JimmyCocks
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2010
- Messages
- 57
good man, I wish you luck
Tell your mother you love her
Tell your mother you love her
-
OD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic
Harm Reduction Last week I died... Oxymorphone's story and how it can happen to anyone.
- Thread starter Oxymorphone
- Start date
Oxymorphone
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2008
- Messages
- 1,258
Thanks, that's on my to do list...
The BEST advice I can give you after you finish rehab/withdrawals is to EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE AS HARD AS YOU CAN AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN!!!!! This is honestly the best thing I ever did for myself. You start to replace the opiate cravings with craving for exercise. I exercise everyday now and the best thing to do is lift some weights and RUN! Running makes you feel SOOOOO much better and happier for the rest of the day. What I like to do is start off for a few minutes of light jogging then SPRINT hard for 30 seconds. Continue jogging for a minute then 30 seconds of sprinting. Repeat this until you are exhausted. This is crucial, exercise until exhaustion and the endorphins will be flowing strongly. I wish you the best of luck my man. I OD'd on fentanyl once as well and it was scary stuff. Don't ever want to go back to that. Good luck I seriously hope you fully recover. I'll be thinking about you =)
I also have OD'd and was found dead without a pulse by my mom (by a miracle, she went downstairs to get water at 5am and found me).
Fentanyl was the drug that did it..
So I sympathize for you and your family. Definitely tell your mom you love her.
My mom will never forget finding me dead, the doctors telling her I wouldn't make it, the coma -- it still causes her nightmares.
Good luck to you sir, hope you continue the path to recovery.
Fentanyl was the drug that did it..
So I sympathize for you and your family. Definitely tell your mom you love her.
My mom will never forget finding me dead, the doctors telling her I wouldn't make it, the coma -- it still causes her nightmares.
Good luck to you sir, hope you continue the path to recovery.
Oxymorphone
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2008
- Messages
- 1,258
Thank you for your support. I just requested my running shoes so I'll try to get into exercise and I would love for me to crave it like you do but that seems far off. I'll give it a shot though. Fentanyl is some scary shit, one minute it seems tame and the next it kills you. I'm thankful I didn't end up in a coma in the ICU and I'm glad we're all alive. I really hope this thread wakes some people up about the very real dangers of ODing on opioids, especially fentanyl.
IndustrialStrength
Bluelighter
Glad to hear you're alive & doing well!
This thread seems like a good place to make this comment I have on fent.
I noticed you mentioned using the empty patches bucally & underestimating their effect.
I'd like to see this thread also serve as a warning to others about "empty" patches.
Myself as well as some friends have noticed that the "empty" gel patches seem to hit quite hard.
After a day of using the gel bucally, a friend & I each tossed half of an "empty" patch in our mouths.
The "empty" half patch ended up hitting me harder than the gel I'd been doing out of the patch all day.
My friend also experienced good effects from the "empty" half he used bucally.
That doubly surprised me as he had been shooting his fent rather than using it bucally as I had.
So clearly there must be a decent amount of fent in the "empty".
As considering his IV use of the gel, there'd have to be for the "empty" to have hit him as much as it did.
I've also had other friends who have used "empties" bucally have unexpectedly strong effects.
So to re-iterate I'd like people to be aware that the "empty" gel patches actually tend to have way more fent left in the transdermal section than one would assume.
Also to clarify by "empty" I mean a gel patch that has had all the gel squeezed out.
Hope this helps to serve as a warning to others to please be careful.
Also please don't underestimate "empty" fent patches!
This thread seems like a good place to make this comment I have on fent.
I noticed you mentioned using the empty patches bucally & underestimating their effect.
I'd like to see this thread also serve as a warning to others about "empty" patches.
Myself as well as some friends have noticed that the "empty" gel patches seem to hit quite hard.
After a day of using the gel bucally, a friend & I each tossed half of an "empty" patch in our mouths.
The "empty" half patch ended up hitting me harder than the gel I'd been doing out of the patch all day.
My friend also experienced good effects from the "empty" half he used bucally.
That doubly surprised me as he had been shooting his fent rather than using it bucally as I had.
So clearly there must be a decent amount of fent in the "empty".
As considering his IV use of the gel, there'd have to be for the "empty" to have hit him as much as it did.
I've also had other friends who have used "empties" bucally have unexpectedly strong effects.
So to re-iterate I'd like people to be aware that the "empty" gel patches actually tend to have way more fent left in the transdermal section than one would assume.
Also to clarify by "empty" I mean a gel patch that has had all the gel squeezed out.
Hope this helps to serve as a warning to others to please be careful.
