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TDS I think I finally put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Get2Think

Get2Think

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 23, 2012
Messages
297
Location
The West
For the longest time I was an excessive person. I drank heavily and tried anything I could get my hands on. I would get prescribed adderall and benzos and abuse them so that they didn't work properly. Eventually I got into opiates and my life went downhill fast and I soon found myself living back at home with my parents and going to AA admitting I was an alcoholic. For years I have been tryuing to solve the mystery of my own mind, how I work, my ADD, and if I truly am an addict or an alcoholic or both. I've learned so much about me, after 10 years smoking pot and drinking I sort of lost myself. The last few years have been about rebuilding my life and figuring out how my mind works. Anyways, I'm on suboxone and wellbutrin and have been doing great. However I realized that AA was not something I wanted to become my life long addiction. the truth is i'll a;lways be an addict. But what I've learned is that I don't have to be addicted to harmful things. I left AA after 5 and a half months clean, and decided that I did not want to spend the rest of my life worrying about drugs and alcohol. So I have been drinking moderately and I'm able to do so because I no longer allow myself to drink alcoholically.

I don't drink in the mornings, or alone, and I never ever get drunk. Unlike before when getting super trashed was the goal, now I stop after a couple when I'm full and it's easy to do. Also I was prescribed klonnopin today for sever panick attacks. In the past the first thing I would do is take a handful and the bottle would be gone in a weeks time. This time however I'm following the doctors advice and refuse to self-medicate or abuse either alcohol or this drug. What I'm trying to say is this: Since I had a "spiritual awakening" a few months ago I felt a newfound love for myself and for others. I no longer want to abuse or hurt myself like I use to in the name of "fun" and a "thrill." I exercise regularly, eat really well, and sleep 8 hours a night. And I graduate from college in a few months. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I trhink all the reading on BL, AA meetings, and making bad mistakes with drugs in the past has finally sunken through my thick skull and I only want to do things correctly. Have any of you been able to reach that point where you use to abuse everything, and then for whatever reason found that you no longer wanted to go that route. I have the utmost confidence that I will be able to enjoy alcohol at appropriate times, in appropriate amounts, for the rest of my life. And because I truly do suffer from anxiety, I want to take this klonnopin correctly so that I can actually get the help I so badly need. Living with severe worry/anxiety was crushing my soul.

I know that klonnopin is habbit forming, addictive, and usually not good to take daily. But I have a severe predisposition towards anxiety and my doctor totally understands that (hes such a great man) and is willing to help me any way he can. Do any of you have any suggestions on the best way to correctly take klonnopin longterm? I'm thinking total harm reduction and I do not plan on drinking hardly at all (maybe 1 beer a week) because I know those 2 drugs interact horribly. Also I'm on wellbutrin daily, so on days that i know im going to be drinking with a friend later should i not take my dose of wellbutrin that day? I apologize for a scatterbrained post, I just have a lot of questions and would really like to hear what you guys think, because I seriously feel like a brand new person w/ regards to drugs and alciohol. Is this possible? Do you think I will crash and burn and not be able to keep this up? Anyways, I'll be around and let you guys know how it goes. If I'm able to do this it could maybe prove to be of some use and motivation for other addicts who are trying to find a balance in their use, and dont want AA's complete program of abstinence. Once an addict always an addict, men who have lost their legs, they never grow new ones, I'm not sure I believe thats true anymore.%)
 
I don't feel klonopin or any benzo is addicting, It doesn't manipulate the dopamine pathway and thus you don't develop a tolerance. tolerance is part of addiction. you become very physically dependent but not addicted. After taking benzos for almost twenty years and becoming physically dependent a couple of times. I suggest taking it every three days. both benzos and alcohol manipulate the gaba so becarfeful with the double manipulation as it often leeds to a decent hole. Other than that just take the klonopin a couple times a week, if on the day after you take it you feel a fair amount of increased anxiety and think allot about needing a dose to calm down you are getting close to becoming dependent. getting off benzos really sucks, week long panic attack. yep fun.



anxiety is you telling yourself that there is something you need to address... maybe address it and live in peace.. best wishes
 
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Thanks. My problem is that my brain is telling me their are problems even when their are not because my prefrontal lobe (intelligent side of the brain) is not cancelling out the emotional side of my brain. It's purely a physical imbalance in my brain. It's firing off at false alarms, and essentially my anxiety needs to be kept in check by medical means. I see what you mean about taking it every few days, but that won't help me because I need to take it every evening before I got to bed because that is when my anxiety is worse. Right now I'm on .5 once in the morning, and .5 once before bed. I'm going to stick with the low doses everyday to get the most therapuetic benefits.

I hope someone can answer my question about wellbutrin and alcohol. If I know that I will have a couple beers later that day, should I not take my dose of wellbutrin in the morning? Or does it make no difference. I know that being on suboxone, wellbutrin, and klonnopin is not good to add alcohol into the mix. But I'm talking about frequently small amounts, no more than 2-3 drinks and never drunk. How dangerous is this? There are so many ppl on anti-depressants and I just don't see how they are avoiding alcohol entirely.
 
wellbutrin and alcohol is a bad idea, i dont think it will kill you it will just make you insane, someone who is drunk and on welbutrin is insane.. good luck.

Actually the emotions come from the limbic system, hypothalamus, its the mid brain.. emotions can only be cancelled buy your PFL of the cerebral cortex if you start to become or become enlightened.. emotions are used to motivate yourself to do things.. fear- to run or fight, love- to have a successful union, pain (not an emotion but from the same part of the brain) to motivate you to stop everything you are doing and address a problem... Anxiety=your not living your life right. Hope you at least look into addressing the real problem instead of using a drug to allow you to live life in a way that doesn't agree with you. look at what is important to you and live a life that recognizes, seeks, and cultivates what U value. Follow your heart, best wishes.
 
