Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2008
- Messages
- 94,868
stuff can kick up again in a hurry. I wish it would slow down sometimes. when you want it, goes away too fast, times you hate it always seem to last
Just out of a meth binge
- Thread starter Lordstim
- Start date
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2008
- Messages
- 94,868
That's good! Keep up the hope. Things get better in a matter of days/weeks/months for like 99.9% of people.
NeverHaddaChance
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 31, 2017
- Messages
- 60
I found a great deal of wisdom here... It's true, real life (being abused for a substantial chunk of life, leftover guilt and shame) has devoured my ability to be my own friend. I'm proud of you for getting out! Like you, the only people who knew about my use were dealers and one good friend. With the stigma I continued until nearly shutting down because I didn't want to lose my daughter. When my husband did find out he abandoned me with an empty bank account and nowhere to go when all I needed was the support to be able to be down long enough to recover. After a few years there is very little positive and a whole lotta negative.
After stopping my heart did cartwheels on and off (or at least that was the feeling), I couldn't eat to save my life, and it seemed like everything was just very out-of-whack. Almost an extended period of autonomic dysfunction, with symptoms of shock and heart failure. My liver is in pretty bad shape, even though I was religious with harm reduction and milk thistle. I couldn't smoke pot at first, as afterward the arteries in my neck would swell as if blood was not making it into my skull. I've seen so many people talk trash on meth withdrawl and tout opiates as the "real hard deal" but honestly I think they discount the effect catacholamines have throughout the whole body.
I would highly recommend, if your going to relapse because those damn cravings get relentless, to use another's supply in the smallest possible taste and preferably the ROA you least enjoyed. For me, this was stopping by long enough to hit the pipe (which I do truely hate, insulfation all the way and oral close 2nd). These feelings really hit me after the first couple months, and after 2 puffs and all the negatives of a baby dose I haven't craved since. Almost like my brain didn't believe that I knew the negatives of going back, and I had to create one last negative impression to be free from remembering the good.
It's been awhile, but I still struggle with wording my thoughts in a way that I think they'll be understood. I actually have ADD, and am looking forward to starting vyvance this month. I hope you found some sort of relateability, because I remember feeling totally and completely alone through much of that time... My intentions were good, I was calm and patient... Self medicating only works up until a certain point.
I really really wish you well, stigma is a motherfucker. Whatever you do, within reason of course (if you need medical help please get it), try not to get meth use on your medical records... I've experienced terrible reprocussions from seeking care and being honest, and even being clean get treated by medical staff in ways that are unbelievably abusive and narrow-minded. I truely do hope that one day we will be able to speak our truth, but in the meantime I'm here if you need me! Sometimes I struggle to respond, but eventually do.
After stopping my heart did cartwheels on and off (or at least that was the feeling), I couldn't eat to save my life, and it seemed like everything was just very out-of-whack. Almost an extended period of autonomic dysfunction, with symptoms of shock and heart failure. My liver is in pretty bad shape, even though I was religious with harm reduction and milk thistle. I couldn't smoke pot at first, as afterward the arteries in my neck would swell as if blood was not making it into my skull. I've seen so many people talk trash on meth withdrawl and tout opiates as the "real hard deal" but honestly I think they discount the effect catacholamines have throughout the whole body.
I would highly recommend, if your going to relapse because those damn cravings get relentless, to use another's supply in the smallest possible taste and preferably the ROA you least enjoyed. For me, this was stopping by long enough to hit the pipe (which I do truely hate, insulfation all the way and oral close 2nd). These feelings really hit me after the first couple months, and after 2 puffs and all the negatives of a baby dose I haven't craved since. Almost like my brain didn't believe that I knew the negatives of going back, and I had to create one last negative impression to be free from remembering the good.
It's been awhile, but I still struggle with wording my thoughts in a way that I think they'll be understood. I actually have ADD, and am looking forward to starting vyvance this month. I hope you found some sort of relateability, because I remember feeling totally and completely alone through much of that time... My intentions were good, I was calm and patient... Self medicating only works up until a certain point.
I really really wish you well, stigma is a motherfucker. Whatever you do, within reason of course (if you need medical help please get it), try not to get meth use on your medical records... I've experienced terrible reprocussions from seeking care and being honest, and even being clean get treated by medical staff in ways that are unbelievably abusive and narrow-minded. I truely do hope that one day we will be able to speak our truth, but in the meantime I'm here if you need me! Sometimes I struggle to respond, but eventually do.