June 15, 2016 Phenibut Taper Day 2 (Melodrama)

[OneEyedRonnie]

It is June 15, 2016 and I am having a really hard fucking time. I have developed a chemical dependency on a compound called Phenibut, which is similar in chemical structure to a naturally-occurring neurotransmitter in the brain, GABA. At first it seemed like a godsend. My anxiety melted away and I was filled to the brim with confidence, energy and focus.Then I had to start taking more and more to get the same effect.Eventually, I had to start taking it to avoid getting sick.


I also have legitimate things going on in my life that are upsetting me. The girl I have been dating for about a year, A . . . what can I say? I am very much in love with her and I very much doubt that this feeling is reciprocated. I sometimes feel like she just doesn't much care for me anymore. Maybe because I have been on Phenibut for so long! Who knows at this point?


Also, my mom is sick again. Her blood pressure is extremely low. She is bruising for no reason and has no energy. She also has late-stage emphysema.


Oh, and I just found out my cat died.


I am attempting a taper off the phenibut but I'm not sure if I'm strong enough at this point to do it on my own. I have done all kinds of research on the topic, and people recommend Gabapentin, Baclofen and/or some sort of long-lasting benzo. I am afraid to admit my problem to my doctor;afraid to be seen as a pill-head or a drug-seeker.


I cannot, for the life of me, discern how much of my depression is due to the circumstances in my life and how much is due to my reduction in dosage. This bothers me. Nothing interests me. I have obsessive thinking. I have dark thoughts and stormy moods. The world is dull at best, and dark, mean and ugly at worst. I have to go through this and continue to support myself. I need to work. I need to function in society. I don't know how I'm going to do this. Can I do this? I don't know.


I just don't fucking know anymore.


/melodramaticrant

 

[Ziiirp]

Doesn't sound like melodramatic to me. Drama seems to be real. Anyway, you have to make a few decisions, how to proceed. Of course it is easier to give advice from third-person's perspective Here is what I would do :

- adjust your tapering plan according to your current issues, i.e. to a slower taper than planned
- take a break from your job to stand by your mom for a while and mention this as the reason to your boss, he/they will understand
- quit your job middleterm, IF it is the main origin of your anxiety issues
- learn to be comfortable alone
- forget the girl, straighten out your life first
- leave the country

Good luck

 

[Man in the Dark]

I would say the girl is the least of your problems especially if she doesn't feel the same. It's only been a year, ya it will sting but you need to concentrate on you and your family which is most important.

I can can relate to the majority of your feelings, I know it's not going to be a popular answer but a lond acting benzo like Klonopin or a trip to see a psychiatrist and explain to him what going on with your mom and your true feelings and thoughts put an emphasis on the anxiety and see what he suggests. I would definitely leave the part out about being addicted to Phenibut.

Its not uncommon to feel the way you do. Don't quit your job or leave the country as the above poster suggested. I would agree maybe taking some time off to take care of you and your family issues.

Do To the severity of my situation I will more than likely be on Klonopin for a long time and have been on them for longer than I would have liked, but even multiple Dr suggested that is the least of my problems.

I am am not suggesting you start on benzos but would reccomended talking to a professional regarding your feelings and see what he suggests and you can go from there.

Good luck feel free to PM if you need anything or would like to talk.

 

[OneEyedRonnie]

Thanks very much for the replies guys. I truly appreciate the support and suggestions.

Ziirp: For some reason your "leave the country" suggestion made me smile. Thank you. I just might save up for a trip when this is over.

Man in the Dark: I agree logically, the girl is the least of my problems, but I'm a pretty emotional guy. I need to work on being more logical, I think. Funny you should mention klonipin, last time I went through withdrawal that is what I had. It helped very much with the anxiety. I have heard Baclofen and Gabapentin are also fairly effective for phenibut withdrawals. I've more or less decided to stay on a maintenance dose of this stuff until I have time to go see a doctor. I don't think I can do this on my own, as much as it pains me to admit it. Thank you as well for the PM offer, very kind. I will likely take you up on that at some point.

One of the main points I'm getting from both of your posts (something you both mentioned) is stop worrying about the girl. I am gonna give that a shot and see how it goes. There really are more pressing issues at the moment and I needed an objective outside source to point that out to me. So thank you again.

 

[herbavore]

Are you able to get any help for the anxiety that originally drove you to phenibut? You have a lot going on in your life with your mother's illness and losing an animal that you were obviously bonded with, not to mention your girl and her (lack of?) feelings. It makes sense that you would feel depressed and anxious. But these are the times in life where great strength can be developed and never undone. Read up on anxiety and depression--there is a wealth of good literature and information in books and on the web. It can help to know the size and shape and make-up of your enemy. I think of depression and anxiety as auto-immune diseases of the mind; the mind mistakenly attacking itself. Once you begin to see that anxiety is generated from your own thoughts you can begin to re-train those thought patterns. There is no hocus-pocus to it. It's practical, but tedious.

I'm glad that you started a thread and I hope that you will feel comfortable updating it as you try to turn things around.

 

[OneEyedRonnie]

herbavore: I'm going to have to begin that process for sure. This is not the first time I've self-medicated for anxiety/depression and it never ends well. I know better but I do it anyway. I guess the relief it affords me has been too appealing to resist, traditionally. As I've gotten a bit older (into my 30's now!) it's gotten quite a bit better. This time around, I think a lot of my anxiety/depression has been situational. I need to learn some coping mechanisms for stress or I will end up in this same spot over-and-over-and-over.

If I can get away from this phenibut I will definitely be looking into some CBT. No more shortcuts. Thank you for your support