life without dex

[MrsGamp]

it is 8 am on a Sunday morning. I am on my second drink and have just eaten 3 Valium.

I am thinking of writing my dealer a letter. I suspect he thinks his phone is tapped. Actually it probably is because he was busted and narrowly
avoided prison. On phone he said he was giving it away for this reason. But he's a greedy bastard and will miss the $1000s he was making every week, surely?
and the cops can't read his mail,
surely?
Or is writing a letter a dumb assed idea borne of 8am boozing?
Also I have only ten dollars left til Thursday and nothing to eat. I'll need that for more wine. I'll have to
shoplift a loaf or bread.
Or sit in the street with a hat. Whatever.
At least I am a hit on TikTok.

 

[JessFR]

I have no idea if they're reading his mail, but I will say this.

We are fortunate to live in a world with reliable encryption that makes it virtually impossible for the authorities to see what's being said to each other when used properly.

Or more to the point, used at all. This used to madden me with my dealers and my druggie social group. We have such powerful technology at our disposal if only people would use it!

What I'm saying here is the right way is to send him a message using a pgp system.

 

[JessFR]

Also I have only ten dollars left til Thursday and nothing to eat. I'll need that for more wine. I'll have to
shoplift a loaf or bread.
Or sit in the street with a hat. Whatever.
At least I am a hit on TikTok.

Oh just to add to that. In my experience, and admittedly this is gonna vary a bit. Begging is an extremely easy and effective way to get a LOT of food, or money for food.

When I was a beggar, I never had to buy food with the money I got cause I always got more food than I could eat in one day entirely independent of the money I got. There's a good chunk of people who wanna help you but are under the, in my case entirely correct, impression that I'd use any money for drugs. So they just buy food and give you that.

Just a thought. I'm not saying I never stole when I was desperate, just that I never stole food. Never needed too.

 

[MrsGamp]

I have no idea if they're reading his mail, but I will say this.

We are fortunate to live in a world with reliable encryption that makes it virtually impossible for the authorities to see what's being said to each other when used properly.

Or more to the point, used at all. This used to madden me with my dealers and my druggie social group. We have such powerful technology at our disposal if only people would use it!

What I'm saying here is the right way is to send him a message using a pgp system.

Thanks... unfortunately dealer is an elderly guy and has a made a point of never doing biz on a mobile phone ... which is just as well or he probably WOULD be in prison.

For some reason, during this difficult time, I am taking solace from "disgraced former detective" Roger Rogerson, a 1980s New South Wales detective who was famously corrupt. Have just watched a mini series about him ("Blue Murder") and am settling in with my port to watch his 60 Minutes interview.



His catchphrase seems to have been "fuck em".

Just shop lifted 2 roast dinners from Woolies. Don't give me shit about this, anyone! I was starving. Could've eaten the crotch off a low flying chook...

 

[MrsGamp]

PS I don't admire Roger Rogerson. What a prick.

 

[JessFR]

Thanks... unfortunately dealer is an elderly guy and has a made a point of never doing biz on a mobile phone ... which is just as well or he probably WOULD be in prison.

For some reason, during this difficult time, I am taking solace from "disgraced former detective" Roger Rogerson, a 1980s New South Wales detective who was famously corrupt. Have just watched a mini series about him ("Blue Murder") and am settling in with my port to watch his 60 Minutes interview.



His catchphrase seems to have been "fuck em".

Just shop lifted 2 roast dinners from Woolies. Don't give me shit about this, anyone! I was starving. Could've eaten the crotch off a low flying chook...

I doubt many people here will care about your minor shoplifting.

A lot of us have probably done worse and have no right to judge.

 

[TripSitterNZ]

Writing a letter should be okay but sometimes those police watch people and then go through their trash and read everything. I use to go without eating during my stim addiction aswell when i had no money those supermarkets make billions of dollars a year anyway ripping everybody with overpriced food so don't feel bad. I was a walking skeleton during the height of my use. Use to steal food back in college to get by aswell.

I wish you all the best in your struggles i know you can win this battle. Once you get through the early weeks its gets so much better but also cravings are difficult to deal with but after feeling empty and soulless for all my years on stims when the day came i could feel happy again without using speed let me know to never touch it again and i still get cravings after two years clean.

