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Blog Life is Hard

BehindtheShadow

BehindtheShadow

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Been going through a bit of a crisis at home with a possible retrenchment coming up and my business not doing well.

I also keep suffering from an assault that took place earlier in the year, just when I think I'm going to be OK then I get triggers.

I know I'm not the only one with problems but right now I find it hard to get out of bed or be a functioning person.

So yeah just thought I'd share

Much <3
BtS
 
I've missed you so much bts. <3

This situation sucks for anyone, but especially for you in your specific situation. Living in that environment with so much hostility and racism all around you.

Are you on any/new medication? Does it trigger randomly or do you have specific ones?
 
I'm on serdep with is an anti depressant and I take Ativan for anxiety so nothing new Mal.

Just triggers certain smells etc can't be alone I'm always scared.

At Soso a retrenchment is losing your job due to downsizing of a company.

And I don't really like to talk about it but I was attacked and raped in my driveway after work earlier in the year
 
Ah, BtS, :( Am beyond heartbroken to hear that you went through that shit.
Just know you from your posts and they always resonated am sorry you have to endure this bullshit put upon you.

In relation to attacks, I was talking to a neighbour last week who endured a physical attack and her doc diagnosed her with PTSD

I am going to suggest the usual; psychotherapy; this is a given with a GOOD therapist - also, and when you are ready some weight training/self defence like Krav Maga to support yourself, alongside therapy ( when your ready and only with a trainer you can talk to about personal boundaries and that you trust.


Always loved to see your posts on here - I really hope you can get yourself back to base- jesus just your post means you are willing to fight off this shit/fear. Go easy and at your own pace. I really hope you do everything in your power to help yourself through this, and seek an army of support ( that will come) as, you deserve it to. <3
 
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BehindtheShadow said:
I'm on serdep with is an anti depressant and I take Ativan for anxiety so nothing new Mal.

Just triggers certain smells etc can't be alone I'm always scared.

At Soso a retrenchment is losing your job due to downsizing of a company.

And I don't really like to talk about it but I was attacked and raped in my driveway after work earlier in the year
Click to expand...

What dosage do they have you on for the Ativan?

I looked up serdep, I see it's the same as Zoloft which I was on for a while several years ago. Does it help you? I didn't do much for me.
 
It has helped I take 200mgs a day

The Ativan is a sublingual not sure on the strength to be honest.

I try only to take when I'm having a panic attack Mal.

I feel like I've given up on myself, I've gained weight, I don't gym anymore, I cry all the time.

Not very healthy to be honest
 
It's so ridiculous that I can't even stay one night on my own.

My hubby had gone to do business last night and I had a freak out being on my own last night and so I had to call my mum to be with me.

Not fair to the little one, she knows something is wrong when I'm jumpy, constantly looking out windows rechecking doors locked etc

I feel like I'm losing my mind
 
It's gonna take some time bts but you're working on it. I think you're doing good. Those behaviors and feeling like you're losing your mind are common, I'm sure, for people who have been through what you have.

I think they ought to give you something a little stronger than Ativan based on the intensity of your panic attacks.
 
mal3volent said:
It's gonna take some time bts but you're working on it. I think you're doing good. Those behaviors and feeling like you're losing your mind are common, I'm sure, for people who have been through what you have.

I think they ought to give you something a little stronger than Ativan based on the intensity of your panic attacks.
Click to expand...

I don't really want to take anything stronger because of my history with abuse and I really love benzos so I try stay away.

As hard as this is on me it's my family who are getting the worst of it.

I just try not to be an arsehole but I always end up acting like one anyway.

Very unfair to my hubby and heaven knows he's been trying, very supportive dealing with me through my worst. Can honestly say that I know that he loves me, well and truly does accepts every bad behaviour or a whole day of crying and never an angry word.

Don't get me wrong I am trying to be "normal" but it's hard
 
Asclepius said:
Ah, BtS, :( Am beyond heartbroken to hear that you went through that shit.
Just know you from your posts and they always resonated am sorry you have to endure this bullshit put upon you.

In relation to attacks, I was talking to a neighbour last week who endured a physical attack and her doc diagnosed her with PSD

I am going to suggest the usual; psychotherapy; this is a given with a GOOD therapist - also, and when you are ready some weight training/self defence like Krav Maga to support yourself, alongside therapy ( when your ready and only with a trainer you can talk to about personal boundaries and that you trust.


Always loved to see your posts on here - I really hope you can get yourself back to base- jesus just your post, means you are willing to firght off this shit/fear. Go easy and at your own pace. I really hope you do everything in your power to help yourself through this, and seek an army of support ( that will come) as, you deserve to. <3
Click to expand...

Thank you for this xxx
 
BehindtheShadow said:
I don't really want to take anything stronger because of my history with abuse and I really love benzos so I try stay away.

As hard as this is on me it's my family who are getting the worst of it.

I just try not to be an arsehole but I always end up acting like one anyway.

Very unfair to my hubby and heaven knows he's been trying, very supportive dealing with me through my worst. Can honestly say that I know that he loves me, well and truly does accepts every bad behaviour or a whole day of crying and never an angry word.

Don't get me wrong I am trying to be "normal" but it's hard
Click to expand...

If you're in love with someone, they enjoy being there for you in your time of need. I'm not saying it's a cake walk, but I'm sure there's nothing else he'd rather be doing than helping you through this.

I feel you on the benzo thing. That's a healthy mindset to have.
 
mal3volent said:
If you're in love with someone, they enjoy being there for you in your time of need. I'm not saying it's a cake walk, but I'm sure there's nothing else he'd rather be doing than helping you through this.

I feel you on the benzo thing. That's a healthy mindset to have.
Click to expand...

Agreed Mal however I havent been the best person to be around lately but yes i agree with you.
I have been blessed to have him in my life and for him to love me
 
BehindtheShadow said:
Been going through a bit of a crisis at home with a possible retrenchment coming up and my business not doing well.

I also keep suffering from an assault that took place earlier in the year, just when I think I'm going to be OK then I get triggers.

I know I'm not the only one with problems but right now I find it hard to get out of bed or be a functioning person.

So yeah just thought I'd share

Much <3
BtS
Click to expand...
Your not alone man thanks for sharing
 
I can't even imagine the rollercoaster of dreadful emotions you must be going through. Some people are actually evil, this attack was in a very real way also an assault against your loved ones. I can't get over just how much courage you have to write about it on here. Thinking of you and your family.
 
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