TDS Is it too late?

[ZeroBlood]

A few months ago I started taking some Tylenol 3 pills with codeine in them, telling myself I wouldn't take it any further. Then that turned into hydrocodone and oxycodone when the T3s ran out, but I thought I was okay because I'd only do 2 or 3 percs every other week and promised myself I wouldn't increase that. As of now, I pick a day each week and take around 40-60 mg of oxycodone or hydrocodone to make the school day more enjoyable. I'm not physically addicted at all, the closest thing to withdrawal I have experienced is mild shaking 5 hours after using, but it's all I can think about when I'm not using. For about a month I have managed to keep my current pace, and I keep telling myself I won't let it escalate but I am afraid it will. I promised myself I'd quit 2 months ago as soon as my medicine cabinet was empty, but I somehow ended up finding more once I was out. I feel like a completely different person; I hardly even try in school anymore, half of my friends don't even know this side of me exists and the other half that know keep telling me I have a problem, but I don' think taking a once a week is a problem, is it? And why should I listen to these friends who all smoke weed, drink, and go partying every weekend themselves(I don't do any of that surprisingly).

About two weeks ago, a recovering addict came into my school to preach against drugs in general, specifically oxycodone and heroin. I took some hydrocodone that day and it made me feel like a horrible person the whole way through his speech. I was ashamed of myself for being high on opiates while this guy was telling us about how they destroyed his life, and I really thought I was going to quit. The speaker concluded his speech and left, and on the way out of the gym that he gave his presentation in, I changed my mind and took more hydrocodone within 15 minutes.

Am I already in over my head? I know I will be okay if i keep taking the amount I am taking only once a week, but I'm afraid that it will escalate again. The days that I go to school sober, I am exhausted and all I can think about 50% of the time is how much more enjoyable the day would be if I had taken some oxy. I know I can't quit at this point. I don't want to quit altogether. I just want to know what I can do to keep it from going further than a weekly treat.

 

[Stevenski]

The obsessive thoughts are the killer here. My suggestion would be to stop now while you have the conscious choice to do so. Once you develop a habit for an addictive substance reason goes out the door.......

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

It's not too late. You realize you may have a problem long before most people do. You may not be physically addicted but you are certainly psychologically addicted if it's all you think about when sober.

I would consider talking to someone about this as soon as you possibly can. Whether it is a school counselor or a GP.

 

[Polluted_Mind]

Bail now. While you can. Sorry for being blunt but it's true. Run and don't look back, or you WILL regret it.

 

[Morphling]

Well. It seems you are on the road to opiate addiction. There is nothing good about this. Opiates will hook you unlike any other drug, IMO. Only thing I've ever been addicted to. It's screwing up your school, which you are presumably paying a lot of money for, so if you fail out due to being more interested in pills than school, you're screwing your future and your finances.

Of course it's not too late for you. As others have suggested here, you may want to reach out for support. There should be counseling services available at your school, and support groups if you care to go that route. Stop while you're ahead, I say, as you don't have a legitimate need for the pills!

 

[junkies wife]

You need to stop NOW. I've tried a few things a tiny bit at a time. Even once a month escalated into horrible addictions eventually. I don't think most go from none user to addict in one use, or ten for that matter. It creeps up on you. It gradually becomes more and before you notice it's a problem it has taken your ability to properly recognize what should be considered a problem. What you think is ok now would not have been ok a year ago. Your behavior will continue to deviate from what you once considered appropriate, but you will never notice. Quit now. It WILL take you over. Your constant thinking about it is calling you to it. It won't stop until you get rid of this habit, or completely succumb to it. Go smoke a joint with your friends if you need to get high.

 

[badfish45]

There's never too late, you can always jump out of the hole, but each day it only gets deeper and deeper. Having a "schedule" for drugs, especially opiates, is absurd and a pathetic attempt we humans have at rationalizing our behavior. If you feel the need to "limit" yourself already, that clearly means you are half expecting yourself to fall into a drug problem, so yes, I foresee this being very problematic.

 

[junkies wife]

Good point. You are just rationalizing problematic behavior. "it's ok as long as..." It's NOT ok.

 

[Woodsong]

I don't think I can really say much that hasn't been said already...

That feeling opiates initially give you? It doesn't last, trust me.

One day you find yourself waking up inexplicably aching all over, generally feeling like a train wreck, sniffling like you've got a cold, and a compulsive 'need' to take more opiates to make yourself feel "better"... Don't let it get to that point...

Trying to "schedule" use of opiates is just temporarily ignoring the ever-louder banging of the devil at the gate in your mind... He'll get out, eventually...