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Mental Health I think my day program is a waste of time yo

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deadendgame

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 23, 2014
Messages
356
So I'm in this fucking day program where I have to meet up with these crazy ass people for 3 days a week. The program is supposed to run from 9 to 2 but somehow it is taking up the whole day. How I got to this point is a long story and one that is very hard to explain. Basically I was transferred from the ER to a mental health clinic to this. I was addicted to other stuff before, but now I'm only addicted to caffeine. I get frequent panic attacks and I told them everything that is going on. I fucking tell them my life story and then they're like "Oh we can't give you any medication because you abused them in the past". Like wtf yo! If you can't give me anything then why am I here? It is not just this I am complaining about. There are a myriad of problems which I will explain. I have medical transportation but they even make that hell. It is like the taxi picks up five people before they pick me up so that is 3 hours wasted right there. In every class, all they talk about is how we are crazy and drug addicted and how we need to change. Well, no shit sherlock! How did you figure that out? None of the staff has degrees and I am pretty sure that I am the highest education there. Fucking waste of time yo. They don't even give me food there, well it's shitty food so every day I am going home starving. They block off all signal so I can't receive or make calls. I am expecting a call from an employer but I'm pretty sure I did not get the job because they fucking block the signal. They won't even let me use the computer for more than 15 minutes and they make me stay until 5 o clock in the afternoon. When the taxi picks me up at 5, he drops 5 people off before me so I am home by 7. so instead of 9-2, it becomes 9-7 and this has been going on for fucking 6 days!! I really can't stand this bullshit!! I hate my mom more than anything because she forces me to go! I don't even think I have to go to this. I asked them and they said I can leave any time. If that is the case, I want out ASAP. This program is no benefit to me at all. Assholes made me sign a release to every doctor. I really don't know what the hell is going on!! Remeron is the only medication I have left. I am going to OD on them tonight and put a fucking end to this! If I post again, it means I was unsuccessful but the thing about suicide is that you can always try again! I wasn't suicidal before but now I don't know!!
 
Please don't kill yourself because of this, better times will come!
Can you try to explain to your mother that this program is bullshit and you don't want to go there anymore.?Maybe you can find another program that will help you stay sorber. What will happen if you just don't go there anymore? How many more days do you have to go there?
Don't kill yourself!
 
Is it useless? Probably. Does that matter? not really. How long is the program supposed to last? I think you have a legit complaint that they are not properly treating your anxiety as there are good drugs that are not benzos available. Next time you see a doctor ask about gabapentin. Most docs consider it non abusable so they will write for it and it actually works a little bit at higher doses. Remeron is trash if your not schizophrenic I would drop that shit. Otherwise my advice is to stick out the program and make your mom happy. In the long run this will just be a funny memory. h
 
deadendgame said:
I really can't stand this bullshit!! I hate my mom more than anything because she forces me to go! I don't even think I have to go to this. I asked them and they said I can leave any time. If that is the case, I want out ASAP. This program is no benefit to me at all. Assholes made me sign a release to every doctor. I really don't know what the hell is going on!! Remeron is the only medication I have left. I am going to OD on them tonight and put a fucking end to this! If I post again, it means I was unsuccessful but the thing about suicide is that you can always try again! I wasn't suicidal before but now I don't know!!
Click to expand...

I'm very sorry to hear that your day program is at best a waste of time, and doing you more harm than good. If the program is causing you that much distress & you are able to leave, then that would seem that would be the logical thing to do. However, if you stick with it you might get something out of it eventually.

Please seek some help. Clearly your circumstances recently have been far from ideal & have pushed you over the edge. Things will improve. You have the option of leaving the program if it comes down to it. Outwith that, the road to recovery can be a long one but already you have made great progress if all you are addicted to now is caffeine. I know it's hard to see through all the crap right now, but this is just a temporary feeling.

As I said, please seek some help if you are insistent on going through with your OD. There are hotlines you can ring depending on where you live. You can get through this. <3

PS - If the day program is just not working for you, even if they won't prescribe certain medications, there are always other options. Just get through today & try discussing ways on moving forwards with your doctor.
 
First off, please do not make an attempt on your life. You have a lot of options though you may not see them at this moment. Please stay alive.

Your mom must love you since see has a strong opinion about staying in your program. She must want to see your life improve for you.

Sometimes when a person makes negative comments about their program it doesn't carry as much importance or seriousness as sitting down and logically discussing a situation.

Perhaps you should ask your mom to take an hour to talk about it with you. This will give you an. opportunity to explain to her as you have here why the program isn't benefiting you. You could talk about not wanting out of treatment but wanting to find effective treatment.

As a mom, I have had these discussions and some have included therapist and doctor too. I get afraid if I feel that my daughter just wants out of treatment versus finding more effective treatment-for her. Each of us is different. Finding the right treatment is critical.

Please don't give up. You have not exhausted all your resources. Talk to your mom and doctors honestly and in a place where emotions might not be so high. Ask for help in finding a solution. It's hard to deny someone asking for help in this way- for me anyway.

Please keep trying and stay.
 
Loss of control (ie: being forced into a program, releases to all your doctors, a feeling of no control in your day to day life and medications) is a terribly strong push button for many people. And I can empathize with that. But this is not a situation that calls for something so drastic as taking your life. I've been down that path and nothing good came from it. I can only say to seek some therapy. Get these feelings out somewhere where you feel safe and free to talk. And reclaim your life. Do whatever program is necessary and take whatever steps are necessary to get back into a position where you control your destiny.

