lol almost all prefixes apply. F my life. I'll even name names.

[Foerock]

I have MS (Multiple Sclerosis). I'm in a lot of pain and my eyes are failing (neuritis).

Fucked up twice 2004-2006, 2013-2014 wih a couple of heroin stints. Spent 2015 in prison because of reasons. Some meth use 2018 (~3 months total) and early 2021 (~3 months straight).

Also fucked up by growing up as a Saudi who is supposed to be Muslim and conservative but turned out otherwise. God forbid... I grew long hair, had tattoos, wore tore-up jeans and listened to Megadeth and Slayer. You get the idea. But you don't get MY idea.

For most you guys such a person is normal. Where I come from... to my family.... all the above mentioned = abomination; shame on the family.

You've got to be a nice Muslim boy, pray 5 times a day, and marry a virgin. I am not joking or exaggerating; my mother literally freaked and swore me off when I tried to marry my girlfriend, whom i have already has sex with. ALLAH FORBID! Wonder how she'd react if she knew the things I did to eat when I was homeless.

People in Saudi used to talk about me and my tattoos in public right next to me, using Arabic, automatically assuming I was a foeigner. I heard some nice things, but the prevalent theme was "look at that KAFIR, he will burn in hell". And of course I speak fluent Arabic and understood them all. And I never replied.

In short: I'm from a family (and society) that still believes homosexuality is a disease. 'Nuff said.

So let's sum it up:
-Drugs & alcohol: CHECK!
-Long hair, tattoos, dresses "weird": CHECK!
-Listens to "devil worshipping music": CHECK!
-Wants to "marry a whore": CHECK!
-"blasphemer": CHECK!

Now let's change the topic a bit. I have been institutionalized now for almost 7 years (with less than a year scattered about of time outside). I was tricked into flying to Malaysia in 2016 for a "28 day program". They took my passport away and since then, life has been locked doors and barred windows. I'm being held now in a rehab/psych ward in the Philippines. In the Philippines it's totally legal for rehab "pick-up" teams to beat you, cuff you and kidnap you.

My family really thinks that the peson I am is a mental illness that can be treated... F'n Freud style lol.

I've been the subject of and have witnessed much mental and physical abuse. And to back my words up, I will now name names. Let's go with two for starters...

1. Premkumar Shanmugam of Malaysia kept me in a place called "Mentalink" in Petaling Jaya where 25 people share 3 tooms and even clothes. Everyone had scabies; I used to scratch my balls till they bled. Two patients were chained to walls by their ankles, and physical abuse was common (though not to me, that one is next!). While I was there forgeries were made to my passport saying I've gone to Dubai and back December 2018 (for visa purposes). Never happened; I was at Mentalink from November to March.

2. "YAP Wellness Center" outsourced me (for profit) part of 2019 and all of 2020 to a rehab in Cebu/Mandaue, Philippines. Guards beat and handcuff people almost every day. I think they enjoy it. They find reasoms to yell, scream, and beat. I was cuffed on a matless springboard there many times and was severely beaten twice in Jan 2021. I watched them beat a client to death (the guy actually died; i witnessed MURDER) that same month... and all they got for that was a few months suspension now they're back in business.

Back to my MS. I'm on a lot of meds (Ritalin, Xanax, pregbalin, etc). One of them is tramadol (chronic pain). For a few days I noticed even though they're giving me my tramadol (supposedly 50mg/8 hrs), pain increased and I got some withdrawals. Then I realized they were giving me EMPTY CAPSULES. EMPTY FUCKING CAPSULES. I proved it by making the nurse open it before he gave me it.

Solution? Because I'm a drug addict, it's my fault, and the doctor orders the dose down to 50mg/12 hrs as a way to "teach me to control myself". They're selling me empty capsules and blaming me. I am writing this to direct my anger elsewhere cause I'm really close to hurting someone and and i don't wanna hurt anyone and also don't wanna have all four limbs restrained for a week shitting on a stretcher. Again.

F me man... my eyes hurt... my head...

