Help! Letter: Should I Mail It?

[Hannah Capps]

April 1, 2025

Mor Mor: (Swedish for Best Mother, or Grandmother)

You've been blacklisted from my phone contact list. I don't want to hear about your monetary misery. Freeze all three of your accounts with the credit bureaus; look up how to do this online.

I've helped you since I was 12 years old.

Ask the other grandchildren to assist you, like Jonathan, Rachel, Michele, and Lydia.

Or better yet, take advantage of the services you're paying for. Schedule around the bus ride and stop relying on others to assist you.

I'm done helping you. I'm over your endless manipulation and guilt-tripping.

I'd help you regardless of pay in a heartbeat, and you know this!

Aside from Mom and Mark, Butch, as the eldest, refuses to help you, nursing the bottle like an overgrown infant!

He needs to step up, grow up, or shut up.

Bethel was the best thing he had going for him.

Yet he continues to choose addiction over family, friends, and the healing love of Jesus.

Unlike Butch, I refuse to return to where I was three years ago.

The buck stops here.

This is my concrete boundary.

I've reached my limit.

Respectfully,

Hannah C.​

You all know me; I'm a peacemaker, but this has reached it's limit. My grandma writes letters, and so in kind I'm doing her the curtisy of writing her one, making my feelings respectfully but clearly known. I'm wondering if you all were in my shoes, would you send the letter? I'm at an impass. She'll continue to do the same thing countless times over if I don't establish in writing where I'm coming from. We're both adults; I feel I'm being respectful of her age (92) and yet communicating in a clear manner. Needless to say, this will indeed create waves, conflict, and, well, angst with my mom and dad. My family has been the default family to assist her, gladly, I might add, for 42 years because we've been the closest to her. I now understand why my two uncles moved out of state. I'm thinking mainly of my poor mom; she's been the fall gal for her entire life. She's about to retire this summer. She's been a nurse for 45 years! My grandma never has a polite thing to say about my dad or my sister, among other 'black sheep' in the family. By the way, being on her good list is just as awful as being on her crap list. Mainly for the sake of my parents, whom I still live with, is why I'm asking. Is sending this letter worth it?
thanks.

 

[Hannah Capps]

Skrew it; I'm just going to mail it. Damn the consaquenses. Sometimes, things have to be said. I'm not her doormat. Nor will I be anymore.

 

[paltatomate]

Skrew it; I'm just going to mail it. Damn the consaquenses. Sometimes, things have to be said. I'm not her doormat. Nor will I be anymore.

that's my girl!
now that you made your point clear to your grandma, you have to act accordingly.
unless the letter was to vent and just writing wasn't enough.
you will know when the waves of conflict begin.
i hope they won't come, but if they do, that your family will stand behind you.

 

[Jnowhere]

You all know me; I'm a peacemaker, but this has reached it's limit. My grandma writes letters, and so in kind I'm doing her the curtisy of writing her one, making my feelings respectfully but clearly known. I'm wondering if you all were in my shoes, would you send the letter? I'm at an impass. She'll continue to do the same thing countless times over if I don't establish in writing where I'm coming from. We're both adults; I feel I'm being respectful of her age (92) and yet communicating in a clear manner. Needless to say, this will indeed create waves, conflict, and, well, angst with my mom and dad. My family has been the default family to assist her, gladly, I might add, for 42 years because we've been the closest to her. I now understand why my two uncles moved out of state. I'm thinking mainly of my poor mom; she's been the fall gal for her entire life. She's about to retire this summer. She's been a nurse for 45 years! My grandma never has a polite thing to say about my dad or my sister, among other 'black sheep' in the family. By the way, being on her good list is just as awful as being on her crap list. Mainly for the sake of my parents, whom I still live with, is why I'm asking. Is sending this letter worth it?
thanks.

You got the date wrong it is March 1 2025. Not April 1 2025, not April fools day.
Grandma has been bleeding you dry, save the money and buy a calender.
Helping her since 12, I hope you don't mean financially helping at 12 years old?
Wow my family only has one black sheep, Me

 

[Jnowhere]

that's my girl!
now that you made your point clear to your grandma, you have to act accordingly.
unless the letter was to vent and just writing wasn't enough.
you will know when the waves of conflict begin.
i hope they won't come, but if they do, that your family will stand behind you.

Ah, lacroute read the letter; that is exactly where waves of conflict will come from if they do; from her family, who else?

 

[paltatomate]

the first wave of conflict would come from the grandmother because she would want to keep the status quo.
then the family wpould get wind of it, and of course they would want to know what's up.
that's when @Hannah Capps would have to make her standpoint clear to them.
and that's when i hope they will understand and back her up.
or at least stfu about it.

