Having a parent chest is extraordinarily painful. Growing up my Dad was a serial cheater...as an adult I can to learn that so was my Mom but she never told me. I had a lot of anger and resentment. Growing up the house was full of explosive tensions. My Mom started confiding in me about marital issues when I was seven. I grew more and more depressed in time and ended up with a decent painful addiction at sixteen followed by a seventeen year run with alcohol and other drugs. For years I felt guilty for loving my Dad. I had trust issues and couldn't commit to a long term relationship and would sometimes cheat when things got too close. I was left with long term deep rooted issues with sex that still haunt me today. I am forty and just starting over. It hurts and i never should have known about these issues imo:
I tell you how my parent's infidelity affected me in detail to let you know that finding out a parent is cheating is truly life altering and can have huge impacts on the quality of your life so be very careful with what you do moving forward. You can talk to your Dad and he may be open to an open honest discussion or he may withhold or even lie about the situation. He may be upset that you saw the note, and will be more careful in the future. You are the child he had with your Mon, who he is currently cheating on....odds are good that he will buffer and edit the situation to minimize pain.
You may bring this to your Mom feeling as though she has a right to know and you don't want to betray her...it's very difficult. What is your gut telling you to do? What would your mom want to do - would she stay or leave? Do she have the ability to leave or is she now going to be stuck living with a man that caused her great pain and have to work through the feelings? With respect to your Mom, as horrible as this sounds you are not obligated to get involved. It's possible she has also seen the letter, or something similar. Most women know when their significant others are cheating, there are signs. They may not choose to address it.
My parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary three or four years ago... they were able to work through these issues and have a great marriage now.They are being old together and make a great team, and do everything they can to keep the other one happy and healthy. I have since learned that a marriage is a very complex and intimate relationship, and not much goes on without the other partner knowing on some level. I have also learned the only marriage I need to concern myself with is my own.
Right now no one knows that you know, and this isn't your marriage. If it were me, I would update the note at the top saying something along the lines of Dad, please close your work when you are finished. It lets him know you do not want to see, it also puts the ball in his court on whether or not he wants to discuss it as now he knows you saw it. The biggest and most important part of this situation is for you to accept that it happen and likely has been happ Ning and will continue to do so. Do not internalize this hurt. You may want to talk about this to a therapist. You do not want to get stuck in that moment nor do you want to become part of this issue between your parents. Your parents are autonomous people who had lived before you, and their marriage is strictly their business. I know it hurts, but I promise it will hurt a lot worse if you try to become too involved as you have zero control of this situation and this particular issue can eat at your soul. When dealing with you Dad keep in perspective this action was not against you personally, and that he is his own person. You may want to ask him how he's feeling as if this is the first time he's cheated he may be severely depressed or have other difficult issues. Feel free if you want to bounce ideas off me. I am so sorry your family is experiencing this.
