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Bluelight Crew
Before I dive into things, I'll give you my brief sexual resumé;
I've had enough sex to satisfy my ego even if I were to never fuck again.
Ask for more details, though I don't see the relevance - here's the thing, and I wonder if anybody has experienced the same.
It's been over a year since I was a habitual user of opiates, though I've slipped from time to time.
For the first couple of weeks, I was hornier than I've ever been.
I've got this girl, let's call her Leona, who's a great friend, and we always fuck when we meet up.
Very uncomplicated - we enjoy each others company, are attracted (were, as of now in my case) to each other, and none have the need for a relationship.
So we fucked - in march. That's the last time I had sex. Before that, probably a year.
And the other night, me and another childhood friend, the closest friend I've ever had, got into the discussion of sex in relationships, after I told him I was done with one night stands. He had been on Prozac for a year and lost his sex-drive, which made him cut down and drop it all together a month ago.
He told me how great it was to have sex again, and he asked if I was gonna hook up with Leona who was in town over the weekend.
And I told him no. He asked me why and I said I wanted to spend the weekend visiting my sister.
And I told him I hadn't fucked since march, which to him was unbelivable.
I used to love sex, bordering on abuse. I abuse everything I start with it seems.
But now, being 32, anti-natalist, ex-junkie - I do not see the attraction of sex as I once did. I see an instricate mating ritual, sweating bodies colliding, fluids, pearl-diving in the shower or bathtub.
I rarely find women attractive nowadays. Not men either; never been my thing.
And I told my friend I wanted someone I could TALK to, discuss things with. Philosophical concepts that twists your mind. Talking throughout the night about everything between high and low culture.
But sex? Not really. I don't know why. Everything is working on me, despite having a few rough years on opiates and benzos - I know it takes time after abuse to get back to normal, and I feel back to normal.
I have had some seriously heavy acid trips the last few years where I've been at say a club or rave, and I've been watching, observing people, being disgusted by the social game, the mating ritual. And sex itself, for fun and not family-expansion; there are so many things that give a far better rush, be it other recreational activities or drugs. But sex just feels so damn overrated.
My friend asked me if I would be willing to be in a relationship with no sex, and I instantly said yes.
We were doing speed and had been for 16+ hours, and drinking, so there was no bullshit.
I even got a bit elevated by the thought; sex makes everything complicated. It's sweaty and messy.
I don't want kids. I could give or take oralsex, but the act of penetrating and the repetative movements just aren't worth the "high" anymore, or so I feel.
God, this became a long one. Sorry about that.
TDLR;- after a long period of opiate- and benzo abuse, some heavy acid trips, sex no longer has that "pull" on me. I would be perfectly content if I never fucked another person. It's sweaty labour with little reward unless you want a fucking kid. Has anyone else "slipped" in their sexuality into asexual?
I've had enough sex to satisfy my ego even if I were to never fuck again.
Ask for more details, though I don't see the relevance - here's the thing, and I wonder if anybody has experienced the same.
It's been over a year since I was a habitual user of opiates, though I've slipped from time to time.
For the first couple of weeks, I was hornier than I've ever been.
I've got this girl, let's call her Leona, who's a great friend, and we always fuck when we meet up.
Very uncomplicated - we enjoy each others company, are attracted (were, as of now in my case) to each other, and none have the need for a relationship.
So we fucked - in march. That's the last time I had sex. Before that, probably a year.
And the other night, me and another childhood friend, the closest friend I've ever had, got into the discussion of sex in relationships, after I told him I was done with one night stands. He had been on Prozac for a year and lost his sex-drive, which made him cut down and drop it all together a month ago.
He told me how great it was to have sex again, and he asked if I was gonna hook up with Leona who was in town over the weekend.
And I told him no. He asked me why and I said I wanted to spend the weekend visiting my sister.
And I told him I hadn't fucked since march, which to him was unbelivable.
I used to love sex, bordering on abuse. I abuse everything I start with it seems.
But now, being 32, anti-natalist, ex-junkie - I do not see the attraction of sex as I once did. I see an instricate mating ritual, sweating bodies colliding, fluids, pearl-diving in the shower or bathtub.
I rarely find women attractive nowadays. Not men either; never been my thing.
And I told my friend I wanted someone I could TALK to, discuss things with. Philosophical concepts that twists your mind. Talking throughout the night about everything between high and low culture.
But sex? Not really. I don't know why. Everything is working on me, despite having a few rough years on opiates and benzos - I know it takes time after abuse to get back to normal, and I feel back to normal.
I have had some seriously heavy acid trips the last few years where I've been at say a club or rave, and I've been watching, observing people, being disgusted by the social game, the mating ritual. And sex itself, for fun and not family-expansion; there are so many things that give a far better rush, be it other recreational activities or drugs. But sex just feels so damn overrated.
My friend asked me if I would be willing to be in a relationship with no sex, and I instantly said yes.
We were doing speed and had been for 16+ hours, and drinking, so there was no bullshit.
I even got a bit elevated by the thought; sex makes everything complicated. It's sweaty and messy.
I don't want kids. I could give or take oralsex, but the act of penetrating and the repetative movements just aren't worth the "high" anymore, or so I feel.
God, this became a long one. Sorry about that.
TDLR;- after a long period of opiate- and benzo abuse, some heavy acid trips, sex no longer has that "pull" on me. I would be perfectly content if I never fucked another person. It's sweaty labour with little reward unless you want a fucking kid. Has anyone else "slipped" in their sexuality into asexual?
