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I need some advice for quitting opioids.

T

TheChillGuy

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 7, 2015
Messages
32
Hello.

I'm an infrequent poster, but I've decided to post in this section for the first time as I am about to enter unfamiliar territory and fear the consequences of seeking family/medical help.

I'm 23 years old, in decent shape and relatively healthy. About 9 months ago, I had shoulder surgery and was prescribed vicodin. I was in agony and truly needed it around the clock for the first couple weeks, taking about 30-40mg hydrocodone daily.

Long story short, when the pain subsided, I continued to take them for the high they provided. When my doctor stopped prescribing them about 4 months ago, I found other ways to obtain them.

Some things to note:
-I have never inscreased my dosages; 15mg still does the job and 40mg is about my daily max with as low as 15mg even being sufficient for a single day.
-Throughout these 9 months I have had to go without them for several days at a time on several occasions. Wether it's because I finished a script early and had to wait 4 days for a refill, or I'm out of town for 2 weeks, I've had to go without them on numerous occasions. During those occasions, my primary withdrawal symptoms are anxiety, depression and cravings.

Anyways, I just ran out (again), and would like to consider quitting. I'd like to consider using suboxone to combat withdrawals and get clean, but I have no clue what to expect.

I have two questions.

1) First off, how bad is my addiction, and how bad should I expect the withdrawals to be?

2) What are the medical/legal consequences of seeking help for opioid dependence?

Is doing a suboxone regimen with the guidance of a doctor something that can be done privately? Or is this something that all all medical professionals will be able to see for the rest of my life? Will I be unable to receive an opioid prescription ever again? In what way, if any, will going the suboxone route affect me in the longterm?

I want to quit, but if using the medical system to aid in the process is going to put a permanent "addict" stamp on me, that would be a big problem for me. After all, aside from money and well-being, avoiding the "addict stamp" is a big part of why I'd want to quit in the first place. No one knows I'm addicted.

Thanks, and I'll post back here with my progress.
 
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1) Your dependancy isn't that bad but addiction isn't same as dependancy. Although amounts you consumed are well within prescribed doses you might be addicted and we can't say how bad. It luckily seems like it isn't that bad as you have been able to stay on the same dose even though you have taken them for recreational purposes

2) Legal discussion isn't allowed here in BL so I can't elaborate it and I live in Scandinavia and we have different standards here for treating opioid addicted patients.

Anyhow I wouldn't use suboxone for your kind of habit and usage time. It would be like shooting fly with a bazooka. You haven't experienced major opiate withdrawals so they might scare you if you have read all the horror stories here. In my opinion acute withdrawals aren't that bad but it is the post acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) I am scared of but it is because I have used opioids for years and you have used for months so it isn't going to be that bad most likely.

Taper for a while and then quit and use comfort OTC meds like loperamide and something for sleep if you need them.

Keep cool. You are not in too deep waters.
 
It's good that you want to get clean. I am sorry about your injury and hope you recover soon.
 
There is always kratom if you want to avoid the medical establishment and feel maintenance or a medical style detox if necessary. Worth looking into, just keep in mind it is basically the same as an opioid like drug such as tramadol and if you are not very structured with your dosing will also lead to dependency.
 
All I hear in my head is tornado sirens (read warning). I just turned 25 and am just over 50 days clean from a horrible Norco addiction.
I hate to even tell you this because so many people told me this....and I thought I was immune to addiction, but STOP NOW AND SAVE YOURSELF THE TORTURE YOU ARE GOING TO PUT YOURSELF AND LOVED ONES THROUGH.
I went from being in all honors and advanced placement classes, to sitting in Cook County Jail and getting my teeth knocked out with a lunch tray.
I lost the best girl in my life after dating for 7 years.
I lost my families trust
I couldn't hold a job
I lost my morals
I lost my soul
I became animalistic in nature when I was chasing "one more".

Save yourself the heartache
 
And you aren't the only addict in your neighborhood, subdivision, most likely there are numerous drug addicts on the same street that you would have never even known. Being labeled as an addict can be a blessing while working on recovery because you may be amazed at the support you will receive. Before going into treatment, google some local narcotics anonymous meetings. Go to one, listen and share honestly if you are comfortable. If not, keep coming back. Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens ;)
 
^Totally depends. Being label anything with a stigma attached to it like an addict was always very, very counterproductive and unhelpful for me in early recovery. Today I'm kind of okay with the label, now that I actually understand it, but I will probably remain uncomfortable with it for a long time to come.
 
I agree with MrRoot, getting on Suboxone for such a minor addiction would be overkill. You don't want to open that can of worms unless you really need to.

I wouldn't worry too much about never being able to get an opioid script again. The way the laws are changing to restrict opioid prescribing, you'll probably have to be terminally ill or have cancer to get anything other than a short-term script in the near future.
 
