Klonopin messed up my life

[BlueWeepingRose]

I've been off of Klonopin for 8 months now and my life is complete hell. My doctor prescribed them to me and I took them once a day, my own mother even saw me taking them. I took them for anxiety which I get really bad and it's hard for me to go to sleep because I have racing thoughts and it's hard for me to get a decent sleep. She got extremely worried when she saw dark circles under my eyes and my eyes were bloodshot. So I went to the doctor and he prescribed them to me and than I noticed I started feeling really weird and he got me off Cold Turkey. Everyone is telling me that no doctor would do that, trust me my doctor did it to me. I still can't believe it's 8 months already and I'm still suffering. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm craving them and how I want to take Klonopin. I hate the pills.

Right now I have cold spots on my face still, I have a killer migraine and my blinds are closed. I can't stand a lot of noise either. Anytime my dogs bark, I always have to leave my house. They bark is so loud that it makes my head hurt. Than there's sometimes two weeks where I'll be totally fine without symptoms and than all the symptoms will come back to me again. Anytime this happens I feel I'm completely healed from Klonopin, than when it comes back, I break down and cry in my room. Now it's getting to the point where nothing makes me cry anymore, I feel numb. My parents are even more worried about me than before because I don't want to be around anyone and I don't want to be around anyone because I hate being a burden on people. Everyone thinks I'm crazy and told me that I'm just making up stories, yet I feel as if there's water on my face and anytime I go to wipe it away, there's nothing there. Than there's even times where the crawling, tingly sensations come back and I try to ignore them as much as I can. For awhile I was seriously convinced that I was going to die or that I had some type of illness, I Googled up everything to try to figure out what was going on. I went to doctors, got my blood tested and everything came back normal. The depression is horrible, when I did cry I cried over absolutely nothing and I was so paranoid of other people and sometimes I felt like I couldn't trust anyone. I've developed a lot of weird skin reactions too, to chemicals like shampoo, conditioner, soaps, you name it. I got a burn on my body and than slowly it faded away. Now I changed all my bathing products around because I'm so sensitive. This is a total nightmare. I'm sure a lot of people will take that I'm crazy. Trust me I know I'm not crazy. I wish this would all stop.....I just want to go back to the person who I used to be before and it's the reason why I came up with this depressing user name. Writing poetry is about the only thing I have left anymore.

 

[Moreaux]

I am so sorry you are going through this - kudos on the 8 months!!! How long were you on klonopin? Yes, some doctors make very poor choices on how they discontinue a patient on benzos. I was on Xanax for ten years and then got cut off cold turkey at rehab. Words are inadequate to express how horrible benzo PAWS is. It takes a long time to recover from daily benzo use, but you should gradually improve, you've made it this far just continue to be patient. Ask your doctor for a prescription for Indural (propranolol). It's a non-addictive beta blocker primarily used to blood pressure, but it stops the adrenaline response. It helped me so much much! It's not like taking a benzo, but it definately brings the anxiety levels down. I couldn't have made it through PAWS without it.

The reason why benzo PAWS is so rough and long lasting is because benzos cause excitotoxicity in withdrawal. Check out this link, the site may also be a good resource for you while you go through this difficult time.

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=29645.0

My strongest recommendation is to stay away from ALL GABAergic drugs (i.e. Alcohol, gabapenton, pregabalin, benzos, etc). These have a kindling effect, and if you begin taking one of those it will help you withdrawal symptoms, but when you have to stop taking it your symptoms will come back and be significantly worse. I say this as you have already endure 8 months of this, so don't back track. If you were earlier in your recovery it would be a good way to taper, but you're so far into you'll just make everything worse in the long run.

What you are feeling is normal during PAWS. Not knowing how long you have been on them it's difficult for me to guess how long before you start feeling better. For me after the ten year run, I started to slowly improve after the first year and a half. It's been over six years since my last benzo and I am about 80% recovered, though I am still very sensitive to sound and light. I still have anxiety at times but it is controllable without medication.

Have your friends and family read up on excitoxicity and PAWS so they have a better idea of what you are going through. You are not insane, and this will pass, I promise. Try to eat healthy (clean, whole foods), try to get adequate sleep (I recommend trazodone and melatonin if you have trouble sleeping), and exercise. Exercise is probably the absolute last thing you want to do but it really helps. Read up on Cognitive Beahvioural Therapy (CBT) as that helps significantly as well, and also learn how to meditate. Feel free to pm me with questions or if you just need to vent. Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. Try to focus on the fact that this is temporary and it will pass. I wish you the best!

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

No I don't want to go back on this medication. I hate them so much. I shall give you a pm Moreaux