 

[lovemissile66]

welcome and as-salaam-alaikum! very disturbing stuff and so sorry you cannot just be YOU and loved and accepted by your family. Its fucking universal, man. Interestingly, I just watched a documentary last night about the Elan School, in Poland, Maine. Fucking sociopaths ran the place and really got off on the abuse of teenagers, many of whom were wards of the state or runaways. Too many are not
with us now. But! What you went through makes Elan sound like a trip to Disneyworld.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I have MS (Multiple Sclerosis). I'm in a lot of pain and my eyes are failing (neuritis).

Fucked up twice 2004-2006, 2013-2014 wih a couple of heroin stints. Spent 2015 in prison because of reasons. Some meth use 2018 (~3 months total) and early 2021 (~3 months straight).

Also fucked up by growing up as a Saudi who is supposed to be Muslim and conservative but turned out otherwise. God forbid... I grew long hair, had tattoos, wore tore-up jeans and listened to Megadeth and Slayer. You get the idea. But you don't get MY idea.

For most you guys such a person is normal. Where I come from... to my family.... all the above mentioned = abomination; shame on the family.

You've got to be a nice Muslim boy, pray 5 times a day, and marry a virgin. I am not joking or exaggerating; my mother literally freaked and swore me off when I tried to marry my girlfriend, whom i have already has sex with. ALLAH FORBID! Wonder how she'd react if she knew the things I did to eat when I was homeless.

People in Saudi used to talk about me and my tattoos in public right next to me, using Arabic, automatically assuming I was a foeigner. I heard some nice things, but the prevalent theme was "look at that KAFIR, he will burn in hell". And of course I speak fluent Arabic and understood them all. And I never replied.

In short: I'm from a family (and society) that still believes homosexuality is a disease. 'Nuff said.

So let's sum it up:
-Drugs & alcohol: CHECK!
-Long hair, tattoos, dresses "weird": CHECK!
-Listens to "devil worshipping music": CHECK!
-Wants to "marry a whore": CHECK!
-"blasphemer": CHECK!

Now let's change the topic a bit. I have been institutionalized now for almost 7 years (with less than a year scattered about of time outside). I was tricked into flying to Malaysia in 2016 for a "28 day program". They took my passport away and since then, life has been locked doors and barred windows. I'm being held now in a rehab/psych ward in the the Philippines. In the Philippines it's totally legal for rehab "pick-up" teams to beat you, cuff you and kidnap you.

My family really thinks that the peson I am is a mental illness that can be treated... F'n Freud style lol.

I've been the subject of and have witnessed much mental and physical abuse. And to back my words up, I will now name names. Let's go with two for starters...

1. Premkumar Shanmugam of Malaysia kept me in a place called "Mentalink" in Petaling Jaya where 25 people share 3 tooms and even clothes. Everyone had scabies; I used to scratch my balls till they bled. Two patients were chained to walls by their ankles, and physical abuse was common (though not to me, that one is next!). While I was there forgeries were made to my passport saying I've gone to Dubai and back December 2018 (for visa purposes). Never happened; I was at Mentalink from November to March.

2. I spent part of 2019 and all of 2020 at a rehab called "180 DEGREES" in Cebu/Mandaue operated by Jotham Lois Cruz of Cebu/Mandaue, Philippines. He and his guards beat and handcuff people almost every day. I think they enjoy it. They find reasoms to yell, scream, and beat. I was cuffed on a matless springboard there many times and was severely beaten twice in Jan 2021. I watched them beat a client to death (the guy actually died; i witnessed MURDER) that same month... and all they got for that was a few months suspension now they're back in business. Jotham Cruz also gropes his female clients and sleeps with the willing, two of whom I know were minors (16 and I7, Jhana and Angie). He even impreg... never mind you get the idea.

Back to my MS. I'm on a lot of meds (Ritalin, Xanax, pregbalin, etc,). One of them is tramadol (chronic pain). For a few days I noticed even though they're giving me my tramadol (supposedly 50mg/8 hrs), pain increased and I got some withdrawals. Then I realized they were giving me EMPTY CAPSULES. EMPTY FUCKING CAPSULES. I proved it by making the nurse open it before he gave me it.

