Well, here goes....
All my life, I've had insane mood swings. When I was a kid, I threw fits and broke shit and was completely out of control at times. But I was always very smart- I still am. I'm self-educated. I have a remarkably good understanding of how things are and how things work, problem-solving skills and shit.
When I was 17, my dog got loose and ran across the street from my house to a church and barked at a few people. The city I live in can't have that so they decided to murder my dog.(euthenasia, whatever) From that moment, I became rediculously depressed. I started drinking excessively, taking any drug that was within my reach, cutting my arms and chest and stomach with razor blades and knives, burning myself and had constant, almost overbearing thoughts and dreams of suicide and murder. Generally, I not only didn't give a fuck about myself or anything else, but I really hated everyone and everything and I didn't know why. This was for about two years or so. Of course, I had plenty of decent times, usually drug-fueled, but this burning hatred for humanity and for myself was always in the back of my mind. Just like that, I started to snap out of it.
I had a good year and a half where I really felt like I had a pretty good handle on my depression. Of course, I was still tortured by the terrible headaches I've been having since I was about fifteen.
I got a good-paying job, a really nice car, a wonderful girlfriend- shit was looking up. What happens? As quickly as my depression seemed to fade away before, I started to feel like I was losing my mind. This was about four or five months ago. I started having unbearable mood swings every few minutes, literally. I would be completely elated and without any provocation become furious. Moments later, I'm practically tweaking, only to nearly burst into tears for no good reason the next. I started slicing my forearms open with a box cutter one night- something I hadn't done in over two years and something I promised myself I would never do again. That told me I needed some kind of help- especially since I finally had insurance again.
Off to the neurologist to see why I am having these damned headaches. Maybe he could refer me to someone who could tell me why I'm having these damned mood swings. After shitloads of tests and bloodwork and an MRI, he decided that I have chronic cluster headaches. He gave me indomethacin.(grass clippings) They didn't do shit. I was referred to a psychiatrist who, after written tests and a few long consultations with a psychologist, diagnosed me with rapid-cycling bipolar. The neurologist decided that lithium would be good for both the headaches and the bipolar. So far, it hasn't done a thing for the headaches and it's definitely choked the moods a bit, but I really feel like I'm not myself. I'm usually the funny guy, you know? On this shit, I don't act up at all. I know that's what its purpose is, but I think I'd rather have my mood swings than this. Anyways, thanks for reading. I'll be back later. Peace.