Mental Health Is there any hope???

[Mf_Mayhem]

I have struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life. I remember biting my nails to the bone as a child, laying awake at bedtime for hours anguishing over everything. That is not a normal childhood by any means, and this darkness has followed me my entire life. I've taken meds here and there, and they kind work for just a little while, but then I find myself in some sort of self sabotage or drug use. I feel the drug use is a symptom of my depression and anxiety. My brain does not shut down and I analyze and think everything to death. Downers cease all of that, and they sometimes make life a little more bearable. I always reference Pink Floyd lyrics "comfortably numb", because that's exactly how I feel. I know this is not the right way to go about things, which is why I started seeing a therapist, and made a pysch appointment to see if i need to re-adjust my meds. My fear is that I will never hold the reins on this, and it will haunt me for the rest of my life. Walking around my life with the darkness on my trail. Can anyone tell me they have had complete success with their mental disabilities? Of if you were able to pull yourself away from the darkness? How did you do it? I don't want to keep living this way.

 

[herbavore]

Was there specific trauma in your childhood or were you, Like me, just born with an incredibly raw and vulnerable temperament? Childhood and teens were very hard for me--definitely full of over-thinking, anxiety, not so much depression as despair--but it is exhausting when you feel that this must just be you and is inescapable. As an older woman I can now say that is probably not true for anyone. Yes, you may have to confront depressive thinking many times in your life but it gets easier once you learn how complicit your own thoughts are in making your misery keep repeating and feeding on itself and you learn how you can change that.

Really look at the surface of your life. Are you happy enough with your work, your relationships, your hobbies and interests or are you living like someone told you you should live? A lot of depressed people are living lives that do not fit their spirit's desires. What excites you? What engages you? If you have no idea, there is where you can start. Again though, if your depression is connected to childhood abuse or some other old trauma, you will have to work on that--preferably with a therapist.

It is very possible to heal. I never thought I could feel differently but life just keeps surprising me.

 

[Mjo95jr]

Hey mayhem,
I know the feeling, herbavore does too. Yes there is hope. Fear may feel like it holds the reigns, but it does. That is just the feelings overwhelming you. Depression and anxiety are not easy things to deal with by any means, but keep your mind open. Look toward the positive things in your life, even the small things, especially the small things, they help. When I get into a dark place, I just try to remember the last great picture or landscape I've seen, nature calms me. Find what calms you, hopefully not drugs though, but you can work past that. Keep positive and looking forward. The past can't change, but you can make yourself a better person and a better future. Don't lose hope.