Is there anything that could make you use again? And another question...

[twang]

This is more of a question for those of you that have a decent amount of clean time under your belt.
I was wondering to myself, if I were diagnosed with a terminal illness if I would just say fuck it and get high on heroin as much as possible until I die. I'd like to think I'd remain sober if I were terminally ill and keep my mental faculties about me as much as said illness would allow. Im trying to think of a good reason why I shouldn't use if I were terminally I'll but I'm having a hard time coming up with anything. Sure I'd feel pride from the strong will it would take not to just give up and start using, but at the same time if I were withering away, fuck pride...right? I know for sure I'd rather go out on my own terms with a nice big OD even if I didn't start using regularly enough to get physically addicted again.

Is there any life altering situation that you think would make you use again?


Also an unrelated question that I don't feel like posting an entirely new thread for...

Those of you that have at least a year of clean time under your belt, do you feel like as time goes on it's gotten easier to stay clean? Do you think about using less/feel the chances of you slipping up and relapsing diminish as you accumulate more clean time?

 

[simco]

To your first question...I'm honestly not sure what I'd do if I got a terminal diagnosis. Honestly, I think it's likely I'd go back. But it's hard to say in the abstract.

As far as the second question goes, I'm just about to come up on 11 months clean, so I don't quite fall into the audience you were asking. But nevertheless... for me things definitely got easier in terms of the daily battle to stay clean after about 90 days. But I still have some very tough moments. It's rarely an hour-by-hour challenge these days like it was early on. But sometimes I get surprised.

To me the biggest help was learning how to spot signs of relapse (or strong cravings) before they happened, and developing skills for dealing when I spotted them. It's much easier to deal with these things before they get really bad, as opposed to clawing your way out when you're in the shit.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Like how I used to use heroin and other drugs? No. Because lying, stealing and generally living in inauthentic ways characterized much of my life in active addictions. If I was being prescribed drugs to treat a terminal/legitimate condition, none of that would be necessary. Plus, it kinda feels like one of those "once seen it cannot be unseen" situations. I can't think of any situation short of being locked in the pen for life (and even then...) where resorting to a life of unethical, harmful and inauthentic behavior would be something I could justify on any level, let alone stomach.

Given the stigma of addiction, a whole lot of active addiction is about passing one's self off as someone who isn't struggling in profoundly deep ways. But once I got in touch with and began to accept my difficulties, once I began to accept myself - not despite my short coming but specifically for them (the flip side of the coin is that a short coming is also an oppertunity to grow and become) - once I got a real taste of what it means to be accepted by others for who I feel I authentically am, the more difficult it has become to cover that up in efforts to pass myself off as someone I know I am not.

Life is infinitely better when I practice self compassion. Kindness is a wonderful tool. Practicing kindness with one's self necessities practicing it with others. With compassion, unethical and harmful behavior becomes far less palatable.

In a way more sober time does make sober time easier, but it really has very little to do with time itself - it has to do with how I've spent my time, sober and otherwise (I first started making progress in recovery before I stopped actually using). The more practice I have living in more ethical, healthier ways, the easier that kind of lifestyle becomes. The more exercises I have in learning from my mistakes and turning obstacles into challenges into opportunities, the more skillfully resilient I become. And the easier and more "natural" living well becomes.

Trust me, I'm about as far from perfect as anyone can be. But that doesn't mean I'm not also capable of being a kind, loving, compassionate, aware, intelligent person in my ways. My shortcomings aren't some deep flaws I have to repent for to live a good life. Rather they're grist for the mill, compost to nourish a healthier, more fruitful garden.

It's all about learning, growing and developing into a more authentic, genuine person with x, y and z positive kind of characteristics. That is why the whole "try, try, try again" thing is so important. It's not about how much effort you put into it today or tomorrow. It's much, much more about how consistent one is with their efforts over time. Even just a little effort each day can reap incredibly benefits down the road.

 

[simco]

Like how I used to use heroin and other drugs? No. Because lying, stealing and generally living in inauthentic ways characterized much of my life in active addictions. If I was being prescribed drugs to treat a terminal condition none of that would be necessary. Plus, it kinda feels like one of those "once seen it cannot be unseen" situations. I can't think of any situation short of being locked in the pen for life (and even then...) where resorting to a life of unethical, harmful behavior, inauthentic would be something I could justify let alone stomach.

Given the stigma of addiction, a whole lot of active addiction is about passing as someone who isn't struggling in profoundly deep ways. But once I got in touch and began to accept my difficulties, once I began to accept myself not despite my short coming but specifically for them (the flip side of the coin is that a short coming is also an oppertunity to grow and become), once I got a real taste of what it means to be accepted by others for who I feel I authentically am, the more difficult to become to cover that up in an effort to pass off as someone I don't truly feel as if I am.

