class-a-team
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2011
- Messages
- 877
So once again I find myself back in the Dark Side. After just finishing therapy I felt life was only about to get better but I was totally wrong. It's a long and somewhat story so please bear with me, I really need all the advice I can get.
A bit of background information about me: I am a 19-year-old college student suffering from depression for the last few years. I've also been using heroin occasionally for the last two years although my use never became problematic or habituated. Two months ago my parents discovered that I used heroin and major drama ensued, I was forced to move home and commute to college, my finances were restricted and I have been closely monitored ever since. Many of my friends use drugs but nobody I know uses heroin or any other hard drugs. I have two main groups of friends - in the first group nobody really uses drugs except for weed and I have known these people for about a year and a half. My second group of friends consist of people that I have really only known since January and they use a lot more drugs, mostly MDMA and amphetamine but again, no hard drugs. I had become very friendly with the second group and began hanging out with them at one of the guy's houses, we'll call him Tom, where everyone takes drugs for even days on end. Recently one of my good friends from the first group, Katie, started hanging around with the second group of friends and experimenting in more drugs, and she now seems infatuated with Tom (although he is gay) and appears to idolise him. But since my parents found out about my heroin use I have been trying to distance myself from the second group of friends, only hanging out with them when they are not using drugs.
Now three days ago I was studying for exams and I felt my eyes were kinda dry so I went to look for eye drops. I knew I got eye drops from my sister before and she is out of the country at the moment so I went up to her room and had a look in her drawers for them. After very little rummaging I stumbled upon a transparent box and I had a look inside. Inside the box I found near-empty wraps of what looked like MDMA crystals and also a bag of white powder. I was stunned at what I had found as I did not believe my sister who recently finished her phD was a regular drug user. I hadn't used drugs since my parents found out about my heroin use so I was very excited by the prospect of finding drugs. I snorted a line of the white powder, which I believed was cocaine, and I felt very excited. I rang my friend, Mark, to tell him about my discovery, and he told me that he was in Tom's house with Katie and my second group of friends. They told me I should come down to Tom's house to identify the drugs as he was an experienced drug user. At first I hesitated as I knew I had plenty of study to catch up on and would likely stay at Tom's house for a couple of hours. However, my friends managed to convince me to join them and I shared some of the cocaine and MDMA with Mark. After spending almost two hours with them I decided to go home as my mom had cooked dinner. As I walked home I was stopped by undercover cops in an unmarked police car. They simply asked me what my name was and where I was from, explaining that they were looking for someone. I was panicking after this, slightly high after two lines of cocaine and I was conscious of the drugs on my person. So after walking off and turning the corner down to where my house was I quickly threw the drugs into some shrubs. Unfortunately for me my aunt was turning down the corner in her car and saw me throw the drugs into the shrubs. I continued walking, not knowing she had seen me, but turned around a minute later to notice that she had stopped at the end of the road. She then got out of the car and went looking in the shrubs. I ran back up to where she was parked and asked her what she was going to do and she told me I was a disgrace for using drugs and that she would tell my mom.
A half an hour later my aunt called over to my house with the drugs and told my mom what had happened. I was distraught trying to explain that I had found the drugs in my sister's room when they believed that I went down to Tom's house to buy them from him (he has been caught selling weed before). I understand that it must've been hard to believe that I had found them in my high-achieving sister's room when I had been caught using heroin only two months previously and when all of my friends, especially Tom, were known drug users. Now when I refer to Tom as a 'friend', he was more of an associate. I only associated with him because my friends liked him (or his drugs perhaps), when in reality I found him to be an obnoxious, scheming, untrustworthy, unreliable, arrogant and deceitful character. He was painfully cocky and often rude, yet people were always willing to let it slide because he was such a strong character. He owed nearly all of the group money and told countless number of lies, as well as bitching about virtually everyone. But I was willing to be friendly to him for the sake of my friends and because they all chose to hang out in his place as he was the connection to almost every drug dealer in the town.