Solution? Because I'm a drug addict, it's my fault, and the doctor orders the dose down to 50mg/12 hrs as a way to "teach me to control myself". They're selling me empty capsules and blaming me. I am writing this to direct my anger elsewhere cause I'm really close to hurting someone and and i don't wanna hurt anyone and also don't wanna have all four limbs restrained for a week shitting on a stretcher. Again.

F me man... my eyes hurt... my head...

I'm so sorry you've had to experience all this. Do they allow tattoo shops in Saudi? The only reason I ask is because I wonder if you could somehow get to Europe or some country where you would not be subject to such horrible physical and mental abuse. Do you have any skills that could get you income? I only have experience with the US medical system but I know with a diagnosis of MS, you would most likely be eligible for disability payments once you were here long enough. It's not much money but it's better than nothing and comes with medical insurance that would cover the cost of your medications.

It sounds like your basic human rights have been and are being violated. Do you still depend on your family for anything? Because I hate to say it but it may be best not to seek help or any further assistance from your family. Like no communication with them at all ever again. Do you still have a passport?

 

[negrogesic]

Insane story. Sounds like a living nightmare.

If you are from a country that cares somewhat about their citizens you might consider contacting your embassy? I really have no clue.

 

[Foerock]

I'm so sorry you've had to experience all this. Do they allow tattoo shops in Saudi? The only reason I ask is because I wonder if you could somehow get to Europe or some country where you would not be subject to such horrible physical and mental abuse. Do you have any skills that could get you income? I only have experience with the US medical system but I know with a diagnosis of MS, you would most likely be eligible for disability payments once you were here long enough. It's not much money but it's better than nothing and comes with medical insurance that would cover the cost of your medications.

It sounds like your basic human rights have been and are being violated. Do you still depend on your family for anything? Because I hate to say it but it may be best not to seek help or any further assistance from your family. Like no communication with them at all ever again. Do you still have a passport?

Thank you so much for your kind words.

1. No, tattooing is illegal in Saudi. I got my tats in a time long, long ago when I had a successful HR career and was doing so good financially I'd vacation out of Saudi twice a year. Got my tats in the Netherlands, Turkey, and South Africa.

2. I am completely dependent on my family financially since I came out of prison. I lost everything in 2015 and have had nothing since because my family used the opportunity of my desperation to institutionalize me, to eliminate their "poblem".

3. I have literally been BEGGING them over the years (whenever there is contact, which is rare) to stop spending money on rehabs, and to just get me a one-way ticket to Europe or North America and let me be; cut me off. Let me live my life. If I succeed, hooray. If I fail, boo-hoo. But my current situation is neither life nor death. It's torture.

4. Skills? A lot of HR experience, quite well-versed with labor law and blablabla HR stuff (both HRM & HRD). i am quite a good guitarist and singer. When I was homeless but had a guitar, I NEVER went hungry. Busking for me was very successful; people complemented me often. Those complements used to make me so happy. Oh and the obvious: I am fluent as a native speaker in both English and Arabic. American accent; when I was studying in the states no one could tell I wasn't American.

5. I have a valid passport. Also, Philippines immigration is supposedly kicking me out this March. I've been told my family intends to send me to another facility in another country. But they can't force me onto an airplane so... idk. Was thinking to get myself deported home and busk since they say Saudi is more open now. Idk. I'm scared.

 

[Foerock]

Insane story. Sounds like a living nightmare.

If you are from a country that cares somewhat about their citizens you might consider contacting your embassy? I really have no clue.

Already tried. Guy on the phone was vey rude and refused to tell me his name. Couldn't reach anyone else and can't go there physically because they're in Manila (2-hour flight). All I got from calling them was an interrogation tegarding drug use. You know, cause I had to tell 'em I was in rehab.

 

[deficiT]

Fuck brother, that is a rough story. Take solace in the fact that something like that would've killed a lesser being a long time ago, so you clearly possess a great deal of strength and fortitude.

I have struggled with feeling different/alienate all of my life, but mostly due to my social inability and maladaptive behaviors. I have spent plenty of times time in institutions, rehabs, jail, etc. Especially in the last year. But I can't say I've had to experience something so dire.

