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I'm talking to a few different girls, am I wrong in doing this?

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EphemeralOutlet141

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Dec 11, 2014
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First off, not bragging. This is not meant to be "I'm drowning in the pussy what do I do" thread. I've been out meeting a lot of people recently and a few of them have taken interest in me and vice versa. I flirt, I hangout with them, some wanna do things, others talk serious. None of them regularly talk to each other. I'm not in a relationship with any of them. One is okay with open relationships, the others are crazy territorial. I feel claustrophobic in relationship and I'm not sure which one to pick, if any. I've just been in relationship limbo, anytime commitment is brought up I change the subject.

Am I a shitty person? Is this considered stringing along? Should I stop? I don't really want to. Part of me wants to see how it plays out, how long it will take for it to blow up in my face. Every now and then I feel a little guilty but it's fleeting.

Thoughts?
 
I don't think it makes you a shitty person but if you keep putting off committing to one of them there's a good chance that most if not all of them will lose interest and move on because they don't think you're serious about anything. You'd only be a shitty person if you committed to one of them and continued seeing the others without them knowing IMO.
 
I don't believe so.

In my opinion it's wise to do this, because you're able to get to know the girl while still having options.. your not likely to become attached unless their is a connection; if she was the only girl you were talking with you may become attached despite all the obvious signs that she's not good for you. You would also be projecting an abundance mentality and a general sense of detachment and aloofness which would generate attraction.

I havn't done it in person, but i would often chat with numerous girls at the same time online.. some would just stop responding, other's were reluctant to meetup etc.. It never bothered me because i always had someone else to chat too.. had i just focused on one girl the effect of her losing interest or what have you would hit me much harder and i would take it personally.

Sometimes i would meet up with 2-3 different girls in a week, isn't this the premise behind dating? Getting to know people.. the problem arises because when it comes to emotions between people it's a blurry line, some people consider x amount of time together to be 'in a relationship' despite there been zero mention of it.. which is why i strongly advocate been up front straight away, for most i imagine its a relief to know from the get go each other's intentions. It also weeds out those who want something different and saves each other both time and money.
 
As long as the people your meeting / seeing are not under the impression that you and them are an 'item' then there is nothing wrong with seeing as many people as you wish. When you meet the person/s that interest you then concentrate on them and see if you are both compatible / looking for the same things etc.
 
All some pretty solid insight. I've just been having people tell me that I'm not right for what I'm doing and I'm no good for it.
 
As long as you're open about the fact that you're not currently interested in being in a relationship with any and all girls that you're speaking to or messing around with, it's not considered stringing them along. If you can't be open and up front about this, then you should break off contact.
 
Depends. If sex is the only thing on your mind, keep it up. If not, you'll have to pick one. Sooner or later.
 
Don't keep stringing them along if you actually care about them. If you want an actual relationship or if you care about any of them at all, you can't string them all along. Dating multiple females who aren't okay with open relationships for a long period of time isn't really a nice thing to do.
 
TomK said:
Depends. If sex is the only thing on your mind, keep it up. If not, you'll have to pick one. Sooner or later.
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I'll admit that's the predominant thought on my mind. Only one seems dateable and I would have to put in some serious hours to get anything from her. I don't want to come off as a typical guy not respecting the fact she is a person too and not just a candidate for sex, she's easily the smartest and most unique girl out of all. Things look promising with her but like I mentioned I know if I dated her the claustrophobic feelings would set in so I keep the others around.
 
A friend of mine does this. All I can say is that after a period of time it does end up blowing up in his face eventually and people's feelings get hurt. If you can tell a girl really wants to be with you then I would suggest either being with that girl or otherwise making sure that she understands you talk to other girls and are not looking for a serious relationship.
As mentioned above eventually no girl will want to talk to you because they know that they cannot take you seriously. Then you might find yourself alone. Not to say there will not always be others but if the cycle continues and it normally does the result will always be the same.
The commitment issues are just things that I think can be worked on and it is good that you recognize them. Find out why it is you fear a relationship. Maybe you just haven't found the right one yet.
 
devilsgospel said:
I'll admit that's the predominant thought on my mind. Only one seems dateable and I would have to put in some serious hours to get anything from her. I don't want to come off as a typical guy not respecting the fact she is a person too and not just a candidate for sex, she's easily the smartest and most unique girl out of all. Things look promising with her but like I mentioned I know if I dated her the claustrophobic feelings would set in so I keep the others around.
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The sex thing is natural, nothing wrong about that. But I don't think keeping few extra dates aside will make you truly involved with anyone. Not even your self on a deeper level. Which is the worst part. But like you said, you have your priorities. Try not to hurt anyone.
 
Update on this if anyone still cares: it's mostly a balancing act at this point. I went to a small get-together with one last night and I'm going on a movie date with another today. No sex with either, things are still pretty tame and casual, the one at the party crawled into the bed I was sleeping in and got cuddly (fuck you I like that I'll admit it). Nothing got crazy, there was a 12 pack for about 7 people so nobody was getting trashed. She talked a lot about her feelings and whatnot so I listened.

In response to what someone said above about commitment issues: still working on the subconscious panic I seem to experience when I'm committed to someone. When I have something, I don't want it, but I see something I like and I chase it. I chalk it up to teenage /I'm 18/ immaturity but I still feel like it's something more than that. Anyone know what I mean?
 
just be honest with them that you don't want a girlfriend if you wanna do the right thing. there's nothing wrong with dating multiple girls, deceipt can come back to bite you though.
 
devilsgospel said:
the one at the party crawled into the bed I was sleeping in and got cuddly (fuck you I like that I'll admit it). Nothing got crazy, there was a 12 pack for about 7 people so nobody was getting trashed. She talked a lot about her feelings and whatnot so I listened.
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horrible, horrible game all around. straight simpering IMO.
 
Not a big deal IMO

Dont think for a second all those girls arent talking to a bunch of guys just as you are with various girls.

Until there is a commitment involved you are good to go
 
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