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I need your advice in managing my depression and anxiety

Y

yourjazzman

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 22, 2012
Messages
6
Dear Bluelighters,

I was originally diagnosed with severe depression at the age of 16. I have seen many different psychiatrists and was prescribed many different drug regiments over the past 8 years. SSRI’s, SNRI’s, NDRI’s, Benzo’s. Nothing works and I had horrible side effects. I have tried to commit suicide because of the mental pain was unbearable. I tried self medicating with opiates for 1 year. While I initially felt much better but the side effects and tolerance building made it harder and harder to continue on my own. I recently moved to Seattle and I’m having a hard time managing my depression and anxiety. I went to a number of psychiatrists in Seattle including at University of Washington but got the same answers. I am willing to go any where for help. I’m sure someone out there has similar history and went through a lot of the same pain that I’m currently going through. I hope to be able to hear more about your experiences and share any advice about various treatment options and where I can go for treatment. I hope to find a good open minded psychiatrist who understands my problems and can help me. Thank you and I look forward to your replies.
 
Hey there, Welcome to Bluelight!! You should read the Greenlighters Guide and the Support FAQ in my signature to get a better idea of our layout here. :)

The support thread is actually reserved for website support rather than personal support. You might get some better answers over in TDS!
 
Hey Jazzman, welcome to Blue and to the TDS forum. This forums is the perfect place for discussions like this and talking with people, hearing some ideas, meeting people who have been and may be able to directly relate to your situation.

Let me start off by saying I am really sorry that you are going through this and the battles you have been facing in trying to find help. While I have not been in exactly your situation, allow me to throw some thoughts out there, as the day goes on and people start stirring out of bed, I am sure you will see some other replies for other good people here and hopefully you will find something that may help you.

First I would like to acknowledge one thing you said, you stated that you tried opiates for about a year to help and it didn't help you out. I have to say this that unless your Dr prescribes you with an opiate specifically for what ever he / she diagnoses you with, please stay away from self medicating with them, infact please try to stay away from self medicating at all. Self medicating more times then not can and does lead to addiction which can and will further your depression due to what ever the underlying cause may be.

Have you ever been diagnosed with any particular psychological disorder? Such as, bipolar, Dysthymic disorder, or Dysthymia, Psychotic depression, Dissociative identity disorder aka multiple personality disorder? Anxiety? Some form f Phobia? Sorry for the long list of disorders you may not know about or may not have been diagnosed with, however, each disorder has for the most part different means and ways of treatment.

Do you do better in one on one therapy with a psychiatrist? or perhaps better with a therapist and abiofeedback therapy with usually involves open discussion with peers?

These are some things to think about and try to find yourself a really good Dr to go to. In most cases major depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, but there are multiple types and many different medications that work well depending I what you Dr feels is your problem. Just because something is labeled as an anti-depressant does not mean that it will help your personal situation.

The amount of disorders and possible causes and treatments can be staggering and a bit overwhelming, because of this I would start writing down your feelings through the day, basically like journaling. Write down when you feel depressed, what time of the day and what you think may have triggered it. Keep note of what you do on a daily basis, note your sleep and wake cycles, ect. All of this will help any new (or old) Dr to help narrow down what may be the cause of your depression to where he can prescribe the best medication for your situation if that is needed. Also make sure you bring a list of any medications you may currently be on, perhaps one of them may be acting against you. Man there are so many types / causes / treatments of depression, it would be nearly impossible to give you and definitive answers here unless someone else may post that can relate with you on what you go through during a day(s) by what you've written in your journal. However, I would definitely try writing all this down so when you do see a new Dr he / she can really settle in and look at your triggers and behaviors ect and hopefully identify a cause and a treatment, but please try and stay away from self medication as you are just really setting yourself up for worse problems down the road.

We are always here at Bluelight.ru right here in "The Dark Side" forum if you ever need to talk and or have any questions, ect,though I do believe that they would be able to really try to pin down the culprit. Also keep in mind that most treatments can and will take hold and get you starting to feel better in as little as a week or two but alot can take much longer. Sadly there is no medication / remedy (except possibly Shock therapy??) that can offer immediate results. In most cases you will have to give a medication / treatment sometime to work, usually a minimum of 2 weeks.