Also please don't underestimate "empty" fent patches!
morphonorconic
Bluelighter
Glad you're alright. It's always sad when we log on to see that Bluelight has gone "Black."
hydrochron
Bluelighter
A similar thing happened to me with opiates and benzo's last year. Some how though I stopped about half way through my last line, I didn't fall asleep. But I had to struggle really hard for about 3-4 hours to keep my eyes open.
Call it strange, But I think a near death experience can make you a better person. I'm doing alot better a year later, I hope the same thing happens for you.
Call it strange, But I think a near death experience can make you a better person. I'm doing alot better a year later, I hope the same thing happens for you.
having been through the rehab experience myself, i'll try to impart some advice, although it didn't quite stick with me for whatever reason, so the advice may be more of a "don't do what i did" type of thing.. coincidentally, one of my best friends from high school just called and said he's flying to BFC tomorrow, so it was already on my mind from having a conversation earlier about why it may not have worked for him the first time (he's going back for a second round- apparently you get a discount if you're an "alumnus")
i would suggest being very open to everything, like cane said. participate in group, talk to your counselors about things, be honest, all that kind of stuff. you're there anyway, and it's going to drag if you don't get involved, so i would try to immerse yourself in the 12-step/rehab culture. don't downplay your own stuff or try to compare yourself to others. you're all there (for the most part) for the same reason, and it usually consists of hitting some kind of "bottom" as they say. yours may be lower or higher than others, but everyone is there to get better and everyone has a legitimate reason for being there.
i think other posters have covered a lot of the reasons people tend to fail and what not when they leave. the truth is that many people simply are not willing to make a complete lifestyle change, which is essentially what is required to succeed in the traditional addiction treatment paradigm. others have mentioned suboxone, and while it may be a valid treatment option, i personally do not believe that buprenorphine maintenance treatment and traditional "minnesota model" or whatever type of rehabs, the 12-step program oriented stuff, fit within the same treatment model at all. while bmt may facilitate the removal of opiate drugs from your lifestyle, it does not require a complete lifestyle change to be successful. as long as you are taking sub and not taking full agonist opiates, that treatment is objectively successful. you don't have to change your friends. you don't have to quit hanging around certain places. you just have to take medicine every day and it keeps you from doing regular opiates (for the most part). that is going to come across as critical to those on bmt or mmt, and believe me, that's not my intent. i have posted many times about the efficacy of that style treatment vs traditional, but the truth is you do not have to bottom out in any way to start on sub and you do not have to change anything in your life besides quitting full agonists-the two treatment models are for the most part mutually exclusive.
the traditional addiction treatment model requires a complete change. you have to be willing to attend meetings all the time. you have to cut out old drug acquaintances. you can't start hanging around the old places you used to get high. it has nothing to do with willpower; it is about complete surrender to a higher power/something greater than yourself, and if you cannot commit to that (many young people are simply unable to make such a change, which leads me to believe at times that the bmt-type treatments are a better option in many cases), then your chances of maintaining long-term sobriety are pretty slim. again, your recovery is just beginning when you leave, and contrary to what someone else said (no offense intended), the general belief in that type of community is that you never actually recover-you are always "recovering." the idea is that through works and continued interaction with groups, programs, giving back, repeating teh 12-steps every so often, etc., recovery is a continuing process and each individual continues to recover, no matter how long they have maintained sobriety. what i have laid out sounds overwhelming and undoable and all that, but people who really adhere to the principles and "give themselves over" to the program or whatever, tend to have the most success.
there is a good chance you will relapse. it happens. it doesn't have to happen, but it often does. pick yourself back up, hit a meeting, call your sponsor, whatever, and move on. learn from it. try to determine what the cues or signals were tat might have led to it so that you can be on the lookout for them in the future.
someone else mentioned the tendency to romanticize "using." that happens for sure. i don't know what they suggest where you are, but at my place, they recommended "playing the movie through to the end" - e.g., suppose you're an alcoholic. you start remembering and romanticizing about beautiful sunny days drinking on the beach w/ friends, hooking up with some beautiful girl drunk that afternoon or whatever. okay, sweet. the suggestion is to "continue playing the tape" to the bad things that eventually happened, which your addict mind is selectively omitting. maybe that beautiful day at the beach ended with you getting arrested for a dui. maybe you got fall-down drunk later and fought your best friend. maybe it happened a couple weeks later. whatever. the point is, remember that what started out as a sunny beach day casualy drinking with friends ended up with you being confined to a treatment facility for addiction. substitute any drug/scenario for my example.
