bip norris
Bluelighter
The following report is interesting to me since I can never retain much of ketamine experiences; I was depressed/angry - I insufflated 100mg Ketamine, came into the pc room lay back on the wooden box & babbled; This is a report written in real time by my girlfriend; (her comments & my actions in brackets);
The sound of the keys (girlfriend typing) is all that exists
I need to try to understand so I can write about ketamine – like whatever there is is all there is
I can feel my feet on the door and that’s all there is – what sort of state of mind is that?
I know you and I exist in this room but I’m not looking at it and it might as well not exist
This is like one nothing plane singularity – are you hearing me?
Its like I don’t exist – all that exists is this one thing
It like I feel a wave of energy that’s all there is – I realise I’ve got a body and there’s a room but I’m not looking at it and it doesn’t exist
This is a total plane – I’m moving my arms – I have arms
Where do you think I am?
Ask me something, I’m the communicator
(Asked if he was alone) - not alone, not not alone
Everything’s washing away, the sense of motion
(Dark or light?)
Not dark not light
I know I must be alive, but I might as well be dead
A state, a space, I have become a surface, I’m nothing but a surface, a surface is all there is
How am I lying? (described how – on back on box)
Everything is sound zzzzzzzz like a buzz behind everything
Don’t know who I am, what I am, don’t know what I am exploring, I’m not human, I’m a space, I’m nothing, like a sheet of paper
I moved my leg – I know I’ve moved my leg
I don’t know what I’m communicating
(‘does it bear any relation to anywhere else?’
No not really. This state is… I feel I can’t come back – I know I will
I feel movement
I can’t understand this, this is my great difficulty
What do I do now?
There’s – I don’t understand what this is I feel like an energy, a field – is there something under my hand? Do I feel a dog (‘no pixie’ – hand has dropped down onto a cat sleeping on a cushion) oh my god this is incredible, I can’t describe the sensation, it feels like…. It feels like k (laughs) I can open my eyes, why don’t I do it? I try to imagine pixie – this is very weird
What’s going on? I don’t know how –what I see – the sensation is, I don’t know what, its not a cat – I’m trying to build the cat from the sensation I could just open my eyes and see the cat (does)
The thing on the wall (embroidered hanging) it’s a face – eyes, nose, mouth
Close my eyes and see grey – move my head and it’s a tearing sensation, more like I’m a texture – don’t really know how to make sense of this sort of trip
Is there anything you want to ask me
(ask is it like salvia?, ask where his anger comes from)
I can’t tell where. No not like Salvia. It is individual.
I can feel something like my fleece, like mist – getting the edge of a pilot in some sort of helmet
[assumes fetal beetle position]
this is all inexplicable really
there’s something important here but I don’t see how one learns from it – I’m so far away
(‘what are you far away from?’
I don’t know everything’s here but.. this is very odd stuff
A light, a wisp, will o the wisp, does that make sense? Like ghostly, cloudy, shimmery lights
Does any of this make any sort of sense to you? There’s something incredible here but something unfathomable
I open my eyes and I’m looking at the top of the door now – or I know it’s the top of the door – I don’t know what it is, it has some other meaning – its not alive but its.-.I don’t know
None of this will make sense will it?
I looked at the room earlier, the dogs seemed strange – they’re muscular, they’re ridiculous really – their shape is ridiculous
I can never express what it is that k does. Basically it can’t be expressed, its very weird
I’m seeing a room with – its you in a chair, but its like – I don’t know a painting by Dali, of Gala, I know its real but its not real to me
‘It’s a totally amazing drug but what does one do with it?’
you can never bring anything of k back – it really is unique
shall I look at the screen? I’m going to look at the screen, but I can’t read, this is ridiculous, watching you type is weird, seeing my experience on the screen
everythings sort of familiar and foreign at once, and I watch the words come out and wonder if its my experience or your experience of my experience
where does this experiment end?
When I look at Luned (cat) I can’t tell how many eyes or heads she has – there’s always an extra half face or an extra eye’
look at me - you look like a strange creature – its like I’m studying you, like I’m a scientist - I know I relate to you in some way but I don’t know what the feelings are
walks to window - jelly legs
whats the time? How long have I been bollocked for? ½ hour? I’m coming back, sort of, in a very sludgy way
post trip – door seemed to be like a cartoon robot. Nothings alive and nothing’s dead
no such thing as possible or impossible really, Anything might be the case but nothing actually is.