I agree with TPD. There's still way to much stigma surrounding addiction. 99% of the people I know do not know I'm an addict and if they did it would just add more pressure on me and bs I don't need right now.
I'd highly recommend NOT going in maintenance and just go through detox with comfort meds or Kratom Not to minimalize your dependancy but your habit shouldn't be that hard to detox from
All the best:)
 
Whether maintenance is right or not for someone depends on many factors. There is no black and white thing when it comes to maintenance. Just like any other forms of treatment, triage is crucial when it comes to successful outcomes. For some people a short detox is more appropriate, for others a longer maintenance program is what's needed.
 
OP here.

Yeah I ended up going through another dozen or so hydros after this post was made.

I had some big family plans coming up and didn't want to be an unenjoyable wreck the whole day. Took 15mg that morning, then another 15mg in the middle of the day. Kept me feeling good all day.

As some of you have pointed out I'm not in that deep of waters when it comes to chemical dependency. 30mg spread throughout a day not only maintains me, but STILL provides a high after 9 months of consistently using that amount.

My tolerance has increased so minorly for some reason and I think that's one of the things I use to rationalize taking more pills. "Oh I've been taking only 15mg for 9 months and it STILL does the job, I must not be that physically dependent, I can afford to ramp up my use even more for a while and still quit if need be".

The problem for me when it comes to my relationship with opioids is they make me feel invincible. And my whole life, I've felt a lack of confidence and enthusiasm and ambition, which a 20mg dose of opioids give me on command.

My physical dependence is not that bad, it's the mental. But the physical effects do exist.

Anyways, as of now, I'm on day 4 without any opiates at all aside from a 10mg dose of loperamide (which surprised me lastnight with its effectiveness in alleviating my restlessness, diarhea and anxiety).

The physical withdrawals are primarily:

1. Symptoms of high blood pressure/cardiovascular stress/anxiety
(Left arm pains, reproducable chest tightness, dizziness upon standing, hard heartbeat, etc.)
^I attribute much of this to anxiety

2. RLS
This is a bothersome one in the evenings but I somehow manage to get rid of it before sleep everynight after doing some squats, stretching, eat some food and smoke some herb. Word of warning: do NOT take any antihistamines for sleep if you suffer from RLS!

3. Morning lack of motivation. Waking up in the morning without a hydro to consume can be a very hopeless feeling in the morning before a big work day, especially if you had dreams about pills that night...

So yeah I appreciate the feedback so far. I would gladly use suboxone for a week or two to make the psychological aspects of this process more bearable but if there is any stamp that comes along with that I will PASS.

These WDs truly aren't that bad guys. Sitting here at day 4 pleasantly surprised with how well my body is tolerating life after 9 months of continual opioid use.

I'm also not gonna lie to you guys, I do intend to use pills again in the future, at least at this point. My goal is to free myself from slavery to the pills. I wanna push myself through this and stay as positive as possible so that I can know that I can come off a 9 month pill habit and grind through the withdrawals. Something about knowing you've gone through the withdrawals and they weren't that bad makes life less gloomy when embracing the idea of kicking them for long periods of time (or for good).
 
I was you 9 years ago - and if I'd stopped , my 300K house would be paid off ..... Literally .....
Watch yourself , it's a very slippery slope , I know the invincible supercharged feeling is hard to fight - but I would take the fight when it's easy right now .......
And I would agree w others , stay away from subox. , you'd be 10x worse off at this point ..... If anything , a few days of kratom lightly
Good luck !!
 
Just wanted to say I'm really greatful for the support I've gotten here. In my day to day life, there really isn't anyone I can speak with about my "drug struggles", if you can call it that. Writing about it and receiving feedback from others who can relate is just an amazing thing. It's amazing how we're all just "used to", or view it as the "norm", to be able to access the internet and have the ability to reach out to like-minded people easily at a moments' notice.

Anyways. I ended up staying off the pills for about 8-9 days. Yes, this implies that I got back on them. And that is correct. However, it was not withdrawals, or any miserable feeling that led me back to consuming one, two or three (depends on the day) 15-20mg doses of hydrocodone throughout the day again. Not a desire to end withdrawals - but a desire to enjoy the effects yet again. Why go to work, going through the day feeling things in an average way, when a single dose of an opioid instantly makes me enjoy the whole process?

I'm aware that this is a dangerous view on life. I'm aware that such a mindset is very vulnerable to addiction. I'm also aware that my chemical dependency is not bad at all.

So my question is: HOW, and more importantly WHY, do I stop taking opioids? Assuming my dependency is not bad, and they make life more enjoyable. I'm aware that stopping would benefit me, if for nothing more than financial reasons - but I'd love to hear some feedback on approaching the cessation of opioid use when:

A) The circumstances are not dire
B) Dependency has not increased after 10 months, and
C) Based upon my usage history, rock bottom does not appear a likely destination.
 
Hey Mrchill!

Im on day two of cold turkey. So I'm not at my best. But I wanted to throw in my two pennies. I think most of us that started on hydros/oxy have been in the same situation. The pills aren't a problem (unless I don't have them, but that rarely happens), and they make me feel better/kill my pain. Why quit? It's an impossible question to actually answer for you. I can only tell you what I've been told by countless others, laughed off, and then realized how wrong I was...these fucking opiates turn on you. I promise.

