Interested in advice from post-oxy/sub

[technicor]

I’ve been addicted to drugs since about 2007. Its been about 4 years. I have always loved doing drugs and abusing them as a means to escape boredom and stress. It manifested itself in the means of a highly inexpensive, readily available, highly euphoric means in 2007. What went from a pretty good, sensual relationship of co-using and general hedonism turned into pure addiction and isolation approximately 3 years ago. I am currently on suboxone and I have been for about a year.

I ran out of money one time and had basically no choice but disclose this to my parents about a year ago due or else face withdrawal. My tolerance has ballooned significantly in the last year. I can consume about 300 mgs of oxy a day comfortably and will and would do so until my money runs out. When I don’t use oxy I get drunk. Suboxone is an incredible crutch. After my gf left me largely due to my systematic morphine use and general disinterest in life, I “withdrew”, or at least reduced my tolerance from an unknown, significant amount of opiates to a considerably smaller one over a period of maybe two weeks. I weened off suboxone, considering the sepraration to be significant enough of a life changing event to justify the change, but failed within 2 months. Only took 2 percs and a bad hangover! That’s how delicate this balance is.

On the positive side of things, I have found some financial success recently, ostensibly by finally learning a trade that I ostensibly didn’t attempt to learn while under a morphine cloud. I am respected at my work and have a pretty good social life. I have many male friends from college that live fairly close; I have a few female friends but non-romantic. I make way more money than someone who is not trying to constantly cop OCs needs but definitely not enough for my habit at .75/mg minimum.

I need to find a way to overcome this addiction but I recognize that I have become very susceptible to cravings when I can afford to use. I’ve told myself "this is the last weekend" about 10 times and it never is. I’ve erased dealers #s from my phone and it doesn’t work. I create reasons in my head to justify spending enormous amounts of money on drugs. Life just feels and responds so much better high. Before this whole addiction occurred, I was a very popular, had my way with women fairly easily, and plenty of promise. I just want to get back to that point, and I want to learn from people who have been winners, became losers, and then got back to winning.
My personal ideas of how to maintain sobriety:
1) Gym, workout till I drop
2) Healthy diet
3) Enough suboxone to restrict cravings, stabilize, and taper
Anybody who has been remotely in my spot I would appreciate advice. I’m much more interested in a story than a cliché. I have to think I’ll be healthy at some point soon, and if anything, i really want to help other people in my position when I am done going through all this.

Thanks,

Bluelight world

 

[previouslyhere]

I'm having a hard time understanding where Suboxone comes into play in your life. You've been on it for a year? But you go off it sometimes to cop Oxys? Am I getting that right?

My situation was that I was getting large oxycodone prescriptions for chronic pain. Was taking 60 mg/day for a few years and worked my way up to 100mg/day. On top of that I'd throw on whatever else I could get, usually hydrocodones. When I'd run out of my scripts, usually 2 weeks for a month-long script, I'd suppliment by copping hydros, fentanyl patches, 80s, and later on in my habit, Opanas.

The whole time I was telling myself that I needed this for my pain. Which, technically I did. But I was compulsively taking pills, and it was all I thought about. My life fell apart. Even a move to another city where I didn't have easy access to opiates didn't help; I was still getting my monthly script and made some contacts to get shit on the street. So, nothing changes unless you change, basically.

After 3 years of this I went on Suboxone for 2 years. 2MG/day. It was a miracle for me my life completely changed. I got 'my life' back. My confidence was back, my swagger was back... I was back... and I was able to focus on things besides copping more pills. Parlayed that into getting a great job, exercise, etc... was a better friend, was better to my GF, was a better son, etc... I was so fed up with being obliterated all day, constantly thinking about scoring more opiates and hoarding pills, that I wanted my old life back so bad I never had ANY cravings. It was like enough was enough.

I tapered off the Suboxone (Recently actually; today is my 2nd day off!) and im ready to move forward without it. My only regret is not tapering earlier.

Anyway what it sounds like you need to do is hit a "bottom" as they say. I dunno. Maybe you're not ready to quit. I mean, after 1 year of Suboxone and you're still thinking about and actively seeking out OC? Do you want to stop? Or is it just a money thing?

First off, don't treat the Suboxone as something to tide you over until your next OC fix. That in and of itself is a problem. Stick with it for a while, daily (if I were you I wouldn't go over 4MG/day...shit I wouldnt even go over 2mg/day but you have a bigger oxy habit than I did). Start exercising, pick up a productive hobby, do some things outside of your comfort zone. Maybe everyone is different but when I went to Subs, I was so fed up with being down and out that I never had cravings. I just wanted change so bad that I stuck with it.

Start taking the Subs every day on a schedule. Get yourself on a schedule/routine of productive activities. Start small but create some goals for yourself. When you have a nice chunk of change and you're ready to drop it on some OCs, either put it in the bank or go buy yourself something you'd never get in the past that you've always wanted.... or save up for something like a new car. Do you live at home? Save up that money you'd spend on OCs to try to move out. If you're on your own... get something nice for your apartment.