Hang in there bud, your in the right place and we would and are glad you came to see us, and hopefully we can help you out the best way we know how, however, please note, that for the most part, and none of us that I know of that are here are Doctors, so our advice is clearly to be used with caution and at your own risk,though I doubt anyone would put you into that type of situations. Also google, try to figure out some profiles of your depression and google them and you may find some interesting things that may be of use to you.

I wish you all the best, and as stated, keep coming back here, the wealth of knowledge here and the compassion of the mass here in TDS is unlike anywhere I have been. We are a tight family and we will do what ever we can feasibly to help one another.

Best wishes and hope to hear from you again soon!

Peace,

-Pain
 
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There are two things I can think of that might help with this depression and anxiety. If your tolerance to opiates is still high enough, Suboxone/Subutex maintenance is an option. If you haven't used opiates in a while, your tolerance could have dropped quite a bit, and could render you unable to handle Suboxone/Subutex safely, so you would probably want to start with a very low dose (probably lower than rx'd). I think this could really help, though. It is an opioid, even though a partial antagonist, and is touted to have good anti-depressant properties. Frankly, I'd suggest it over methadone maintenance. Also, if the depression is that severe, ECT could be something to look into. I know there is hype around it being barabaic and what not, but it can be quite helpful in treatment-resistant depression. There are serious potential side-effects such as amnesia, the degree of which varies, but like I said it can be effective.

I might also suggest psychotherapy, this could help, even if you have done it without good results. Self-therapy, that is expressing yourself in various ways, like through art. There are so many ways, so many forms of art, like poetry, cooking, ceramics, painting, pottery, sketching, writing novels etc. And there are many hobbies, fishing, camping, whatever. Live life, explore, find yourself. Coming to think of it a one time psychadelic use, something like LSD, might be helpful for your depression, it might open you up some. Sometimes we must embrace life even when we don't want to, even when it seems so wrong to embrace. I hope I have helped in some way, some how.

-Alex
 
Psychotherapy worked best for me. Especially breathing exercises. I sort of consider them to be a god send because it helps my anxiety, depression, and my anger issues. You should explore meditation as well. It is an extremely powerful tool and to be perfectly honest is probably a much better option than psychedelic use, and the thing is you can receive the same insight from both. I'm not bashing psychedelic treatment, but for many people it can be ineffective and harmful. Hobbies are a great way though, there's some wonderful advice in this thread. You are not alone, I know what it feels like to be trapped. However I do not really recommend opiate use, because that becomes an easy gateway to abuse, and you're going to find yourself in a deeper hole than when you started.
 
well I have to say I dont know alot about these kind of depreshions but I do know somethings with which I hope I can help you. I have never delt with any kind of long term deprshions or such but I know some storys.
Well do you know why and when these deprshions stareted? These depreshons most likely didnt come from nowhere. Theri must be something that caused them maby thedeath of a family member or friend or horrible brutallity? If you dont want to share this I'd be happy to talk with you over a pm.

You werent diagnosed with bipolar were you?
 
badfish45 said:
Psychotherapy worked best for me. Especially breathing exercises. I sort of consider them to be a god send because it helps my anxiety, depression, and my anger issues. You should explore meditation as well. It is an extremely powerful tool and to be perfectly honest is probably a much better option than psychedelic use, and the thing is you can receive the same insight from both. I'm not bashing psychedelic treatment, but for many people it can be ineffective and harmful. Hobbies are a great way though, there's some wonderful advice in this thread. You are not alone, I know what it feels like to be trapped. However I do not really recommend opiate use, because that becomes an easy gateway to abuse, and you're going to find yourself in a deeper hole than when you started.
Click to expand...