There will come a day when you won't get the same effects from 30 mgs a day. You will think "what's 10 more?" I went from 20 milligrams of oxy per day to 80 milligrams in 7 years. I didn't get a habit like some - 200/300mgs a day? Ouch! I slowly increased my dose because I had to - and you will too. I think I held at the same 20 mgs per day dose for at least 2 years of those 7. So I've been where you are at, I've told loved ones EXACTLY what you are telling us. And it was true for awhile...but then the pills turn on you. You take them because they help you now, but in the future you will have to take them because that "average day at work" that you talk about not wanting to go through without the pills will eventually be something you dream about making happen. Especially when you realize that you no longer like the pills, but you need them to function.

then the kicker will be when you realize that you can't remember what you had for lunch the previous day. Or when you realize you have to wake up an hour early every morning because you can't function until your morning dose has taken effect. Or when you look around and see that your friends and family have moved on with their lives and your still doing the same goddamn thing (and not very well, might I add). You will get to a point where you are just surviving on this shit. And then you will wish you could have a normal day at work without the pills.

But most of us have to learn this on their own, I know I did.

Best of luck.

- VE
 
Chill, After reading your posts its like I am reading the writings of my younger self. I am going through a taper at the moment to get off of the opiates. Like you, 10-15mg every morning and another 10-15mg in the evening, was all i needed to have that warm feeling of invincibility. This lasted about a year, then my tolerance went to shit. I was soon popping 30mg pills 4-5 times a day to get the same affects. The pills give you a euphoric affect by making your brain release "feel good" chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, etc...So what I think happened to me was I was getting the chemicals on my own, and getting more from the pills. After using the pills so long, it re-wired my brain in a way that less of these chemicals were being released naturally, thus the dependence on the pills.

I'm not saying this will happen to you, but the story is just way too similar to mine. I lost my job and the relationships I had with my friends and family began to feel fake...like they weren't hanging out with the real me. It slowly consumed me. I thought I could be a functioning addict but the world around me was crumbling away and I couldn't stop it. So i decided to quit. Once I am done, I plan on seeking some therapy to deal with the issues that caused me to use in the first place. I need to get back to living life naturally. This part will be most difficult as it will take time. I always wonder if dull, boring feeling you have when not high would still be there if I never touched the pills, but I robbed myself of every knowing the answer to that question, and I hate myself for it everyday.

I know right now it seems like you have everything under control, i know i did, but one day...who knows when, that will change. Please don't let it get to this point, and as VE said, sometimes we have to learn this on our own. I hope you continue reading the stories on this site. While everyone has a different story, they are all eerily the same.
 
I went 10yrs , around 40mg - 10 per dose a day was great for about 5 yrs. ( guess I was "lucky" lolz ) - 5 mos ago I quit , snorting ~120mg/day and still felt like shit most of the time ( and broke even on 85K/year ) - I just wanted to add that you will not realize how emotionally numb you become , you think yore in the moment and normal , but once I quit there were quite a few reflective moments alone w/ even tears realizing just how much "life" I'd missed ..... Do yourself and everyone you care about a favor and just enjoy who you are and your life - keep your soul bud !
 
toothpastedog said:
^Totally depends. Being label anything with a stigma attached to it like an addict was always very, very counterproductive and unhelpful for me in early recovery. Today I'm kind of okay with the label, now that I actually understand it, but I will probably remain uncomfortable with it for a long time to come.
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I agree nobody got me in my mess but me throughout my life i have always been able to stay clear of things that can take control of me and i have to say opioids really blind sided me i dont think of myself as a addict and i will beat this!
 
I cup said:
I went 10yrs , around 40mg - 10 per dose a day was great for about 5 yrs. ( guess I was "lucky" lolz ) - 5 mos ago I quit , snorting ~120mg/day and still felt like shit most of the time ( and broke even on 85K/year ) - I just wanted to add that you will not realize how emotionally numb you become , you think yore in the moment and normal , but once I quit there were quite a few reflective moments alone w/ even tears realizing just how much "life" I'd missed ..... Do yourself and everyone you care about a favor and just enjoy who you are and your life - keep your soul bud !
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wow so true im a big guy and i have cried tears more than once for the future joy of no more pain docs no more pain pills! i will be going on 17 years soon i remember snorting 30s two in a row not feeling anything and daily total dose reaching 200mgs i reached a point 10 years ago where oxy do nothing for me than keep me normal no high. Well im down to only using my 15mgs roxys and dosing 3 times a day each dose containing a 15 and half of another totalling 67.5mgs my last dose at midnight i always like to sleep and wake up feeling ok so keep up the fight im getting ready to jump soon just want to ween a little more. The only thing that gets me thru this weening which is tough is partly the fear of final withdrawls since its been almost 17 years for me but i will do it!
 
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