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TDS Life is good!

BabyGurl3171

BabyGurl3171

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Joined
May 25, 2010
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In my mind. The choices are many, the consequences
Just wanted to share my excitement!

I paid my fine off in full, I'm doin the single mom thing just fine, I'm happier & my mom took my 10 yr old for me to get a break! She's been a handful lately.

Idiot hasn't been botherin me. I got a great new psych dr who put me on meds that are doin great AND he's not med happy. I'm only on klonopin, geodon & Zoloft. I'm on other meds for health probs but at least my new dr isn't tryin to drug cover my issues :)

I feel so great & strong! I never thought I could do this but I'm stronger than I thought.

Thanks for readin guys!

Oh & my counselor said my lists I made (in another post) was great and showed that I'm ready to fully cooperate in improving my health & life :)
 
That's great to hear BabyGurl!
Stay positive and stay committed to being the best person you can be.
 
Good stuff BBG. Just remember to not let the highs get so high as it makes the lows feel even lower (if that even makes sense). It's not sexy, but slow and steady wins the race. But congrats...you're doing it and doing it well.
 
I know exactly what you mean aliencowstorm. We all have our highs and lows when dealing with addiction. I often find myself in an almost manic state when I have just kicked and been clean for a short period of time. I feel so amazing to be sober and not be dependent on a drug to feel good. Its empowering to the self and makes you feel like you don't ever need drugs again, that this passion and love for life will last forever and you are a changed person. Unfortunately this passion, this excitement will not last for ever and may not even last for long. Old thought patterns will emerge as well as cravings. Its easy to get discouraged when reality goes from the most exciting, promising thing, to just... well normality, every day life. Stay strong and remember what this feels like. Remember who you are and how much better you can be as long as you stick to this path. Even if the dialogue in your head turns to the dark side, remember that these feelings of excitement and optimism for your future are representative of the real you. Just because your emotional state and passion about it changes, it doesn't mean your life has to. I think what I was talking about is called the pink cloud or something in AA/NA..
 
That's really good to hear :-)
I am so happy for you.. The excitement in your post shines through like nothing else <3
 
Thanks everyone!! :)

I do still use but I really cut back from old habits. I do benzos n opiates but not like I use to at all. less then 75% of what I use to use. I'm workin on cuttin that also tho.

I still go to NA and I'm leadin the meetings in Aug :)

I know what u mean about the highs and lows. I am bipolar (according to two drs but not my new one lol) and I get mania spells so I try to keep myself evened out.

All in all I think this is a great turn to a new chapter in life!
 
So...not a great update.

The new psych obviously has issues himself bc when I took my kids he was completely diff. He was a straight jerk. Found out thru the kids' counselor that he's already been reported several times. Just my damn luck. He fucked my kids meds all up. My oldest is autistic n we just got her straightened out. Wtf?! I'm prayin she doesn't start flippin out n havin episodes again...

I, like an idiot, ate all my kpins so no benzos. Altho I got myself thru a bad attack on the road with no meds :) Gonna pick some up from a friend on Mon tho.

Like a complete moron, I gave idiot another go n he fucked it all up so I broke it off again n he's leavin state tonight. Got mixed feelings on that...

All around not sure what I'm feelin. Numb n empty kinda fits it atm.

My counselor wants me to write 5 things I'm grateful for everyday. I wanted to write thankful I didn't kill anyone...haha. They gotta b all diff.

So, yeah. Not such a great feelin anymore. I must b in that low...

But on another topic, my fiancee of 5 yrs is getting out of prison on Mon. I haven't seen him in 10 mons. Mixed feelings there too bc I don't wanna "rebound" with him. But what if this recent ex was the "rebound" bc my fiancee got taken away without warnin n I was lonely?

Got a lot to work out.
 
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