Chill E
Bluelighter
I am not a raver. I am a kid. im 17 years old and ecstasy has consumed my life. About 3 months ago, i was introduced to E when my freinds brought me to a local club. I tried it twice and it wasn't that big of a deal. I have a girlfriend who i love more than anything in the world. I decided to introduce her to E, almost as a way to impress her. I still remember the first night we rolled togeather. It was pure bliss. I was so happy to see her in such a state of joy.
Life went on. We began to do E every weekend for fun. And we did have fun. We'd go places, meet people, and over all, have good rolls.
Then things got bad. She began to get so obsessed with E and the whole rave scene that she was no longer herself. We would fight for no reason, and bicker until those magical pills were in our systems. Her jaw began to have major problems. Her family has a history of TMJ, and it seems like she has it as well. It got to the point where it would hurt to the touch, regardless of what she would bite on. But still, she insisted on doing it.
Rolling became the way of life. We would lie to her parents constantly to cover up our roll. They were so determined to catch us doing something that there have been times where her mother paged me with a voicemail telling us to go back to her house at the peak of our roll. I began to associate rolling with tension, nervousness, and deception.
We rolled on newyears. I actually wrote a post asking people to help me lie. I wanted everything to be perfect. Her parents new we were at my house, and we told them that my grandmother was going to be there. At the peak of our roll, her mother calls demanding to speak to my grandmother. It makes me nautious thinking about the look on my girlfriends face when her mother asked her that question. Her mother ruined 4 of our rolls. I now completely feel uneasy thinking back to those times.
My girlfriend isn't the same person when we roll. She acts differently, and uses E as an excuse to do things she wouldn't normally do; talk to strangers, be open with anyone,..typical E effects. On top of that, her jaw would go crazy. It was very scary.
New Years was to be our last roll. I bought a CD, Happy 2 b Hardocore, during one of our bad rolls, and that CD makes me cringe. Last week she was listening to that CD and going on Bluelight very often. She missed rolling. and the sad thing is, i do too.
That has been our only topic of conversation and all we've been thinking about. This is not right. I am 17, and she is a 16 year old catholic school girl whom i have corrupted. Before E, we would be so happy with eachother that we'd talk on the phone for hours about nothning and laugh. I miss that. E has taken away her innocents, and now there is no turning back. Sometimes i wish i'd never started. I tell myself that i will never do it again, but its a lie. I think about rolling and get very excited. So does she.
It is pathetic that E is the only thing that makes us that excited anymore. Escpecially at our age. I miss being happy. I think about rolling and i get very anxious, physically and mentally. Then again, i associate rolling with bad events. I can't stop tourturing myself. I want to roll, but i don't want any more bad things happening to ruin our roll, or the rest of our life. I honestly want to forget about the whole rolling scene completely, but i am addicted. We are both addicted. I need help.
Someone, anyone, please help me
Chil E
Life went on. We began to do E every weekend for fun. And we did have fun. We'd go places, meet people, and over all, have good rolls.
Then things got bad. She began to get so obsessed with E and the whole rave scene that she was no longer herself. We would fight for no reason, and bicker until those magical pills were in our systems. Her jaw began to have major problems. Her family has a history of TMJ, and it seems like she has it as well. It got to the point where it would hurt to the touch, regardless of what she would bite on. But still, she insisted on doing it.
Rolling became the way of life. We would lie to her parents constantly to cover up our roll. They were so determined to catch us doing something that there have been times where her mother paged me with a voicemail telling us to go back to her house at the peak of our roll. I began to associate rolling with tension, nervousness, and deception.
We rolled on newyears. I actually wrote a post asking people to help me lie. I wanted everything to be perfect. Her parents new we were at my house, and we told them that my grandmother was going to be there. At the peak of our roll, her mother calls demanding to speak to my grandmother. It makes me nautious thinking about the look on my girlfriends face when her mother asked her that question. Her mother ruined 4 of our rolls. I now completely feel uneasy thinking back to those times.
My girlfriend isn't the same person when we roll. She acts differently, and uses E as an excuse to do things she wouldn't normally do; talk to strangers, be open with anyone,..typical E effects. On top of that, her jaw would go crazy. It was very scary.
New Years was to be our last roll. I bought a CD, Happy 2 b Hardocore, during one of our bad rolls, and that CD makes me cringe. Last week she was listening to that CD and going on Bluelight very often. She missed rolling. and the sad thing is, i do too.
That has been our only topic of conversation and all we've been thinking about. This is not right. I am 17, and she is a 16 year old catholic school girl whom i have corrupted. Before E, we would be so happy with eachother that we'd talk on the phone for hours about nothning and laugh. I miss that. E has taken away her innocents, and now there is no turning back. Sometimes i wish i'd never started. I tell myself that i will never do it again, but its a lie. I think about rolling and get very excited. So does she.
It is pathetic that E is the only thing that makes us that excited anymore. Escpecially at our age. I miss being happy. I think about rolling and i get very anxious, physically and mentally. Then again, i associate rolling with bad events. I can't stop tourturing myself. I want to roll, but i don't want any more bad things happening to ruin our roll, or the rest of our life. I honestly want to forget about the whole rolling scene completely, but i am addicted. We are both addicted. I need help.
Someone, anyone, please help me
Chil E