The sound of the keys (girlfriend typing) is all that exists
I need to try to understand so I can write about ketamine – like whatever there is is all there is
I can feel my feet on the door and that’s all there is – what sort of state of mind is that?
I know you and I exist in this room but I’m not looking at it and it might as well not exist
This is like one nothing plane singularity – are you hearing me?
Its like I don’t exist – all that exists is this one thing
It like I feel a wave of energy that’s all there is – I realise I’ve got a body and there’s a room but I’m not looking at it and it doesn’t exist
This is a total plane – I’m moving my arms – I have arms
Where do you think I am?
Ask me something, I’m the communicator
(Asked if he was alone) - not alone, not not alone
Everything’s washing away, the sense of motion
(Dark or light?)
Not dark not light
I know I must be alive, but I might as well be dead
A state, a space, I have become a surface, I’m nothing but a surface, a surface is all there is
How am I lying? (described how – on back on box)
Everything is sound zzzzzzzz like a buzz behind everything
Don’t know who I am, what I am, don’t know what I am exploring, I’m not human, I’m a space, I’m nothing, like a sheet of paper
I moved my leg – I know I’ve moved my leg
I don’t know what I’m communicating
(‘does it bear any relation to anywhere else?’
No not really. This state is… I feel I can’t come back – I know I will
I feel movement
I can’t understand this, this is my great difficulty
What do I do now?
There’s – I don’t understand what this is I feel like an energy, a field – is there something under my hand? Do I feel a dog (‘no pixie’ – hand has dropped down onto a cat sleeping on a cushion) oh my god this is incredible, I can’t describe the sensation, it feels like…. It feels like k (laughs) I can open my eyes, why don’t I do it? I try to imagine pixie – this is very weird
What’s going on? I don’t know how –what I see – the sensation is, I don’t know what, its not a cat – I’m trying to build the cat from the sensation I could just open my eyes and see the cat (does)
The thing on the wall (embroidered hanging) it’s a face – eyes, nose, mouth
Close my eyes and see grey – move my head and it’s a tearing sensation, more like I’m a texture – don’t really know how to make sense of this sort of trip
Is there anything you want to ask me
(ask is it like salvia?, ask where his anger comes from)
I can’t tell where. No not like Salvia. It is individual.
I can feel something like my fleece, like mist – getting the edge of a pilot in some sort of helmet
[assumes fetal beetle position]
this is all inexplicable really
there’s something important here but I don’t see how one learns from it – I’m so far away
(‘what are you far away from?’
I don’t know everything’s here but.. this is very odd stuff
A light, a wisp, will o the wisp, does that make sense? Like ghostly, cloudy, shimmery lights
Does any of this make any sort of sense to you? There’s something incredible here but something unfathomable
I open my eyes and I’m looking at the top of the door now – or I know it’s the top of the door – I don’t know what it is, it has some other meaning – its not alive but its.-.I don’t know
None of this will make sense will it?
I looked at the room earlier, the dogs seemed strange – they’re muscular, they’re ridiculous really – their shape is ridiculous
I can never express what it is that k does. Basically it can’t be expressed, its very weird
I’m seeing a room with – its you in a chair, but its like – I don’t know a painting by Dali, of Gala, I know its real but its not real to me
‘It’s a totally amazing drug but what does one do with it?’
you can never bring anything of k back – it really is unique
shall I look at the screen? I’m going to look at the screen, but I can’t read, this is ridiculous, watching you type is weird, seeing my experience on the screen
everythings sort of familiar and foreign at once, and I watch the words come out and wonder if its my experience or your experience of my experience
where does this experiment end?
When I look at Luned (cat) I can’t tell how many eyes or heads she has – there’s always an extra half face or an extra eye’
look at me - you look like a strange creature – its like I’m studying you, like I’m a scientist - I know I relate to you in some way but I don’t know what the feelings are
walks to window - jelly legs
whats the time? How long have I been bollocked for? ½ hour? I’m coming back, sort of, in a very sludgy way
post trip – door seemed to be like a cartoon robot. Nothings alive and nothing’s dead
no such thing as possible or impossible really, Anything might be the case but nothing actually is.
