I have suspected for almost a year that I have skin cancer. Basically I am already dead inside but have ruled out taking my life with my own hand. However, if fate deals me a fatal illness I don't see why I should not let it take its course. I figured it would be easier on my loved ones if I died of cancer than if I killed myself and they probably could collect the life insurance money to boot. Unfortunatly my condition is becoming visible to those close to me and they have questioned me about it. So far I've skirted the issue but I'm not sure how long they will buy my flimsy explanations. If I admit that I'm ignoring it or even that I am aware of it I am afraid that it will be no different than if I killed myself. Do you think ignoring it is the same as suicide?
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is ignoring a potentialy fatal disease suicide?
- Thread starter Use2Be
- Start date
junkyardjay
Greenlighter
yeah.. in the same way if you were walking on tracks and saw a train coming toward you but didn't move.
i'd obviously suggest you seek treatment, regardless of whether it saves your life or not. i imagine dying from untreated cancer is a very slow and painful process, Also, they're going to cotton onto it eventually, I assure you.
i'd obviously suggest you seek treatment, regardless of whether it saves your life or not. i imagine dying from untreated cancer is a very slow and painful process, Also, they're going to cotton onto it eventually, I assure you.
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
if you are ignoring or wanting to acquirer a possibly terminal illness, only to neglect treatment with the hope of dying, yes i would say that fits the description of suicide, or idealization at least.
i abused drugs to an obnoxious extent, and many of those binges i would consider a suicide mission, not really getting high...
of course some people, usually the elderly, have lived out their lives, or belong to a religion which doesnt allow invasive, or certain types of treatment. they request this though out of faith, satisfied with their life and there after; not because of depression or being unsatisfied with life.
if you suspect you do have skin cancer, you need to see a doctor in any circumstance, some states do have compassion for the terminally ill - with so many months left.
many people who do receive such diagnoses gain a different perspective on life, ive noticed.
keep us updated...
i abused drugs to an obnoxious extent, and many of those binges i would consider a suicide mission, not really getting high...
of course some people, usually the elderly, have lived out their lives, or belong to a religion which doesnt allow invasive, or certain types of treatment. they request this though out of faith, satisfied with their life and there after; not because of depression or being unsatisfied with life.
if you suspect you do have skin cancer, you need to see a doctor in any circumstance, some states do have compassion for the terminally ill - with so many months left.
many people who do receive such diagnoses gain a different perspective on life, ive noticed.
keep us updated...
amapola
Bluelight Crew
Legally no. Not treating a disease is not considered suicide.
Mentally, linguistically and other factors though are a whole different bag of marbles.
Mentally, linguistically and other factors though are a whole different bag of marbles.
Thank you all for your comments. I am starting to question my decision to ignore it. Not because I want to live or for any religious reasons but because it is becoming disfiguring and I cannot pretend that I am unaware of it anymore. I have been depressed for some time and use a lot of drugs and alcohol to self medicate make life tolerable. I thought this would be an easy way out, but I don't know now.
Cancer is definitely not an easy way out. I strongly suggest that you get it checked out as soon as you can. At the same time, it might be worth getting some help for your depression. Have you ever had any therapy/counselling for that? Do you think it's something you'd consider?
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
do you have a diagnosis? prognosis?
have you seen a doctor yet.?
Edit: easy is not a fact, neither is what will happen from now till then, or here to there. try absorbing your surroundings and nature more, and see what of your emotions become the most relative/prevalent. work with that emotion and try turning into an expression to touch your surroundings, or be more aligned with them and yourself.
Life Love & Laughter
have you seen a doctor yet.?
Edit: easy is not a fact, neither is what will happen from now till then, or here to there. try absorbing your surroundings and nature more, and see what of your emotions become the most relative/prevalent. work with that emotion and try turning into an expression to touch your surroundings, or be more aligned with them and yourself.
