So there is a girl that I've had liked and when I finally came to telling her that I had feelings for her she said she just wanted to be friends. What do I do now? I still have feelings for this girl but I have moved on somewhat. I also have class with this girl and after class she was waiting for me to walk her because I usually would before what I had told her. But instead of walking with her I just walked past her. Does that mean anything? She is the type of girl that comes off as shy but it seems that she also loves to play mind games. Before I told her I would talk to her everyday but since then I haven't spoken with her much. What should I do? Should I just give her space or just move on?
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Just wants to be friends...
- Thread starter Wjtballa
- Start date
Jesusgreen
Bluelight Crew
I think it's a bit rude to walk past her and ignore her just because she said she doesn't want to date. If she doesn't want to date, she doesn't. If she's playing mind games, then not making any advances will lead her to give you more hints until you do again - so just be her friend and you have nothing to lose, if she likes you, she'll let you know whether obviously or subtly. Don't just ditch the friendship because she won't date you. 
footscrazy
Bluelight Crew
^ Yeah def, it doesn't make you look like a great fellow if you act like a dick now she's been honest with you. By telling you the truth, she's actually not playing mind games, isn't that what you want? It makes it seem like all you were after is sex, and even if that's true, it makes your whole 'friendship' prior to this seem insincere and calculated on your part. That wont win you any points and makes you look like a bit of a jerk.
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That's true. I do feel like a dick now by just walking past her and by no means was I just in it for the sex. I'm just very inexperienced with relathinship and I don't know how to act around girls sometimes. I really did have feelings for this girl and I don't want to ruin a friendship with her if that is all she wants.
llama112
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2010
- Messages
- 4,468
Why not talk to her like you normally did? Go back to that. Yeah, it may be awkward for a bit. But if she's a good person then she won't like be mean to your or anything.
Unfortunately, rejection is part of life. Everyone gets rejected from time to time. You need to move on now as she is not interested in you. It may hurt but you will find someone else!
Unfortunately, rejection is part of life. Everyone gets rejected from time to time. You need to move on now as she is not interested in you. It may hurt but you will find someone else!
Lysis
Bluelighter
You have to remember that, if she had no feelings for you on that level, she might feel a little awkward and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Put yourself in her shoes. You show her your feelings, she loves you as a friend, but now she doesn't want to lead you on or lie to you that she's interested in that way. She was upfront with you, which is good. But being a douche to her makes her feel even worse. I'm sure she would appreciate it if you'd continue being friends as hard as it probably is to get past something like this.
andyclark1225
Bluelighter
Here's what my thread said before it got closed down, also moderators this is advice, we're only human and this seems to be the most successful way, obviously the pressure is on you to perform. It's like baking a cake, you get instructions to follow but you still might mess up. Hope this helps buddy!
The legendary friend zone topic is back. I just wanted to clear a few things up, so I'm reading through this forum and I'm seeing all different threads about just friends, friend zones and friends to relationship. So is the friends zone just a myth? Or is it true once you've stepped over the line there's no turning back?
I believe it's a bit of both, if there is any chemistry or physical attraction, even the slightest you can by pass the friendship zone. But ask yourself why you've got yourself there in the first place? Here's a list of what you've been doing wrong:
- Talking too much
- Always there when the other person needs you
- Being too attentive
- Being too nice
- Not being able to say no!
- Maybe a bit soppy and emotional?
These are just some of the things you've been doing which makes you seem EASY! and borderline DESPERATE! This also makes you not very interesting because you make out you don't have a life of your own.
So here's the solution...
Distance yourself a bit, make yourself not so readily available, be a bit cold but not a complete asshole. By doing these things the other person will notice and start to MISS you, the attention, your presence etc. Ever hear of people talking about their other half being too CLINGY? Well that's what you've been doing in a non relationship way. Also note that the people who have clingy partners hate it and it makes them less attracted to them, at the same time because they are become less attracted to them they focus less attention to them making the clingy partner want them more.
This is basic psychology.
So think of it like that, you're the clingy one so STOP IT! Or you won't ever get the guy/girl of your dreams!