So after being found out by my mom and aunt I decided to call my friend Sarah, who had returned to her house briefly and was in the company of my good friend Katie, and I told them what had happened. I asked them to call over to my house so I could tell them about what had happened in detail before they returned to Tom's and they said they'd be over to mine in ten minutes. Twenty minutes had passed and they had not arrived at my house or made any contact with me. I decided to call Sarah again and she told me that Tom's house had been searched by the police who were looking for "class A drugs" but they found nothing. Now this made me look very suspicious as I was the only person with class A drugs in Tom's house that day. Katie then started giving out to me over the trouble I had caused, blaming me for the raid and saying that my mother had called the police. I was shocked by her response as I considered Katie to be a loyal friend for much longer than either of us had known Tom very well. Sarah asked me why they should call over to mine, and I responded "because you're my friends" and they hung up on me then. After that phone call I decided to ring Mark who was still in Tom's house and who had been there when the house was raided. He made me speak to Tom and I explained everything that had happened to him, including how I had been stopped by the police before my mother or aunt knew I had drugs on me. After telling him the story he too hung up on me. Later that evening I was speaking to my older brother who had been in touch with my sister who was out of the country at the time, and he said that our sister had no knowledge of any drugs in her room.
The following day my mother was working and Sarah's mother was a customer. My mother decided to tell her about the raid the night before and that everyone that hung out with Tom had been using more than weed, something that Sarah's mother did not like to hear. Around ten minutes later Tom also called into my mother's workplace and introduced himself to her, offering to show her photos of me that she might be interested in. My mother refused to look and told him to go to the police with the photos if he wanted to. I managed to get in contact with a friend of Katie's who asked Katie what those photos were, and found out that they were screenshots of a facebook conversation I had with Tom in which I was talking about heroin and selling heroin. Yesterday Tom called into my mother's workplace again merely to intimidate her and he told her that he had dropped the photos of me into the police (although my mother said she later rang police and found this to be untrue). In front of her colleagues he mockingly asked her how I was and if I was "clean" (because heroin use has an awful stigma in my town) and my mother was disgusted. That evening I spoke to Mark on the phone who accused me of lying and holding back information and blamed me for the raid when in reality, my mother denied calling the police and even if she had it was not my fault. He is mostly annoyed with me because the police now recognise him and all of my friends as drug users.
So here I am, in serious trouble. Police might have evidence of me dealing and they certainly know I'm a drug user. Tom might have told the dangerous people that sell him drugs that I am using/selling heroin and this will not go down well as these people have a list of names of heroin users in the town who they subject to all kinds of torture. My mother thinks I'm a liar and that Tom sells me cocaine. My sister will hate me when she returns from the country if she admits the drugs were hers and I get her into trouble. Worst of all though, I have lost every friend I have and will be forced to start all over again. I really want to kill myself, I'm terrified about what's going to happen next and I'm totally alone. What should I do?
A bit of background information about me: I am a 19-year-old college student suffering from depression for the last few years. I've also been using heroin occasionally for the last two years although my use never became problematic or habituated. Two months ago my parents discovered that I used heroin and major drama ensued, I was forced to move home and commute to college, my finances were restricted and I have been closely monitored ever since. Many of my friends use drugs but nobody I know uses heroin or any other hard drugs. I have two main groups of friends - in the first group nobody really uses drugs except for weed and I have known these people for about a year and a half. My second group of friends consist of people that I have really only known since January and they use a lot more drugs, mostly MDMA and amphetamine but again, no hard drugs. I had become very friendly with the second group and began hanging out with them at one of the guy's houses, we'll call him Tom, where everyone takes drugs for even days on end. Recently one of my good friends from the first group, Katie, started hanging around with the second group of friends and experimenting in more drugs, and she now seems infatuated with Tom (although he is gay) and appears to idolise him. But since my parents found out about my heroin use I have been trying to distance myself from the second group of friends, only hanging out with them when they are not using drugs.
Now three days ago I was studying for exams and I felt my eyes were kinda dry so I went to look for eye drops. I knew I got eye drops from my sister before and she is out of the country at the moment so I went up to her room and had a look in her drawers for them. After very little rummaging I stumbled upon a transparent box and I had a look inside. Inside the box I found near-empty wraps of what looked like MDMA crystals and also a bag of white powder. I was stunned at what I had found as I did not believe my sister who recently finished her phD was a regular drug user. I hadn't used drugs since my parents found out about my heroin use so I was very excited by the prospect of finding drugs. I snorted a line of the white powder, which I believed was cocaine, and I felt very excited. I rang my friend, Mark, to tell him about my discovery, and he told me that he was in Tom's house with Katie and my second group of friends. They told me I should come down to Tom's house to identify the drugs as he was an experienced drug user. At first I hesitated as I knew I had plenty of study to catch up on and would likely stay at Tom's house for a couple of hours. However, my friends managed to convince me to join them and I shared some of the cocaine and MDMA with Mark. After spending almost two hours with them I decided to go home as my mom had cooked dinner. As I walked home I was stopped by undercover cops in an unmarked police car. They simply asked me what my name was and where I was from, explaining that they were looking for someone. I was panicking after this, slightly high after two lines of cocaine and I was conscious of the drugs on my person. So after walking off and turning the corner down to where my house was I quickly threw the drugs into some shrubs. Unfortunately for me my aunt was turning down the corner in her car and saw me throw the drugs into the shrubs. I continued walking, not knowing she had seen me, but turned around a minute later to notice that she had stopped at the end of the road. She then got out of the car and went looking in the shrubs. I ran back up to where she was parked and asked her what she was going to do and she told me I was a disgrace for using drugs and that she would tell my mom.
