Flowing
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2014
- Messages
- 60
Earlier this month, I managed to complete a 9 months withdrawal from 1250 mg of Depakote ER. I believe I should have taken things a bit slower, especially with the final 125 mg of Depakote which I came off of in about 3 weeks just because at around the 62.5 mg mark, my Depakote levels showed there to be no Depakote in my bloodstream, so I did a quick taper down by 12.5 mg a day from that 62.5 mg mark until I hit zero. You can pretty much say I dropped off at 62.5 mg though which is still far below the usual 250 mg of Depakote that people have to drop off of and within usually a 1 to 2 week time span, not a 36 week time span like I did. I have found great benefits to being off Depakote such as actually being able to feel human emotions again, hair regrowth, the ability to clot properly, normal blood cell counts etc. The first night completely off the Depakote I even got 8 hours of sleep for the first time in 11 months. However, as time moved forward these past few weeks, despite being on 3 mg of Klonopin and magnesium supplements, I have found myself having a rollercoaster of withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, mood swings, heart palpitations and of course extreme insomnia.
I have been forced and/or coerced onto over 40 different psychiatric medications for almost two decades now. I have never taken an illegal drug, not even marijuana (although I know many people who were doing heroin, crystal meth, cocaine, binge drinking alcohol, smoking pot, doing LSD etc. that have recovered and are doing way better than me). It's just been that I've been on a catastrophic amount of psychiatric medications. My brain is obviously permanently damaged but I would like to reduce any further damage if possible. I know I have to wait out the Depakote withdrawal symptoms for the rest of the summer at least before trying to taper off the Klonopin, but I need to be prepared. The final drug now is of course the 3 mg of Klonopin but I have little confidence in my ability to come off of something that is probably the most addictive drug in existence, yet at the same time the only thing I know that is able to give me some sleep. I have no idea what I can do to keep myself sleeping at a decent rate to prevent myself from going completely insane and have to wind up back in an inpatient psych unit.
I have read numerous benzo withdrawal books, and forum posts. It appears that a slow liquid titration taper from Klonopin is my best bet. However, there is no doubt I will experience worsened insomnia and anxiety as a result of any taper. I have seen way too many people fall into the trap of going on other psych meds to induce sleep such an antipsychotic like Seroquel or a tricyclic like Trazadone while they taper off their benzo. Then they have to figure out how to taper off that other medication. I no longer respond to pretty much anything, even antipsychotics for sleep. Powerful antipsychotic drugs such as Haldol act like a placebo to me. Even the other major benzos and non-benzo sleep aids like Valium, Ativan, Restoril, Lunesta and Ambien do nothing to induce sleep. It's only Klonopin that really does the trick for sleep. Alright, I confess, when I had to have shoulder surgery done in early 2015, whatever the hell they used for anesthesia put me under within 5 seconds. I wish I remembered what they gave me and I should probably get my medical records for that. But I have grown tolerant to Klonopin. Kindling is also in a factor since I have withdrawn from Klonopin in the past before although that was back in the year 2007 and that was only .5 mg. I have not drank any alcohol in over 7 years since that is what ruined my recovery by triggering what has been described as many things but was probably alcohol psychosis. I have managed to lose 45 pounds this year alone and fit into the "normal weight" category on the old school BMI system. I am eating healthier than ever before. I've been working out at the gym more frequently to help increase GABA levels naturally. I'm taking supplements that are supposed to help with sleep such as magnesium glycinate.
But still, I wonder if I can get past the withdrawal of 3 mg of Klonopin without going completely insane due to insomnia. What options do I really have at this point? The only thing that I see outside of anesthesia is a drug called Xyrem but I doubt that I can ever get that because I cannot even get that from my pdoc who prescribes me almost anything I want that I think will help with coming off all meds. I can't really fool a sleep study into saying I have narcolepsy / cataplexy can I? I don't know, I guess I'm just rambling here but I want to finally break this cycle of being polydrugged and abused by the mental health system. I'd hate to see all of my progress go down the tubes just because of the 3 mg of Klonopin after managing to survive the barrage of the 40+ other psychiatric medications, I feel there has to be some way to come completely clean but I just haven't figured out. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I have been forced and/or coerced onto over 40 different psychiatric medications for almost two decades now. I have never taken an illegal drug, not even marijuana (although I know many people who were doing heroin, crystal meth, cocaine, binge drinking alcohol, smoking pot, doing LSD etc. that have recovered and are doing way better than me). It's just been that I've been on a catastrophic amount of psychiatric medications. My brain is obviously permanently damaged but I would like to reduce any further damage if possible. I know I have to wait out the Depakote withdrawal symptoms for the rest of the summer at least before trying to taper off the Klonopin, but I need to be prepared. The final drug now is of course the 3 mg of Klonopin but I have little confidence in my ability to come off of something that is probably the most addictive drug in existence, yet at the same time the only thing I know that is able to give me some sleep. I have no idea what I can do to keep myself sleeping at a decent rate to prevent myself from going completely insane and have to wind up back in an inpatient psych unit.
I have read numerous benzo withdrawal books, and forum posts. It appears that a slow liquid titration taper from Klonopin is my best bet. However, there is no doubt I will experience worsened insomnia and anxiety as a result of any taper. I have seen way too many people fall into the trap of going on other psych meds to induce sleep such an antipsychotic like Seroquel or a tricyclic like Trazadone while they taper off their benzo. Then they have to figure out how to taper off that other medication. I no longer respond to pretty much anything, even antipsychotics for sleep. Powerful antipsychotic drugs such as Haldol act like a placebo to me. Even the other major benzos and non-benzo sleep aids like Valium, Ativan, Restoril, Lunesta and Ambien do nothing to induce sleep. It's only Klonopin that really does the trick for sleep. Alright, I confess, when I had to have shoulder surgery done in early 2015, whatever the hell they used for anesthesia put me under within 5 seconds. I wish I remembered what they gave me and I should probably get my medical records for that. But I have grown tolerant to Klonopin. Kindling is also in a factor since I have withdrawn from Klonopin in the past before although that was back in the year 2007 and that was only .5 mg. I have not drank any alcohol in over 7 years since that is what ruined my recovery by triggering what has been described as many things but was probably alcohol psychosis. I have managed to lose 45 pounds this year alone and fit into the "normal weight" category on the old school BMI system. I am eating healthier than ever before. I've been working out at the gym more frequently to help increase GABA levels naturally. I'm taking supplements that are supposed to help with sleep such as magnesium glycinate.
But still, I wonder if I can get past the withdrawal of 3 mg of Klonopin without going completely insane due to insomnia. What options do I really have at this point? The only thing that I see outside of anesthesia is a drug called Xyrem but I doubt that I can ever get that because I cannot even get that from my pdoc who prescribes me almost anything I want that I think will help with coming off all meds. I can't really fool a sleep study into saying I have narcolepsy / cataplexy can I? I don't know, I guess I'm just rambling here but I want to finally break this cycle of being polydrugged and abused by the mental health system. I'd hate to see all of my progress go down the tubes just because of the 3 mg of Klonopin after managing to survive the barrage of the 40+ other psychiatric medications, I feel there has to be some way to come completely clean but I just haven't figured out. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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