Life Love & Laughter
Last edited:
In the past I saw a psychologist and I thought it was bs. he only wanted money. subsequently I do not trust mental health professionals. my GP prescribed wellbutrin but I did not get the presdciption fillled because my online research made me concerned about side effects.
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
it can take meeting several people before you find some one you like, i finally did, but the are only temporary, and not very intensive or analytical.
you should atleast know what's going on physically as well.
you should atleast know what's going on physically as well.
Sorry to hear you got a shitty psychologist last time. It's true, there are good ones, but there are also bad ones (they're all only human, after all) and unfortunately it sounds like you got one of those. But there are definitely a lot of health professionals who genuinely care about your wellbeing and want the best outcome for you. In fact I'd go so far as to say that the majority of them are like that. It's just a shame that you've seen some that don't appear to be so helpful.
All anti-depressants have some initial side effects while your brain is adjusting to them. But you have to weigh up whether you'd prefer to go through some side effects but then have your brain's chemistry balanced out, hopefully making you feel happy and normal again; OR whether you want to continue on with depression. But you do have a choice in the matter, and there are options for you to get better.
Do you have children?
no children. I am afaid of the "suicidal thoughts" of antidepressants since I am already suicidal. I have convinced myself to not take action because of the pain it would cause those that care about me and because I can always kill myself later but I cannot un-kill myself. but if the meds were to escallate the thoughts, I may not be able to overcome the urge.
^^ That is a very valid concern and I have the same reservations about using Wellbutrin for my depression also, so I know where you're coming from.
It is great that you have your family in mind when you choose not to end your life. Again, that is the one thing that has kept me alive in my darkest moments.
Sorry, more questions for you (you don't have to answer these if you don't want to by the way)
Have you only seen the one psychologist, or a few different ones?
What about other anti-depressants, is Wellbutrin the only one your doctor has prescribed?
Do you family members know how depressed you are currently?
It is great that you have your family in mind when you choose not to end your life. Again, that is the one thing that has kept me alive in my darkest moments.
Sorry, more questions for you (you don't have to answer these if you don't want to by the way)
Have you only seen the one psychologist, or a few different ones?
What about other anti-depressants, is Wellbutrin the only one your doctor has prescribed?
Do you family members know how depressed you are currently?
Help me please
Bluelighter
It's not suicide but there is some aspect that suggests denial.
The Hebrew Hammer
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2006
- Messages
- 585
wait a second... I dont mean this in a bad way. I am just curious, and wondering why you are thinking this way....
You are feeling suicidal, but you dont want to take a medication that might help your depression, because it might make you suicidal?
I might be missing something... but Dont you think you owe yourself to risk it since you are already wanting to die? i mean, in the worst case scenario from taking meds is that nothing changes ... right?
again, im seriously asking this. I am curious as to why you are concerned about possibly becoming suicidal from the medication when you are already suicidal...
I know this question could seem like an asshole-ish question but I mean this with the best intentions possible....
You are feeling suicidal, but you dont want to take a medication that might help your depression, because it might make you suicidal?
I might be missing something... but Dont you think you owe yourself to risk it since you are already wanting to die? i mean, in the worst case scenario from taking meds is that nothing changes ... right?
again, im seriously asking this. I am curious as to why you are concerned about possibly becoming suicidal from the medication when you are already suicidal...
I know this question could seem like an asshole-ish question but I mean this with the best intentions possible....
^^ If I may:
The point where Use2Be seems to be at is suicide ideation, which (in my opinion and experience) is quite a big step from actually following through and killing ones' self. When I've been in the same mindset, even though I've been thinking about suicide pretty much all day every day, there are still things that stopped me from doing it, e.g. thinking about my boyfriend and family etc.
But if the suicidal thoughts/urges are increased by the Wellbutrin, one might no longer be able to fight the urges at all.
And no-one wants that to happen.
There are other anti-depressants that don't have quite as big a red flag next to their name for causing suicidal thoughts. I would suggest that Use2Be discusses some other options with his doctor.
