25. i smoked weed, drank (very very little) and took my benzos as prescibed. After trying to go legit and a accident that took my knees to a point where they will never be the same made me feel very helpless and lonely.
In sept 12 i broke up with the chick because she was just bringing me down. same in jan 13 and 2 weeks ago..You know how lonely i feel?? and after the last one i just went back to my 16-20 ways. im a full blown addict agaain. im back to square one after 5 YEARS of being pretty clean and "normal" "recreational" and being fully functional. Now im a mess thats ODed 3 times in the last month and a half.
Dont let some women(s) fuck you up like i let it to me. We look like idiots.
Edit- ive been through 20 ish women in my 25 years and tbh i was looking for my soulmate. i didnt find it. i dont think it exists anymore. so chances are u are gonna date again and break up again. my point is dont let it bring u down. We both neeed to learn to be happy and content on our own. and not need a women to feel complete.
hope my bs probs helps a little in showing the loneliness is everywhere.
Edit Edit- Most people do drugs to cover up some emotion man. loneliness is most definatly one of mine. Even though i look like one of the hardest people youd ever meet and would most likely cross the street to avoid having to step near me cuz of my apprence and apprently i never smile and have this look on my face that could kill 24/7. my point in this edit is to tell you as you look around the street day to day feel better knowing that you are not alone in ur suffering. The person u just walked past if prob just as lonely and sad as u. Were all fucked. atleast most of us are. seek comfort in that its not just you.
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Vaya
Bluelight Crew
Historically, my various addictions have all shared one specific taproot of creation: They begin as reactionary events. Following this, it does not surprise me in the least that your "sudden-onset addiction" occurred after a set of suddenly negative and isolating circumstances. But please don't spend time dwelling on the fact that it happened, my friend; to do so would be rumination. A waste of your time. Because right now, it is of the utmost importance that you re-establish a healthy connection with he who matters most: Yourself. Addictions tend to isolate us from family, friends and co-workers, but our freshly-clouded perception has difficulty recognizing that the more and the longer we continue to use, we become isolated from who we are. And, in doing so, we inadvertently become someone different. That is the reality of it, and frankly, I find it quite scary. It is surely one of the foremost reasons why long-term addicts in recovery cannot figure out what to do with themselves now that they are not using anymore. They have forgotten who they were before undergoing the ugly metamorphosis that chemical dependency facilitates!
Isn't it terrible that inevitably, in times of extreme duress, we discover that some (and sometimes all! of our "friends" were merely present for the fair weather? Until I entirely came to terms with the concept of social reciprocity - when two people connect because they can mutually benefit each other - I felt like the ugliest, most fowl and unworthy creature alive. To be abandoned - there is no painless way to come to terms with that, I'm afraid.
Having been there myself, I feel for you. It is wrong, and you deserve better than that. Have faith that once you find release from the bondage of this poison ritual you've been performing on yourself you will find that which you deserve. And it will be better.
I agree 100% with you that you recognize what's happening to you, what the catalyst was, what the destructive force is, and what the likely consequences will be if the progression continues to snowball as it has. I was convinced of this before reading the above quote when I read your astute observations of "the process" below:
I take away from the above passage two things:
I cannot believe you mentioned Meetup.com!! I have never seen anyone else post about it, ever. I wholeheartedly second herby's suggestion to check it out; I receive weekly news updates from them about the upcoming activities, locations and other pertinent information. It is neither a goofy hoax nor a dating site, but a site for people to do just what the title says: meet up. To engage in activities, together. Doing so opens up a world of possible new acquaintances and friends whom you may never otherwise have met, and the types of activities offered are all over the map - I always see at least one event I would be enthusiastic about attending. More often, I see four or five!
And finally, I have to end with quoting pteque on this brilliant statement that encapsulates a multiverse of truth within its concise sentences:
Recovery Support - - - Sober Living Forum
Peace & Love,
~ Vaya
MrSpeedyG said:
Isn't it terrible that inevitably, in times of extreme duress, we discover that some (and sometimes all! of our "friends" were merely present for the fair weather? Until I entirely came to terms with the concept of social reciprocity - when two people connect because they can mutually benefit each other - I felt like the ugliest, most fowl and unworthy creature alive. To be abandoned - there is no painless way to come to terms with that, I'm afraid.
Having been there myself, I feel for you. It is wrong, and you deserve better than that. Have faith that once you find release from the bondage of this poison ritual you've been performing on yourself you will find that which you deserve. And it will be better.MrSpeedyG said:
I agree 100% with you that you recognize what's happening to you, what the catalyst was, what the destructive force is, and what the likely consequences will be if the progression continues to snowball as it has. I was convinced of this before reading the above quote when I read your astute observations of "the process" below:
MrSpeedyG said:
I take away from the above passage two things:
- You are highly intelligent and posses an admirable capacity to objectively analyze situations, from beginning to end, in order to reliably predict an outcome. These are very valuable character attributes, and you have already been using them within the context of this very situation which I believe is an excellent way to begin to relieve yourself of this burden.
- You are personable. Indeed, from this and other posts, I believe that you would be a very like-able person in real life. If you can find it within you to believe it yourself, you have potential to yield a mighty social sword - and I doubt that this painful spell of isolation and seclusion will persist for much longer under these conditions. Obviously, however, your true personality shines brightest when you are clean and free of amphetamine addiction. Know this.
herbavore said:
I cannot believe you mentioned Meetup.com!! I have never seen anyone else post about it, ever. I wholeheartedly second herby's suggestion to check it out; I receive weekly news updates from them about the upcoming activities, locations and other pertinent information. It is neither a goofy hoax nor a dating site, but a site for people to do just what the title says: meet up. To engage in activities, together. Doing so opens up a world of possible new acquaintances and friends whom you may never otherwise have met, and the types of activities offered are all over the map - I always see at least one event I would be enthusiastic about attending. More often, I see four or five!And finally, I have to end with quoting pteque on this brilliant statement that encapsulates a multiverse of truth within its concise sentences:
pteque said:
Recovery Support - - - Sober Living Forum
Peace & Love,
~ Vaya