Life's a bitch, and then you die !

[django47]

Here we are at last, the conclusion to all the hype on TV and in all the stores. Of course I'm talking about Christmas. BUT WAIT A MOMENT ! this is no different to any other day of the year, at least for me it's not. Same thing every year since the 70s. The reason, I'm a sad and lonely bastard who has lost everything and everyone because my whole life revolves around my heroin addiction.
I would never have believed that I would still be at it when I was in my 60s, but the years have flown by without me realising. It's like waking up from a coma and realising that you have missed a large chunk of your life. Sadly it's the best part I've lost because even in a coma, time never stands still and the best years are when we are young. By the time one realises what has happened it's too late, it's almost time to die.
I know it's too late for regrets, but you can't help it. The best you can do is hope that maybe, just maybe, somebody will look at me and say, "No way am I gonna end up like that sad old bastard", and live the one and only life they are ever going to receive. Junkies have no friends, only aquaintencies. Eventually all loved ones will fall by the wayside untill in the end you are alone. And when you die, no one will miss you, because your preference for drugs has long since driven them all away.

 

[panic in paradise]

so, youth is wasted on the young?
i thought so...


lifes a bitch, but that bitch make me try??

 

[ferrita]

Yeah dajango, I hear ya' loud and clear. 50 and in almost the same boat. ~e went to same school just different places and times. I'm clean from junk but addicted to pills due to disease. I walk the line between addiction and dependance every damn day.

I'm alone. I'm broke. I've lost everything. And for christmas I sit her alone and broke and just want enough drugs to sleep through it. No one to call and wish merry christmas except dealers.........and they don't care either.

Like you said its just a different......as the old saying goes same shit different day.

You may be bout the only one I mutter this to today but Merry Christmas.

Tammie

 

[Legerity]

It's never too late to change something if that's what you want. I've seen people in their 60's and 70's go to rehab and completely fix up their lives. It sounds like you are surrendering to your current situation and giving up hope. That is completely understandable, sometimes it just doesn't seem like it's possible to get out of a certain situation. But if you don't even give yourself a chance then it's guaranteed that nothing will change.

 

[UnfortunateSquid]

It's never too late to change.

I think sometimes the thought (or knowledge) that you've already thrown away so much, can become the excuse not to actually change.

"Why bother now, I've already pissed away the best part of my life", "I had my chance but I've blown it".

Nonsense, it's never too late to change. Even if one only has 5 more years to live, which is conservative, look how long Burroughs went on, 5 years is a hell of a long time to do good things in.

Sometimes the happiest man is the one who's made the change late in his life. I'm not at all religious, but the christian god seems happy enough to take in those who repent at the last minute - better late than never!

My great uncle drank all his life, and although he was a very successful man, he was always a heavy drinker and it certainly made his life less happy than it could have been; he was always a very cynical man with not too much time for other people, difficult and a bit of a bastard really. In his late 60s his liver finally packed in after years of being told that he'd die if he didn't stop drinking. He managed to get a liver transplant (he really, really shouldn't have been able to at his age & with his drinking habits, but he managed it) and got his 2nd chance.

He's a lovely guy now, loads of time for anyone, generous (he was always tight as a gnat's arsehole before), kind, the joie de vivre pours out of him, and although he's 70-odd now he says it's the best thing that ever happened to him. I know that his story is not really the same at all, it's much easier to be faced with this "quit or die" scenario than to have to make the change yourself, it just seemed relevant so I told it

I suppose the choice is between the end of your life (which might be in 20 years man, let's be positive eh!) being the predictable outcome of the tail end of a long decline, or... who knows what!! Plenty of people have accomplished great things in late life.

There was a guy called Oscar Swahn who won his first olympic medal (in shooting, haha, not everything's so great when you're getting on a bit ) at the age of 60, the Hare Krishna guy A.C.B Swami Prabhupada founded the movement when he was 70! Liz Smith (the granny in the Royle Family, she's a bloody national treasure) only took up acting in her 50s, she worked in a shop or something nondescriptly before that, and there are a million writers that only took it up late in life(the Marquis de Sade & the guy that wrote Watership Down both took it up in their fifties).

I'm not saying you'll set the world on fire if you kick the habit, or that it would be anything but a long, hard, terrifying thing to do, but I bet it would be worth it just to see the faces of all those people who'd given up hope and force them to eat their words eh!

I'm not sure what made me ramble on so long in this post, this thread caught my eye and I started writing hours ago. Anyway, fuck, it's christmas and we all need some hope!!

There's always someone here to listen anyway. Best of luck for the future and merry christmas to you.