I relapsed and I?m hiding it

[Soflasober]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 3 years and I?ve never kept something like this from her, anything really. She became fed up of my drug use and put us on a break. Now we?re getting closer and I?m feeling guilty. In the span of a day I gave up heroin and crack.

A few days ago someone asked me if I needed hats and I told him I quit that shit. He gave me a free rock and I broke it up in a blunt (trying to justify my use) and the same day I think or the following day I bought a hit. After that me and my girlfriend agreed I would stop filling my klonopin (she suspected I was coked out and I lied and said no).

She?s really understanding but idk what to do. It?s crazy how free drugs would of been the highlight of my day a couple weeks ago. I love this girl more than myself. I look at her as my wife. I?ve always stressed how important the truth is and now I?m lying.

 

[Chris42393]

I have 2 sides to this...

If you told her, would be break up with you? What would she do? If it's just a one-time thing, I think you'll be okay. I know being truthful is good and all, but from past experiences (several of them)... Shit always backfires.

If there is no way of her knowing, I (personally) wouldn't tell her. Like I said, being truthful is good, but sometimes it just doesn't work out.

OR...

You can explain to her that you are/were an addict (which is okay, I am myself) and sometimes relapses happen. You can tell her that you are trying your hardest to quit, but sometimes temptation can get the best of you. Drug addiction IS a mental illness and quitting (for the most part) just doesn't happen overnight. Quitting drugs is a process... She needs to understand that in the first couple of months (at least) there is going to be extreme cravings for them (because of withdrawal) and you might slip up. She needs to be understanding and help you along the way. Nobody is perfect. If someone is going to beat you down about it, thats not going to make it any easier. She needs to accept you for who you are, and like I said before... help you along the way.

If the roles were reversed, Id be doing everything in my power to help my girlfriend/wife out.

 

[Stargazer]

Hi Sofla!

I wanted to point out that's there's a difference between a lapse and a relapse. A relaspe is back to nearly or completely back to full-time using. Back to spending all your time, energy and money on obtaining drugs and using them. We know, we beings addicts, that getting high truly is a full-time job.

Being truthful, for the most part, is best. But, there are times it's best to weigh out the pros and cons of divulging certain things. Once it's out, it's out. And something, whether it's an opinion, thought or action, that may be temporary to you and forgotten, won't be by your signficant other

Chris makes a great point - did you slip for a few days or are you back to getting high everyday? If you have been getting high everyday, can you cut your losses and stop? Every lapse by no means has to turn into an all-out, balls to the wall relapse.

Is not having your Klonopin making you want to use? Could you maybe put off d/c'ing Klonopin until you get a handle on the recent turn of events? Maybe tell your girlfriend you need a little more time until you stop taking your Rx?

Being in a relationship can be wonderful. But, we're still two different people, on different journies in personal growth. I know you care about about your gf. I'd think things through, in detail before telling her. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Jabberwocky]

people close to you will know something is up, especially if they’ve been round you when you were fucked up in the past. I know my demeanour completely changes when i smoke crack, and even acquaintances knew something was up when i was on gear.

be straight with your gf. you need her on side otherwise your addiction will feed off this situation and destroy your relationshpip. my ex moved from australia to the uk for us to get back together and that couldn’t stop me, and by trying to hide my use, i started to resent him for getting in the way of using. this is someone i’ve loved deeply for 16 years.

they say in NA that secrets keep you sick and i see some truth to that.

as 10 said, now is probably not the time to quit your kpin.

what help are you getting? quitting drugs on your own is very difficult for very well documented reasons, can you get help from your local drug services or go to an NA meeting, or similar mutual support?

good luck. even starting to seriously contemplate quitting crack and heroin takes heroic resolve so you’ve done really well already.

 

[247csws]

It has been my experience that you cannot hide the use from thise that are close to you. I tried to hide my use from my daughter, she even lives an hour and a half away, but she still could tell. We have little tells that we do not recognize, wether it be behavior, mood, or not keepin in contact with a person.
Chances are she already knowa in her heart that something was different with you, it might be in your best interest to ker her know what it was so she is not thinking it is her.

 

[Stargazer]

Yes, I wanted to say what Chinup pointed out as well. You can't hide being high -whether dope or hard.

Especially from someone that knows you so well, and is probably almost constantly with you.

Yes chinup, it does take heroic resolve. Something that you possess.