It sounds like you've got plenty of skills, and once you're able to get out of this situation you can build a good life for yourself. Just hold on tight and get there, for your own sake. You have the power mate. Much love sent your way, we are always here if you need people to vent to, and you can personally reach out to me anytime you need to talk further or just need a friend in general. It's not much, but having people that are willing to understand you can be invaluable.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Thank you so much for your kind words.

1. No, tattooing is illegal in Saudi. I got my tats in a time long, long ago when I had a successful HR career and was doing so good financially I'd vacation out of Saudi twice a year. Got my tats in the Netherlands, Turkey, and South Africa.

2. I am completely dependent on my family financially since I came out of prison. I lost everything in 2015 and have had nothing since because my family used the opportunity of my desperation to institutionalize me, to eliminate their "poblem".

3. I have literally been BEGGING them over the years (whenever there is contact, which is rare) to stop spending money on rehabs, and to just get me a one-way ticket to Europe or North America and let me be; cut me off. Let me live my life. If I succeed, hooray. If I fail, boo-hoo. But my current situation is neither life nor death. It's torture.

4. Skills? A lot of HR experience, quite well-versed with labor law and blablabla HR stuff (both HRM & HRD). i am quite a good guitarist and singer. When I was homeless but had a guitar, I NEVER went hungry. Busking for me was very successful; people complemented me often. Those complements used to make me so happy. Oh and the obvious: I am fluent as a native speaker in both English and Arabic. American accent; when I was studying in the states no one could tell I wasn't American.

5. I have a valid passport. Also, Philippines immigration is supposedly kicking me out this March. I've been told my family intends to send me to another facility in another country. But they can't force me onto an airplane so... idk. Was thinking to get myself deported home and busk since they say Saudi is more open now. Idk. I'm scared.

No problem. I used to busk when I was homeless. People leaving restaurants would give us their leftover food so we never went hungry either.

I don't know anything about Saudi other than how brutal the government can be. I would just worry about ending up in another institution or jail or worse. There are states and cities in the US where it is more or less illegal to be homeless. The shit head governor of Texas recently passed a camping ban, which not only makes it illegal to camp in cities but also illegal to sit or lie down in any public space. I'm not ruling out the US as a place to go. As you have lived here before, you probably are aware of the varying politics of certain geographic regions within the US.

As I and others here can testify, being homeless is not a death sentence. It is sometimes just another step in a journey to bigger and better things. When I was a social worker several years ago, I was placed in an apartment complex where the nonprofit agency I worked for paid the rent for 10 refugee families. I helped people who had fled civil wars and violence in Africa, the Middle East, and even Cuba. I had one guy who was from a country neighboring Pakistan and he'd spent over 10 years in Russian prisons and institutions. He spoke like seven languages and had several university degrees. I don't remember how he ended up in Russia other than that he was previously a journalist and was probably deported over something he published. Anyways, he did have a mental illness and I helped him obtain Social Security Disability so that at least he had some steady income to buy food and essentials since all we did was cover the rent. I don't know how he's doing now since I left that job.

Since you may be leaving the Philippines in the spring, it seems like there is a glimmer of hope for you. Please don't lose hope that you can end this cycle of institutional torture. I don't know about Europe but in the US there are nonprofits that would hire you as an Arabic translator, if not as an employee then as a contract worker. I worked with many translators when I was a social worker and they appeared to make decent money.

 

[Foerock]

Thanks deficiT.

Jerry you sound cool AF bro good on you doin' such work. You're a better man than I.

I prefer being homeless (with a guitar; fuck being homeless without one) to this rehab hell I'm stuck in. They treat you like a less-than. They insult my intelligence and I keep tellin` `em, "I'm crazy, but I'm not STUPID". But nothing changes.

 

[dragonix]

I don't see myself sticking around no city if I wind up homeless. I see it turning me into a horrible criminal though.

Heaven forbid.

Hard lessons I suppose not everyone learns the same either.

Hope you find some healing one day that all sounds really rough makes me feel like I have been taking things in my own life for granted and need an attitude/outlook adjustment lol

 

[Freeverse]

I have MS (Multiple Sclerosis). I'm in a lot of pain and my eyes are failing (neuritis).