How to make yourself more interesting/make them miss you and think about you:
- Do something cool! For example guys go play some sport with other guys, learn to ride a motorbike. Girls, go out partying, clubbing and take loads of pictures (guys do this too) then stick them all on facebook!
- When taking pictures make sure you look good, this includes clothes and wear something new they other person hasn't ever seen you wear
- Seem a bit more independent
- Get in pictures with people of the opposite sex
- Don't text back straight away, leave it about 40 minutes (this is only for the first text)
- Don't seem too bothered
- Chillout
Once the other person start to notice all these things they will start to miss you, it's a natural reaction it happens to everyone. Maybe get a bit jealous but this is what you want. Now all you have to do is wait...until you notice them change towards you too. BUT don't just jump straight back in to the deep end like you did before or they will notice straight away and you'll be back at square 1. You're a changed person so don't give in, for example if they say "hey do you wanna meet today at 10?". Instead of saying "yes please" say "sorry I can only do wednesday before 1" or something like that. Do you see what I'm getting at, now you're setting the rules.
So to conclude,
You have to be a bit more of a (excuse my language girls I know you hate this word) cunt.
I hope this helps.
If anyone has anything else to add feel free, I don't think I've covered everything.
Andy
The legendary friend zone topic is back. I just wanted to clear a few things up, so I'm reading through this forum and I'm seeing all different threads about just friends, friend zones and friends to relationship. So is the friends zone just a myth? Or is it true once you've stepped over the line there's no turning back?
I believe it's a bit of both, if there is any chemistry or physical attraction, even the slightest you can by pass the friendship zone. But ask yourself why you've got yourself there in the first place? Here's a list of what you've been doing wrong:
- Talking too much
- Always there when the other person needs you
- Being too attentive
- Being too nice
- Not being able to say no!
- Maybe a bit soppy and emotional?
These are just some of the things you've been doing which makes you seem EASY! and borderline DESPERATE! This also makes you not very interesting because you make out you don't have a life of your own.
So here's the solution...
Distance yourself a bit, make yourself not so readily available, be a bit cold but not a complete asshole. By doing these things the other person will notice and start to MISS you, the attention, your presence etc. Ever hear of people talking about their other half being too CLINGY? Well that's what you've been doing in a non relationship way. Also note that the people who have clingy partners hate it and it makes them less attracted to them, at the same time because they are become less attracted to them they focus less attention to them making the clingy partner want them more.
This is basic psychology.
So think of it like that, you're the clingy one so STOP IT! Or you won't ever get the guy/girl of your dreams!
How to make yourself more interesting/make them miss you and think about you:
- Do something cool! For example guys go play some sport with other guys, learn to ride a motorbike. Girls, go out partying, clubbing and take loads of pictures (guys do this too) then stick them all on facebook!
- When taking pictures make sure you look good, this includes clothes and wear something new they other person hasn't ever seen you wear
- Seem a bit more independent
- Get in pictures with people of the opposite sex
- Don't text back straight away, leave it about 40 minutes (this is only for the first text)
- Don't seem too bothered
- Chillout
Once the other person start to notice all these things they will start to miss you, it's a natural reaction it happens to everyone. Maybe get a bit jealous but this is what you want. Now all you have to do is wait...until you notice them change towards you too. BUT don't just jump straight back in to the deep end like you did before or they will notice straight away and you'll be back at square 1. You're a changed person so don't give in, for example if they say "hey do you wanna meet today at 10?". Instead of saying "yes please" say "sorry I can only do wednesday before 1" or something like that. Do you see what I'm getting at, now you're setting the rules.
So to conclude,
You have to be a bit more of a (excuse my language girls I know you hate this word) cunt.
I hope this helps.
If anyone has anything else to add feel free, I don't think I've covered everything.
Andy
shahab6
Bluelighter
you should probably cut down the amount of time you spend time with her until your feelings go away. there's a lot of reasons why she doesn't want to be more than friends. you are better off trying to find someone else.
You need to find someone who also loves you the same, in my experience it's very hard to win over a friend. Unless somehow you change 180 to the person she wants.
You need to find someone who also loves you the same, in my experience it's very hard to win over a friend. Unless somehow you change 180 to the person she wants.