Laughable, but now hopeless

[Znegative]

SO, here's my current situation, I'm now living with my family again, got off the street, got on suboxone, and I'm in good old ohio. I can't drive, I'm stuck in the house all day except when my mom will drive me to get cigarettes or when my dad has some doctors appointment at OSU for his cancer treatment. I should be grateful for having a roof over my head, that my family is being supportive bla bla bla, and I AM (I think?) except I fucking hate my life now 100x more than when I was a down and out junky. I had one hope on the horizon and this is very embarrassing to say, but I got it into my head that if I got a prescription for adderall I'd be a lot more content (I have had this drug prescribed to me in the past, and it did make my life better but anyway..). I got myself a psych appointment that I had to wait a week for, and I was really fucking banking on getting SOME type of amphetamine prescribed. Needless to say I didn't and after the appointment I felt truly crushed. I actually wanted to slit my wrists and just kill myself I was so overcome with hopelessness, frustration and rage, which is shameful to admit, though I should say, these feelings weren't just about not getting a drug, it was about the realization that I was going to have to accept my situation as it was for who knows how long, that situation being one where I'm stuck in a house all day, except to go to miserable doctors appointments, feeling super alone without my girlfriend who ditched me for a guy who could provide more dope for her, and I am going to have to take it.

I don't know why I'm posting this but i'm just wondering if anyone else has ever had a similar experience/feelings. I feel so selfish, but can't help what i am.

 

[Erikmen]

I don't think anyone can force you out of your addiction. But you could benefit from this situation so let it go for a while. Maybe with time you'll see things differently.

This angriness you are going through is part of the process, you are not getting what you want. Your problems are piling up. You are upset and you'd probably want to silence these feelings right now. I can understand where this comes from.

Just picture that you are getting off something difficult to do for some time. See what tiny part of this entire experience that could possibly be helping you. Go to a doctor, someone that you could actually talk about these feelings. It doesn't matter if it's a psychiatrist or someone else.

Or try to go to meetings NA or AA. It's better than holding on to these feelings.

Take care!
Erik

 

[weekend addiction]

Try smoking some pot or having a few beers you shouldn't need Adderall to get through the day it will only set you back.

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

SO, here's my current situation, I'm now living with my family again, got off the street, got on suboxone, and I'm in good old ohio. I can't drive, I'm stuck in the house all day except when my mom will drive me to get cigarettes or when my dad has some doctors appointment at OSU for his cancer treatment. I should be grateful for having a roof over my head, that my family is being supportive bla bla bla, and I AM (I think?) except I fucking hate my life now 100x more than when I was a down and out junky. I had one hope on the horizon and this is very embarrassing to say, but I got it into my head that if I got a prescription for adderall I'd be a lot more content (I have had this drug prescribed to me in the past, and it did make my life better but anyway..). I got myself a psych appointment that I had to wait a week for, and I was really fucking banking on getting SOME type of amphetamine prescribed. Needless to say I didn't and after the appointment I felt truly crushed. I actually wanted to slit my wrists and just kill myself I was so overcome with hopelessness, frustration and rage, which is shameful to admit, though I should say, these feelings weren't just about not getting a drug, it was about the realization that I was going to have to accept my situation as it was for who knows how long, that situation being one where I'm stuck in a house all day, except to go to miserable doctors appointments, feeling super alone without my girlfriend who ditched me for a guy who could provide more dope for her, and I am going to have to take it.

I don't know why I'm posting this but i'm just wondering if anyone else has ever had a similar experience/feelings. I feel so selfish, but can't help what i am.

First off I'd like to say that every human being on the planet is selfish so don't think that makes you a bad guy. You just want to have something worth getting out of bed for like everyone else. You're in a very shitty situation. So am I but whatever. I'm here not to give you advice about what you should or could do. I'm just saying I hear you brother. I hear what you're saying and I get it. You're not a bad guy. You're a guy struggling against a strong current and its fucking tiring. I wish you luck and a break. I wish you well.