Exhausted
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2022
- Messages
- 23
My 6 year relationship is coming to an end. I feel it and I know he does too. I can see it. It’s written all over him; but if ya ask him he loves me with all of his heart more than anything in the world. Thing is.. we’re both addicts. He’s been doing pills for years and when we started dating, I tried Percs for the first time. After about a year together we started shooting heroin. We lost several homes and cars and pretty much all of our belongings at one point bc drugs always came first. Before anything. After getting evicted from our third place, we had nowhere else to go besides his moms. She let us clean out the garage and “fix it up” into an apartment. Lol A year later she bought a different house and moved. So we then got to move into her house. It’s on his grandparents farm and they didn’t have the heart to tell him no so just like that we now have this big farm house that we don’t pay a dime for. When we moved in we both slowed WAY down doing any drugs and got good jobs. We were finally doing it right. Or so I thought. After about two years of remodeling the house and going on vacations. Being able to pay bills and I finally bought a new car. He was being secretive about his check every week and he was starting to nod when we were watching movies on the couch. I thought at first it was just him being tired from work bc after getting home from work he’d go out and work on the farm with his grandpa until late every night. But then idk exactly what happened to make him tell me but he finally did. He was buying percs again. So yep I started being a weekend warrior with him. Then it got to be us getting a few 30s on a Monday or a Wednesday night. It started affecting my sleep and being able to get up for work. I was working at a hospital in a psychiatric unit as a tech. I’d have to be on call waking up at 1am so I could be at work by 3am and work until 5pm. It wasn’t just a go to work and just get by I had to be on top of my game in there. Anyways, I ended up quitting. And it sent me into a deep depression bc for the first time in my life I found a job that I actually really loved. And that included my coworkers. I’ve had depression issues my whole life but this time it got to be so bad I made myself see someone bc I knew how bad I needed help. And this is where I get diagnosed with bipolar 1 with mixed episodes. He was coming home from work complaining everyday about how bad he was getting treated and he hated it so bad there. So he finally just gave up and quit. What I didn’t know while I was in my bed sleeping my life away trying to not want to kill myself everyday he made a new friend at work before he quit. And that friend was keeping him comfy with percs and zannies then when they couldn’t get the percs anymore it was back to H and then he introduced him to fentanyl. Once I started getting better bc I finally got my meds all straightened out I gave him the option of either getting help or I’m leaving. We sat down and discussed the best options for him without doing inpatient rehab and he decided to start the vivitrol shot. I took him out of town for the holiday weekend on a camping trip to keep him away from his “people” and so he could try to detox before getting his shot. Needless to say as soon as our trip was over and we got back in town he ran right to his guy and got fucked up again. Shot appointment day came and he was extremely sick as fuck after getting it but he made it fine. One month went by and it was his birthday. Oh and also, He found out that you can still do meth on vivitrol so the shot only lasted one month. It never happened again. This was all just two years ago. Since then, we’ve both been on non stop meth benders, smoking crack about every other day and heavy fentanyl users. We’re both unemployed and my car is about to get repossessed as we speak. The only thing that’s keeping us from being homeless is the fact that our house is being paid for by his grandparents. Which makes me sick to my stomach. Our relationship used to be strong. We rarely ever argued and if we did we would work through our problems together in a civilized manner. Our sex used to be out of this damn world. I mean we had some seriously hot sex at one point
When we started into going on ice benders we got into some freaky shit. We started to experiment with different things we’ve never done together before like getting on those websites like Omegle and Chatroulette. At first it was fun. Then things started to just feel off and idk just I felt like something wasn’t right. You know when you get that feeling like something’s up. He would suggest us making a page for ourselves on different swingers sights so we could meet other couples or girls. Then there was Reddit and that was a HUGE issue for us bc it was supposed to just be for us as a couple to look at together but I was finding him on some singles sites and all kinds of different sex cam sites while I was sleeping or not home. That was seriously alarming to me bc he’s never given me a reason to believe that he’d ever cheat on me until all this shit came up. He started getting hundreds of emails from all these sex sites which he still to this day says they were spam from looking up porn which I’d totally believe if they weren’t so personal. Like literally written directly to him and some before they got deleted were replied back to. Bc ya know, sometimes you just got to reply back to those fake porn spam emails talking about when a good time for her to call so they can meet up right
So, several Gmail, yahoo and iCloud accounts later were down to sharing a phone. Now, that’s not because I’m a paranoid jealous crazy woman. It’s because his phone got smashed in the middle of one of our stupid fights after being up for days and neither of us have a job so we don’t have the means to go buy a new phone yet. So okay here’s the real fucked up part with what’s going on with my phone but anytime I ask him about it he says he don’t know wtf it even is so I must’ve done it. Anyways, My phone is so completely compromised with all these open source licenses and developers apps. Platforms and SDKs and APIs and static sites and CDNs. Now I know there’s gotta be some tech people reading this that knows what all this shit is. Last month on his Facebook messenger in his spam folder there were 5 different sex group messages that had multiple video links and messages saying for him to hook up again. Again?! I know I’ve wrote the LONGEST thread ever but I’m gonna end it with after all this that I’ve put out there for y’all to know. My fiancé and I haven’t had sex in MONTHS. He’s in his 20’s. Now. Tell me something aint going on. And it’s just the drugs
I’m begging for some insight advice anything. Help please. I’m so confused and sad and fucking lonely.
When we started into going on ice benders we got into some freaky shit. We started to experiment with different things we’ve never done together before like getting on those websites like Omegle and Chatroulette. At first it was fun. Then things started to just feel off and idk just I felt like something wasn’t right. You know when you get that feeling like something’s up. He would suggest us making a page for ourselves on different swingers sights so we could meet other couples or girls. Then there was Reddit and that was a HUGE issue for us bc it was supposed to just be for us as a couple to look at together but I was finding him on some singles sites and all kinds of different sex cam sites while I was sleeping or not home. That was seriously alarming to me bc he’s never given me a reason to believe that he’d ever cheat on me until all this shit came up. He started getting hundreds of emails from all these sex sites which he still to this day says they were spam from looking up porn which I’d totally believe if they weren’t so personal. Like literally written directly to him and some before they got deleted were replied back to. Bc ya know, sometimes you just got to reply back to those fake porn spam emails talking about when a good time for her to call so they can meet up right So, several Gmail, yahoo and iCloud accounts later were down to sharing a phone. Now, that’s not because I’m a paranoid jealous crazy woman. It’s because his phone got smashed in the middle of one of our stupid fights after being up for days and neither of us have a job so we don’t have the means to go buy a new phone yet. So okay here’s the real fucked up part with what’s going on with my phone but anytime I ask him about it he says he don’t know wtf it even is so I must’ve done it. Anyways, My phone is so completely compromised with all these open source licenses and developers apps. Platforms and SDKs and APIs and static sites and CDNs. Now I know there’s gotta be some tech people reading this that knows what all this shit is. Last month on his Facebook messenger in his spam folder there were 5 different sex group messages that had multiple video links and messages saying for him to hook up again. Again?! I know I’ve wrote the LONGEST thread ever but I’m gonna end it with after all this that I’ve put out there for y’all to know. My fiancé and I haven’t had sex in MONTHS. He’s in his 20’s. Now. Tell me something aint going on. And it’s just the drugs I’m begging for some insight advice anything. Help please. I’m so confused and sad and fucking lonely.