anyway, the weekend has begun, and i stayed an extra 30 minutes or something at work to type that, so i'm leaving now. good luck with rehab and your continuing recovery afterwards! i wish you much success, and i'll come back and reread this later and edit it if it makes no sense.
i would suggest being very open to everything, like cane said. participate in group, talk to your counselors about things, be honest, all that kind of stuff. you're there anyway, and it's going to drag if you don't get involved, so i would try to immerse yourself in the 12-step/rehab culture. don't downplay your own stuff or try to compare yourself to others. you're all there (for the most part) for the same reason, and it usually consists of hitting some kind of "bottom" as they say. yours may be lower or higher than others, but everyone is there to get better and everyone has a legitimate reason for being there.
i think other posters have covered a lot of the reasons people tend to fail and what not when they leave. the truth is that many people simply are not willing to make a complete lifestyle change, which is essentially what is required to succeed in the traditional addiction treatment paradigm. others have mentioned suboxone, and while it may be a valid treatment option, i personally do not believe that buprenorphine maintenance treatment and traditional "minnesota model" or whatever type of rehabs, the 12-step program oriented stuff, fit within the same treatment model at all. while bmt may facilitate the removal of opiate drugs from your lifestyle, it does not require a complete lifestyle change to be successful. as long as you are taking sub and not taking full agonist opiates, that treatment is objectively successful. you don't have to change your friends. you don't have to quit hanging around certain places. you just have to take medicine every day and it keeps you from doing regular opiates (for the most part). that is going to come across as critical to those on bmt or mmt, and believe me, that's not my intent. i have posted many times about the efficacy of that style treatment vs traditional, but the truth is you do not have to bottom out in any way to start on sub and you do not have to change anything in your life besides quitting full agonists-the two treatment models are for the most part mutually exclusive.
the traditional addiction treatment model requires a complete change. you have to be willing to attend meetings all the time. you have to cut out old drug acquaintances. you can't start hanging around the old places you used to get high. it has nothing to do with willpower; it is about complete surrender to a higher power/something greater than yourself, and if you cannot commit to that (many young people are simply unable to make such a change, which leads me to believe at times that the bmt-type treatments are a better option in many cases), then your chances of maintaining long-term sobriety are pretty slim. again, your recovery is just beginning when you leave, and contrary to what someone else said (no offense intended), the general belief in that type of community is that you never actually recover-you are always "recovering." the idea is that through works and continued interaction with groups, programs, giving back, repeating teh 12-steps every so often, etc., recovery is a continuing process and each individual continues to recover, no matter how long they have maintained sobriety. what i have laid out sounds overwhelming and undoable and all that, but people who really adhere to the principles and "give themselves over" to the program or whatever, tend to have the most success.
there is a good chance you will relapse. it happens. it doesn't have to happen, but it often does. pick yourself back up, hit a meeting, call your sponsor, whatever, and move on. learn from it. try to determine what the cues or signals were tat might have led to it so that you can be on the lookout for them in the future.
someone else mentioned the tendency to romanticize "using." that happens for sure. i don't know what they suggest where you are, but at my place, they recommended "playing the movie through to the end" - e.g., suppose you're an alcoholic. you start remembering and romanticizing about beautiful sunny days drinking on the beach w/ friends, hooking up with some beautiful girl drunk that afternoon or whatever. okay, sweet. the suggestion is to "continue playing the tape" to the bad things that eventually happened, which your addict mind is selectively omitting. maybe that beautiful day at the beach ended with you getting arrested for a dui. maybe you got fall-down drunk later and fought your best friend. maybe it happened a couple weeks later. whatever. the point is, remember that what started out as a sunny beach day casualy drinking with friends ended up with you being confined to a treatment facility for addiction. substitute any drug/scenario for my example.
anyway, the weekend has begun, and i stayed an extra 30 minutes or something at work to type that, so i'm leaving now. good luck with rehab and your continuing recovery afterwards! i wish you much success, and i'll come back and reread this later and edit it if it makes no sense.
Oxymorphone
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2008
- Messages
- 1,258
Very good post, I don't have time to respond to it now but I will reread it again tomorrow to internalize it better. Thank you to the couple other above posters for the support, I too remember our discussions tommyboy...
SmokeTrails
Bluelighter
glad your still kickin
OxyDillyKing
Bluelighter
Yea from what ive heard fucking with fent patches is bad news. the only real safe way to get high on fent is to suck 1.5 to 2 of those delicious lollipops at once
nowdubnvr6
Bluelighter
Man i have one question that has been in my mind forever is when you od and almost die and are out of it do you feel or remember anything? Im sorry for asking such a questions its just always made me wonder.