Agreed

Unlike with psychedelics, meditation isn't extremely unpredictable, as you know where you're going, and you can stop at any time.
 
i have major anxiety issues and panic disorder. i also have major panic attacks cant go in crowds or up stairs or even watch heights on tv. i am very clostrophobic also. i hae alot of other health issues , which i have anxiety about my health problems. and i see a dr in terre haute indiana. he is awesome. he has me on 30 mg prozac and its the best anxiety medicine i have ever tried. and then i take clozopam in am, an pm, he said takin it in the pm, will make it so i WONT have a panic attack. and then if i know im going out that day i take it in the am. its very hard to deal with an has changed my life completely but i think its best that ppl share stories with eachother. i also listen to dr illing ( stress and anxiety reliefe - its a self hypnosis it is very relaxing it is amazing, everyone should try it just to relax)
 
I would not recommend using Suboxone to treat anxiety and depression. Suboxone is a combination of buprenorphine and naloxone. Specifically, Suboxone is used in opioid replacement therapy for the opiate-addicted patient. There is no approved use for Suboxone in the treatment of anxiety and depression. Physicians prescribing Suboxone must receive additional training and approval to prescribe the drug and are closely regulated by the DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency). Therefore, it would not be possible to locate a treating psychiatrist who would be able to prescribe Suboxone for anxiety and depression. Moreover, you would then develop a dependency upon Suboxone. You can learn more about Suboxone at www.suboxone.com.

I would also avoid the use of LSD and other psychedelics, research chemicals, etc. If you search this forum, you will find a number of posts from people who describe worsening anxiety after the use of these compounds.

When you say the side effects of the typical SSRIs and its close derivatives, what do you mean exactly? And when you say you went to the University of Washington (are you in school there) and received the same answers, what were those answers? Have you ever been hospitalized for a significant period of time? And have you tried lithium and/or any atypical antipsychotics?

I agree with the above that therapy is very important. Do you receive any type of therapy?
 
If medication hasn't helped, perhaps you need to revisit the cause of the depression rather than continuing to try and treat the symptoms.

Make a conscious effort not to dwell on negative thoughts. This is difficult at first but becomes easier, slowly at first, then much more quickly than you would have imagined.

Get some direction in your life, what do you want to do with your time? Make plans and goals and chip away at them. Move your life forward and leave the depression in the past, where it belongs.
 
Missykins said:
I would not recommend using Suboxone to treat anxiety and depression. Suboxone is a combination of buprenorphine and naloxone. Specifically, Suboxone is used in opioid replacement therapy for the opiate-addicted patient. There is no approved use for Suboxone in the treatment of anxiety and depression. Physicians prescribing Suboxone must receive additional training and approval to prescribe the drug and are closely regulated by the DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency). Therefore, it would not be possible to locate a treating psychiatrist who would be able to prescribe Suboxone for anxiety and depression. Moreover, you would then develop a dependency upon Suboxone. You can learn more about Suboxone at www.suboxone.com.

I would also avoid the use of LSD and other psychedelics, research chemicals, etc. If you search this forum, you will find a number of posts from people who describe worsening anxiety after the use of these compounds.

When you say the side effects of the typical SSRIs and its close derivatives, what do you mean exactly? And when you say you went to the University of Washington (are you in school there) and received the same answers, what were those answers? Have you ever been hospitalized for a significant period of time? And have you tried lithium and/or any atypical antipsychotics?

I agree with the above that therapy is very important. Do you receive any type of therapy?
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Are you advocating lithium and neuroleptics, but you do not recommend Suboxone when he said he was self-medicating with opiates for a year? I am guessing the patient is an opiate addict, even if not using. Also, many drugs are rx'd for off-label uses with great success. I will concede absolutely that psychadelics can exacerbate anxiety, but they can also help with chronic anxiety and depression, and carry little risk.
 
Took the doctors and pysciatrists 20 years to finally give me the right combination of drugs and i am now free of depression but still suffer badly with anviety...been using alcohol to combat this....
 
^^ Good call painenduser.
srhkitty we also have an Alcoholism thread if you wish to discuss this further <3


badfish45 said:
Psychotherapy worked best for me. Especially breathing exercises. I sort of consider them to be a god send because it helps my anxiety, depression, and my anger issues. You should explore meditation as well. It is an extremely powerful tool and to be perfectly honest is probably a much better option than psychedelic use, and the thing is you can receive the same insight from both. I'm not bashing psychedelic treatment, but for many people it can be ineffective and harmful. Hobbies are a great way though, there's some wonderful advice in this thread. You are not alone, I know what it feels like to be trapped. However I do not really recommend opiate use, because that becomes an easy gateway to abuse, and you're going to find yourself in a deeper hole than when you started.
Click to expand...
I wholeheartedly agree <3

