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Jealous over my Mom

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snazzy_sn

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
774
Location
Texas
So here's the deal. I'm 21 years old. (a male in case you hadn't guessed) And this is pretty complicated.
Only recently has my mother become a part of my life again.
She was released from prison in October. She went down when I was 17 for the aiding and abedding of the manufacturing of methamphetamine.
I experienced all kinds of meth induced depravity focused on my mom including sex and violence. I witnessed this for 17 years. My first memories are of my mother having sex and getting beat up.
She went through countless men.
The only reason I love the woman is because we've been through so much in the mean time.
She's educated, she had her master's degree and was teaching special education when she got popped.
She maintained her addiction for 17 years.
There's just so much I could elaborate on but...

Like. I'm 21 years old, my mom just got out of prison, and she's the only one in the world left who will help me. I'm gonna be living with her soon. She's only 38 and she's been seeing guys ( i think) and it makes me jealous. not tremendously so. but enough to be uncomfortable.

what's wrong with me? heh.
 
Seems simple to me, you haven't had your Mom around for 4 years and maybe you don't want some unknown guy to just monopolize all her free time & take her away from you... Unless of course you are jealous because you want your Mom in a sexual way, that sounds like something I would know nothing about right there Guy.
 
it's not in a sexual way
but i don't want her to be with anyone.

it's surreal.
and it makes me feel like a giant pussy
 
Sounds like maybe you feel like when you were younger and you musta felt like you had to really work to get her to pay attention to you, with all those guys around. I am sure things will be very different for you guys this go-around. Try to stop thinking about it, relax & give you & your Mom a fair try to care about each other in a more healthy way now.
Well, you may have good reason for your suspicions but you cannot keep your
Mom isolated from others, even if she is seeing a guy. Nice that you are worried, but really- What can you do if she is starting some kind of destructive behavior again?
 
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Sounds like a difficult growing up experience. You have my compassion. What you are in need of is mothering, and that's hard as you approach adulthood. People who have had unstable or absent parental figures often go searching (even unconsciously) in different places for them.

Something to consider is whether or not your mother would be healthy for you right now, or if she is even in a position to fulfill a parental role to you. Ask yourself what is it that you want from her? If it's mothering, then my advice would be to work with the idea that you can have many mother and father figures throughout your lifetime, who will 'adopt' you by being your good friend. They are people who can be mentors and give you the kind of energy you're looking for, without all the specific hangups that your blood mother seems to have.

Just an idea. I'm not saying you have to ditch your mother. Do what you want really. But it sounds like you have suffered a lot while trying to have a child-parent relationship with this woman. At some point you have to ask yourself if the benefit is worth the cost. It's painful to move on when the relationship feels incomplete, but you don't have to complete it with THIS specific person.
 
What ever you do don't get a girlfriend and fill the void with her. The last thing the world needs is another man with mummy issues.
 
Finding a girlfriend is probably a good idea. :p
But also, it's probably you're protective of her and you're happy that she's back and you want to spend time with her.
Spend your time doing other things :)
 
As a 21 year old male I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to establish a relationship with this woman.

It's. Incredibly awkward. Even after six years "hey babe i got the kid high so he's gonna kick it in the garage with adam and those two girls cuz i'm hornier than a mountain goat" i still don't know what to say

And as far as the girlfriend thing... I just got out of a relationship, I'm seeings this girl but not in a relationshipy way... but... i have options, heh.
 
snazzy_sn said:
I experienced all kinds of meth induced depravity focused on my mom including sex and violence. I witnessed this for 17 years. My first memories are of my mother having sex and getting beat up.

The only reason I love the woman is because we've been through so much in the mean time.

she's the only one in the world left who will help me. I'm gonna be living with her soon.
Click to expand...

Your upbringing would have been tremendously hard, and you will likely have some residual issues from the multiple traumatic experiences that you have been subjected to - it would be wise to address and attend to these via counseling.

Your mother may be willing to help you, but do you really think she can? Are you really sure that living with your mother is a good idea?

There's one other person that can help you - you. You're 21 now, and it's a good age to start making your way in the world and learning to stand on your own two feet. I think that perhaps relying on someone that seems likely to let you down or cause you further trauma may be incredibly counterproductive. You may fall into a damaging co-dependency with your mother. Consider earning your own living and living in your own place; this way, you will not have to be constantly subjected to strange men in your house, especially considering the activities that your mother engages in with them. Watching your mother have sex and get assaulted is an incredibly damaging and traumatic experience, and no child nor adult should have to see that..not even once, let alone repeatedly :( It sounds as though living with your mother again will place you in a very toxic and damaging environment, and I would avoid this at all costs.

I strongly suggest you seek some counseling, work through your issues, and take care to rely only on those that are in a position where they are not likely to let you down horribly.
 
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