Fucked up twice 2004-2006, 2013-2014 wih a couple of heroin stints. Spent 2015 in prison because of reasons. Some meth use 2018 (~3 months total) and early 2021 (~3 months straight).

Also fucked up by growing up as a Saudi who is supposed to be Muslim and conservative but turned out otherwise. God forbid... I grew long hair, had tattoos, wore tore-up jeans and listened to Megadeth and Slayer. You get the idea. But you don't get MY idea.

For most you guys such a person is normal. Where I come from... to my family.... all the above mentioned = abomination; shame on the family.

You've got to be a nice Muslim boy, pray 5 times a day, and marry a virgin. I am not joking or exaggerating; my mother literally freaked and swore me off when I tried to marry my girlfriend, whom i have already has sex with. ALLAH FORBID! Wonder how she'd react if she knew the things I did to eat when I was homeless.

People in Saudi used to talk about me and my tattoos in public right next to me, using Arabic, automatically assuming I was a foeigner. I heard some nice things, but the prevalent theme was "look at that KAFIR, he will burn in hell". And of course I speak fluent Arabic and understood them all. And I never replied.

In short: I'm from a family (and society) that still believes homosexuality is a disease. 'Nuff said.

So let's sum it up:
-Drugs & alcohol: CHECK!
-Long hair, tattoos, dresses "weird": CHECK!
-Listens to "devil worshipping music": CHECK!
-Wants to "marry a whore": CHECK!
-"blasphemer": CHECK!

Now let's change the topic a bit. I have been institutionalized now for almost 7 years (with less than a year scattered about of time outside). I was tricked into flying to Malaysia in 2016 for a "28 day program". They took my passport away and since then, life has been locked doors and barred windows. I'm being held now in a rehab/psych ward in the Philippines. In the Philippines it's totally legal for rehab "pick-up" teams to beat you, cuff you and kidnap you.

My family really thinks that the peson I am is a mental illness that can be treated... F'n Freud style lol.

I've been the subject of and have witnessed much mental and physical abuse. And to back my words up, I will now name names. Let's go with two for starters...

1. Premkumar Shanmugam of Malaysia kept me in a place called "Mentalink" in Petaling Jaya where 25 people share 3 tooms and even clothes. Everyone had scabies; I used to scratch my balls till they bled. Two patients were chained to walls by their ankles, and physical abuse was common (though not to me, that one is next!). While I was there forgeries were made to my passport saying I've gone to Dubai and back December 2018 (for visa purposes). Never happened; I was at Mentalink from November to March.

2. I spent part of 2019 and all of 2020 at a rehab called "180 DEGREES" in Cebu/Mandaue operated by Jotham Lois Cruz of Cebu/Mandaue, Philippines. He and his guards beat and handcuff people almost every day. I think they enjoy it. They find reasoms to yell, scream, and beat. I was cuffed on a matless springboard there many times and was severely beaten twice in Jan 2021. I watched them beat a client to death (the guy actually died; i witnessed MURDER) that same month... and all they got for that was a few months suspension now they're back in business. Jotham Lois Cruz (who is married with children) also gropes his female clients and sleeps with the willing, two of whom I know were minors (16 and I7, Jhana and Angie). He even impreg... never mind you get the idea.

Back to my MS. I'm on a lot of meds (Ritalin, Xanax, pregbalin, etc). One of them is tramadol (chronic pain). For a few days I noticed even though they're giving me my tramadol (supposedly 50mg/8 hrs), pain increased and I got some withdrawals. Then I realized they were giving me EMPTY CAPSULES. EMPTY FUCKING CAPSULES. I proved it by making the nurse open it before he gave me it.

Solution? Because I'm a drug addict, it's my fault, and the doctor orders the dose down to 50mg/12 hrs as a way to "teach me to control myself". They're selling me empty capsules and blaming me. I am writing this to direct my anger elsewhere cause I'm really close to hurting someone and and i don't wanna hurt anyone and also don't wanna have all four limbs restrained for a week shitting on a stretcher. Again.

F me man... my eyes hurt... my head...

One day, you will have a new story to tell here about how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else's survival guide. @_@