It use to irk me when the government said there is all this support around but in reality there was nothing it pains me to see so many people in NZ and australia all fighting this battle and the government has literally done fuck all to help all these people in pain.

 

[Shady's Fox]

You should get sober, there's more to life than gettin high.

 

[MrsGamp]

I can't stay sober because I am disgusted with myself for being unable to stay sober.

I am not getting out of it for fun but to avoid the degree of contempt I feel towards myself.

Vicious circle, if you'll pardon the cliche.

 

[MrsGamp]

I can't stay sober because I am diqsgusted with myself for being unable to stay sober.

I am not getting out of it for fun but to avoid the degree of contempt I feel towards myself.

Vicious circle, if you'll pardon the cliche.

there's an irony here obviously but does it merit the business?

 

[JessFR]

You should get sober, there's more to life than gettin high.

A lot of us "should" get off drugs. It's not gonna happen though cause a lot of us are addicts and if we ever get off drugs it'll be when we're good and ready.

 

[MrsGamp]

that said I am sure I ought to give it a TRY (sobriety) - have done it before. But I was younger then and had a stake in Real Life. Like
my daughter and a job I loved...

In a few years I will be 50. Career despoiled. Horribly self-loathing. TBH right now if I didn't have drugs - no drugs ever- I think I'd be battling to avoid actual suicide plans.

Harm minimisation is best I can do at the moment.

 

[Jabberwocky]

that said I am sure I ought to give it a TRY (sobriety) - have done it before. But I was younger then and had a stake in Real Life. Like
my daughter and a job I loved...

In a few years I will be 50. Career despoiled. Horribly self-loathing. TBH right now if I didn't have drugs - no drugs ever- I think I'd be battling to avoid actual suicide plans.

Harm minimisation is best I can do at the moment.

I'm 50 already. I lost (nay, totally fucking despoiled) my job as a partner in a major global consulting firm due to being batshit insane and having an IV coke habit. I didn't do anything for 5 years (except feel sorry for myself, develop a meth habit and get made bankrupt by a vengeful ex-wife). Then I decided to get sober and pursue my intellectual interests which led to a healthy relationship and a productive drug-free 5 years (ending only with this current bi-polar related binge now itself ending). I don't hold myself up as a paragon of recovery, abstinence, sanity, or anything else, but I do know that life rolls through stages, good and bad, and that we greatly influence our future life trajectory by the decisions we make each day. Your life won't turn on a dime, no-one's ever does, but 50 ain't so old and if you make a few good choices now perhaps you could be celebrating yout half-century in style. Stranger things have happened. I made it from bankrupt IV coke addict to Harvard in 4 years. And you already have a PhD to leverage.

 

[MrsGamp]

I'm 50 already. I lost (nay, totally fucking despoiled) my job as a partner in a major global consulting firm due to being batshit insane and having an IV coke habit. I didn't do anything for 5 years (except feel sorry for myself, develop a meth habit and get made bankrupt by a vengeful ex-wife). Then I decided to get sober and pursue my intellectual interests which led to a healthy relationship and a productive drug-free 5 years (ending only with this current bi-polar related binge now itself ending). I don't hold myself up as a paragon of recovery, abstinence, sanity, or anything else, but I do know that life rolls through stages, good and bad, and that we greatly influence our future life trajectory by the decisions we make each day. Your life won't turn on a dime, no-one's ever does, but 50 ain't so old and if you make a few good choices now perhaps you could be celebrating yout half-century in style. Stranger things have happened. I made it from bankrupt IV coke addict to Harvard in 4 years. And you already have a PhD to leverage.

You're a honey. Thank you for your openness. Loved "I made it from bankrupt IV coke addict to Harvard in 4 years." That takes BALLS, it really does, especially when you're not 25 anymore and have "despoiled" one career plus had the Vengeance Drama from an ex.

Very encouraging message, and thank you.

I took my 60 mgs mirtazapine early because I do NOT want to get pissed today. So shan't drivel on. But thank you. Thank you.