Idol or idiot

[GanjaCat]

Hey guys,
Im kinda stuck with a situation im in, i don't know if this is the right place to post it but it seems like the best place.

Until a week before Xmas i was in a long term relationship since i was 15 and living with said partner. Since we split up i have been getting out and making life my own again. Livin' back with my mother and siblings and finding friends again.
One friend in particular is above all in my books, we have the same twisted, evil sence of humor, same personality traits, tastes in music ect and he is a big influence in my life now. He has pulled me out from the rubble and made me a new person, for the better. Yeah, i do drugs now and i drink more but i also am closer to my family, a much more confident person, much better with women, so much more mature, he got me a photography job with him in a night club and helps me in any situation. Plus just to clarify i wasn't saying "Yeah, because of him im on drugs", it was through choice and it was the right choice, im just an social user of what i do take.
The problem is i have realized over the last week that he is exacally what i saw, but no less of a great person. I did see this guy who puts mates before everyone, is always up for some fun but when it got serious could hold up. Someone who had there shares of problems and addiction and came out stronger than ever. I admire anyone who can overcome a crack addiction or likewise. But realizing that looking upto someone who lives of there mates floors and i now see has a drinking problem isnt a good choice. I want to help him but the only window he see's is moving away and sortingit out, exacally why he lives here and it didn't help. He wont help himself so i feel lost, but dont wanna see this person who made my life infinitly better, ruin his...

all help would be much appreciated.

 

[Jabberwocky]

The best advice I could give you is move on and let him sort it out unless if you are up for putting up intervention. Remember you can only help others when you help yourself and at the moment it seems you still haven't helped yourself.

Food for thought........

 

[GanjaCat]

Umm.. Im confused, how do i need to help myself. I am in a good situation, work, fun, mates all around ?

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi GanjaCat, it's totally understandable that you want to help your friend. Have you told him that you want to help him? Perhaps if he knows he has your support it might persuade him to seek help now? But he does sound like a pretty independent and possibly stubborn guy so he might have already made his mind up about what he wants to do. In which case you probably can't do much, unfortunately.

If you have time and the resources (i.e. the internet, which you obviously have ) you could look up some drug and alcohol counselling services for him, and maybe print out a list of numbers/websites he could try. I've done that for a friend once. They didn't end up using the list I gave them in the end but it definitely got them thinking more realistically about their problem, which is a good start.

It's admirable that you want to help him but to be honest it sounds like he is going to be just fine, once he makes the decision to actually get help. The best thing you can do is just be there for him if/when he needs your support

 

[Fornax55]

idolize him for who he is, not what he does. he sounds like a chivalrous, loyal friend who cares about his homies. these are all very admirable traits. the fact that he's couch surfing doesn't make him any less of a good person. everyone has their downsides - just don't idolize them! i know a few people like this who're very tough, hardened yet kind people and they make great examples of how to be a real person.

 

[nunitn]

coming from someone who has dealt with my families and gf's addiction as well as my own all i can say is in the end i have come to realize that when comes to drug addiction, people can only help themselves

 

[GanjaCat]

Thanks for the advice guys, i have told him he needs to sort it out, in a nicer way of course. I occasinally go couch surfin' for a week, but thats because i have free time, money and just end up passing out there. His problem is he has income but instead of a place to live he looks at things like a £15k car then spends it on drink, backi and drugs.. He is a awesome person all round but in the long run; and that isnt too far off, hes gunna cause himself problems the way he is going.