Life is so much infinitely better when I practice self compassion, and unethical and harmful behavior equally less palatable.

In a way more sober time does make sober time easier, but it really has very little to do with sober time - it has to do with how I've spent my sober time (and toward the end of my active use, how I spent that time as well). The more practice I have living in more ethical, healthier ways, the easier that kind of lifestyle becomes. The more exercises I have in learning from my mistakes and turning obstacles into challenges into oppertunities, the more skillfully resilient I become. And the easier and more "natural" living well becomes.

Trust me, I'm about as far from perfect as anyone can be. But that doesn't mean I'm not also capable of being a kind, loving, compassionate, aware, intelligent person in my ways. My short comings aren't some deep flaws I have to repent for to live a good life. Rather they're grist for the mill, compost to nourish a healthier, more fruitful garden.

It's all about learning, growing and developing into a more authentic, genuine person with x, y and z positive kind of characteristics. That why the whole try, try, try again thing is so important. It's not about how much effort you put into it today or tomorrow. It's much, much more about how consistent one is with their efforts over time.

Beautifully put TPD

 

[Jabberwocky]

LOL my iPhone grammar and all, I'm glad someone could make sense of that gibberish

I need to spend more BL time on the computer and less outside smoking on iOS... 8)

God I love me a real, full keyboard okay back to topic! What was the topic?

Oh right, using or not using. Something worth also pointing out is the phenomenon when people over-identify with their sobriety time. Some people who have years sober who experience a relapse have a much harder time getting back on the wagon, because they feel something like having failed or let people/themselves down. That is what happens when we over identify with "clean time." Clean time is important, yes, but the right (healthiest) relationship with it is at least as important.

What I like about my system is that I'm flexible enough with myself such as if I slip, I recognize it and just pick myself back up. I try not taking life too seriously, or perhaps better said as taken with a grain of salt. After all, I might be a dog, but I'm no god.

 

[szuko000]

To be honest, no probably not. I have been off IV heroin for 3 years almost and methadone for something like 18 months. I just dont see the point in doing opiates as they dont offer any type of reward other then doing opiates. At least anything else i do now, mainly weed and lsd, lead themselves to exploration and furthering myself in some way... even if its just to relax or have fun they dont draw a massive negative like opiates do.

To be completely honest it was never difficult for me really (IV heroin for about 3 years) It was difficult at first in a sense but once the dope stopped working because of the methadone it was hard to justify spending money on it. Spend the 18 months on methadone furthering myself and my interests to the point where now its hard to imagine even doing an opiate period, or that i did in the past. Probably more difficult then i remember but in memory there was nothing difficult about methadone. I never got take homes because i wanted to associate methadone with needing to go to the clinic to make it easy to get off.

Life is challenging but i love a good challenge so its whatever. Nothing really bothers me anymore as its hard to think something is bad when you actually have memories of bad times. Rent and bills took all my money, oh well at least i wake up and everyday is similar (in a good predictable way not boring) I was never one to count clean time or really anything like that so it makes sense i wouldnt know the actual dates but i know it was sometime in November of 2014 that i got on methadone and got off sometime in early march of 2016, I probably could figure it out if i tried to think of related events that fell around it but again its as insignificant as the first time i ate pizza, i dont remember that either

I'm probably odd my counselor always said i had a different view they anyone she dealt with haha

 

[cj]

LOL my iPhone grammar and all, I'm glad someone could make sense of that gibberish

I need to spend more BL time on the computer and less outside smoking on iOS... 8)

God I love me a real, full keyboard okay back to topic! What was the topic?

Oh right, using or not using. Something worth also pointing out is the phenomenon when people over-identify with their sobriety time. Some people who have years sober who experience a relapse have a much harder time getting back on the wagon, because they feel something like having failed or let people/themselves down. That is what happens when we over identify with "clean time." Clean time is important, yes, but the right (healthiest) relationship with it is at least as important.

What I like about my system is that I'm flexible enough with myself such as if I slip, I recognize it and just pick myself back up. I try not taking life too seriously, or perhaps better said as taken with a grain of salt. After all, I might be a dog, but I'm no god.

Good point. I never have counted my sober time up just for this reason.

 

[G.R.S.H.]

I don't think I would, I just have no part of me that asks for my DOC anymore (Which might answer q #2 as well) after over 15 years of not using. I have no wish to go back to that way off life. My least favorite part always was the waiting, and the fact that good dope is hard to find.

Having shattered part of my spine, I am on medications for the pain, and don't find myself abusing them.

Peace- grsh