Life can be good again. It will take time and effort, but that's how it's done.

Be safe.
 
I've been to those programs, is aa or na out of the equation? A lot shorter in duration & wouldn't have a lot of the BS u described. Your mother loves you tho that's why she's trying to nip this shit in the bud now. So you can eventually be happy. If she didn't care she wouldn't b so adamant about it. Suicide is never the answer it may seem logical or justified now but you would only b transferring your own pain onto the ppl who care about you. Not to mention there is a very real chance u wont die & be a lot worse off than you are now. Ppl go permanently brain dead from that kind of shit. This site can also sort of work like a virtual meeting as well if u use it that way . Please just don't give up, you're already stronger for battling this than most ppl I know.
 
Done. :)

OP, let us know how you are getting on... I hope you got our messages even if you haven't responded. Hang in there.
 
it's wednesday, thursday, friday so i have 4 days to myself. can i just up and leave man? it is a waste of 20 hours/week. i really tried to give this program a chance but there are just too many problems with it. honestly, i thought they would teach me something useful. they are not even helping me. they just call me a crazy drug addict all the time and making me feel even worse. i think i can quit caffeine on my own. i dont know. what do you think? thanks everybody!
 
deadendgame said:
it's wednesday, thursday, friday so i have 4 days to myself. can i just up and leave man? it is a waste of 20 hours/week. i really tried to give this program a chance but there are just too many problems with it. honestly, i thought they would teach me something useful. they are not even helping me. they just call me a crazy drug addict all the time and making me feel even worse. i think i can quit caffeine on my own. i dont know. what do you think? thanks everybody!
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If you are not court ordered to attend then yes you can up and leave. If you are court ordered then it will likely violate whatever agreement you have with them. The other downside is that if you used insurance to pay for the day program they may refuse to pay for any of it which will leave you stuck with the bill. Of course this all assumes you are legally an adult.
 
Will they bring up a court order if I attempt to leave the program? In that case, do I need to hire a lawyer and what rate are we talking about? 600/HR? SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER ME!! This is really important and it could save many days of my life. I need to know that I can leave this program with no legal/medical repercussion. I realized that I may be in a situation where I am stuck in the program. In that case, if it is possible to leave, how can I do so unscathed or with minimal damage? I know I was stupid for even agreeing to this program. It is most obviously a trap! One of the girls in my program told me, although technically voluntary, I am kept there by force. Please tell me because it is scaring me out of my mind! I don't have that much money to be hiring an expensive lawyer!!
 
deadendgame said:
Will they bring up a court order if I attempt to leave the program? In that case, do I need to hire a lawyer and what rate are we talking about? 600/HR? SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER ME!! This is really important and it could save many days of my life. I need to know that I can leave this program with no legal/medical repercussion. I realized that I may be in a situation where I am stuck in the program. In that case, if it is possible to leave, how can I do so unscathed or with minimal damage? I know I was stupid for even agreeing to this program. It is most obviously a trap! One of the girls in my program told me, although technically voluntary, I am kept there by force. Please tell me because it is scaring me out of my mind! I don't have that much money to be hiring an expensive lawyer!!
Click to expand...

I don't see how they could possibly get you court ordered unless they could prove you are a danger to yourself or others. I highly doubt they would even waste time trying to get a court order though. Can't you talk to your mother and tell her you would much rather just see a psychiatrist who might actually be able to help you or something along those lines? P
 
Wait were you court ordered to start with for something like a DUI or drug offense? Or is this just like an outpatient treatment follow up to inpatient care? Would leaving affect any credit you received from attending inpatient?
Was this just recommended by a psychiatrist or your mother?
 
If you were court ordered to go or sectioned and forced to go then yes they will probably come for you. If that is the case, just go along with everything, be attentive. Dealing with the stigma of being an addict really sucks because if you do absolutely need narcotics they will be withheld from you. You say you have anxiety attacks but are addicted to caffeine? I have anxiety problems and caffeine makes them 10x worse. Quit the caffeine, go through the withdrawal and be healthy and see how bad your anxiety is. I can guarantee it will at the very least be manageable.

I also suffer from addiction issues. Even in quitting other drugs you have to be careful not to latch onto something else to fill the void. You have to work on yourself and be conscious of the things that you start gravitating towards as another crutch, especially if it is making mental health issues worse which I can guarantee caffeine is doing. I don't agree with much of the recovery industry is touting about the disease concept and a few other things but I can say that as addicts we tend to be self destructive and sometimes even acting in ways that ensure we are miserable and have a justification to keep using our crutches which quite often make our problems worse. Caffeine is socially acceptable but it is a stimulant and anxiogenic, puts people in a stressful state and raises corticol levels which isn't conducive to a state of wellbeing. If you have been put in these programs against your own will, forced to attend then I suggest you cut the caffeine out and just work on improving yourself in ways that will allow them to see you are making progress and open to listening and wanting to make "better choices" whether you agree with them or not. You can choose to do whatever you want when you are out but I have found there is something be learned from every situation and it is best to try to find the silver lining and adapt, utilize negative situations as learning experiences, especially if you are stuck there, try to find something positive in this situation.
 
Also is there any other form of transportation you can take? Sounds like that's ruining your day from the start.
 
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