I miss you

[Pagey]

Today it has been exactly 3 years since my best friend died from a sports accident at the age of 15. He'd been in a coma for eight months and I visited him at the hospital every single day, telling him what had been going on and reading stuff to him. He never regained consciousness, and passed away may 27th, 2009. We'd known each other for over ten years. I said "best friend" because that's what he'd been to me for the most of our lives and that's how I tend to remember him, but the truth is we had been dating for about five months prior to his accident, and he was, in effect, my first boyfriend. May always brings about these awful memories and, though life may go on, it never really gets easier. This accident has made me lose faith in a lot of things and it was a shock I know I'll never get over. I've been volunteering in the children's ward of a nearby hospital, trying to help those other children who will be leaving us before their time, as well as their families. It gives me a bit of comfort, I guess, but I know I'll never be able to get rid of the guilt of not having managed to, somehow, save my friend. I wasn't even there at the time of the accident, but I just know I should have been able to do something. He was an incredible person and he didn't deserve to leave so soon.
I miss you Seth.

Just wanted to share.

 

[Lysis]

Pagey, the guilt is horrible when death happens to a loved one. Do you mind if I ask what happened to him?

The reason I am on Bluelight is because I had a loved one overdose from drugs 4 years ago. I think I say "I miss you" ever day, because I think of him every single day. The pain isn't as bad, but I think of him and how perfect he was for me, and I miss him still. I lost a lot of faith, too, so I understand where you're coming from there.

I like how you are channeling your hurt. You're the type of person who gives me that bit of hope that mankind isn't totally lost its compassion.

 

[Pagey]

Thank you Lysis I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Although all deaths are awful I think nothing is worse than sudden deaths like these.
Of course you can ask what happened to him; he was a huge fan of skateboarding and went to skateparks every day after school. I went with him every single day, except this one time because I was sick. I received a call from a friend who had gone with him that he'd fallen on his head while performing a trick (he never wore a helmet), that he was unconscious and an ambulance had just arrived. I got to the hospital immediately while he was in surgery, but he never woke up. I think the guilt is all the more powerful because I feel like if I hadn't been sick that day and I'd gone with him, I could have somehow prevented it.