yourjazzman said:
I was originally diagnosed with severe depression at the age of 16. I have seen many different psychiatrists and was prescribed many different drug regiments over the past 8 years. SSRI’s, SNRI’s, NDRI’s, Benzo’s. Nothing works and I had horrible side effects. I have tried to commit suicide because of the mental pain was unbearable. I tried self medicating with opiates for 1 year. While I initially felt much better but the side effects and tolerance building made it harder and harder to continue on my own. I recently moved to Seattle and I’m having a hard time managing my depression and anxiety. I went to a number of psychiatrists in Seattle including at University of Washington but got the same answers. I am willing to go any where for help. I’m sure someone out there has similar history and went through a lot of the same pain that I’m currently going through. I hope to be able to hear more about your experiences and share any advice about various treatment options and where I can go for treatment. I hope to find a good open minded psychiatrist who understands my problems and can help me. Thank you and I look forward to your replies.
Click to expand...
I understand that you've been to psychiatrists and been down the avenue of medications, but as others have suggested, perhaps it's worth trying some psychotherapy. I have suffered with depression since I was 11 years old, and like you, I tried many different medications, SSRIs, NRIs, SNRIs, even MAOIs. Finally, at age 27 I've found a really good psychologist (not psychiatrist) and with her help I am finally making huge progress and getting proper relief from my depression and anxiety without medication. It's hard work, but it is SO worth it <3
 
Hey everyone,

Thanks for all of your replies and input...you've been really great! I've tried pretty much every antidepressant, anxiolytic, moodstabilizer, sleep medication etc. etc. over the years...probably between 40 and 50 medications. I've had 10 years of psychotherapy without effect. The only thing that ever even slightly worked for my depression was Wellbutrin...but that caused unmanageable side effects and I was forced to discontinue. Opiates have been the only thing to this day that worked for my depression without causing severe side effects. I'm trying to find a doctor who has experience treating refractory depression with opiates...but they're hard to find. From the research papers I've read on the topic, though, and some of the people on this forum, I know they're out there. ECT is out of the question. Studies of ECT show that it causes wide ranging and permanent cognititve deficits, and if ECT even does work, it probably works by impairing people's cognition so badly that they're too messed up to even be depressed...much in the same way a lobotomy supposedly worked back in the 30s-50s. In my time spent in psych wards, I can tell you the awful experiences I saw...one day a vivacious, intelligent person comes in...after the ECT they appear out of it, eyes glazed over, barely mumbling responses, mouth hanging open and practically drooling. And that was just after ONE of the EIGHT more "treatments" they were scheduled to undertake. I've had surgeries in my life under general anesthesia and can tell you that is not due to the general anesthesia...I'd rather not suffer permanent brain damage in order to try and cure my depression. I think the practice is pretty barbaric and unscientific.
 
Things have gotten so bad for me that I sleep about 18 hours a day and wake up feeling like train wreck. I am ALWAYS exhausted. It's unbearable. The longer time passes since I've touched an opiate, the more I seem to deteriorate. I'd read research about how some people who are depressed have deficiencies with their natural endorphins, and some depressed patients ONLY respond to opiates. I felt this way before I started opaites, and since stopping opiates, I've returned to the same, horrible state. I think I definitely fall into this category. But I also know that trying to treat my depression on my own was wrong, because of how tolerance builds up with opiates....It's the kind of thing you need to do with strict medical supervision. Opiates are effective but they're no joke.
 
As for the person above who mentioned psychedelics...I heartily agree that they are a great way to manage anxiety...none of the memory impairing side effects of Benzodiazepines, and much more benign and long-lasting effects. There's a lot of research on their positive effects as well. I think the problem is most doctors only know about the meds the pharmaceutical reps tell them about. While I do have some anxiety at the moment, it's not debilitating me to the same extent that my depression is. I wish it was just the anxiety, I'd take some psychedelics and I'd be back in shape in no time at all. Unfortunately the psychedelics never did anything to help my depression. I know there is some new research suggesting that ketamine might be a powerful antidepressant, but unfortunately that didn't work for me either. It seems the only thing that worked for me was opiates...but I'm not about to go down that road again without medical supervision. And try finding a doctor who's open minded enough to consider someone who was self-medicating for a year with opiates that they really want it for their depression, and are not just coming up with empty rationalizations to "get high." I just hope that someone will see that I haven't touched anything for over five months, and instead of even getting a little better I'm getting worse every day, back to the same state I was before I started self-medicating with opiates.