The point where Use2Be seems to be at is suicide ideation, which (in my opinion and experience) is quite a big step from actually following through and killing ones' self. When I've been in the same mindset, even though I've been thinking about suicide pretty much all day every day, there are still things that stopped me from doing it, e.g. thinking about my boyfriend and family etc.
But if the suicidal thoughts/urges are increased by the Wellbutrin, one might no longer be able to fight the urges at all.
And no-one wants that to happen.
There are other anti-depressants that don't have quite as big a red flag next to their name for causing suicidal thoughts. I would suggest that Use2Be discusses some other options with his doctor.
Thanks n30phy7e, you acurately described my concerns about a drug that escalates suicidal thoughts and actions.
To answer your other questions, I have only seen the 1 psychologist. Wellbutrin is the only anti-depressant I have ever been prescribed. Though I have not really purused this.
Only my brother is aware of how I feel; he is kind of in the situation as me, except he does not use street drugs as far as I know. We sometimes call each other when times get really dark.
Thanks again for the kind responses.
To answer your other questions, I have only seen the 1 psychologist. Wellbutrin is the only anti-depressant I have ever been prescribed. Though I have not really purused this.
Only my brother is aware of how I feel; he is kind of in the situation as me, except he does not use street drugs as far as I know. We sometimes call each other when times get really dark.
Thanks again for the kind responses.
No worries 
I reckon you should give your brother a call, tell him how you've been feeling. Sometimes just talking about things helps to clear your mind a bit and get things in to perspective. If you're up for giving it another go with a psychologist then maybe ask your doctor for a referral to a different person. But I completely understand that some people just don't like talking to psychologists, and that's fine too. The Wellbutrin doesn't really sound appropriate for you right now, but you'll need to discuss this with your doctor. As I said there are other anti-depressant medications available which aren't so notorious for causing suicidal thoughts.
Do you ever do much exercise? I find that regular exercise has really helped me with my depression. And the good thing about it is, it's natural (i.e. no meds), it's free, and you can do it in your own time
And of course, if you ever want to chat to someone on here, feel free to PM me or one of the other TDS mods
I reckon you should give your brother a call, tell him how you've been feeling. Sometimes just talking about things helps to clear your mind a bit and get things in to perspective. If you're up for giving it another go with a psychologist then maybe ask your doctor for a referral to a different person. But I completely understand that some people just don't like talking to psychologists, and that's fine too. The Wellbutrin doesn't really sound appropriate for you right now, but you'll need to discuss this with your doctor. As I said there are other anti-depressant medications available which aren't so notorious for causing suicidal thoughts.
Do you ever do much exercise? I find that regular exercise has really helped me with my depression. And the good thing about it is, it's natural (i.e. no meds), it's free, and you can do it in your own time
And of course, if you ever want to chat to someone on here, feel free to PM me or one of the other TDS mods
Roger&Me
Bluelighter
Go see a dermatologist, and see whether or not you have skin cancer: then you can decide on a proper course of action.
As of now you don't have enough information to even know if there's a problem to worry about or not.
More information generally equates to more options.
Best of luck.
As of now you don't have enough information to even know if there's a problem to worry about or not.
More information generally equates to more options.
Best of luck.
anterrabae
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2007
- Messages
- 308
No one has to seek treatment for anything if they don't want to. but dude, you're not even sure there's anything wrong.
As for the meds, simply tell your doctor they're not working. I'm positive he will prescribe something else. Finding the right medication for an individual is a bit of guess work. I think the meds I've been and currently on are in the double digits now.
Right, and one other thing: dying from cancer is fucking painful and tends to be a long process
As for the meds, simply tell your doctor they're not working. I'm positive he will prescribe something else. Finding the right medication for an individual is a bit of guess work. I think the meds I've been and currently on are in the double digits now.
Right, and one other thing: dying from cancer is fucking painful and tends to be a long process