 

[Jnowhere]

the first wave of conflict would come from the grandmother because she would want to keep the status quo.
then the family wpould get wind of it, and of course they would want to know what's up.
that's when @Hannah Capps would have to make her standpoint clear to them.
and that's when i hope they will understand and back her up.
or at least stfu about it.

Needless to say, this will indeed create waves,conflict, and, well, angst with my mom and dad. from Hannah Capps post. Also she lives with mom and dad.

 

[Jnowhere]

the first wave of conflict would come from the grandmother because she would want to keep the status quo.
then the family wpould get wind of it, and of course they would want to know what's up.
that's when @Hannah Capps would have to make her standpoint clear to them.
and that's when i hope they will understand and back her up.
or at least stfu about it.

Lecroute, that's what I like about you; you are a very strong__________________Woman.
Insert skin color here ^
And a sense of humor and intelligent but you gotta read the whole post better, if she lives at home and what she posted is true, then?

 

[Jnowhere]

the first wave of conflict would come from the grandmother because she would want to keep the status quo.
then the family wpould get wind of it, and of course they would want to know what's up.
that's when @Hannah Capps would have to make her standpoint clear to them.
and that's when i hope they will understand and back her up.
or at least stfu about it.

Lecroute your no fun to play with anymore.

 

[Hannah Capps]

Thank you all for your support. I'm definitely backing up (with respect to her as my elder) what's in my letter. I won't be a doormat. I love her, but this has got to stop. It will create waves—huge tidal waves. But, in the long run, I'd rather help her because I want to, not out of bitterness. That's just toxic for me, her, and spills out to those around me. So, ripping off the bandage as it were. Positive vibes are appreciated. Thanks all for your support.

 

[Hannah Capps]

that's my girl!
now that you made your point clear to your grandma, you have to act accordingly.
unless the letter was to vent and just writing wasn't enough.
you will know when the waves of conflict begin.
i hope they won't come, but if they do, that your family will stand behind you.

I will, out of respect to her, because I want to help her. Not out of obligation. I love her so much. It's going to separate us for a while, but hopefully she'll see how much I respect her for creating boundaries and letting her know how I feel. Hey, if you don't respectfully say anything, how does she (or anyone) know? I might be blut, but I'm trying to be respectful and write this with grace. Thank you all for your support and correcting my date error.

 

[Jnowhere]

I will, out of respect to her, because I want to help her. Not out of obligation. I love her so much. It's going to separate us for a while, but hopefully she'll see how much I respect her for creating boundaries and letting her know how I feel. Hey, if you don't respectfully say anything, how does she (or anyone) know? I might be blut, but I'm trying to be respectful and write this with grace. Thank you all for your support and correcting my date error.

She is 92 years old, she will be pissed about no more free money from you. That is all she cares about she is 92.

Boundaries: she is 92 years old, she will be pissed about no more free money from you. That is all she cares about she is 92.

 

[Hannah Capps]

the first wave of conflict would come from the grandmother because she would want to keep the status quo.
then the family wpould get wind of it, and of course they would want to know what's up.
that's when @Hannah Capps would have to make her standpoint clear to them.
and that's when i hope they will understand and back her up.
or at least stfu about it.

Well, this is why I have a copy of said letter on my computer. So when she does emblish it, I'll have proof otherwise.

 

[Hannah Capps]

Lecroute, that's what I like about you; you are a very strong__________________Woman.
Insert skin color here ^
And a sense of humor and intelligent but you gotta read the whole post better, if she lives at home and what she posted is true, then?

Yes, it very much is true.

 

[Jnowhere]

Well, this is why I have a copy of said letter on my computer. So when she does emblish it, I'll have proof otherwise.

I like that( So when she does emblish it, I'll have proof otherwise) Saving the recipe, so to speak, as in proof of what it really said. Very smart and wise.

 

[Hannah Capps]

I did, and actually after I went over and explained it to her. She actually understood. We hugged, prayed and had lunch there. Better response than I was expecting. Also, I thanked her in writing a letter I hand delivered about the lovely 88 keyboard she and my uncle went in and got for my forty-first birthday. That probably helped.
I also hand-mailed my uncle a thank-you letter. Thank you all for your support.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Skrew it; I'm just going to mail it. Damn the consaquenses. Sometimes, things have to be said. I'm not her doormat. Nor will I be anymore.

Read it and its real, and sounds as your Granny still 100 %.

Had no idea what to answer but offer compassion.
This is great to read, i been a kinda nuisance to my Granny,
96 years old. But she is not fit for it any more.

We also tugged and cried, when i threw it in the open.

 

[Jeanpauldash]

Good luck with whatever you choose. I once wrote these really unfortunate letters to a famous skateboarder. It was like that it's always sunny episode where Charlie writes a baseball player or whatever. :/


Edit: he wrote me back, I'm not completely insane ! And put my collage I made on the cover of his zine