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Issue with a friend

floatingaround

floatingaround

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 15, 2012
Messages
625
Location
NSW
hey guys been browsing BL for a while great site.

so ive met this female in the past couple of months. we are very alike and i like her very much. we are close friends and have slept together a couple times. The problem here is that i like her more then she likes me and she likes one of my mates(she knows i like her btw).

the real issue here is that it's very hard to even talk to her now without getting all down and depressed about this current situation. you could say i become pretty attached and in the past the only way ive got over females is stopping all contact which has worked as ive moved away from area's etc. recently ive stopped speaking to her(has been great tbh) and she's sad because of this, but its becoming very hard to not speak to her as i genuinly miss speaking to her and her friendship.. but in saying that if i speak to her i will go back to sqaure one and cop those thoughts again.

Not sure if ive answered my own qeustion there, I think i know what to do but id like second thoughts from others who have been in positions like these before and what you did??

Thanks BL for any help.
 
You have to cut off contact with her, and you know it. If she's playing the "I don't want you when I can have you, but I'm sad when you ignore me" game, it's all the more reason to cut off contact. If you feel the need to explain it to her, it could probably clear the air and not leave things dangling...
 
i would tell her honestly your situation and feelings and explain you have to cut her off for your own good, just to make sure she is into your friend and not you and explain why you are cutting her off if you are really such close friends. i dont see why should would lie to stop you unless she was an insanely manipulative cunt. i am currently in the same situation with occasionally talking to my ex, and i'm completely aware that it is only helping to keep my hopeless feelings alive. i just don't care in my case because i think i would feel the same even if i didn't talk to him. if you can save yourself the trouble, cut her off.

*though in my case its a bit different. he has decided he will be foreveralone now and he isnt into anyone, and i think maybe i can salvage our foreveralonez EVENTUALLY, so might as well talk
 
Changed said:
You have to cut off contact with her, and you know it. If she's playing the "I don't want you when I can have you, but I'm sad when you ignore me" game, it's all the more reason to cut off contact. If you feel the need to explain it to her, it could probably clear the air and not leave things dangling...
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thanks mate, your absolutly right. i have explained this and mentioned why we cannot speak anymore, but within days she's telling my mates to tell me to 'unblock her' then i feel guilty and shit basically does a full loop back to sqaure one. She is quite manipluative and i probabaly dont see this all the time tbh. she obviously dosent care enough if she's asking to speak to me after she KNOWS it fucks with my mind way to much..worse then any drugs ive taken before and withdrawn from before have, and i said this to her so she knows it's a big deal she just hates that we cant speak.

going to keep the block and not speak to her, i appreciate the reply mate :)
 
Jean-Paul said:
i would tell her honestly your situation and feelings and explain you have to cut her off for your own good, just to make sure she is into your friend and not you and explain why you are cutting her off if you are really such close friends. i dont see why should would lie to stop you unless she was an insanely manipulative cunt. i am currently in the same situation with occasionally talking to my ex, and i'm completely aware that it is only helping to keep my hopeless feelings alive. i just don't care in my case because i think i would feel the same even if i didn't talk to him. if you can save yourself the trouble, cut her off.

*though in my case its a bit different. he has decided he will be foreveralone now and he isnt into anyone, and i think maybe i can salvage our foreveralonez EVENTUALLY, so might as well talk
Click to expand...

thanks jeanp. its all been explained to her, she just dosent want to accept it neither do I tbh but i know what has to be done.

appreciate it BL
 
Hi there,

From a female point of view, you definitely did the right thing! She sounds like the kind of woman who doesn't feel good about herself unless she is receiving lots of male attention. She may have eyes for your mate and want you, too, but once you are out of pic your mate better watch out! She'll be back out seeking more attention.

Poor dear must have very low self-esteem and tries to falsely build it with male attention.

I hope she realizes what she is doing before it's too late and she ends up alone and bitter.

You really did make right choice. it would just be heartache/break,over and over.
 
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thanks for these replys guys keeps my mind strong :)

Slept together well before she mentioned she liked my mate. my mate lives out of state so it will be a long dis relationship if that ends up happening but that only points to a red flag imo

she tends to only think about herself.. so to say 'She sounds like the kind of woman who doesn't feel good about herself unless she is receiving lots of male attention' hits the nail on the head. might mention she's borderline bipolar, used to be a heroin addict and has issues with food(purges most feeds) if it wasnt me caring about her mental issue and her eating i probabaly wouldnt be so into her to begin with because i relate, just not with the purgings.

cheers guys and girls :D
 
Unrequited love is really tough, OP. I'm sorry you're going through it. Lots of us have, and it's a horrible feeling.

I know you probably want to see her all the time, but I think in this instance the best thing to do is cut contact like Changed said. It's better for your emotional state, especially if you feel attached. All you will do is perpetuate it if you allow yourself to stay emotionally vested while she runs off with a mate. Perhaps in a little while, you will get over her and you can go back to being friends.
 
I greatly appreciate everyones posts.

This sucks shes sent me an email, and now this morning wake up to a text from her asking 'are you awake?'. feels like im close to cracking and speaking to her again but I know the outcome :o
 
Just a thought, floatingaround -- she might have friendzoned you, but she still loves you as a friend and doesn't want to hurt you. I know, I know "OMFG that's so lammmme!" and all that shitty stuff people say, but I can empathize with the girl if she loves you, but doesn't see herself with you long-term and in a relationship. I'm sure it sucks more for you, but she might really care for you, doesn't want to hurt you, so she stays in contact hoping you won't get hurt.

OR (and yeah...I know this is the negative shitty side), she could be using you.

Only you truly know the answer here.
 
Stop being manipulative.

The only way you can get the attention you want is by not talking to them? Cmon man, just wait till you find a girl (or for a girl to find you) who LIKES YOU JUST AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE THEM .
 
basically a rant..

didnt speak to her for 3 weeks, felt great, spoke to her 2 days ago back at sqaure one with these thoughts again... just great. ive now told her twice i cannot speak to her for reasons stated in earlier posts, but like a drug i go back for more and by now it's just pathetic to keep saying this. i know what i have to do, but its alot harder then first thought when she does seem to 'love' me as a friend and no more, thats fine except my thoughts towards her have not changed :\ 8(
 
This seems like a push then pull kind of dynamic you two have slipped into. It is unhealthy and--in my opinion--a half assed kind of exchange between "friends."
 
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