Benzos I think Ativan crept up on me

[agoraphobe]

Looooong time lurker. Diagnosed with Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia and OCD in 2010. Have been on the SSRI merry go round since then with different degrees of success but no full remission since my first year taking Prozac.

Doctors have prescribed me as needed Ativan since 2010. For years I'd go through 20 1mg tablets over the course of a year. This increased a considerable amount over the past two years. I have a pretty stressful job coupled with the panic disorder. In 2023 I was taking 2-3 1 mg tablets per month. For most of 2024 I've averaged one 1 mg tablet per week, but now over the past 2-3 months I'm averaging two 1 mg tablets per week.

I think it's changing me. I notice the bizarre, creepy dreams when in between days I take Ativan. I just don't feel right. More and irritable depressed too. My question, how fucked am I? I want to stop taking regularly. Last dose was on Friday. Have I caused a permanent increase in my pd & agoraphobia? With the amount I've taken can anyone estimate how long dependence/rebound symptoms will last? I don't believe I've taken enough to classify this as withdrawal. Thanks.

 

[agoraphobe]

I'm sorry to bump my own post I just want to know if my feeling increased anxiety is related to the Ativan usage or something else.

 

[mal3volent]

I'm sorry to bump my own post I just want to know if my feeling increased anxiety is related to the Ativan usage or something else.

I've been taking it about as long as you except much more frequently. I wouldn't say that it's impossible that you are feeling some very minor physical effects, but if the most you've ever taken is 1mg twice a week...I think mostly what you are experiencing is mental. When you increase the frequency of your dose, your mind becomes more and more accustomed to that feeling.

I think it's very unlikely you will experience any negative effects from stopping cold turkey, beyond what you have already felt. If you don't like this routine I recommend you do it now before you become a daily benzo user and you truly are physically dependent on them. It's not fun.

 

[agoraphobe]

I've been taking it about as long as you except much more frequently. I wouldn't say that it's impossible that you are feeling some very minor physical effects, but if the most you've ever taken is 1mg twice a week...I think mostly what you are experiencing is mental. When you increase the frequency of your dose, your mind becomes more and more accustomed to that feeling.

I think it's very unlikely you will experience any negative effects from stopping cold turkey, beyond what you have already felt. If you don't like this routine I recommend you do it now before you become a daily benzo user and you truly are physically dependent on them. It's not fun.

Thank you for the reply and input. I can't imagine how much worse dependency would be for someone with clinical panic disorder and agoraphobia. I've seen it posted on this forum before, it's truly euphoric for anxious individuals. I think that was my trap.

 

[mal3volent]

Thank you for the reply and input. I can't imagine how much worse dependency would be for someone with clinical panic disorder and agoraphobia. I've seen it posted on this forum before, it's truly euphoric for anxious individuals. I think that was my trap.

Yeah. At some point the doctor I have now will retire and whoever I go to next probably will want me to get off of them. I want to as well, but I also don't want to. In any case, I've been taking them pretty much daily for years now so I'll have to do a taper and it will still suck ass.

So yeah, do it now and thank yourself later. Learn from the mistakes of others.