As for the first post about opiates causing side effects...beyond the tolerance development that wasn't precisely true. Only side effect I ever had was constipation. My well meaning boyfriend posted that message because I was too bed ridden over the past week to post myself =/
 
^ i seriously recommend kratom to anyone that feels like this, it did at one time and with kratom management ive come out of it. if you have a tolerance to opiates you might want to try an extract or something more potent than crushed or powdered leaf. No joke- diagnosed with major depression and anxiety, many ssri's and benzos later im taking natural plant leaf to manage my mood. my dose has increased over the year and a half ive taken it, im at ~12g of maeng da powder daily, broken into 3-4 doses.
 
Thanks for the advice about kratom...I have not tried it, but I am a bit skeptical. I am on suboxone right now, which does nothing for my depression...I'm assuming that suboxone is stronger than kratom, so if suboxone doesn't work I'm not sure that kratom would...I would be happy to hear your thoughts on the subject, however.

As for the person who said that suboxone can not be used to treat depression...that is flat out wrong. Harvard Medical school did a study in the 90s that showed that suboxone was quite efficacious for depression....however, the people in the study were opiate naive. For someone like me with opiate tolerance and experience, a partial opiate agonist/antagonist is just not gonna cut it. I need a full opiate, not a partial one. As for the naloxone in suboxone, that is a common misconception..suboxone is taken sublingually...the naloxone is not absorbed sublingually. It's there in case someone were to try to inject it.
 
The fact that you initially felt better on opiates indicates that you could get back there and beyond, but you don't need opiates for that. Given what you write I'd strongly suggest getting a huge sunlamp and placing it close to you when you sleep. Turn it on when you wake up and keep it on near you through the day as much as possible if you will be inside. The Pacific NW can be very bleak (though you've missed the worst and summer will arrive soon). I use a sunlamp every minute I can and I have to say that it's the best therapy I've had!

I'm not saying you shouldn't pursue any other therapy. Just that you're going to need the sunlamp if you live in Seattle and suffer from depression. A harsh winter can easily send you over the edge. I know only a few people who feel they can't use a sunlamp in the winter (and these people love grey).

I am not sure you will be prescribed opiates even if you have a problem with your endogeneous opiod production. I don't doubt that your endogeneous opiod production may be inadequate but that could be due to a variety of reasons and maybe best corrected by treating the underlying pathology that is causing that instead of the symptoms. You MAY find an open minded psychiatrist who'd be willing to prescribe tramadol which is called a "pseudoopiate". I tapered down oxycodone six months following an injury and I jumped to tramadol for another two months. I was not opiate naive, but the tramadol resulted in greater euphoria than the oxycodone the very first time I took it (I unfortunately have not been able to replicate this or even come close which is a good thing since I don't use tramadol regularly). That's just a suggestion. You need to find a creative doc who'll listen to you.

Good luck!

yourjazzman said:
Dear Bluelighters,

I was originally diagnosed with severe depression at the age of 16. I have seen many different psychiatrists and was prescribed many different drug regiments over the past 8 years. SSRI’s, SNRI’s, NDRI’s, Benzo’s. Nothing works and I had horrible side effects. I have tried to commit suicide because of the mental pain was unbearable. I tried self medicating with opiates for 1 year. While I initially felt much better but the side effects and tolerance building made it harder and harder to continue on my own. I recently moved to Seattle and I’m having a hard time managing my depression and anxiety. I went to a number of psychiatrists in Seattle including at University of Washington but got the same answers. I am willing to go any where for help. I’m sure someone out there has similar history and went through a lot of the same pain that I’m currently going through. I hope to be able to hear more about your experiences and share any advice about various treatment options and where I can go for treatment. I hope to find a good open minded psychiatrist who understands my problems and can help me. Thank you and I look forward to your replies.
Click to expand...
 
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