leaving a 8yr relationship? confused...

[chicken Nipples]

for a fair while iv had ppl ask me a lot about my relationship, a lot of friends [of both of ours] asking if im "really" happy, how do i do it, and even her dad saying he finds it hard to see how iv stayed around through so much shit.

lately, my family has been through a lot, and this weekend past i think iv made a decision... we should break up.

i met a girl at infected mushroom, a friend introduced me to her, or threw me her way saying iv already broken up and i just don't know how to approach a girl etc etc... so i told her my story, been with her since i was 14~15 and we're just have different goals in life, different morals etc etc. and that maybe we've been together out of habit.... she told me her ideas of a relationship and whats needed to work long-term. she hit too many nails on the head and now that iv got an outsiders POV its helped make push me in a direction somewhat
we didn't hook up, and she said she wasn't interested etc etc early on, so i wasn't trying to [fair knock to my confidence though], i was on some molly so was happy to talk to anyone and everyone about everything.

iv got so much shit happening in my family [dads suicidal and made recent attemps, little brother suicidal and made recent attemps, mums leaving dad coz she cant handle dads depression anymore, family house being repossessed] i think i just need to hurry up and end it so i can move onto those problems and sort them out.

now... my gf, she has depression too, and some docs claim bi-polar... i know its going to 'kill' her, and start a massive problem for her so i dont know how to approach the issue. i bottle shit up all the time, i dont ever talk about anything to anyone, even about the small things [gf doesnt know half my family problems yet... only about dad since hes been depressed since we got together].

i have some sort of feeling i owe it to her to wait until the end of the uni year, so she can get a job and we can live apart, rather than in an alkward limbo... maybe i should give her family the heads up, her dad is always really easy to talk to, but iv never got this serious to him about anything like this, i dunno how to tell him. i dont wanna look like im dumping her onto them...

i cant see myself happy in 5 years if i linger on like this, and if i asked her, she'd see herself married and churning out kids... both of which i have zero interest in regardless of my partner.

iv got no idea what to do really, i think iv worked it out then i think of another problem or excuse.

 

[alasdairm]

you don't sound confused to me. you sound like you have a pretty clear idea of what you need/want to do, you're just worried about hurting somebody if you do it.

the subject of breaking up has been covered extensively in slr. related reading:

How to end a long relationship?
Breakup Advice (Do's & Don'ts)
Which is worse- being the dumper or the dumped?

consensus seems to be that you need to be sure of your course of action (i.e. if you plan to break up, you need to be sure that's what you want). once you've decided that you want to break up:

- do it soon
- keep it brief
- make it clear
- don't try to sugar-coat it

generally speaking, there's no way to break up with somebody and not hurt them and you need to understand that going into it. good luck.

alasdair

 

[chicken Nipples]

i did it last night, i highly doubt i got it right or perfected it, but at least everything is out in the open now... now iv just got the mess after wards to deal with...

 

[Mel22]

You've made your decision, and it was definitely a tough one, so good work! I'm sure you've done the right thing for both of you in the long run.

 

[Bestfriend_emmA]

Break ups are rarely smooth, but time will heal all.
the most important thing ever in life is staying honest with yourself.... you always need to be true to YOU!!