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Issues with depression - Can anyone relate?

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
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Nov 3, 1999
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Hi all,

As I become more aware of my depression I keep on seeing patterns within myself of how I go about living. For instance I will have a period where I am very dedicated to repairing myself for a good few months, then I have another period where it is endless self destruction of eating bad foods, drinking, smoking and just not caring as well as I could be.

I have heard that this is the norm for depressed people but I keep on trying to stop myself from doing things I acknowledge to be wrong or to be in a certain headspace where I can do my uni work in peace but it's just not happening. It's like as if this takes on a life of its own and then leaves me at peace for a while only to reoccur again. I now know my depression started at a very young age, like 7 or so however have only begun to aid it and acknowledge it properly last year. The thing which is also concerning me are the bad flashbacks I keep on having of my past, when I was up to self destructive stuff.

Any advice would be more then welcome.

Thank you
 
I have times where I am less motivated to do what I need to do for my own life but I always come back around.

I guess focus on what makes you feel bad, and what may trigger you into a "negative cycle" that you describe here.

Have you tried seeing a therapist or different medications?
 
I agree with CH on the therapist/medication matter. You could have a chemical imbalance that can only be repaired with the right kind of medication.

I have severe depression as well, and even on medication I go through phases where I'll cut myself again or feel suicidal. I think one of the best things you can do is write as often as possible, daily is best, to try and figure out these changes in mood and why they occur. There could be a trigger, or it could be an issue of time or season.

Whatever the reason for it, I think professional help is the best advice. If you already have the help or meds, maybe the therapist and/or meds are not the right ones and you need to try something different. It took me over ten years to find the right medication cocktail for me...but that's because I was stubborn and would keep coming off of them.

I hope this advice helps, keep us posted.
 
noonoo said:
Hi all,

As I become more aware of my depression I keep on seeing patterns within myself of how I go about living. For instance I will have a period where I am very dedicated to repairing myself for a good few months, then I have another period where it is endless self destruction of eating bad foods, drinking, smoking and just not caring as well as I could be.

I have heard that this is the norm for depressed people but I keep on trying to stop myself from doing things I acknowledge to be wrong or to be in a certain headspace where I can do my uni work in peace but it's just not happening. It's like as if this takes on a life of its own and then leaves me at peace for a while only to reoccur again. I now know my depression started at a very young age, like 7 or so however have only begun to aid it and acknowledge it properly last year. The thing which is also concerning me are the bad flashbacks I keep on having of my past, when I was up to self destructive stuff.

Any advice would be more then welcome.

Thank you
Click to expand...

I can totally relate with everything you are saying. My best advice is to surround yourself with people you love and who love you. They will help you through the times when you are less than happy just by being there.

Also, try to recognize these times for what they are; temporary periods where you are not yourself. (You seem like you are already doing this to some degree.) Having this realization can allow you to take a step back, identify the self-destructive behaviors for what they are, and take steps to alleviate or correct them. You aren't perfect, and don't expect to be, but every little bit helps.

Anyways, these are the things that have helped me. I'll probably be in the minority here, but I don't like the idea of prescription drugs that you take continuously for the rest of your life to feel "normal". I prefer to tackle these things through self-inspection and introspection.
 
noonoo said:
For instance I will have a period where I am very dedicated to repairing myself for a good few months, then I have another period where it is endless self destruction of eating bad foods, drinking, smoking and just not caring as well as I could be.
Click to expand...

I can totally relate to this...it feels like the story of my life right now. 4-5 months ago I had quit smoking, gotten off Suboxone, started exercising, etc. Now I've been relapsing on oxycodone 2-3x a week for the last month, started smoking again, eating unhealthily, and stopped working out. I really want to get back that motivation to improve my life that I had just a few months ago but I can't shake this feeling of just not giving a fuck and wanting to do the things that make me feel good immediately (even knowing how detrimental they are to my health and happiness in the long term). I wish I had some suggestions on how to fix it, but clearly I haven't yet figured it out myself. Right now I'm trying to go to more NA meetings, and I just started taking Parnate. Something like NA/AA, counseling, or even just talking about this someone you can confide in would be good...social support and just being able to get things off your chest if nothing else will at least reduce your stress level.
 
I can relate to this. I finally found some interest in helping myself because I have been at the end of the rope for a few years now. Hospitalizations, suicidal thoughts, and etc.

Now that I found some help I cannot afford to continue receiving it because I am unemployed. I have the option of going back to the Veteran's Administration for healthcare. (service connected trauma and etc.) However, after dozens of bad experiences with the VA, I won't even answer the phone when they contact me. Luckily they still send me a disability check.

I sit in my apartment all day, and haven't called a friend in months. Sadly, I get angry when people call me.

I'm taking an anti-depressant and it's helping but it's not the answer to my problems. I desperately need to find a good therapist but that hasn't happened yet. The one therapist that I liked was out of my insurance network.

I'm lost, confused, miserable and many other things. I must find a job but don't have the energy or the ability to find it.

So I can relate to what you are going through. Everyone is correct in advising you to seek help. Professional counseling and medication is all that helped me through this. It will help you too.

(Sorry if I hijacked your thread with my own bullshit.)
 
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Masterdome you should call up someone and just have a talk with them.

Part of my problem is me bottling up bad tendencies which I recreate. I think I get fed up of annoying people with my problems or I feel as if they deserve to have better companionship then a guy with depression, although I acknowledge now that this is not me talking it's probably the depression.

Usually when these things bottle up for too long I hit a boiling point and go to those that i've been hiding from so to say and so then the saga begins all again.

I wasn't as aware about these cycles until last year, so now that I have a better understanding of it all I think I know how to make the right changes which will hopefully last forever however it will require a lot of commitment and this is something that bothers me because I know in the past how hard I have tried and it back fired on me.
 
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