A half an hour later my aunt called over to my house with the drugs and told my mom what had happened. I was distraught trying to explain that I had found the drugs in my sister's room when they believed that I went down to Tom's house to buy them from him (he has been caught selling weed before). I understand that it must've been hard to believe that I had found them in my high-achieving sister's room when I had been caught using heroin only two months previously and when all of my friends, especially Tom, were known drug users. Now when I refer to Tom as a 'friend', he was more of an associate. I only associated with him because my friends liked him (or his drugs perhaps), when in reality I found him to be an obnoxious, scheming, untrustworthy, unreliable, arrogant and deceitful character. He was painfully cocky and often rude, yet people were always willing to let it slide because he was such a strong character. He owed nearly all of the group money and told countless number of lies, as well as bitching about virtually everyone. But I was willing to be friendly to him for the sake of my friends and because they all chose to hang out in his place as he was the connection to almost every drug dealer in the town.
So after being found out by my mom and aunt I decided to call my friend Sarah, who had returned to her house briefly and was in the company of my good friend Katie, and I told them what had happened. I asked them to call over to my house so I could tell them about what had happened in detail before they returned to Tom's and they said they'd be over to mine in ten minutes. Twenty minutes had passed and they had not arrived at my house or made any contact with me. I decided to call Sarah again and she told me that Tom's house had been searched by the police who were looking for "class A drugs" but they found nothing. Now this made me look very suspicious as I was the only person with class A drugs in Tom's house that day. Katie then started giving out to me over the trouble I had caused, blaming me for the raid and saying that my mother had called the police. I was shocked by her response as I considered Katie to be a loyal friend for much longer than either of us had known Tom very well. Sarah asked me why they should call over to mine, and I responded "because you're my friends" and they hung up on me then. After that phone call I decided to ring Mark who was still in Tom's house and who had been there when the house was raided. He made me speak to Tom and I explained everything that had happened to him, including how I had been stopped by the police before my mother or aunt knew I had drugs on me. After telling him the story he too hung up on me. Later that evening I was speaking to my older brother who had been in touch with my sister who was out of the country at the time, and he said that our sister had no knowledge of any drugs in her room.
The following day my mother was working and Sarah's mother was a customer. My mother decided to tell her about the raid the night before and that everyone that hung out with Tom had been using more than weed, something that Sarah's mother did not like to hear. Around ten minutes later Tom also called into my mother's workplace and introduced himself to her, offering to show her photos of me that she might be interested in. My mother refused to look and told him to go to the police with the photos if he wanted to. I managed to get in contact with a friend of Katie's who asked Katie what those photos were, and found out that they were screenshots of a facebook conversation I had with Tom in which I was talking about heroin and selling heroin. Yesterday Tom called into my mother's workplace again merely to intimidate her and he told her that he had dropped the photos of me into the police (although my mother said she later rang police and found this to be untrue). In front of her colleagues he mockingly asked her how I was and if I was "clean" (because heroin use has an awful stigma in my town) and my mother was disgusted. That evening I spoke to Mark on the phone who accused me of lying and holding back information and blamed me for the raid when in reality, my mother denied calling the police and even if she had it was not my fault. He is mostly annoyed with me because the police now recognise him and all of my friends as drug users.
So here I am, in serious trouble. Police might have evidence of me dealing and they certainly know I'm a drug user. Tom might have told the dangerous people that sell him drugs that I am using/selling heroin and this will not go down well as these people have a list of names of heroin users in the town who they subject to all kinds of torture. My mother thinks I'm a liar and that Tom sells me cocaine. My sister will hate me when she returns from the country if she admits the drugs were hers and I get her into trouble. Worst of all though, I have lost every friend I have and will be forced to start all over again. I really want to kill myself, I'm terrified about what's going to happen next and I'm totally alone. What should I do?
