Letter to a friend (form of self-therapy)

[25I_am_so_wonderfu]

I just wrote this letter that I did not intend as a form of self-therapy. I'd been pretty bitter about a falling out with a friend for a while. I don't know what happened that caused this falling out but now that I have stopped drinking I sort of see the friendship in a new light. Here is my letter:


Dear friend,
I don't know if you still think about me or even care. We became friends in an especially vulnerable point in my life. I'd like you to know I no longer drink alcohol or smoke pot or pop pills but still struggle with the urges to everyday. At one point, I was very resentful towards you for what I perceived as you abandoning me in my time of need. In retrospect, I see all the ways I was mistaken in this assumption. I mean absolutely no offense or disrespect when I say this but we weren't friends so much as we were people who liked to get fucked up together. I'm sorry if this is disappointing to hear but it was just as disappointing for me to come to this conclusion. This was just the nature relationship because this was all I cared about and I didn't even realize it. With drugs and alcohol clouding my judgement, I held you to a higher standard that I was myself was not capable on living up to and grew angry when you were unable to live up to it. Sobriety has forced me to re-examine things. It is time to let go of the past and learn from it. I can no longer cling on to this bitterness. With time, I have realized it was not bitterness directed at you, but merely at my misconstrued vision of who I thought you were and what I thought our friendship was about. Bitterness is a poison that I can no longer continuing consuming. It works synergistically with alcohol and all the vices of escapism I can no longer afford to have in my life. This things will destroy your soul and your life so subtly. Substance abuse has robbed me of a parent and despite this, I continued in the exact footsteps so arrogantly thinking I was somehow stronger than these mind and mood altering substances. Substance abuse has robbed more of more time, money, friends and opportunity than I could ever imagine. I hope you do not let substance abuse disrupt your life the way I let it do mine and I hope you do not let people like the person I was bring you down. I say goodbye and I am sorry with utmost sincerity.

 

[herbavore]

^ that is an unbelievable powerful and beautiful letter. The line, "Bitterness is a poison that I can no longer continuing consuming", is something that we would all do well to understand. We live in a culture that teaches us to blame, to hate and to fear. Our TV and radio waves in the U.S. particularly are full of self-righteous indignation and finger- pointing diatribes. Everything is designed to whip up our anger and bitterness and rarely are we called upon to see our own imperfection as no different from anyone else. Accepting the humanity of others is a path to accepting our own and vice versa and yet it is such a struggle. The forgiveness of your friend in your letter and the forgiveness of yourself is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing this sincere piece of writing with the rest of us.

 

[25I_am_so_wonderfu]

Thank you. I appreciate your support and kind words. It became clear to me a long time ago that there would not be any going back in regards to this friendship, yet I still had an incredibly hard time moving on. Writing this was very important to me and has been like a breath of fresh air. Believe it or not, I can already feel the ease of acceptance to move on and let go of my anger. Letting go of ones anger and bitterness is an extremely empowering feeling.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Thank you for this. I know we don't know each other, but I'm proud of you.