Good read, hope you can keep it up. I've recently gotten almost completely off dope (only used 3 times the past 13 mos), and I have been struggling with wanting to use recreationally vs. the AA/NA/etc 'never use again' mentality. For the longest time I was leaning toward the latter, but lately I've started to feel as you do.
 
Neversickanymore my anxiety does not stem from me not living my life right. It just doesn't. It's a chemical disfunction in my brain telling me there is stuff to worry/panick about when in reality it's not all that bad. I wish I could remember how my Doctor explained it to me because it made sense in explaining my anxiety.

neversickanymore said:
wellbutrin and alcohol is a bad idea, i dont think it will kill you it will just make you insane, someone who is drunk and on welbutrin is insane.. good luck.

Actually the emotions come from the limbic system, hypothalamus, its the mid brain.. emotions can only be cancelled buy your PFL of the cerebral cortex if you start to become or become enlightened.. emotions are used to motivate yourself to do things.. fear- to run or fight, love- to have a successful union, pain (not an emotion but from the same part of the brain) to motivate you to stop everything you are doing and address a problem... Anxiety=your not living your life right. Hope you at least look into addressing the real problem instead of using a drug to allow you to live life in a way that doesn't agree with you. look at what is important to you and live a life that recognizes, seeks, and cultivates what U value. Follow your heart, best wishes.
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I feel like you are making some assumptions about me that aren't true. I am addressing the real problem, it's not circumstantial anxiety. I understand that your just trying to help though so I want you to know that maybe your right, maybe I'm wrong, I recognize your motives are good, so for that I thank you.

Also when you say wellbutrin and alcohol is a bad idea? If I never drink to the point of drunkeness is that still bad? Because I might get off the wellbutrin if I can't even drinking socially like any other adult.
 
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Get2Think said:
Neversickanymore my anxiety does not stem from me not living my life right. It just doesn't. It's a chemical disfunction in my brain telling me there is stuff to worry/panick about when in reality it's not all that bad. I wish I could remember how my Doctor explained it to me because it made sense in explaining my anxiety.



I feel like you are making some assumptions about me that aren't true. I am addressing the real problem, it's not circumstantial anxiety. I understand that your just trying to help though so I want you to know that maybe your right, maybe I'm wrong, I recognize your motives are good, so for that I thank you.

Also when you say wellbutrin and alcohol is a bad idea? If I never drink to the point of drunkeness is that still bad? Because I might get off the wellbutrin if I can't even drinking socially like any other adult.
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Hey Get2.. I really am just trying to help.. And all I was saying was that I believe that anxiety is YOUR brains way of telling ITSELF that something about your life doesn't agree with U. my personal experiences was that i believed that i had an incurable depression/anxiety chemical imbalance in my brain as well. I tried allot of dif psyc meds to relieve the depression/anxiety.. 17 years of Benzos, antidepressants, mood stabilizers latter as well as allot of other drugs and I identified what was giving me the panic attack and social anxiety.. im not saying that this is what will be the exact cause for you but mine was that when i was following my heart and doing what i wanted to do i was always worried about what I was supposed to do (society, parents, teachers, ect.) and when I would switch and do what I was told was right to do then I wasn't doing what I really was supposed to do. Also the social anxiety was brought about buy the same way, I didn't have a well developed value system, so I placed the opinion of others and their values above mine so I needed acceptance and approval to determine if i was going on rite. This played havoc because along with needing others approvals I was a free spirit and did so many amazing things, so i lived allot of my life the way i wanted but then became anxious around people because at that time i needed there approvals (even though no place in my head ever said they have to like me or what I do.. just if i was criticized or my life challenged.. I took it so hard and never could ever figure out why?) So any way I identified my own values know they are perfect for me and live buy them.. AKA I follow my heart. Now others opinions are just that opinions and I don't feel awkward around anyone, used to be i just felt r good around close friends, and I have no panic attacks, depression, or anxiety because I follow my heart and that perfect for me.. all lies in jest till the man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.. S&G I hope this gives you something to ponder and may help someone else out.. I am and always was creditably successful and strong and confident in myself, i accomplished mountains, had strong relationships, just never got to the bottom of that stupid anxiety.. really glad i did.


I have witness a few friends who were in wellbutrin or its other name zyban for depression or quitting smoking and they ALL acted completely bizarre when under the influence of both those drugs.. have also heard allot of horror stories of people doing really weird shit.. most common outcome went like this> hmm,i dunno, i was at the bar.. had a couple and then i went over to my ladies/mans house and I guess i just acted bizarre.. never taking that fkn wellbutrin again> Just saying.. hope you get a handle on it as I know how ruff it is to live with and how it drives over use of drugs.:)
 
Fantastic input^^ neversick and congrats on be brave enough to get to the root of your anxiety/depression etc, that is no small feat!
 
Get off the kpins as soon as you can... Don't want to be on those to long... In 2 years you will be back here posting that you wish you took my advice
 
Eh I'd rather be on kpins then constantly stressed out with fits of rage. I'm under a lot of pressure with school at the moment and these things are helping. I'm sticking at low doses and will taper whenever I decide to be done with them so I don't see the harm. I have a legit anxiety disorder that I am not willing to suffer with anymore.
 
ugly said:
Way to handle your business, get2. I am glad for you.
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Thank you Ugly it took years of trial and error and accumulating mass amounts of knowledge but having reached that understanding of the inner workings of my brain is priceless. The future looks brighter than ever now.
 
it sounds to me like your on the pink cloud that is common in early recovery and it's likely that things will get bad or overwhelming and your use will go right back to where it was before you got sober not tryna be a dick i've just seen it happen so many times
 
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